Scarred For Life
by LoquaciousQuibbler
Summary: Behold, all of my spin-off one-shots for my completed fic Twisted Minds Think Alike. Emmie and Loki shall get into all kinds of random trouble that's too far out there to happen in the real fic. Purely for entertainment's sake, and requests are welcome.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, everyone! So, this shall be the very first in my Scarred For Life collection, consisting of random spin-offs of my completed story, Twisted Minds Think Alike. It's probably best to read/have read TMTA before reading this, so I hope you've done that :P And assuming you have indeed read TMTA, please, please, pretty please don't take these too seriously… I know there are discrepancies between this story and the original story. That's why these are humor spin-offs… *sigh* Sorry. I just get paranoid about people getting too nitpicky with humor stories heh. **

**Alright, to business. This oneshot was originally written for a good friend of mine after we discussed it at length how funny it would be… but it was written before the actual TMTA ending was published. So… **

**This story is taking place in a kind of alternate universe where everything is the same **_**except… **_**after Loki leaves and returns to Asgard, Emmie is captured by SHIELD. This accounts for their both being captured and why Thor doesn't really know who Emmie is. Savvy? So… here we go. **

Scarred For Life

It had been four days since the… "Incident," as SHIELD had nicknamed it. Tony Stark, of course, had nicknamed it "the third World War," but since he was the only one who used that particular nickname, everyone else just called it the "incident." The "incident," of course, was the little event that took place in Manhattan, where a certain extraterrestrial tried to use an army of other extraterrestrials to take over the world. Said extraterrestrial army had been defeated, and said extraterrestrial leader had been taken down and transported back to Asgard. And his accomplice had been recaptured, and was supposedly going to start up rehabilitation again.

And so Loki Laufeyson found himself sitting in his cell in the Asgardian prison, arms crossed over his chest, rather… pouty.

And so Emmie Hill sat in a cell identical to the one Loki had been kept in just days ago, on the Helicarrier, with her arms crossed over her chest, rather… pouty.

00000

Loki looked up as he saw a guard striding down the hall towards his cell. He assumed the guard would simply walk by, as they usually did… but this guard did not. He stopped directly in front of his cell, staring intently at the prisoner within. Loki shifted uncomfortably.

"What do you want?" he asked finally, a sharpness in his voice.

The guard cleared his throat. "The king has ordered that corporal punishments shall begin today."

Loki grimaced and rolled his eyes, looking up at the ceiling. "Fine… what will it be, force feed me poison and make me suffer just long enough that I think I will die, and then force feed me the antidote?"

The guard shook his head. "Though I think I'll pass that idea on to the king…"

Loki scowled.

"But we'll simply be having an old-fashioned whipping today," the guard continued.

Loki gulped. It wasn't that he was afraid of the pain… he could withstand the pain of the whips. It was the idea that in order to have this punishment done, they would relieve him of his tunic… which meant his torso would be bare… which meant that his left shoulder would be visible…

He had been very careful to always make sure his shoulder was covered. He preferred to _not _have anyone see the little scar that was there.

_Emmie, Mastermind Murderess _was carved into his skin. And no one but he and "Emmie, Mastermind Murderess" knew about it. It was humiliating enough to live with just his own knowing about it. Did he really have to have _other _people knowing about it, too?

He sighed as the guard entered the cell and approached him with the chains and gag and handcuffs he was to be escorted in. He supposed it could be worse… after all, it was only going to be a few guards who would know about his scar. And maybe they wouldn't even notice it. But it wasn't like…

As it turned out, Odin, Thor, and Frigga were all going to be watching the corporal punishment. Blast it.

00000

Emmie sat on the small bench within her glass cell, glaring at nothing. She was so short, her feet dangled slightly off the floor; only her toes touched the metal surface, but she didn't kick her legs like a little kid. She looked up as she saw someone coming down the hall towards her cell.

"Emmie," Natasha Romanoff said shortly as she stopped a few feet from the glass of her cell.

"There's not many people who can sneak up on me," Emmie smirked, impersonating a British accent.

The agent rolled her eyes. "Yeah, great, so you've seen the footage. I understand. Anything else you'd like to add."

"After. After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you'd appear as a friend… as a balm. And I would cooperate," Emmie continued, pretending that Romanoff had asked if she had known she would come.

"I'm less than amused, Emmie."

"And in case you're wondering, I'd say I expanded Agent Barton's mind." Emmie dropped the British accent, but continued nonetheless. "Is this love, Agent Romanoff?"

"Emmie, unless you'd like another tranquilizer, I'd suggest you stop," the redhead cut in sharply, and Emmie fell silent, glaring at the woman blankly.

"Whatever. What do you want, if it's not to bargain for one man's life while your world hangs in the balance…?" Emmie asked flatly.

The woman pointedly rolled her eyes. "You're due for a shower and clothes change."

"Ah, yeah," Emmie pursed her lips. "Any idea when I'm actually gonna get to go back to my rehabilitation room back at headquarters?" Emmie asked derisively.

"When the Director wants you to," Romanoff answered, sounding bored. "Now come on. I've got the handcuffs, a gun, a taser, and a tranquilizer, so don't try anything."

"What if I don't wanna?" Emmie asked, crinkling her nose.

"Then you get carried to the shower and forcibly washed and dressed."

Emmie sighed. "Yeah, yeah…" she hopped down from her perch on the bench and strode over to the glass door.

"You've got a tank top and jeans to change into once you're done showering," Romanoff added offhandedly as the handcuffs were slipped securely onto the girl's wrists.

Emmie's eyes flashed. "Did you say a tank top?"

Romanoff began leading her to the bathroom she was to shower and change in. "That's what I said. Why, do you have a thing about showing skin? Agent Hill said they were your favorite thing to wear… or, they used to be… and that maybe it would help."

"Well, that's stupid. Can't I wear a t-shirt?" Emmie asked worriedly.

"No."

Emmie gulped. It wasn't that she had a thing about showing skin… it was that she had a thing about showing her left shoulder, specifically… and the scar that was quite clear on the skin there.

_Loki, god of mischief and lies _was carved into her left shoulder, and if she was being forced into wearing a tank top, then it would be easy to see. And she didn't want anyone but herself and Loki to know about her scar.

00000

Loki swallowed as he was escorted into a small room with stone walls and floor, and the only furniture was a long bench on one side, and a tall post in the middle of the room.

The post, he knew, was where he was to be chained as the whips sliced the skin of his back until Odin got bored of watching. The bench was where Odin was to sit as he watched, evidently, because there was Odin, sitting and watching as his fallen son was led into the room. On one side of the king was Thor, and on the other side was a tight-lipped Frigga.

Loki's throat tightened at the sight of all three of them sitting there. He had not at all expected them to be sitting here, watching as he was whipped into shape. Loki mentally slapped his own forehead at the stupid pun…

"Is watching prisoners get punished a regular family outing now?" he sneered as soon as the gag was removed from his mouth by his guard.

Thor frowned, Frigga looked down in despair, and Odin merely glared at Loki coldly. Based on the reactions, Loki would guess that Odin had forced his wife and son into coming and watching for some reason.

"Remove his shirt and chain him to the post," Odin said bluntly, not bothering to reply to Loki's bitter remark.

Loki swallowed as he felt the cuffs unclasp and slip off. A guard grabbed his hands to keep them secure as another started to work on removing his tunic.

"Er… Allfather?" Loki asked nervously. "Would it not be prudent to leave my shirt on, so as to ruin not only my body, but also my clothes…? To perhaps be even more humiliating, to be forced to wear clothes torn by my discipline?"

The members of the royal family all gave him queer looks, as if wondering if he had perhaps gone madder than usual.

Loki tried to force a weak smile. "…Just an idea…"

The three looked at each other in confusion, caught off guard by Loki's evident eagerness to go through with this punishment.

"Take off his tunic," Odin ordered again.

Loki groaned quietly as his shirt was slipped off of his body by the guards, leaving his entire torso exposed. He stumbled forward as the guards shoved him up against the whipping post and then re-cuffed his hands so he was practically hugging the wooden pole.

The dark prince heard footsteps approaching him from the left, and he turned his head to see Odin, a burning glare fixed on him. Loki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Here it was… Odin was going to make some little pre-made speech to him about something or other that sounded regal and kingly.

"Loki, do you feel the gravity of your actions on Midgard?" Odin asked rhetorically, letting his eyes wander over Loki's face.

Loki held in a sigh. Yes, he had been right… a pre-made speech of honor and valor and you-should-be-ashamed-and-guilty-beyond-belief-but-I-don't-care-how-bad-you-feel-because-I'll-punish-you-anyway-to-make-sure-you-pay…. There was probably another word for that… but Loki was too busy pretending to remotely care what Odin had to say to ponder what it was.

"You know, deep inside, that this is for your own good. You know, deep inside, that you are in the wrong, Loki. But I cannot be sure. So I shall imprint upon you the gravity of your actions, by inflicting the pain you have caused—what's that on your shoulder…?" Odin suddenly broke off and frowned curiously.

Loki shifted, sidestepping slightly. The only place to go was around the pole, since he was bound to it. But still, he could try to distract the Allfather. "Er… nothing. Tell me more about how I need to learn my lesson…?"

Odin roughly grabbed Loki's shoulder and dragged him closer again. "…A scar…"

Frigga and Thor were now looking curiously up from their bench, where they had been sitting miserably.

"Loki has many scars, Father," Thor said slowly. "We fought in many battles in past years…"

Odin was shaking his head. "This is no battle wound, Thor…" he squinted at the scar and then abruptly let go of Loki's shoulder, frowning in even deeper confusion.

Loki cleared his throat pointedly. "Weren't we going to whip me into oblivion or something…?" he asked faintly. But he knew it was too late.

Thor and Frigga were now standing and crossing to the whipping post as well, bemused.

"Here…" Odin was now pointing out the white lines on his left shoulder.

Loki rolled his shoulders uncomfortably as he could sense all three of them leaning in close to look at his shoulder.

"It spells out… Emmie, Mastermind Murderess," Thor proclaimed.

"Congratulations, Thor, you can read," Loki rolled his eyes. "Now please just have me executed already, Odin."

"Silence," Odin dismissed distractedly, still leaning close to his back.

"It would appear that someone carved their name into Loki's shoulder," Thor announced.

"Brilliant observation, Thor. Now _please _just kill me," Loki pleaded.

"When did you get this scar, Loki?" Frigga asked mildly, ignoring his pleas.

"Shortly after I lost my integrity, and shortly before losing my dignity," Loki said a little too loudly. "Thank you ever so much for that, by the way, because I'm fairly sure every scrap of my dignity has just gone out the window!"

00000

Emmie was given hardly any privacy as she showered, as always. Romanoff kept a close eye on her over the chest-high wall that separated the shower stall from the rest of the bathroom. Every couple seconds, the agent would say, "Hands. Let's see them," and Emmie would be forced to hold up her hands to demonstrate that she hadn't magically produced a gun in the fifteen seconds since Romanoff had last asked.

"Hands. Let's see—"

"See?!" Emmie snarled exasperatedly, holding up her soapy hands. "See?! No freaking daggers, no freaking needles, no freaking grenades! Are you satisfied, woman?!"

Romanoff looked unaffected. "Finished showering yet?"

"It would go a hell of a lot faster if you would just let me wash myself rather than interrupting me every fifteen seconds," Emmie grumbled, washing the soap out of her hair and then shutting off the water.

"Hands."

Emmie held them up, rolling her eyes.

A towel was handed to her, and she dried herself and stepped out.

"Clothes, perhaps, Agent?" she asked drily.

The woman opened up a cabinet and pulled out a short stack of clothes. "Put them on," she demanded, holding them out to Emmie.

Emmie rolled her eyes. "Put them on? No way, I had no idea that's what you did with clothes. I thought you were supposed to swing them around your head or something."

"Shut it, smart mouth," Romanoff warned.

Emmie huffed and unfolded the clothes. She grimaced at the tank top. Not only was it a tank top, but it was a spaghetti strap tank top. Of course. Just make her life as difficult as possible. But maybe nobody would notice. After all, she spent all day in a cell. All she had to do was make sure she never had her back to anyone, and she should be perfectly fine.

She slipped the clothes on and proceeded to glare mutinously at her guard.

"Turn around so I can put the handcuffs on again," she ordered.

Emmie swallowed and slowly turned, obediently holding her hands behind her back in the hopes that it would be over soon. She felt the agent's hands on hers, and she tensed. She tilted her head back slightly, hoping her hair would cover the scar. She felt the handcuffs closing around her wrists, and heard their metallic click. She sighed slightly in relief when the agent moved to her side, grabbed ahold of her elbow, and began leading her out of the bathroom. Thank god.

Until a voice greeted them as they stepped out of the bathroom.

"The Director wants to see Harley Quinn," Tony Stark said grandly, making both women jump as he appeared suddenly as the door was opened.

"Jesus, Stark, don't do that," Romanoff sighed. "Fury wants to see her?"

"And do you have to call me Harley Quinn?" Emmie asked pointedly, deciding she didn't want to keep quiet during this conversation.

"Get used to it, kid," Stark smirked slightly. "I mean, you were kind of found in Stark Tower when you were supposed to be locked up in the Helicarrier, and Agent Hill said you left with Loki… so you're his accomplice. Therefore, any young spunky female helping a male psycho villain carry out his plans is Harley Quinn. And since you're the only one I know that fits that description, that gives me all the more reason to nickname you that." He glanced back to the Black Widow. "Fury's in the control room."

"Let's go," Romanoff muttered, tugging Emmie's arm and leading her off.

Stark followed behind the two women, and Emmie rolled her shoulders nervously. She had expected to be taken back to her cell now… now what was she going to do? Now there was a very real chance that someone would notice—

"There's something on your shoulder," Stark suddenly commented.

Both Emmie and Natasha turned. The redhead looked inquiring, but Emmie looked nervous and regretful.

"Hang on, let me take a look. 'Tasha, she's got something…" Stark drew closer, and Romanoff paused to look as well.

"It's nothing. Just take me to the director already," Emmie muttered, trying to shuffle away from their prying gazes.

"Hold still," Romanoff muttered distractedly, seizing her arm to hold her in place.

Emmie could feel her breath quicken as she felt them both lean close to peer at the scar. Someone brushed her damp hair off her shoulder, and the scar was plainly visible to the both of them.

"…We're taking her to the Director," Natasha said shortly.

"What the hell-?"

"_Now!" _Romanoff interrupted Tony's bewildered exclamation.

Emmie groaned quietly as she was hustled down the hall towards the control room.

"Director!" Agent Romanoff called as she burst into the room, dragging the teenager with her, Tony trailing behind as well.

Maria Hill looked up from a holographic screen. Her brow furrowed when she saw Emmie being dragged around by the Black Widow. "The Director is in the conference room over there," she nodded off to a door on one wall. "He wanted to ask Emmie about—"

"Doesn't matter," Natasha said briskly. "Hill, you come, too."

Emmie moaned as she was manhandled over to the door to the conference room. Now her mother was trailing behind her with Mr. Stark. As if there weren't enough people who knew about this as it was.

The door to the conference room was flung open, and Emmie bowed her head in disappointment.

Fury stood at the head of the room in front of a large screen, and there was a table filled with Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, and Captain America.

"Oh, good. Emmie, I—" Fury started to say, but was cut off.

"Emmie's got Loki's name carved into her shoulder," Stark said loudly, in a shrill voice that reminded everyone of a small child tattling on their sibling.

Silence.

"What?!" Maria asked, her voice even shriller than Tony's.

Suddenly everyone was crowded around Emmie, trying to see her shoulderblade.

"Hey!" she protested, trying to sidestep and get away from them, but she couldn't defend herself well with both her hands in handcuffs behind her back.

"Wait, let me see!" Fury was demanding, shoving through the crowd of agents and scientists.

Emmie felt a hand grab her arm and spin her so she couldn't see the faces of the people gawking at her scar.

"Loki, god of mischief and lies," Clint read. "Clear as day."

"Oh, my freaking god," Tony said. "So it wasn't just a joking-around thing when she said something about getting a big sloppy kiss from Loki."

"_What about a kiss from Loki?!" _Maria's voice cut through the chatter.

"When I was under Loki's mind control, I encountered Emmie in the halls looking for Loki's scepter," Clint explained, almost sounding excited about being able to gossip about it. "And when she asked if I was going to the detention level, I said yes, and she said to tell Loki she didn't expect a big sloppy kiss when she saw him in a few minutes."

"He told me and Romanoff and Stark about it just before we left for New York," Rogers added.

"Emmie, when and how did this happen?!" Hill demanded.

"It looks like it was carved with a knife or something," Banner observed. "Did Loki take a knife to your shoulder, Emmie?"

"Yeah; I'll show you _exactly _how it happened," Emmie snapped. "Just give me a dagger and I'll give you all a demonstration!"

00000

Back on Asgard, the royal family was still wondering about the mysterious scar on Loki's shoulder.

"Brother? Who is this Emmie that your shoulder bears the mark of? And if she is indeed a mastermind and a murderess, why in Helheim would you allow her to carve words into your flesh?" Thor asked, sounding utterly perplexed.

"And if indeed it was carved into your flesh," Frigga added mildly. "I sincerely hope that the dagger was sterilized. Was it, Loki?"

All three men turned to stare at her. Thor merely blinked, further confused. Loki raised an eyebrow in question, though he was blushing horribly by this point at everyone's questions. And Odin… his face was a mottled, patchy red interspersed with pale spots. He was somewhere between horrified and furious.

"Frigga, _that's _your biggest concern?!" he demanded, pointing at Loki's shoulder. "Loki has been consorting with someone, obviously, and they are probably his accomplice! Evidently they are just as evil in nature as he is, and found it fitting to carve her name into our son's—I mean, Loki's shoulder!"

Everyone gave the king a queer look at his slip-up. Frigga smiled slightly.

"As I was saying," Odin spluttered. "Your biggest concern is if the dagger used to do this deed was sterilized?"

"Well…" Frigga said slowly. "We wouldn't want Loki getting an infection, would we?"

Loki banged his forehead against the wooden post he was chained to.

"I think we should find out who this Emmie is!" Thor announced. "And we shall ask her why she insisted on carving her name into Loki's flesh! What a sick, terrible ritual… who would do such a thing as to carve her name into my brother's shoulder? She must be punished!"

"If it makes you feel any better, Thor, I carved my own name into her shoulder, too," Loki said wryly, slightly amused by Thor's abhorrence. Then he grimaced at their reactions.

"_Loki!" _they all said in unison. "You carved your name into a lady's shoulder?!"

"She did the same to me!" Loki protested.

"_That is no excuse!" _Odin exploded. "_I did not raise my son to—" _

He paused as the other three looked at him, raising their eyebrows.

"_I did not raise you to carve your name into ladies' shoulder with a dagger!" _Odin rephrased self-consciously. "As the man in the relationship, you should know better!"

Loki flushed bright red at this declaration. "No! Father—"

He paused as Thor and Frigga raised their eyebrows until they almost disappeared into their hairlines.

Loki cleared his throat. "Allfather, Emmie and I are _not _in a relationship like _that!" _

Frigga looked skeptical. "Loki…" she patted his non-scarred shoulder. "It is acceptable for you to have feelings for a woman… it's a step up from a horse, anyway…"

"Mother!" Loki screeched in horror. "Er—I mean—Frigga! _Please _don't bring that up!"

"All I am saying is that it is perfectly alright for you to be in a relationship with a young lady," Frigga said coaxingly while Loki squirmed with discomfort. "Though I would expect that you use good judgment is all. I thought we agreed when you were younger that you were not allowed to get a tattoo until you were 3000. Especially from a tattoo artist as questionable as a Murderess."

Loki let out a sound something like a moan and a yell, ending up sounding like a strangled growl of frustration.

Odin and Frigga then both looked to Thor.

"I certainly hope you and your lady of Midgard did not do something similar?" Frigga said chastisingly. "I believe such things are popular on Midgard; getting the name of your lover imprinted on your skin forever…"

Thor shook his head. "No, Mother. I was waiting until I was 3000. Like a good son." He glanced at Loki, who was banging his head on the wooden post again.

"Emmie… and… I… are… not… lovers!" he objected, hitting his forehead with a thunk on every word. "We're not like Thor and Jane!" he turned to glare at his adoptive brother, revealing that his forehead was quite red—even redder than his still-blushing complexion on his cheeks.

Thor held back a snicker. "I'll say you're not like Jane and I… _we _have not taken daggers to each other's shoulders."

Loki huffed in irritation.

"We still have not answered the question of who this Emmie is!" Odin cut in, pointing a finger in the air.

"Well, he must have gotten it on Midgard," Frigga reasoned, nodding towards Loki's scar.

"I shall now take him to Midgard!" Thor announced. "I shall ask SHIELD who this Emmie is; and perhaps they shall know!"

Suddenly Loki found that his handcuffs were being undone for a split second, and then redone. He was no longer attached to the whipping post, and was being tugged by Thor.

"Tell Heimdall to transport you directly to your Midgardian friends!" Odin called after the retreating men, and Frigga waved after them.

Loki was stunned at the speed with which the events had just occurred. He was going back to Midgard? To ask SHIELD about Emmie?

…and he couldn't even have his tunic back on before they left…?

"Thor…" Loki said slowly.

"Yes, Loki?"

"…I'm still shirtless."

"Ah. Yes. That's unfortunate for you, isn't it?"

Loki groaned. Yes, because this wasn't humiliating enough. Now he was going to show back up on Midgard, handcuffed and shirtless, and with his scar proclaiming Emmie's name on his shoulder clearly visible to anyone who looked.

00000

"Emmie, is this what was happening during the time that Loki was in your room?!" Hill was demanding. "Is that when this happened?"

Emmie rolled her eyes. "When else would it have happened, Agent Hill?" she drawled.

"Well, it could have happened when you two were up in the penthouse of the Tower," Stark said fairly, snickering a little.

"_How on earth could you let that man carve his name into your back Emmie what the hell were you thinking what was running through your mind what is wrong with you how could you?!" _Hill exclaimed in one big rush, leaving everyone else wondering how she had had the breath to say all of that.

"Um… one question at a time?" Emmie asked sheepishly.

"I don't care what you were thinking," Tony said with relish. "What I want to know is what you two were _doing…" _

Steve let out a sound that sounded something like a disgusted shudder. "Oh, I think I'm going to be sick… Loki and Emmie…? They were…?"

Hill whimpered. "Emmie, what were you _thinking? _You _know _Loki is the _last _person you should—" she couldn't even finish her sentence.

Emmie blinked. "Hang on just a freaking minute… what exactly do you think me and Loki were doing…?"

"Well, Emmie," Tony Stark sounded like he was smirking. "The scar is on your shoulder."

"Genius, Holmes," Emmie rolled her eyes.

"…And you were wearing a t-shirt the day you got this," Stark continued.

"And?"

"And that means, in order for Loki to have carved his name into your shoulder…"

Emmie gulped as she understood what he was getting at.

"You would have had to have taken off your shirt," Fury was the one who finished the sentence.

Emmie groaned, and she could have sworn she heard Steve Rogers gag slightly.

"Emmie and Loki… Oh, my God… oh, that's so disturbing… oh, the idea is scarring me for life…"

"You think _you're _scarred for life?" Emmie challenged. "Captain, I have Loki's name carved into my shoulder. How scarred for life do you think _I _feel?"

"_Emmie!" _Hill shouted.

"Hmm… Emmie and Loki," Tony was saying thoughtfully. "Emmie and Loki… what the hell kind of relationship was that?"

Emmie just grumbled something under her breath about "borderline abusive" and "mentally, emotionally, and _physically _scarring" and "son of a freaking—"

Ending with a rather long string of colorful curses that made Hill make an offended exclamation while Fury, Barton, Stark, and Romanoff let out impressed low whistles.

"Sounds legit," Stark muttered. "Now _that's _love…"

"_Was not!" _Emmie protested shrilly.

"…And denial seals the deal," Romanoff said triumphantly. "So… well, we _knew _they had something going on… but who would have thought—"

"_It's not what you sick people were thinking!" _Emmie shouted.

"You think _we're _sick…?" Steve asked shakily, obviously still disturbed.

"Emmie and Loki…" Tony repeated once again. "God, what a creepy freaking thought… yet also kind of addicting of an idea… I think I ship it, you guys." He nodded firmly. "Yup. I ship it. All they need is some love from each other…"

"Stark! Shut your damned mouth!" Hill demanded.

There was a sudden knock on the door of the conference room, and everyone fell silent and turned.

"Everybody be cool," Tony said, putting on a pokerface and leaning casually against the table, also propping an elbow on Emmie's head. She looked up and glared at him.

"Do you have a death wish, Mr. Stark?" she asked coldly.

"No, but you're so short, your head is convenient height for an armrest." Stark then rested his head on his fist, effectively turning Emmie's head into an armrest. Until she shifted slightly, sending Stark into a stumble as he lost his balance.

"So much for being cool," Clint muttered as he threw a furtive glance around the crowd and then went to open the door. "Everybody shut up and don't mention the…" he raised his eyebrows meaningfully at Emmie. Then he turned the knob and yanked the door open.

"Er… Director Fury," a young male agent said sheepishly, looking around at the gathered Avengers. "…Thor has just arrived… and he's brought Loki… Thor's demanding to see you… Loki's demanding someone just kill him now… did you want to see them, or…?"

"Send them in!" everyone said in unison, except for Emmie, who cringed very noticeably.

"No… don't bring Loki in…" Emmie moaned.

"Ah, yeah, the breakup wasn't all that great, was it?" Stark raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Well, you know… separation after attempted world domination together…"

"Shut up," Hill snapped.

"Yes, send them in," Fury said loudly. As the agent nodded and walked away, the director glared around at all of them. "And _you guys… calm yourselves down." _

Tony grinned sheepishly while Steve shuddered again, and everyone else just smiled wryly.

"Director Fury!" Thor's thunderous voice boomed out as he suddenly appeared in the doorway of the conference room. "I hope all is well, and I have a query for you!" He entered the room, and Loki followed. The god of mischief was being dragged along by the chain connecting the bracers around his wrists. And… he was… shirtless.

Everyone stared openly, and Emmie just bowed her head and sidled so that she was partially hidden behind Bruce Banner to avoid making eye contact with Loki.

"Um… are they making a sequel to Magic Mike I don't know about?" Tony asked, looking Loki up and down. "I mean, shirtless guy wearing handcuffs…?"

Loki turned an even brighter red. Rather impressive, actually, because his complexion rivalled Natasha Romanoff's hair.

"Ah…" Thor glanced awkwardly at his younger brother. "No… I do not understand this 'Magic Mike' business, but the reason my brother is shirtless is because…" He paused, looking perplexed. "Perhaps it is easier to show rather than tell." Without warning, he spun the dark-haired man around and pointed at his shoulder. "Look here."

Everyone gasped and rushed forward.

"Holy freaking _crap!" _Stark squealed, sounding like an excited young girl. "It says Emmie, Mastermind Murderess!" He did a very strange little excited bounce. "Emmie, come look at this!"

Loki suddenly whirled around. "_What?" _

His eyes then locked on Emmie, who was standing awkwardly off behind everyone else. They stared at each other silently for a long moment, struck by the awkwardness of the situation.

Then the silence was broken by (who else?) Tony. "…This is the part where you two, like, I don't know, rush towards each other and are ecstatic to be reunited. Go on." He made a shooing motion at Loki, gesturing towards Emmie.

The Mastermind Murderess and God of Mischief both turned death glares on the billionaire wordlessly… but words were not necessary. Their faces very clearly said 'burn in hell for all of eternity.' If looks could kill… their looks would actually not have killed. Their looks would have brought him to the brink of death and then merely left him there to suffer. That was the depth of the malevolence in their gazes.

Even Tony could sense this, because rather than adding some other stupid comment, he merely raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, _don't _go running towards each other for a loving reunion… just explain… you know… the scars."

Emmie and Loki glanced back at each other.

Everyone waited expectantly for the couple to start making some kind of confession.

"…It was Loki's idea. Loki's fault. Blame Loki," Emmie said loftily. "He took advantage of my young, weak body, and he—"

"_You little lying beast!" _Loki cut in angrily. "It was all _Maria's _idea, and she insisted, and—"

"You bastard; I told you to never call me by my full name!" Emmie interrupted sharply. "And you carved _my _shoulder first, and—"

"And it was _your _idea, and so _you _can be blamed for _this _whole situation right now!" Loki yelled, gesturing vaguely around the room with his handcuffed hands.

Tony was now gaping between the two of them, mouth open and eyes shining. "Oh, my god… this is… _incredible," _he breathed in awe. "Like, watching Emmie and Loki… it's like… whoa. Terrifying… yet… exciting… Watching you guys argue is like watching a perfect train wreck… So beautiful yet horrifying… yet makes me want to shudder… Yeah; a train wreck. It's terrible, but I just can't look away…" he paused as the two turned their eyes on him again. "Hey, don't mind me… go back to fighting. It's entertaining."

"No, no, no," Agent Hill interrupted. "Explain this to me… Emmie, you said Loki forced all this onto you…."

"And she's a lying little demon," Loki proclaimed. "It was entirely her idea, and her fault."

"Wait, is Loki saying he isn't a lying little demon?" Steve asked in confusion. "Um… think he's gone off the _deeper _end…"

Loki frowned. "Laugh all you want, Captain, but believe me… that girl," he flicked his head towards Emmie. "Is just as bad as me, if not worse. She's devious, evil, twisted, corrupt, and if you think for a second that—"

"You stop _right there, _you!" Maria gasped, cutting him off. "How _dare _you talk about my daughter like that!"

Everyone raised their eyebrows.

"…What are you interrupting him for, Hill?" Fury muttered. "He was pretty spot-on with his description… I was looking forward to learning some more synonyms…"

Maria looked offended. "My daughter is _not _evil and bad and devious and corrupt! She is _perfectly _loving, sweet, and innocent."

Everyone couldn't help but clap a hand to their mouths and snicker at that particular declaration. The words "sweet, loving, and innocent" weren't exactly the words any of them would use to describe Emmie Hill.

"Agent Hill, do you have another daughter we don't know about?" Agent Barton asked mildly. "Because you just _can't _be describing Emmie…"

"Not one of those words even comes close to fitting Emmie," everyone else murmured in agreement.

Hill glared around at them. "_None _of you believe me…"

Loki just shook his head, rolling his shoulders uncomfortably. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, Agent, but Emmie is most certainly _nowhere near _innocent," he shuddered, recalling the multiple occasions where she had lashed out violently or sworn.

Of course, everyone else interpreted Loki's words rather differently.

Tony's mouth dropped open. "_Loki… _did you ruin Emmie's innocence?" he pretended to be shocked.

Maria Hill was giving the god of mischief a murderous look, her hands flexing menacingly, daring him to say another word.

"What…?" Loki only just now realized his mistake in such word choice. "Ah… blast…" he blushed at the implications of 'ruining Emmie's innocence.' "_Hell, no, not like that, you buffoon!" _he scowled at Tony.

Emmie simply raised an eyebrow at the god of mischief, and then at her ready-to-kill mother, mind concocting a way to make this escalate even further.

And then she threw herself on the ground at her mother's feet, faking wailing sobs. "_I'm so sorry! I knew I shouldn't, but he was stronger than me, and I couldn't stop him, and he forced me to-!" _

Loki gaped down at her and started shouting in his own defense. "_She's lying! I never did anything like what she's insinuating; she's just trying to-!" _

Emmie shouted and wailed louder so that everyone else wouldn't be able to hear Loki's words. "_—poor young girl, didn't know any better-!" _

Everyone else was merely looking confusedly between Loki and Emmie, no longer sure who they should be believing. A few of them glanced to Natasha, but she looked just as baffled as the rest of them.

"_And Loki was merciless, forcing me to-!" _Emmie continued wailing at the top of her lungs as Loki continued to deny her claims.

"_You are a little __**beast, **__Emmie!" _Loki hollered.

Emmie abruptly fell silent and sat up slightly, giving Loki a haughty glare. "I suppose that's supposed to insinuate that you're beauty? Because _that _certainly isn't the case."

Loki looked down his nose at the girl. "Suppose that's supposed to insinuate that we're in love? Because _that _certainly isn't the case."

There was silence for a moment as Loki and Emmie glared at each other, and everyone else just stared at each other, unsure of what they were even supposed to think anymore.

"You _wish _it were the case," Loki and Emmie sniffed at the same time.

And then Agent Hill launched herself at Loki and tackled him backwards, shouting something about "what have you done to my daughter you evil…" Something along those lines.

"_Let me at 'im! Let me at 'im!" _she screeched as Barton, Romanoff, and Steve hauled the angry mother away from Loki.

Emmie smirked slightly at the sight. "…And everyone worries about _my _violent outbursts…"

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Well, here we are… lol. Yes, this ended up being very crack fic-y, but I hope you're all okay with that. I am actually quite fond of this oneshot… I may be somewhat morbid heheh. But come on, did you guys find it as funny as I did? I mean, there were some good parts, right? :P I'll say it one more time… please don't take this whole story too seriously. **

**Again, this was originally written for a good friend of mine here on FF. Phantasmagorical Me helped me write a couple scenes for this oneshot, and we had a lot of fun imagining all the crazy reactions different people would have to everything. Good times, good times. **

**So… anyways… (sorry, I'm actually kinda tired as I write this :P) let me know what you think. I shall be taking requests for Emoki oneshots to add onto this story, if you'd like to make a suggestion. Leave me a review and your thoughts on all this madness, too, will you? **

**Please favorite, follow, and review. **


	2. Chapter 2

***Heheh wow thank you guys all for the response this story has gotten in just one day! **** Soo, then, here we are again. Prepare for another Emoki oneshot of randomness and (hopefully) humor. **

**This one was kind of requested by Fairyfinder, who said in the reviews of TMTA that she wished I had had a scene wherein Emmie sees the Hulk smashing Loki. And… by gods, I had to write it. So… this one supposedly takes place during the New York battle, right after Emmie escapes from the closet Stark locked her in. Once again, I beg you to not take this seriously.**

You Deserved It

Emmie frantically twisted the last screw holding the closet door to the wall. "Come on, come on," she muttered to herself as she fumbled with it, because her heart was pumping so hard and her hands were shaking so much. "Yes!" she whispered in triumph as she wrenched the screw out of place.

She dropped the screw on the floor with a _clink. _Then she shoved hard against the door, and it groaned against the movement. Doors weren't _made _to open from the opposite way. But they could still open like this. So the door slowly opened with a few good shoves.

Once it was open a good foot and a half, Emmie slid out of the gap and stood in the hall. She looked around the empty passage with a savage grin at her success. "Victory is mine!" she said to no one in particular. She hummed "_We are the Champions" _in celebration as she sauntered a few feet down the hall to pick up her dagger from where Stark had tossed it. She bent to scoop it up and then paused as she heard a great commotion from somewhere off down the hall, at the penthouse living room. Slowly, she stood again, holding the dagger in her hands firmly.

Yes, there was glass shattering, and the sounds of something heavy hitting the floor in a landing through the window. Emmie edged to the entrance of the room and crouched in the doorway, looking in. Her eyes landed on the source of the din.

Loki stood in the middle of the room, facing a giant green monster that was… vaguely like a man. Just… much bigger. And green. And shirtless. The two of them stood there as the glass they had just smashed through tinkled to the floor.

"_Enough!" _Loki shouted in anger. He took a deep breath and gave the green monster a death glare, recomposing himself.

Emmie raised an eyebrow. So… _this _was the monster Dr. Banner turned into when he got mad? And… really, Loki? He was going to _talk _to it and _demand _that it stop harassing him…? Emmie shook her head to herself. And she had thought Loki was smart…

Loki glared daggers at the Hulk, feeling smoldering anger and a bombastic speech of high-and-mightiness coming on. "You are _all of you beneath me!" _he spat at the stupid thing, staring at him with teeth bared and eyes narrowed. "I am a _god, _you _dull creature," _he declared haughtily, feeling his confidence grow.

Emmie winced slightly. What the hell was Loki doing…? Couldn't he see that making a bombastic speech of high-and-mightiness wouldn't _work _in this situation…? No…? No. He was still continuing the speech. Stupid idiot.

Loki sneered at the Hulk as he said, "And I will _not _be bullied by—" But his sentence was cut short as suddenly the world was thrown into a spinning mess of _whoosh, bam, whoosh, bam, whoosh, bam. _

Emmie's hand flew up to her mouth in shock as the monster seized Loki by the leg and… slammed him on the ground a few times, as if he were nothing more than a rag doll. For a moment, she was simply stunned into a state of not even being able to properly think and process what she saw. Just when it seemed the monster was finished slamming the god of lies on the floor after a good four or five times, he paused. And then Loki was swung into the air and slammed on the floor another two times for good measure.

Pure silence for a mere moment. Then the Hulk let Loki's leg out of his grasp, and he stomped across the room and back over to the gaping hole in the window.

Emmie found herself pressing herself to the wall, making sure she wasn't visible across from the monster. But before he left, she could have sworn she heard the words "Puny god," escape from the monster's mouth. She blinked in surprise. Then the monster was gone, jumping out the window and back into the fray.

Emmie's eyes wandered back over to Loki. He hadn't moved. He was still lying on the floor, in the middle of a crater in the middle of the penthouse floor.

Loki just stared up at the ceiling for a moment, dumbfounded. And in pain. A lotta pain. Norns, his back hurt… and his front… and his face… and his… everything… He suddenly remembered he should be breathing. He _should _be breathing, shouldn't he…? He thought so. Thoughts were a bit difficult to form at the moment, but he was fairly certain he should be breathing. He tried to suck in a breath, but it sounded more like a broken wheeze.

Emmie bit her lip and very slowly rose from her crouch in the corner by the door. She locked her hands behind her back and took a few deliberate steps over to Loki, still lying on the ground as he wheezed. She looked down on him like a scientist observing a half-dead worm. Wow. He looked… kinda messed up.

Emmie's face swam into Loki's line of vision, blurring, clearing, then splitting into double vision before becoming one again. He closed his eyes and let out a vague moan of discomfort. As if this situation wasn't bad enough.

"Well," Emmie said briskly. "That looked like it twinged a bit."

Loki's eyes opened again slowly, and he offered her as menacing a glare as he could muster. Hmm. Even his face hurt when he tried to glare. So it probably ended up looking more like a grimace.

Emmie smirked slightly. "Hmm. You know what, Loki?"

Loki made no response.

"I think you probably deserved that," Emmie said matter-of-factly.

Loki's grimace deepened, which only made Emmie grin.

She sank into a crouch at his side, leaning over him in a feigned-compassionate gesture of caring. "Oh, poor Loki," she cooed. "You want help up?" she grinned.

Loki's face turned into a blank glare. He shook his head.

Emmie's grin widened. "You wanna go home?"

Loki's glare turned into a scowl. He shook his head wordlessly again.

Emmie pinched her lips together to keep herself from laughing. "…Want me to kiss your ouchie?"

Loki groaned and mustered the strength to reach up and yank a lock of her hair so that she let out a yelp of surprise and pain. "Go to hell, Emmie," he managed to mumble.

"Son of a frost giant," Emmie rubbed her head where Loki had yanked her hair so rudely. "Fine. I _won't _kiss your ouchie."

"Quit patronizing me," Loki ordered in his best do-what-I-say-or-suffer-the-consequences voice. Funny. It sounded more like a help-me-I'm-in-pain voice.

Emmie just grinned again. "Aww, does the puny god not like being patronized?" she asked in a baby voice.

Loki's hand shot up to grab a fistful of her hair to yank again, but Emmie stumbled backwards, landing on her rear as she laughed in triumph. Loki managed to roll onto his side and prop himself up on an elbow. "Don't push your luck, Emmie," he warned.

Emmie flashed him a grin. "Or you'll what? Wheeze at me?"

"Murderess, you're just _digging your own grave…" _he said warningly.

Emmie smirked. "Why would I need to dig my own grave? I'll just ask Banner to turn into the monster and then he can smash you into the ground. The resulting crater should be sufficient to serve as a grave, don't you think?"

Loki felt the ground around him, finding a sizable chunk of cement that had broken off when he had smashed into it. "You're not just digging your own grave anymore, Emmie. You're digging your own grave, jumping in, lying down, handing the shovel out to me and saying, 'Bury me!' Do you _really _want to do that?"

"I don't know. Did you _really _try to _reason _with that monster, like telling it you're a god is going to make any kind of difference?" Emmie asked scornfully.

"Emmie, I dare you to say _one more snide comment," _he growled.

Emmie crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a dubious look. "Loki, I really do think you're hurt. Do you need some help?"

Loki frowned, caught off guard by her sudden change.

Then her face split into a grin. "Because I know a _great _doctor I think you'd like. Have you met Dr. Banner?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

Having had enough, Loki launched the hunk of concrete towards Emmie's head.

Emmie gasped and let out a little scream as she threw herself out of the rock's line of travel. The cement landed harmlessly on the other side of the room, sliding to a stop without so much as touching a hair on Emmie's head. However, she had been so panicked that she had lost her balance in the scramble out of the way. She tripped and fell backwards, landing on her back with scraped elbows and a sore behind. "Ow! Jackass!" she accused, sitting up to glare at him.

Loki smirked. "You know what, Emmie? I think you probably deserved that."

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Heheh. Well, that one was considerably shorter than the last one, but ah, well. Hope it was funny all the same. Leave it to Emmie to go and **_**tease **_**Loki after he just got slammed into the floor by the Hulk. Loki got his revenge, though. ;) **

**So… I've got this kind of strange idea, and you guys have gotta tell me what you think of it. So I was thinking over my final author's note for TMTA (you know, the breaking the fourth wall thing where it was me talking to the characters about the story and stuff…?). And I was also watching this stupid video on YouTube of Jupiter the talking cat, where people would send in a question for Jupiter to answer, and then Jupiter would answer the questions, which then also led me to think about Jeff Dunham and the Ask Walter bits he does… I don't know why, but I can totally picture a oneshot or two wherein I am reading questions from you guys to Emmie and Loki, and they answer them in whatever random and weird way they want to. They can be questions on anything… on Emmie's character, on Emmie and Loki's thoughts on random things, dating advice (ermergersh can you imagine Emoki dating advice…?), or even something related to being one of my characters (what's it like working with LoquaciousQuibbler? Do you ever get annoyed with each other while getting written into a story?). So if you guys think that would be a fun idea, then you can either leave a review with a couple of questions for them, or you can PM some questions to me. I'm thinking the best way to do this would be for me to have at least three or four questions to ask them, and if asking Emoki random questions becomes a popular thing, then maybe we can make it a regular thing where Emmie and Loki will have a random interview every couple chapters here in Scarred For Life. **

**Like I said, weird idea, but my imagination goes wild. Especially with crazy characters like Emmie and Loki together. **

**If I don't get any questions for Emmie and Loki, then that's okay, too. I've got at least two more ideas for oneshots, plus I've got another request, and if anyone has any more, they can throw them out there for me to pick up and ponder over. **** Really I'm willing to do practically anything with these guys… heheh *evil grin and maniac laugh*. Ahem... Where was I? Oh, yes. Let me know whatcha guys think. **

**Just thought I'd throw that out there for ya… ;) Anyways, I hope you guys liked this oneshot. There shall hopefully soon be more to come! Please favorite, follow, and review (or PM me)! **


	3. Chapter 3

***Okeydokey, my duckies (why duckies? Cuz you're **_**following **_**the story like ducklings… eh? Eh? Get it? Get it? Lol my friend and I were just having a pun contest… excuse my lame attempt at humor here in the author's note… the actual story should be funnier ;P). Here we have the Ask Emoki bit I promised you all… Gods, I am having so much fun with making funny answers for Emmie and Loki. I swear to you, looking at the questions they got asked was awesome. So… here we go. Breaking the fourth wall with me asking my characters questions from the readers… **

Ask Emoki

I shuffle my sheaf of papers and smirk as I look over them one more time. This is going to be a blast. I reposition my feet a little on the rungs of my stool and look up as footsteps approach, echoing on the hollow floor of the stage. I smile.

Emmie and Loki walk out onto the stage, heading for their own stools to sit on as they look out into the empty auditorium with queer expressions on their faces.

"So… what are we doing now?" Emmie asks slowly as she hops up onto her stool and gives me a disdainful look.

"I had this awesome idea that the readers loved, and so I'll be asking you questions from your fans," I explain with a dazzling smile.

Loki raises an eyebrow. "…And why are we in an empty auditorium?"

"Oh, this is my school auditorium," I say breezily. "And we're here because I thought it'd be kinda funny to have us doing this in a big empty auditorium, and I couldn't think of anywhere else to do it. So… yeah."

"You're asking us questions from the readers?" Emmie groans.

"Yup," I say brightly. "It'll be fun. I promise."

"I highly doubt that," Emmie sniffs.

I huff and glare at the girl. "Um, you _agreed _to be doing oneshots for us, right? So you have no right to complain."

Emmie grimaces. "I just wanted to see Loki get smashed by the Hulk. I've done that. So… personally, I'm done."

"No, you're not," I growl. "Now shut up while I ask you guys some questions."

Loki and Emmie glance at each other in amusement and nod.

I sigh and look through my sheaf of papers again. "Okay… so we've got several questions for you guys to answer here. Let's start off with an easier one, okay?" I ask, glancing up at them again hopefully.

They nod wordlessly, still smirking.

I clear my throat. "Here we go. This question is from WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane. The question is… What do you guys think of the ship name Emoki?" I look up at them expectantly.

Both Loki and Emmie are silent, still smirking. I wait a moment longer. They still say nothing.

"Guys! You have to _answer _the questions!" I scold them irritably.

Loki grins. "You told us to shut up while you asked us questions. Nowhere in that order do you say to _answer _said questions. Hell, you even told us to shut up while you asked us."

I crumple up the paper I hold in my hand and throw it at Loki, hitting him squarely on the forehead.

"Hey!" Loki exclaims as Emmie bursts into laughter at the sight, doubling over and slapping her hand against her knee.

Loki curses under his breath. "Very well," he growls. "We'll answer the questions from the readers."

I nod. "About bloody time you guys agreed to this…" I clear my throat. "Now… first question, once again. From WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane: what do you guys think of the ship name Emoki?"

Loki and Emmie look at each other wryly and look to the back of the stage, where a huge banner is strung up, proclaiming '_Ask Emoki.' _

"I think it's probably the worst ship name you've ever concocted," Loki says haughtily. "Of all the things you could have made, and you make 'Emoki?'" He shakes his head tragically. "I deeply disapprove it."

Emmie nods in agreement. "You should have given us something more hostile and intimidating. Emoki sounds too cute. It reminds me of an emo chibi. Or an emoticon. It's really stupid."

"I have no idea what an emo chibi or an emoticon is, but it definitely sounds too cute and stupid," Loki nods impressively.

I grit my teeth together. "Smeg you guys. Fine, if you're so _smart, _what would _you _have called your ship?"

Loki and Emmie look at each other bemusedly.

"Um…" Loki mumbles. "I don't know. How does one make a ship name?"

"By mixing your names together. And sometimes, if you can't mix names, you mix your titles or what you are. Like your and Tony Stark's ship name is Frost Iron," I explain blandly.

Emmie starts snickering. "Loki and Tony have a ship name?"

Loki blushes brightly. "It's not _my _fault _some _people have bizarre imaginations! _I _didn't make it up!"

"Stay on target, you guys," I warn. "What would _you _have made your ship name, if you disapprove Emoki?"

They're both thoughtful for a moment.

"Okay, if I'm the Mastermind Murderess, and Loki's the god of mischief and lies," Emmie says slowly. "We could have been Mastermind Lies. Or Mischievous Murderess."

"Or maybe Mischief Mastermind. Or…" Loki considers. "We could have even been God of Murder, or Mastermind God." He throws me a mutinous glare. "See all the fantastic ship names you're missing out on by doing 'Emoki?'" he challenges

I just shake my head, smiling faintly.

They're still thinking of more ship names, though.

"People often use Frost for my part of a ship name, right?"

"Yeah. Sometimes Ice or Green or something like that, too," I concede.

"We could have been Frost Murder," Loki says morosely.

"_Oh my god I've got it," _Emmie shouts. "I've got it. The _best _ship name for us, Loki," she sighs tragically. "Picture this. We totally could have been Cold-Blooded Murder."

There's silence in the huge auditorium for a second.

"That's brilliant!" Loki exclaims. "_You!" _he jabs a finger at me. "You could have named us Cold-Blooded Murder, and it would have been bloody perfect! But instead we're stuck with damned '_Emoki?!'" _

I'm too busy laughing to respond. "Okay, okay," I gasp out. "Got it. You don't like Emoki. I think we've answered that question pretty thoroughly. You wish you could have been something more intimidating than the cute ness that is Emoki."

Emmie and Loki grumble something about 'stupid author.'

"What's the next bloody question?" Emmie asks.

I get my laughter under control and just smile. "Cold-Blooded Murder… Aww, so cutely funny and evil…" I shake my head again and shuffle my papers again. "Okay, you guys. Next question here… This one's from Fairyfinder… Ooh, we're shattering the fourth wall here," I smirk. "Okay, this one's for Emmie. What do you think of Naoki and FrostThief?" I ask and then look up to see the reactions.

Loki looks like he may be a deer in headlights, and he shifts uncomfortably on his stool.

Emmie just looks unimpressed. "Yeah, those ship names are just as stupid as Emoki, definitely—"

"She means the ships _themselves, _not the _names," _I clarify.

Emmie blinks. "Oh, that makes a little more sense." She glances over at Loki.

"So before we go any further here," I say slowly. "You are _aware _of the existence of Naoki and FrostThief, correct?"

Emmie shrugs and nods. "Yeah, sure. From your other stories Banditry and Battle of Wits, right?"

I nod.

"Yeah, I met them in your Miscellaneous Oneshots folder on your laptop."

Loki glances at her and raises an eyebrow in question.

She just shrugs and jerks her head towards me. "She wrote this really stupid oneshot where all her OC's invaded her house. She never published it, but that's where I met Naomi and Noir. I also met Kimberly, Toria, Strike, and Bronwynne," she counts on her fingers and grins at Loki's dumbstruck face. "Loki's a freaking man-whore, isn't he?"

"Those are all in alternate universes!" Loki protests indignantly.

Emmie giggles. "Okay. Back to the question, right?"

I nod, though I can't help covering my mouth to keep from laughing out loud at this conversation. "Yeah."

"Okay, so Naoki and FrostThief," Emmie says slowly. "Hmm. Honestly, I'm rather ashamed to be written by the same author as those big fat balls of fluff and cuteness and—"

"_Just a freaking minute!" _I cut her off, outraged. "Say that _one more time?!" _

Emmie shrugs. "Maybe you hadn't noticed, but I'm _very _different from your other Oc's… though I actually kinda got along with Strike and Bronwynne. But Naomi and Noir, they're too nice. We're not compatible, and I think their stories aren't _nearly _as—"

"What, nearly as good as yours?" I ask heatedly.

Emmie nods briskly, giving me a smirk. "That's what I said."

I glare at her for a moment, drumming my fingers on my knee glumly. "You're a little beast," I mumble.

"Suppose that's supposed to insinuate that you're beauty?" Emmie asks loftily. "Cuz that certainly—"

"Oh, shut up," I spit at her. "I _wrote _that line. You can't use it _against me." _

Emmie sticks her tongue out at me. "Whatever."

I sigh and look to Loki. "Anything else you'd like to add to this before we move on to the next question? Anything you'd like to say on the subject of Naoki and FrostThief?"

Loki clears his throat, glancing at Emmie and back at me. "Er… Ah… I believe this is an appropriate time to invoke the Fifth Amendment of the United States Constitution?"

I giggle a little. "Brilliant. Loki pleads the fifth, everyone. I suppose he has the right to remain silent on this point… but let it be noted that he neither _disapproved _nor _approved _Naoki or FrostThief in Emmie's presence."

Emmie raises her eyebrows at Loki. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in court, Loki."

He holds up his hands in mock surrender. "Which is why I offer absolutely _no _opinion here. Next question."

I just laugh to myself and look through my papers again. "Okay, moving on…" I snicker to myself as I come to my next paper. "Oh, gods… yeah, let's do it…" I look up at them and grin deviously. "Okay. So… this one is a three-parter, for Emmie."

Emmie and Loki both raise their eyebrows in interest.

I bite my lip to keep from laughing. "So… this one's from XAhMunnaEatChooX. Part A: Emmie, are you aware that Loki gave _birth _to an eight-legged horse because he did it with a horse and turned into a girl?"

This question is greeted by silence. I slowly look up from the paper to see Emmie and Loki's faces.

Loki looks stricken, and Emmie's face is one of blank confusion.

"Ah…" Loki said slowly. "Can we go back to the _last _question… I think I'm okay with making some opinion on Naoki and FrostThief…"

"Nope; we've already moved on," I dismiss, stifling giggles. "Emmie, you're up. You heard the question."

Emmie's lips lift at the corners. "Well, I _thought _I heard the question… you're telling me that Loki gave _birth _to an eight-legged horse?"

"In short," I say briskly. "Loki turned into a mare and got it on with a stallion."

"That's not the whole story!" Loki protests, but I shush him again.

"Doesn't matter if that's the whole story," I chastise him. "The question is whether or not Emmie knew about it."

Emmie looks sidelong at Loki with raised eyebrows. "Ah… no. No, I was not aware. I don't exactly get to read many books on Norse mythology in rehab, do I?"

"Good; she answered; next damned question," Loki snaps irritably, crossing his arms over his chest and blushing madly as he mumbles something about 'Odin's fault' and 'bloody cheapskate.'

I laugh softly. "You _sure _you want me to move onto the next question?" I query.

"Quite," Loki snaps.

"Anything else you'd like to add, Emmie?" I ask.

She shakes her head, still giving Loki a wicked grin.

"Why do I get the feeling she's going to give him so much crap about this later…?" I wonder out loud as I look back at my papers. "Okay, this is part two of that first question. Part B: an attachment to question A. Are you _jealous _of said horse?" I look up at them again to see the reactions.

Loki's face looks like he'd like nothing more than to die right then and there. Emmie, on the other hand, is holding back her own laughter.

"Damn!" she exclaims. "I think I like XAhMunnaEatChooX! Okay, am I _jealous _of said horse?" she repeats. When I nod, she grins wickedly. "No, I'm not jealous. I _pity _said horse…"

Loki sits up straight and opens his mouth to make some indignant retort to that, but I cut him off.

"Loki, no interrupting. That was a question for Emmie, not you," I scold. "Let her answer the questions the readers want answered. So her answer to that was no, she isn't jealous, she pities the horse."

"Move on to the next bloody question," Loki growls as he pointedly avoids looking at either of us girls.

I give Emmie a thumbs-up for quick thinking and witty comebacks. She looks rather proud of herself. "Okay, part C, also from XAhMunnaEatChooX. Part C: Also a technical attachment to question A. Now that you know Loki can turn into the opposite sex, would you fantasize about female Loki?"

Loki actually slumps a little in his seat, looking positively miserable and mortified beyond belief. "I really dislike this XAhMunnaEatChooX. Stupid pen name," he says under his breath.

"Not stupid," I protest. "It's funny."

"Your face is funny," he shoots back.

"Moving on," I announce. "Emmie? Would you fantasize about a female Loki?"

Emmie looks thoughtful, obviously trying to think of a good witty reply. She taps her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm. Would I fantasize about a female Loki?" She glances over to said god and grins. "Why, I thought he already _was _a female Loki!"

I clap my hands over my mouth. I can practically _hear _the _ba-dum-crash _of the punch line drums. Loki just groans and grumbles something about 'make it stop, make it stop, make it stop…'

"Lovely answer," I cackle. "Okay. So… those are all of _those _questions… We've got a Part D for Loki."

Loki moans loudly. "No… please, please, please no…"

"It doesn't have anything to do with the first three parts," I assure him.

He looks up hopefully, parting his fingers from where his hands were covering his face. "Not having to do with the first three parts?"

I shake my head. "Absolutely nothing to do with the first three questions from XAhMunnaEatChooX. Promise."

Slowly, he sits up straight, still avoiding Emmie's eyes. "Alright… and what is this question?"

I smirk to myself as they both sit expectantly, waiting. "So… from XAhMunnaEatChooX. Part D: For Loki…" I trail off for effect. "Do you smoke lemonade holding a cloth slow dancing?"

Loki blinks in confusion. "Do I… do I _what?" _

"Smoke lemonade holding a cloth slowdancing," I repeat clearly. "I swear to you, that is what her question says verbatim."

Loki's face is priceless as he just stares at me in confusion. "Uh…"

"He totally does!" Emmie jumps up from her stool excitedly. "He does it all the freaking time! I saw him doing it!"

Loki stares at her. "Emmie, what the hell are you talking about? I don't even know what that _means…" _

Emmie grins triumphantly. "Neither do I. But considering the fact that you gave birth to an eight-legged horse, I _highly doubt _there's much you haven't done. I wouldn't put smoking lemonade holding a cloth slowdancing past you."

I'm doubled over in silent laughter now, trying not to fall off my stool. "Oh... my… gods…" I gasp out.

"Does that even _mean _anything?" Loki demands.

I shake my head, trying to catch my breath. "It's… just... nonsense… because... she … wanted… to see… your responses…." I wheeze as I fan myself with the remaining papers in my hand. "Oh, man, that's awesome," I shake my head.

"Next damned question," Loki snarls, crossing his arms over his chest again and glaring at me. "And I do not… smoke lemonade… whatever the hell it was."

"Don't believe him," Emmie snickers. "I've seen him do it. He does it in the middle of the night when he thinks no one's watching. He's just embarrassed."

"Shut _up, _Emmie!"

"Okay, okay," I wave my hands at them. "We've got to finish these questions. Next one is from M0rbidF0x. . Her question for you guys is this… How long do you guys expect it to take for one of you to lose your temper and 'accidentally' kill the other? *shrugs* Just curious since you guys have already gotten so close to crossing the line in the past." I look up at them curiously.

Loki shoots Emmie a death glare. "…That depends on how many more questions we get asked about the _horse." _

Emmie snorts. "Amusing, Loki."

"Oh, _now _it's amusing… it won't be so amusing when you're writhing on the floor in pain, begging for death."

"Whoa, let's take the tone down a few notches," I say warningly. "We don't need a bloody mess of Cold-Blooded Murder in the middle of my school auditorium. Just answer the question."

Emmie taps her chin thoughtfully. "Well, let's see. I first tried to kill him about seven minutes after I met him… that's not exactly a good start, is it? Evidently it won't take long."

"Then again, we haven't killed each other _yet," _Loki observes. "So maybe never. Though I think I'm rather tempted at times."

"And this is a question that's kind of related to M0rbidF0x's. This is from WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane. Question is… How many times have you guys tried to kill each other over the course of the story?"

Loki and Emmie both look intrigued by the question.

"Huh," Emmie rubs her chin thoughtfully. "Well… Hmm. I think we've done a lot more threatening and harming than actual murder attempts… Counting all the fights where we got _close _to killing each other though adds a lot… Hmm. So, let's see. I first tried to kill him in Chapter 4. About seven minutes after we met, like I said. I tried another two times in the next chapter, with the same dresser knob…"

"That got annoying," Loki adds here. "And then when I came back after you got back from your therapy session… when you knocked me to the floor as soon as I stepped in… What was that, Chapter 7?"

"Yeah, Chapter 7," she agrees. "Then… Let's see, I chucked the dagger about two inches from your left ear in Chapter 9, but I kind of missed that time on purpose. And then I think it was two chapters later, I managed to get behind you with the dagger and hold it to your throat…"

"And then I flipped you over my shoulder and then pinned you against the wall, dagger against _your _throat," Loki nods slowly. "Hmm… you nearly severed my spine with the dagger once…"

"That was your own freaking fault for continuously twitching," Emmie quips. "_not _my fault. I don't think any of the name-carving scene counts. But… well, you did kind of half-choke me at some point. When was that?"

"That was just before you got the dagger from me and held it to my throat," Loki scratches his chin. "mmm… Think that's all. After that point, there weren't really any more assassination attempts."

"Well, I did _think _about sticking a pen in your eye at one point," Emmie says fairly. "I was _really _considering it."

Loki gives her a disturbed look. "…I'm vaguely worried that I don't know when that was…"

"Up in the penthouse of Stark Tower," Emmie explains.

"Ah."

"So… that all?" Emmie asks. "Let's see. Some of those don't really count as trying to kill each other, but all those added up is…" she did a quick tally on her fingers. "About eight times?"

"And the entire story takes place over the course of about a day and a half," I click my tongue. "And you were only together for about eighteen hours. That's like… on average, once every hour and fifteen minutes."

"I'm happy with that record," Emmie nods proudly. "Better than my injuring six caregivers in three days…"

"We could beat a record of once every hour and fifteen minutes, though," Loki argues. "I can definitely see us setting a trend of once every forty-five minutes; what do you say, Murderess?"

I clear my throat. "Yeah, let's save that for the sequel, shall we?"

"Oh!" Emmie raises her hand. "If you count the times we've tried to kill each other in the Scarred for Life collection, too, then he tried to hit my head with a hunk of concrete. So… nine times, kinda."

I facepalm while Loki snickers at the memory.

"Next question," Loki announces, looking at me expectantly.

I glance at the paper in my hands. "Okay… kind of switching gears from you guys killing each other, but also kind of on the same track… we've got one here from Fangs and Fire…" I trail off for a second. "I'm going to assume that Fangs and Fire is a she, though I haven't actually talked to her… apologies if I'm wrong on that point, but I've talked to most of the other regular reviewers and so don't have to worry about this… anyways, thanks go out to Fangs and Fire. She also just wanted you guys to know that she hopes you guys don't kill each other because that would make her sad… and making her sad isn't a good enough reason." I grin. "She also said I'm probably her favorite author on this site. That's really flattering… normally I'd thank her in a PM, but since she's a guest reviewer, I'll just give her a shout-out here…"

"What's the freaking question?" Emmie huffs.

I glare. "What? Am I not allowed to thank her for saying I'm an awesome author?"

"Pfft. You. Awesome author," Emmie scoffs.

I snort disdainfully. "Would you rather I _wasn't _your author? You can just go find yourselves another author, then…"

Emmie and Loki glance at each other, grin, and hop off their stools.

"Hey! You guys get back here!" I order, jumping off my own stool. "I wasn't being serious!"

Loki and Emmie grumble to themselves and return to perching on their stools, mumbling something about 'shame.'

"Al_right," _I sigh, giving them a stern look. "Really… leaving me… where the smeg are you guys going to find another author…?"

"Like you said, we've got fans," Loki comments mischievously. "I'm sure a few of them would be happy to pick us up…"

"That's not even funny," I grumble. "Now. Back to this interview and the questions needed to be answered. So, this one from Fangs and Fire kind of has two parts… first question. She says… 'I have a question for the god of lies and the Mastermind Murderess, if you wouldn't mind answering. If you had the chance, how would you kill the Avengers, Nick Fury, and Maria Hill the senior?"

"Ooh!" Emmie cries delightedly, bouncing in her chair and clapping her hands together in excitement.

Loki is grinning in fascination. "Hah… that's a good one… let's see, what would we do?" he looks to Emmie expectantly.

"Well, let's see… so many ways to choose from… we could slice 'em, dice 'em, stab 'em… we could freeze, burn, starve, poison, drown, suffocate, dismember, disembowel, shred, compress, stretch, implode, explode, impale, inject, shoot, bludgeon, hang, or electrocute…"

Loki and I both stare at her in a mixture of fear and admiration.

"What could we use as a weapon?" Emmie wonders aloud, tapping her chin. "We could use daggers, knives, swords, watermelons, dresser knobs, paper plates, lightbulbs, a number of different kinds of wire, a baking sheet, guns, shards of glass, baseball bats, chairs, golf clubs, tennis rackets, canes, belts, sharpened or unsharpened pencils, cats, our bare hands, iPhones, bouncy balls, rocks, yarn, pipes, candlesticks, high heels, or a box of cereal," she continues to list off.

Loki and I exchange disturbed and scared looks.

"Or we could just feed them to any number of animals," Emmie continues to ramble happily. "Imagine the possibilities! We could feed them to sharks, alligators, ants, mosquitoes, polar bears, grizzly bears, Tasmanian devils, Lions, tigers, hamsters, mice, housecats, Rottweilers, bulldogs, vultures—"

"Emmie!" Loki and I shout in unison, and she falls silent.

"Norns, your endless violent imagination is scaring _me," _Loki shakes his head in exasperation. "Remind me to _never _leave you alone in a supermarket…"

I tug on my collar nervously. "Ahem… so… in _what _way would you kill them…?"

Loki clears his throat. "Ah… I think I might go with some kind of nice slow torture… particularly on Thor and Stark…"

"Hey, _I _wanna kill Stark!" Emmie protests. "You take Thor, I take Romanoff, you'll take Banner, I'll take Captain America, you can take Barton, and then we can share my mother, Fury, and Stark. Fair?"

Loki considers and nods. "Very well. For my victims, like I said, I'd go with some kind of slow torture… probably a lot of mental pain involved as well." He glances at Emmie. "You'd have to let me have some hand in Agent Romanoff's death… I _did _make her a promise… so I think I'd keep to my promise of how I would kill Barton like that, splitting his skull after making him torture Romanoff…" he nods slowly. "Yes, slow torture. Daggers and venoms, probably, on my other victims."

Emmie smirks. "Right. Think I'd go with something like slowly bludgeoning them to death with something like a good rock… or maybe I'd go with the hypodermic needle approach... inject some deadly poison that takes hours or days to work, and then simply watch and mentally torment them as they died."

I gulp. "…Right," I say uncomfortably and shift nervously. "Um… as I was saying… ahem. So Fangs and Fire also had another question. For Emmie."

Emmie perks up. "Yeah? What was this question? I had _so _much fun with the last one…"

Loki and I exchange wry looks again. Gods, Emmie can be scary…

"This second question from Fangs and Fire is this…" I say. "Verbatim, it says this: Emmie, can I be your apprentice or whatever? Murder is fun."

Emmie just starts laughing in some creepy semblance of a maniacal laugh coming from a seventeen-year-old's mouth… creepy part is, she can pull it off.

Loki clears his throat. "Ah… Fangs and Fire, I wouldn't recommend it… she torments her _superiors _rather horribly… I can't imagine what she would do to her _inferiors, _like apprentices… Norns forbid what she'd do to you if she got irritated if you messed something up."

"Any more questions?" Emmie asks, grinning like the Joker at me.

I sigh and look at the papers in my hands. I smile to myself. "Yeah… we've got one more."

They wait.

"This is from Queen Martha Pond," I say slowly. "So… here's what she said. 'we know you guys have some trouble expressing your feelings… so what do you like most about each other?'" I look up at the two of them excitedly. Then I giggle at their faces.

They stare at me in horror, as if I've just ask them to jump off the top of Mount Everest. But… by the looks on their faces, they'd rather jump off Mount Everest.

"…What do you guys like most about each other?" I repeat.

"Next question," Loki says quickly.

"That's the last question," I scold. "So you've just got to answer this one and you'll be done."

"I think we're done _now," _Loki says mutinously.

"No, you're not," I snap. "Answer her question."

"Okay, we agreed to do _oneshots, _not freaking _therapy sessions," _Emmie protests. "I am _not _having a freaking couple's therapy!"

I give them both a hard look. "Loki, Emmie, I'm not that kind of doctor. I can't administer a couple's therapy. However, I am fully qualified to make you both sit in the middle of an empty school auditorium and make you answer random, funny, and occasionally really difficult questions. So…" They sit stoically with their arms over their chests as they glare at me. "Wow, you guys really do have trouble expressing your feelings," I wipe my hand over my face. "Just answer the question. What do you guys like most about each other?"

Loki and Emmie give each other hateful looks, as if they're blaming each other for this situation.

"Someone is going to have to go first," I say tiredly.

"Loki," Emmie proclaims. "You go first."

"I'm a gentleman. Ladies first," Loki quips. "Emmie, go ahead."

Emmie glares mutinously at him, narrowing her eyes threateningly. "yeah, right. You. A gentleman. Good one."

"Answer the freaking question," I remind them.

"Fine," Loki snaps, his voice full of confidence and conviction as he starts off. "The thing I like most about Emmie is that she…" he trails off, and all the confidence and conviction leaves his voice about halfway through the sentence. Emmie quirks her eyebrows at him challengingly, waiting. Loki clears his throat and refuses to look at her. He sighs and looks up at the ceiling. "The thing I like most about Emmie.. is… she… she doesn't just see me as a monster because I'm a frost giant, like the people on Asgard do."

I quirk my eyebrows, knowing there has to be more to it.

"I mean… she _does _see me as a monster," he adds. "But only because sometimes I act like one. She hates me only because I deserve it. And she can make me realize that I deserve it sometimes… but sometimes she makes me feel like less of a monster because she can practically match me in every way. So… maybe the thing I like best about Emmie is that we can both be monsters together, and we can accept each other for that. We don't just condemn each other for it, but we also aren't trying to get each other to stop, like Thor or Frigga or Hill do." He lets out a long breath and drops his gaze to the floor before mumbling, "That's what I like best about Emmie."

I suddenly realize that I have my hands covering my mouth to stifle something… not a giggle, but maybe something resembling more of the Emoki equivalent of a fangirl squeal. Nobody makes a sound for a long moment as we allow the words Loki said to sink in.

"You two shut up!" Loki snaps half-heartedly, even though there's no one talking.

"We're not talking," Emmie observes.

"And you should be," Loki points out. "Your turn, Emmie."

I lick my lips in anticipation and turn to the Mastermind Murderess. "He's right. He went. Your turn now."

Emmie grimaces and fidgets in her chair. "…How the hell am I supposed to freaking… I mean… Loki just…"

"Beat you?" Loki asks in a superior voice.

"Shut up," I scold. "This is supposed to be a kind of nice way to end the interview. Don't sully the moment with your angry banter. Emmie, go on."

Emmie twiddles her thumbs. "The thing I like best about Loki…" she trails off with a sigh. "Okay, it's kind of hard to explain, honestly… but I mean… it's like… the thing I like best about Loki is that he's somehow able to be my anchor. Over the whole course of the story, when I would get unsure or confused, he somehow… kept it together for me. When I started to question whether or not I believed in my mother, when I still thought I hated him, even when I was still convinced I hated him… he had it more together than I did. On the jet to New York… he's my anchor, in this weird way. Like my anchor to the dark side. Does that make sense? I don't think so…" she sighs and shakes her head. "He knows what's going on when I don't. He can practically explain my feelings to me, because he understands them. And because he understands, he gives me someone to relate to. So… that's the thing I like most about Loki."

Once again, there's silence for a long moment.

"Are we done here?" the god of lies and Mastermind Murderess suddenly ask in unison.

"Can we go?"

"Please?"

I bite my lip to hold back my smile. "Yeah… you guys can go. I'm proud of you for answering that question… and all of the questions. I'm sure the readers are going to really appreciate you taking your time out of your busy schedule, zooming all around New York and the Helicarrier and Asgard for all the oneshots you guys have been working on…"

"Yeah, like that's really taking time from our oh-so-busy schedules," Emmie rolls her eyes.

"Well, the oneshots are certainly draining," Loki rubs his eyes.

"Well, that sucks, because you aren't getting breaks," I say briskly. "We've got requests and stuff to do. So scoot. Say goodbye to the readers and tell them you'll be seeing them soon." I wave my hands in a shooing gesture at them.

Loki lets out a humph and stands up, waving vaguely to the empty school auditorium. "Farewell, I'm sure it won't be long before our _exceptional _author forces us into some other ridiculous situation…"

Emmie sighs and nods, following Loki as she waves vaguely in the direction of the empty seats of the auditorium. "See ya later, fans and readers and reviewers."

"Are you guys gonna be having any kind of discussion backstage about the confessions you just made?" I call after them as they walk offstage.

"No!" they shout in unison back at me.

I smile and simply crumple up the last piece of paper and toss it randomly to some other part of the stage before I leave, too.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Well, I hope you guys all had fun with that! I answered all the questions that were sent to me by today, on March 20… If you think this would be a fun idea to continue doing, then I would be quite happy to write more Ask Emoki specials. All I'll need are a couple more questions, if you want to see the randomly weird answers they come up with. Shout-out goes to all the awesome reviewers of this story, and the people who contributed questions to this oneshot! Hope you were all happy and/or amused with the answers you received. I tried to make them all fun. If you've got more, shoot 'em my way in a review or a PM. Requests for other oneshots are welcome, too… I am currently working on four other oneshots, two of them being requests from readers out there (Queen Martha Pond and Keyboard20, I am working on your requests, so do not despair!) and hopefully those shall be out soon. **

**Lemme know what you thought of how I did this, too. I thought it would be funny to have them be interviewed in a giant empty auditorium, and making it my school added a kinda humor, I think… and a Guest reviewer suggested that Tony be the one to interview Loki and Emmie… I think that would have actually been a really freaking funny idea XD but I already had this oneshot almost completed by the time I got the review, so… *shrug* ah, well. I find it funny how many people asked questions about how many/long/in what way Emmie and Loki would commit murder… speaking of murder… Emmie and Loki have decided their favorite self-proclaimed ship name is Cold-Blooded Murder (I swear to you, this idea for this ship name came to me at like 5:30 in the morning as I lay half-asleep in bed). Personally, I'm going to continue calling them Emoki, but referring to them as Cold-Blooded Murder just for kicks is funny to me ;) **

**Alright, don't know why I'm still here talking pointlessly… I'm leaving now. Please favorite, follow, and review! **


	4. Chapter 4

***Hey ya guys! Lol this is so fun, writing Emoki oneshots… ;) I've got a couple more questions to work into another oneshot where I interview Emmie and Loki… if anyone has any more to offer, that'd be nice. ;) **

**As for this one, it is a request from Queen Martha Pond: she asked if I could do a oneshot wherein Emmie meets Odin and Frigga, and one of them really ships Emoki, and the other is horrified. So… heheh this one's gonna be interesting… It shall take place in an alternate universe where Emmie and Loki have both been captured by SHIELD after the New York incident. And in this alternate universe, **_**both **_**of them shall be shipped off to Asgard for their punishments, because SHIELD feels that Emmie is too far out of hand for them to control anymore. Kind of out there? Maybe. But for this oneshot to work, Emmie's gotta go to Asgard. So I can make it work, I hope. ;) **

Meet the Parents

"This will be the best for everybody, Hill," Fury said firmly to a sobbing Maria Hill. "Better for her, better for you, and better for SHIELD. It's our best option. Will you consent to letting Thor take Emmie back to Asgard with Loki or not?"

The agent ran her hand under her nose as she let out another sob and bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut. "Do—do I have to?"

Fury sighed. He had been going over this with her for the last fifteen minutes. The mother was simply inconsolable. He supposed he could understand. Well, not really. He had never had a daughter, and so didn't know what kind of bond a parent would share with their child. But still… Hill's reaction to all this seemed so… melodramatic. "You're her legal guardian, since she's a minor. So, yes. We technically need you to agree to this if we're going to go through with it. Come on. It's the best for everyone," he repeated for what felt like the… well, he wasn't sure how many times it had been. But it felt like a hell of a lot more than necessary.

"I…" Hill sniffled and gasped. "I… my only daughter… only family… I can't…"

"You have to, Hill," Fury snapped.

Hill seemed to sober at the sharpness in the voice of her boss. Her face relaxed, and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she wiped her eyes and nose again. "Director," she said hoarsely. "I… are you absolutely sure these are the best measures? Sending her to Asgard to be imprisoned?"

Slowly, the man nodded. "I'm positive."

Hill bit her lip again and frowned. "I… will I ever be able to see her again?"

Fury considered for a moment. "…It's a _possibility, _I suppose…"

"Then… I… I guess I could…" Hill took in another deep breath to compose herself. "Alright. Thor can take Emmie back to Asgard for her imprisonment."

00000

And so, the next day, Emmie stood in Central Park with her wrists bound by handcuffs and a metal gag over her mouth. She really didn't see what all this was about, anyway. Going to Asgard for imprisonment? Really? Was that necessary? Well, she just supposed that Fury was getting tired of interviewing for new caregivers when Emmie put another one in the hospital or another one quit because she _nearly _put them in the hospital. That and maybe the damage she had caused to the SHIELD facility a couple of times was a little burdensome financially. Plus she guessed just the idea of a creepy teenage girl who liked to threaten to tear someone's entrails out and strangle them with their own intestines wasn't a really great thought for a top-secret spy organization. Probably some kind of security liability.

But that was still no excuse for the gag. What was she going to do? _Insult _people? Oh, god forbid. Like that was something new.

She let out a sigh through her nose and glanced to her left. Loki stood next to her, and they both watched as Thor exchanged a few words with the other Avengers. Loki glanced back down at her and shrugged, giving her a wry look, as if to say, 'well, this sucks, huh?' Emmie shrugged and nodded as they waited.

Finally, Thor walked back over to the prisoners and held out the Tesseract container.

Loki glanced at Emmie and then hesitantly placed his hand on the handle both he and Emmie were supposed to take. Emmie hesitated a moment longer than he did, glancing around the park. Her eyes flicked over the other Avengers, and then at the trees and fountains and other people, the buildings and the sky. It was a bit of an odd feeling that she wouldn't see them again for a long time, if ever. She didn't necessarily _mind. _It wasn't like she _enjoyed _living on Earth, anyway. Asgard just might be a little interesting.

"Lady Hill, we must go," Thor said, his voice slightly mistrustful and warning.

Emmie's eyes flicked to the god of thunder, and she smirked behind her gag. She lifted her hand and delicately placed it next to Loki's on the Tesseract handle so the side of her hand pressed against his. Purely to irk him, of course.

Thor turned his handle of the Tesseract, and all three of them felt their bodies dissolve into weightlessness, and they were gone from the Earth.

00000

"Allfather," a royal guard knelt in front of the throne. "The prince and the prisoners have arrived."

Odin nodded once. "Bring the prisoners here, so that I may address them."

The guard dipped his head in acknowledgment and turned to leave the room.

"Prisoners?" Frigga queried from where she stood beside the throne. "Plural?"

Odin glanced up at her. "Indeed. Loki has been brought, and… an accomplice, the humans believe."

"An accomplice?" the queen repeated. "Who is this accomplice?"

"A young Midgardian woman, whose mind was twisted by the Tesseract. She was kept prisoner by their human organization for nearly a whole Midgardian year, but after she associated herself with Loki, they feel they can no longer be accountable for her. She is a great danger."

Frigga smiled curiously. "And how did she come to be in league with Loki? Do you think perhaps it is possible that Loki agreed to this association not merely as an accomplice, but also for emotional reasons?"

Odin scoffed. "Not very likely, Frigga. You know Loki. It's silly to jump to conclusions like that."

Frigga smiled to herself and waited for the prisoners to be led in.

Shortly, the doors to the room were opened, and two figures were led in, both bound with chains. A pair of guards escorted them both as they were taken to stand in front of the Asgardian rulers.

Odin and Frigga both looked critically at the pair. Loki, their fallen son. He didn't look ashamed or abashed. One might even think he looked smug. Neither of the parents were pleased to see the expression on his face. Then their eyes wandered over to the other figure. They were surprised to see that she was… small. Perhaps barely over five feet tall, and younger than they had expected. She walked with an air of self-assurance,, and she didn't look _smug, _but more purely _disinterested. _

They stopped in front of the king and queen, and looked up at them with mixed expectancy and disdain.

"Hello, Mother," Loki greeted cockily.

Frigga frowned delicately at her son. "Loki, don't make this worse…"

"Define worse," Loki challenged.

Odin's brow furrowed, and he said, "I will speak to the prisoners alo—"

"That's your mother?" Emmie cut the king off without ceremony, glancing between Frigga and Loki interestedly.

Loki couldn't help but smirk slightly at Odin's look of surprise that he had just been interrupted.

"Yes, I'm Loki's mother," Frigga smiled politely, her eyes wandering between the girl and her son. Just _maybe _it was possible that she had touched his heart…

"I will speak to the prisoners—" Odin started again.

"I thought she'd be a little more upset," Emmie observed, breaking into Odin's words once again, her eyes still fixed on Frigga. "Your mom doesn't look too pissed… your dad looks angrier than she does."

"He's not my father, Emmie," Loki muttered, "Now shut up."

Odin cleared his throat pointedly. "I will now speak to the priso—"

"I am _quite _upset with Loki," Frigga was the one to interrupt the king this time. The Allfather threw his hands up in agitation, disbelieving that he was honestly being so ignored. Frigga didn't seem to notice, and continued anyway. "I, however, unlike my husband, can understand Loki's frustrations. I do not blame him entirely for what he did."

Loki sighed wordlessly at this declaration, and Emmie looked rather unimpressed.

"You know, you kind of remind me of _my _mother," Emmie observed with a wry smile at the queen.

Frigga smiled wanly at the girl.

"I hate my mother, by the way," Emmie added significantly.

Loki couldn't help but snort in slight amusement at the statement. And even if he held no malice towards the queen, whom he still considered his mother, he couldn't deny that the expression of offense on her face was rather comical.

Odin now spoke up, his voice quite loud and clear to emphasize the fact he would not tolerate being interrupted anymore. "I will speak to the prisoners alone now!"

"Be my guest," Frigga sniffed irritably, throwing a disapproving glare at the young girl, who merely offered her an overly-sweet smile in return.

The prisoners and king watched as the queen swept out of the room. Then they returned to looking at each other.

Loki smiled slyly at the throned figure. "I really don't see what all the fuss is about," he said breezily.

"Do you not truly feel the gravity of your crimes?!" Odin demanded.

"He _never _understands the gravity of his actions," Emmie input loftily. "Really a bad habit of his, isn't it?"

"Agreed," Odin nodded briskly, not giving much thought to his response as he glared at Loki. Loki glanced to the girl at his side in disbelief, letting out an irritated scoff. Suddenly Odin realized what had just happened… he had agreed with the prisoner. His single eye flicked to the girl, who was giving Loki a haughty look. The king continued slowly. "Wherever you go, Loki, you are followed by war, ruin, and death."

"Not to mention a lot of emotional trauma for the people he encounters along the way," Emmie supplied helpfully with a knowing nod.

Odin dipped his head in acknowledgment. "This is also true. What is your name?"

"Emmie Hill," Emmie answered promptly as she tipped her head slightly to the side, as if vaguely bored.

Loki gave Emmie a very clear 'what in Helheim are you doing?!' look, cleared his throat, and looked back to the Allfather. "I went down to rule the people of Midgard as a benevolent god. Just like you."

"We are not gods. We're born, we live, we die… just as the humans do," Odin said simply, glancing at Emmie.

"That's another thing," Emmie put in here. "Loki doesn't seem to understand the concept that humans have lives, too… like, he has absolutely no issue with hurting humans. Is that just a general rule with him that he has no problems hurting anyone he meets, or does he just have a special disdain for humans?"

"A bit of both," Odin shrugged.

Loki glared between the two of them.

"The difference between Asgardian and human lives is that you have to give or take _five thousand years," _Loki said forcefully.

"Ooh, Loki, we could so easily cut your life off where it's at right now, if you want," Emmie smirked. "You don't _have _to make it to five thousand years… it's wishful thinking. Whatcha say, Allfather? A little execution?"

"_You can shut the hell up!" _Loki exploded in frustration. "You are _really _not helping this situation, you little beast!"

"Where in my contract does it say I have to help the situation?" Emmie challenged. "I still blame _you _for all of this," she nodded around the throne room.

"Oh, yes, just blame me," Loki growled. "Like you had absolutely _no hand _in the events that brought you here today."

"Well, you're the one who started all of it," Emmie said bitingly. "If you weren't so caught up in your so-called right to rule, then you wouldn't be in this situation!"

Odin sighed, vaguely amused by the interaction between Loki and Emmie. He could watch this all day and not get bored. Maybe Frigga didn't like watching this, but he certainly did. The corners of his mouth quirked up slightly as he observed, "I believe your accomplice understands the gravity and foolishness of your actions more than you do,"

"I think there's very little that Loki understands," Emmie said knowingly. "He doesn't _understand _that you can't just _do something _idiotic like trying to take over the earth after kidnapping a helpless young girl for his own purposes and then just get away with it. He didn't believe me when I said he was a moron for trying," Emmie sighed tragically.

"Emmie, you're exaggerating, and you're being a little—" Loki was cut off by Odin, though.

"I agree with you wholeheartedly, my lady," Odin said regally. "Loki has many faults, and the blindness to his seeing what is right is one of them."

"Excuse me?!" Loki protested. "Do you even _know _how many wrongs _this girl _has committed, Allfather?" But his words fell on deaf ears.

"Oh, Loki has _so _many more faults than just not knowing what's right," Emmie said eagerly. "Do you know what else is wrong with him? The guy thinks it's alright to spy on people! Thinks it's alright to just come into their room and smack 'em around a bit and then say 'oh, well, you're going to join me now!'" She shook her head in exasperation. "I don't know about you, Your Majesty, but personally, I think all of that can basically be held against Loki."

"Loki has indeed committed a number of atrocities," Odin nodded quickly. "Did you know that he thinks himself worthy of a throne, and thinks that taking the earth was some kind of recompense for his imagined slights?"

Emmie rolled her eyes. "I know, right? I'm telling you… he's some kind of prima donna. Thinks he's entitled to all these crazy things that he doesn't even—"

"_It is my birthright!" _Loki snarled.

"_Your birthright," _Odin spat, "was to _die… _as a _child… _cast out onto a frozen _rock. _If I had not taken you in, you would not be here to hate me now."

"Ooh, _burn," _Emmie hissed at Loki. "Feel that? You _tell _him, Allfather!"

"You can _shut your little mouth, Emmie!" _Loki snapped bitingly as Emmie just grinned at him deviously.

"I can shut my mouth?" Emmie repeated mockingly. "Oh, _may I, _my _oh-so-worthy _ruler? Seriously. I think you'd make a sucky ruler. Don't you agree, Allfather?" she glanced back up to the king.

"Wholeheartedly," Odin conceded. "While Loki may have a hand and mind for strategy, logic, and quick thinking, he does not have the _heart _of a king like Thor does…"

"If I am for the axe, then for _mercy's sake," _Loki begged. "Just _swing it already!" _

"What, do you not like our little talks?" Emmie chirped.

"Oh, of course it's not that I don't _love _our little talks," Loki sneered. "It's just…" he trailed off for a moment and just glared, fuming at both Odin and Emmie before simply finishing, "…I _don't _love them."

Odin surveyed his ex-son and his accomplice. "Loki, the only reason you're still alive is because of Frigga, and you'll never see her again. You'll spend the rest of your days in the dungeons."

Emmie felt something in her heart twist and she felt her malicious joy at teasing Loki fade away quickly. She glanced sidelong at Loki. "Hey," she murmured.

Loki glared down at her. "_What the hell do you want?" _he hissed irritably.

She forced a faint smile. "Our mothers are the only reason we're still alive, and we'll never see them again. And we'll just… rot in the dungeons together for the rest of our miserable lives. We're in the same boat here."

Loki made no response, but he was indeed reminded that he and Emmie were in the same predicament here, estranged from their families. He forced a faint smile in return. "So we are."

Odin noticed the exchange of bitter softness between them, and for some reason, he felt a strange tug at the corner of his lips when he saw it. Perhaps Frigga had been right, and there was some kind of emotional attachment between the two prisoners… it was simply… dysfunctional beyond belief, and twisted and hurtful and… perhaps just a little misunderstood. Maybe Emmie and Loki weren't _good _at expressing their feelings properly… but Odin decided there was indeed some kind of emotional attachment. So why in the nine realms did he feel like smiling about it? Maybe he kind of liked the idea of the bond between the two. Even if it was sick, broken, and twisted.

"And what of Thor?" Loki suddenly asked. "You'll make that witless oaf king while we—_I _rot in chains?" he demanded.

Odin nodded slowly. "Thor must strive to repair the damage you have done. He will bring order to the nine realms. And then… yes, he will be king."

For a moment, no one said anything. Loki wore a hard expression, and Emmie looked vaguely bored. Odin just waited longer, knowing eventually one of them would speak.

"So… back to the 'rotting in chains' bit," Emmie spoke up. " What are our options here as far as the dungeon cells here go? You know, I'd really rather have a double room, because for some reason the thought of sharing a king-size bed with Loki just doesn't appeal to me… so two separate queens should be tolerable enough. And a room with the Rainbow Bridge view probably costs more, so I think we'll skip that… a Jacuzzi might be nice though. Whatcha think, Loki? I could drown you…"

00000

Later that day, when the prisoners were hauled off to the dungeons, Odin retired to his chambers to find Frigga brushing out her golden hair. She looked up as the king entered the room, and he smiled tiredly.

"What a horrid little girl," Frigga shook her head. "I don't know what I was thinking, supposing that Loki could have some attachment to… no, she must have simply been a tool in his plan to conquer Midgard," she murmured as Odin drew closer and kissed her cheek softly.

"I wouldn't be so sure, Frigga," Odin said lightly. "There might be something there."

Frigga furrowed her brow and set down her brush, looking hard at her husband. "What could you possibly mean? That young woman is the most terrible little imp I've ever seen…"

"Did you think so?" Odin asked conversationally. A smile graced his weary features as he added. "I kind of liked her."

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Lol I'm not entirely sure how that all just happened… I made a couple parts in here a little more serious and angsty than I meant to… ah, well. It happens sometimes… also, I didn't really **_**mean **_**to make this a parody of that scene from **_**The Dark World, **_**but again, it kind of happened that way :P So, Queen Martha Pond was the one to request this. And… well, you said that one of Odin and Frigga should be horrified, while the other actually ships Emoki. And… well, I had to go the less-well-worn path and have Frigga be the one disapproving, while for once Odin likes it XD And all because Emmie has no problems dishing out the dirt on Loki… *sigh* **

**In any case, I hope that was enjoyable for y'all. Let me know what you thought of it. I've got a couple more oneshots I'm still working on… a request from Keyboard20, two oneshot ideas of my own making, and I've got a couple of questions for another Ask Emoki… and I have another request that came from Fangs and Fire… which I need to ask ya about. **

**To Fangs and Fire: Well, since I can't PM you, I'll ask my question for ya here… your request was for a what-would've-happened of if Emmie's mind returned to normal (free of the Tesseract's influences) in the middle of the New York battle… so I've got like two ways we can do this. I can go the "humor oneshot" direction, considering this is supposed to be a collection of humor oneshots… but when I think of Emmie "returning to normal," all I can picture would be a lot of angst and drama… so, I can definitely make it a humor, but I could also make a really dark and angsty one. Thoughts…? **

**Alrighty, I shall see you all soon! Please favorite, follow, and review. **


	5. Chapter 5

***Hey ya guys! So here's the second edition of Ask Emoki, featuring crazy questions from fans and readers (you!). So… go on. *shoos you downward to the below text* Run wild. Have fun. Don't feed the characters. **

Ask Emoki 2

I rifle through my papers and smirk at the contents.

"So _where are we _and _what are we doing here?" _Emmie asks incredulously.

I glance up. Emmie and Loki are sitting on sleek metal stools with leather cushions. But their perches contrast highly with our surroundings. It's dark, and stars spill across the inky black sky as they twinkle coldly down on us. We're on a rocky, barren planet with nothing in sight but us, Loki and Emmie on their stools before me… and me in a floating chair-throne, perfectly replicating that of Thanos's.

"Well, we're on that weird and unnamed planet or moon or whatever it is that Thanos is on during the first and last scenes of the Avengers movie. And we're going to be doing another edition of Ask Emoki. Or Cold-Blooded Murder. Either way," I say airily, flicking my hand towards the sky, where stars form a constellation that says _Ask Emoki (or Cold-Blooded murder. Either way). _

"…Okay, but _last _time we did Ask Emoki, we were in your school auditorium," Emmie points out.

"And now we're somewhere entirely different," Loki finishes.

I shrug. "Yeah… about that. I figured having it _here _added to the humor even more. Do not question my genius. You shall be answering questions from the readers as you sit before me, as I sit in Thanos's chair." I shift slightly. "…Don't know how he can stand sitting here all the smegging time. Really uncomfortable."

"_More _questions from the readers?" Loki groans.

I roll my eyes. "Uh, yeah. I had tons of fun with it last time. Didn't you guys?" I smirk mischievously.

Emmie and Loki look a little dubious.

"…Fun is a relative term," Emmie says dilatorily.

"Fine. Whatever. In any case, you've got more fan questions to answer." I pick through my options. "Hmm. Alright. So… let's start with these from Fangs and Fire, a guest reviewer. You guys ready?"

They sigh and mumble something about 'ready as I'll ever be' and 'ready to kill you? Sure.'

I shake my finger at them. "None of that. Again, first question, from Fangs and Fire… To Emmie: are you plotting revenge on the Avengers or anyone else for imprisoning you?"

Emmie's lips tilt up at the corners. "Hey, that's not a bad question…"

"We're starting with the more easy ones," I respond quickly with a grin.

"Brilliant," they both facepalm.

"So, Emmie? Plotting revenge?" I prompt.

Emmie sighs and rubs her eyes. "Am I plotting revenge on the Avengers or anyone else for imprisoning me?" she taps her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm. Well, I'm more worried about trying to keep my stuff together and _not _lose it… So I mean, I'd _like _to get revenge on Fury. Definitely Fury more than the Avengers, but also Stark and Romanoff… I mean, _those _encounters will probably be pretty fun in the sequel… but I've also got bigger things on my mind in the sequel than little revenges." She shrugs. "So… I'd _like _to have the luxury of plotting and carrying out revenge, certainly. But it's doubtful that I shall indeed carry it out."

"Alrighty," I nod. "Decent enough answer, I s'pose… as she brings up the sequel, though, I'd just like to tell everyone that that is still under construction plotwise and is still on to be posted at an undetermined point in the future. Ahem. Next question, from Fangs and Fire…" I pause and smile. "I'd like to point out that when she says this question is for both of you, she says 'for Cold-Blooded Murder.' Your self-proclaimed ship name is kind of catching on."

To my astonishment, Loki and Emmie fistbump in triumph at this news.

I raise my eyebrows, and they both quickly shove their hands into their respective pockets, evidently embarrassed by the display of comradery. I just snicker and look back down at the paper. "Okeydokey. So she says, for Cold-Blooded Murder: if Loki had taken over the world, what would your relationship have been like? (friends, allies, enemies, indifferent, etc.)."

Loki and Emmie exchange an awkward glance. "Ah… uh… um…"

I raise my eyebrows.

"Well…" Emmie says very slowly, drawing out the word far longer than necessary. "I mean… our plan was to just… have Loki take over the world and then I was free to do as I pleased, right?"

"Right… I was leaving it _totally _up to you to stay or leave," Loki says, clasping his hands behind his head as he looks questioningly at Emmie. "Soo… this one's all on you. Would you have stayed or left, for starters?"

Emmie fidgets uncomfortably. "Erm… I dunno. I hadn't… really… planned that far ahead. I guess I would've—"

"No, you wouldn't," Loki interrupts.

Emmie blinks blankly at him. "…You don't know what I was going to say…"

"No, but I could tell you were lying," Loki says fairly with a shrug.

Emmie rolls her eyes. "Fine. Then I guess I would have—"

"_Still _lying," Loki interrupts again.

Emmie and I both glare at him mutinously.

"Here's an idea, Loki," I growl. "You _let her freaking answer…. _And when she's _finished, _you can tell us if she was lying. Okay?"

Loki pulls a face at me. "Picky, picky. Fine."

We turn to look back at Emmie.

Emmie huffs. "Um… I guess I would have…" she glances around the barren planet, as if finding her answer somewhere on the distant horizon. "…stayed?" she asks us more than tells us.

Loki pushes his lips to one side as he shakes his head. "She's lying."

"So you would have _left, _then," I clarify.

Emmie considers. "…Yeah, I guess I would have left?"

"Lying again," Loki says in surprise. "Norns, you're a gutless flip-flop, Mastermind…"

"Ooh! Would you have left, trying to make it on your own, and then have a huge inner conflict about leaving him alone as king of the world, then realize how much you hate to miss him, but you still miss him, and so then you'd go back to him?" I suggest excitedly.

Emmie and Loki both look at me and blink, dumbstruck.

"Well, I…" Emmie considers for a moment. "…Hey, that actually sounds pretty consistent with my character. Yeah, I think I'd leave and then come back once I realized how much I missed him."

Loki smirks and nods. "Truth."

"So once you returned," I continue. "What would your relationship have been like?"

"Hmm," Loki hums. "…probably something relatively close to what we had around the end of the story. A kind of empathy and unwanted attraction… quite unhappily romantically involved."

"_Quite _unhappily," Emmie nods with a bright smile, as if the thought is appealing to her.

I shake my head. "You guys are messed up."

"Next question?" Loki prompts with a devious grin at me.

"Okaaaay," I let out a long breath, looking back down at my papers. "From Fangs and Fire to both of you. She wants to know… What are your thoughts on your scars? Do you want to keep them secret or not?"

"Okay, that's an easier one," Loki says fairly.

"Agreed," Emmie nods. "Um… my thoughts on the scars? Personally, _I'll _always remember those scenes in the story as one of my finer moments… the scars to me are an evidence of my mental power over Loki, manipulating him even through my own physical pain," she nods impressively, as if proud of her diction. She glances to Loki. "You?"

Loki is glaring at her, obviously not amused by her insinuating that she could mentally overpower him. "…I like to think of the scars as a symbol of the way that we changed each other, leaving symbolic mental scars by leaving the physical ones. So… in a way, our characters are marred by the scars. Hence… scarred for life. The double meaning behind it. Nice pun, nice double meaning. So… those are my thoughts on that."

"And do you want to keep them secret?" I ask, going back to the second part of the question.

_"YES,"_ they both say immediately, forcefully and in unison.

I giggle slightly. "Okay… Care to enlighten us on _why _that is?"

"Well, because Loki doesn't want people to know a teenage girl made him take off his shirt and lie on a bed as she climbed on top of him, straddling his hips, and—"

"Norns, this sounds so risqué," Loki mumbles through his fingers absentmindedly.

"—and then the teenage girl took a knife to his shoulder, scarring him in more than one way," Emmie finishes triumphantly. "That's why _Loki _wants to keep it secret. He's freaking embarrassed."

"Untrue," Loki says loudly. "I don't want people to know about the scar because—" He pauses. "…Because… well, because…"

Emmie and I start humming the Jeopardy theme song together, swaying back and forth.

"Okay, I got it!" Loki exclaims a few moments before the Jeopardy countdown song ends. "So I don't want people to know about the scar because it shows a weakness that I would hold onto the scar as a souvenir. The fact that I didn't heal the scar means that I hold some sentimental value in it, and by extension, the person who gave it to me."

"…So you don't want people to know about your love for Emmie?" I inquire.

Emmie snorts with laughter as Loki glares.

"…Well, it sounded better the way _I _said it, but that's the general idea," he grumbles.

"Alright," I smile. "Emmie? You're up."

She nods. "Okay… I don't want people to know about my scar because—"

"Because she's embarrassed that people will know she's a masochist, sadist, and has some bizarre fetishes," Loki chimes in.

Emmie whips to glare at him as both he and I laugh.

"_No," _Emmie proclaims. "I don't want people knowing about my scar because it incriminates me, revealing that I was far more involved with Loki than I originally let on, showing that Loki and I had something going on further than a simple business transaction. And I don't want people to know that I'm that kind of criminal."

"So… basically what Loki said," I conclude.

"What?! No!" Emmie protests as Loki laughs silently.

"Alright, next question," I say briskly.

There's a brief lull in the angry banter as I shuffle through my papers.

"Ooh, good. We have a couple questions from XAhMunnaEatChooX," I announce.

"Oh, Norns, kill me now," Loki moans, burying his face in his hands. "I remember _that one." _

Emmie is brightening considerably, obviously also remembering the questions from last Ask Emoki, leading to pure mortification for Loki. "Okay, I'm listening. What'd she ask this time?"

"Alright, our first question from XAhMunnaEatChooX is this: Question A: do you know about Tom Hiddleston? (if not, then force Loqi to show you.)Would you have smexy times with him since he basically looks like you?"

Loki stares at me blankly. "Do I know who _who _is? And force me to show me? What in Helheim-?"

"Oh! That part needs a little clarification," I mutter. "Yeah, when she says 'make Loqi show you,' she means me. Loqi with a Q instead of a K, Loki. That's mah nickname," I proclaim.

Emmie and Loki glance at each other unimpressedly. "You named yourself after Loki?" Emmie scoffs.

"…Not exactly. I'm not the one who came up with the nickname. Since my screen name is LoquaciousQuibbler, and I write Loki fics, and—oh, never mind, it doesn't freaking matter," I wave my hand in dismissal. "The important thing being… Loki, do you know who Tom Hiddleston is?"

Slowly, he shakes his head. Emmie shakes her head as well.

"Ooh, brilliant," I smile, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my iPhone (thankfully in my imagination-land for this oneshot, apparently Thanos's planet has very convenient Wi-Fi… do not question my genius). Quickly, I look up Tom Hiddleston, and a myriad of photos are pulled up to scroll through. I hand over the phone, and they both peer at the little screen. "Everyone thinks that Loki looks eerily like Tom Hiddleston," I smirk. "His voice is also pretty close, too," I add.

Loki looks at the pictures disdainfully. "That man looks _nothing _like me. _That _man is not nearly as dashing as me, and his face is entirely different, and the nose is all wrong, and just his smile even, and there's nothing there that looks remotely like me. I think he's rather plain and not very attractive." He concludes with a disdainful sniff and starts to hand the phone back to me.

"Waitwaitwait lemme see," Emmie orders, making grabby hands at the phone. It's handed back to her, and she scrolls through some more photos. She bites her bottom lip and smiles faintly. "I dunno, Loki. I think he's kind of hot."

By now, I'm trying to stifle my giggles, finding the irony too much to bear. "Um… Let me play you a clip of his voice, shall I?" I take the phone back from a reluctant Emmie, who evidently wants to keep looking at Tom, but instead glances back to Loki. A frown appears on her face as she glances from the phone in my hand to Loki again. She lets out a hum of thought.

"…What?" Loki asks irritably.

"…Nothing," Emmie says quickly.

I play a clip of Tom Hiddleston's voice from the audiobook _The Red Necklace, _and Loki looks very unimpressed while Emmie starts fidgeting uncomfortably and biting her lip again.

"Ahem. So what's the verdict?" I ask.

"Firstly, I look and sound _nothing _like that pathetic mortal," Loki starts off. "And secondly…I wouldn't… ah… have… ah…"

"Smexy times?" Emmie and I chorus.

"…Yes. _That," _Loki says flatly. "No."

"Personally, I think Tom Hiddleston is killer good looking and his voice is to die for," Emmie inputs. "If Loki doesn't want to have smexy times with him, then I'll take him," she says this last part in a very business-like tone, as if offering to cover a co-worker's shift for them.

"…May I remind you that most people think he looks and sounds just like Loki?" I say almost-teasingly.

Emmie blushes slightly and looks at Loki, who raises his eyebrows. "…" Emmie has nothing else to add, I suppose.

"Next from XAhMunnaEatChooX," I say. "Question B, for Cold-Blooded Murder."

I pause as I watch Emmie and Loki high-five at the use of their self-proclaimed ship name again.

"Ahem. Are you two aware that Loki's name means spring onions in Latvian?" I ask.

Loki raises an eyebrow. Emmie frowns curiously.

"…Personally," Loki says, "I'm just going to go with the simple answer of 'no'?"

I nod. "So, no, you didn't know your name in Latvian means spring onions. Emmie?"

"Loki is a spring onion," Emmie says thoughtfully. She throws a wicked grin at the god of mischief. "…That explains the _smell…" _

"_What?!" _Loki explodes, jumping up from his stool.

"Meep!" Emmie jumps up from her own stool and dashes behind my floating Thanos-throne. "Don't let Loki hurt me, Loqi!"

I facepalm. "…No one's getting hurt… just prides and egos and possibly feelings… Loki, behave yourself. Emmie, don't make fun of how Loki smells. They don't have antiperspirant and deodorant in Asgard. It's not his fault."

"_How dare you insult the god of lies!" _

"Okay, _everybody calm the smeg down!" _I throw my hands in the air. "Good gods… _you," _I point at Loki. "_Sit _on your stool. _Now." _

Very slowly and very reluctantly, he sits.

"And Emmie," I say warningly.

The teenager cautiously edges out from behind my floating throne. "…Yes, O Goddess of Mine Universe and All That Is Within It?"

I blink. "…You creep me out when you're flattering," I say bluntly. "Now sit and stop insulting Loki. For now," I add significantly . "Gods know Ask Emoki wouldn't be funny anymore if you two didn't banter… alright."

Emmie sits, and they're both silent.

"Okay. Next question," I say slowly. "From XAhMunnaEatChooX…"

"Norns I hate this person," Loki grumbles under his breath.

Emmie lets out a cough that sounds suspiciously like a laugh.

"Question C: Loki, have you ever had a real-life adults-only Thorki moment?" I ask.

"Loki double-facepalms. "Oh… my… gods."

"She also added a little part for Emmie to this question," I say significantly. "It says, Emmie, if you have seen anything and he denies it, please confirm."

Emmie cackles evilly, causing Loki to throw her a biting glare.

"…Ahem… so, Loki?" I rearrange myself in the throne and give Loki an expectant look as I wiggle my eyebrows. "Thorki? Yay or nay?"

"Nay," he says immediately in a flat and dry voice. "Never have I ever had a real-life adults-only Thorki moment."

I look to Emmie for confirmation on this.

"…You know…" she says slowly with a tiny grin. "…I've been reading up on some Norse mythology since the last Ask Emoki."

Loki and I raise our eyebrows.

"…And I found mentions of the fact that Loki gave birth to the son of… his _brother," _Emmie says delicately.

Loki balks at the statement. "_What?! That's not true! I never-!" _

"Loki, hush thine pie hole," I say imperiously.

"No!" he protests.

"At least let her finish the story," I whine.

"But it's not—"

"Loki," I plead.

"_Loqi," _he says in a mock-pleading tone as he glares daggers at me.

I roll my eyes. "…I should have never told you guys my nickname… Loki, keep your mouth shut while Emmie tells us her version of events."

"Okay," Emmie says quickly before Loki can interrupt again. "So there was this thing online that said that Loki was the mother of the son of his brother. It doesn't say the name of the kid, or even what kind of weird creature or anything it was… all it says is that he bore the child of his brother… Býleistr."

"Býleistr?" Loki and I repeat in unison.

"It's what Wikipedia said. I guess since in Norse mythology Loki wasn't really Thor's brother and stuff… and I didn't find anything about Thorki smexy times. But apparently Býleistr was his brother on the frost giant side of the family or something? Dunno. But yeah… Loki got it on with his frost giant brother in lady form," Emmie shrugs.

"Hmm," I say in interest, tilting my head. "Loki, you may cross."

"I never-!"

"Objection, Your Honor!" Emmie proclaims. "That's hearsay."

"Objection," Loki inputs. "Her objection is invalid because _her _testimony was hearsay, and my account is a primary source."

"Emmie, your objection is overruled," I say imperiously. "But Loki, you should have objected during her testimony to have it thrown out of the court as hearsay."

"You told me to shut up!" Loki snaps.

I giggle. "…Yup. You were saying?"

"I was saying I never bore the child of a frost giant named Býleistr," Loki says heatedly.

"…But maybe the child of a frost giant _not _named Býleistr?" Emmie asks cheekily.

"Objection, Your Honor," Loki shouts. "On grounds of relevance!"

"…Sustained," I allow.

"_Ha!" _Loki spits at Emmie.

"Humph. I have something else to add," Emmie says loftily.

"Go on," I nod.

"Maybe I didn't see a 'real-life adults-only Thorki moment'… but I saw Loki and Thor fighting one time. Out on the Stark Tower, during NY?" She pauses and grins devilishly. "…You should have seen the looks they were giving each other. Licking and biting their lips, wiggling eyebrows and giving each other those sexy come-on looks… I'm telling you. The sexual tension between them was heart-stopping."

"Objection, Your Honor!" Loki exclaims. "That's opinion."

But I'm too busy laughing too hard to sustain or overrule his objection. Gods, Emmie's insane.

It's a long moment before I can catch my breath and gasp out, "…Moving on from that question…" I sift through my papers. "Alright. Here's one from our friend Fairyfinder."

"I swear, if it's another question on my sexuality or name or encounters I've had in the past with frost giants or eight-legged horses…" Loki snarls.

"Actually, no," I smile reassuringly. "In fact, I think you'll probably like this one, Loki. It is for Emmie. It says, to Emmie: do you recall if before the whole Tesseract incident you had any boyfriends? If not, how about any crushes on normal boys or celebrities or fictional characters? Who? If you do have any crushes, how do you think Loki compares?"

Loki hides a snort behind his hand as he looks at Emmie with raised eyebrows. "Ooh, the tables have turned, Emmie. You're on."

Emmie bites her lip slightly nervously. "…That's a lot of freaking questions to answer… why would people want to know about people I did or didn't have crushes on?"

"Why would anyone want to know if I had any real-life adults-only Thorki moments?" Loki challenges. "Go on. Give us all the _delectable _details of your love life, past and present," he purrs.

I look between them with raised eyebrows. I think the tension on this planet just heightened about a billion.

Emmie shifts uncomfortably in her seat, rearranging her feet and hands delicately as she says with as much aplomb as she can muster "…Ahem… I don't really remember if I had any crushes before the Tesseract… so I can't say for sure. But on the other hand, I was way ahead of my peers education-wise, and was taking online classes, so it's pretty doubtful I was in any real-life relationships with boys. As for fictional characters… I _did _read the Jane Austen books nonstop. So it's fairly likely I had a crush on Mr. Knightley or Mr. Darcy or Mr. Ferrars or maybe even Mr. Willoughby. I can't remember to say for sure, but it's likely I had a crush on one or all of them," she nods.

"And what about now?" I prompt. "If you can't give us a quite-sure answer on past… how about present?"

Emmie slowly nods, giving Loki a slightly-disturbed look. He's giving her this creepily acutely-aware stare, like he's listening to gain intelligence on an enemy instead of just listening to Emmie talk about fictional crushes. Emmie nervously tugs her collar as she says, "Ah… yeah. So I think Tom Hiddleston's pretty hot."

"Do you think he looks and sounds like Loki?" I press.

"…Yeah, I guess he's pretty… similar," Emmie concedes.

"…So does that mean you think _Loki _is pretty hot?" I ask cheekily.

Loki raises his eyebrows as Emmie turns bright red. "…moving on," she mumbles. "Ahem. I've been watching some television and movies and stuff at home in my apartment… not much else to do, right? So I was watching this kids' movie called _The Pirate Fairy. _And I don't really know _why, _but I felt really drawn and attracted to this character James. I think he's supposed to be the younger version of Captain Hook? Yeah, well, I think that he was, like, kinda wow."

There was a contemplative moment as Loki and I took this information in.

"…Yeah, that character's voiced by Tom Hiddleston," I inform her with a wry smile. "…So he sounds fairly like Loki."

Loki looks at Emmie inquiringly, and she shifts awkwardly. "Ah. Really? Hmm. Well, in other news," she says quickly, obviously eager to get away from the fact she likes a character that sounds like Loki. "Um, I was watching the _Lord of the Rings _movies, too. And I haven't read the books or anything, but I've seen the movies, and the character Faramir is one that I really liked." She nods, satisfied with this answer.

Loki looks to me as if to say, _the ball is in your court. Come on. Embarrass her some more. This is fun. _

I smirk slightly at Emmie. "Faramir from _Lord of the Rings? _So… what you're saying is that you like the character of the younger brother that was shunned by the ruling father (who, I might add, has steely gray hair like someone else's father I know). The younger brother who was overshadowed by the older brother, who was very skilled in the art of war and fighting? The younger brother who, at some point, was thought to be dead, and was mourned, and then turned out to be alive?"

There's another silence. Loki is pinching his lips to hold back his mirth as Emmie lifts her hand to cover her mouth in shock as she realizes the parallels to Loki's own story.

"…Um. Yes?" Emmie clears her throat awkwardly and plows ahead quickly. "…So I was also watching this show _Avatar: the Last Airbender._ And I really liked the character of Zuko from there."

Loki looks to me to have knowledge of the subject.

I sniff and say slowly. "So… once again, the character of the younger brother who is overshadowed by his older sibling… the younger brother who is trying to prove himself to his father after he's cast out?"

Loki gives Emmie a queer look. Emmie is looking terribly uncomfortable by this point.

"Er… I was also watching _The Lion King, _And Scar—" she starts to say, but I cut her off there.

"_Oh my god do not even get me started, Emmie!" _I cackle evilly. "The younger brother who is determined to throw his older brother off of the throne with weird and evil sidekicks like Chitauri—ahem, I mean _hyenas, _and whose rival to the throne is cast out for a while and so he's able to be king for a short time until that true successor comes back to rule the throne once again, effectively toppling the unworthy ruler? Gods, even the _color schemes _are the same! Simba/Mufasa/Thor: gold and red. Scar/Loki: black, bronze, and green!"

Loki is actually laughing silently by now, and Emmie's face has sunk into her hands in some semblance of humiliation.

"…I think we've established that Emmie has a 'type,'" I finish cheekily.

"Norns, we need to embarrass Emmie more often," Loki observes, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Next bloody question!" Emmie snaps in an impressive impersonation of Loki's voice.

I snicker. "Okay, okay… I only have a few more papers left, but they're long ones for the most part," I say with a smile. "These next ones are all from my friend Mayo."

"Mayo?" they ask in incredulous disbelief.

"Well, her pen name's Phantasmagorical Me. But my nickname for her is Mayo. Long story not worth telling right now… but let's move on to her questions."

They nod slowly and wait.

"Okay, I'm asking these questions out of order in whichever way I choose… so the first one I'll ask is this: For Emoki, do you agree that your ship name sounds like a chibi Eskimo?"

"Oh, my god!" Emmie exclaims. "_Yes! It totally does! Which is why Cold-Blooded Murder is awesome and Emoki isn't!" _

"When is someone going to explain to me what a chibi is?" Loki asks irritably. "Also, I don't know what an Eskimo is. But if you rearrange the letters of Emoki, it's only one letter off. That can't be coincidence."

"Aww, poor Loki doesn't know what a chibi or an Eskimo is," I baby-voice. "Heh… I'll show you a chibi Eskimo, then."

Out of nowhere, I pull a drawing pad full of doodles and drawings. Some are portraits, and some are imaginative cartoons. Most appear to be in some version of manga or another.

Emmie raises an eyebrow at me. "…Did you just pull a full drawing pad out of thin air?"

"Maybe," I concede, continuing to flip through. "That's where the magic of being an author comes from. The ability to pull random things out of nowhere as long as we're relying on typed or written words alone."

Loki raises a finger and points to the drawing pad. "…Is that Naomi's drawing pad…?"

I pause for a moment and look at the drawing pad. "Yeah. Why?"

"…And why are you using another OC's prop in this alternate universe?" Loki asks slowly.

"Because I think somehow mentioning other alternate universes in my work, breaking the fourth wall, has become practically tradition," I scoff. "I'm sure Naomi's drawn a chibi Eskimo at some point in the past… here." I flip to a page and hand over the notebook to the other two.

A childish little figure is on the page, wearing a big furry coat and pants and boots. The drawing has a tiny body and a big head with exaggerated facial features and no well-defined feet or hands. Altogether, it's an adorable cartoon that makes any character look like an adorable toddler.

They blink at the drawing for a second before handing the pad back to me, and it magically poofs away (once again, do not question my genius!).

"Yup. Sounds legit," Emmie nods sorrowfully. "Emoki the Eskimo."

Loki grumbles something under his breath about Emoki being so, so, so stupid. "What's the next question?"

"Alright, next up from Phantasmagorical Me," I say slowly, turning through the pages still remaining in my hand. "Alright, this one's for Emmie." I shake my head and grin. "….You're going to _love _this one, Murderess. So Mayo says, recently, I had a morbid friend of mine ask how violently I would kill my worst arch nemesis. I concocted a (hopefully) torturous death, but I feel like there is still something to be desired. Please take this death into review and consideration, and give me your honest judgment. And then, if you would be so kind, make a suggestion as to how I can improve upon it."

"I'm going to stop you there before we continue," Emmie interrupts. "I would just like to point out that I will _not _be so '_kind' _as to make suggestions. I will be so '_condescending and morbid.' _The fact that both my being kind, and being condescending and morbid, lead to a very gruesome and gory death should be noted. Now proceed, Loqi. I'd like to see what she's come up with."

I laugh softly and then clear my throat. "Okay, here's her plan: forcing them to run five miles uphill, barefoot, on ground glass without rest or sustenance. Then I shall take a dull razorblade to the person's skin until it was raw, red, and preferably bleeding. Then dip that half into a vat of hydrogen peroxide for half an hour, letting them scream and writhe while I sit and watch over dinner. Then spraying gasoline over the _other _half of their body and burning them alive. After that, I'll treat them to a classic Chinese water torture, forcing them to sit, blindfolded and in agony, while I slowly drip water on their head for a lengthy period of time. During this, I shall also play a repeat of a baby crying (which I heard can cause emotional scars after long periods of time), and after they have been effectively driven insane, I shall force them to swallow copious amounts of a volatile substance such as pure, unoxidized sodium, which will explode in their stomach and cause internal damage. Then I'll hang them with an insufficient noose so they gag for an hour before strangulation. Approve or disapprove? Suggestions?" I take a deep breath, because that was a very long-winded murder method, and I look up at Emmie, who looks enraptured.

"…I like your friend," Emmie nods. "But there's definitely some tweaking to make it more torturous."

Loki and I exchange bitter sighs at this declaration, knowing we're in for a long-winded explanation of what hurts more and what would be more mentally scarring, all from the Master mind Murderess.

"So, Phantasmagorical Me," Emmie says. "You've got a solid murder plan laid out, but what needs tweaking is the _details in between these tortures. _How could you make that first part better? Release a few hives of bees to be wandering the course as motivation. Even if this person isn't stung, and he may very well _be _stung, but if not, at least the mental motivation and fear is enough to add to the torture of it. So, instead of a five-mile obstacle course uphill on ground glass, make it a _hilly _obstacle course. Constant switching between running uphill and downhill works more muscles and increases fatigue and such. Either/or uphill or downhill isn't as effective as forcing them to switch. And as for the ground glass, don't put it everywhere. _My _suggestion is to cover the uphills and downhills with cinnamon oil, which is both slippery and a skin irritant. Put the shards of glass and ground glass and maybe some ghost peppers at the trough at the very bottom _between _an uphill and downhill. When they slip going uphill or downhill on the cinnamon oil, which is already causing irritation pain to their feet, they'll roll back down the hill to the ground glass and peppers. And every time they slip, that'll happen. It's details like that that make torture. _Not _monotony of uphill constantly or ground glass constantly. Hmm. What else was there?"

Loki is slowly scooting his stool away from Emmie's, giving her a wary look.

"Ah, yeah. So the cutting and burning and all that stuff with torturing someone is good. A bit generic, but there's only so much you can do… there's only so much body to maim. My suggestion for you on this part is to perhaps, besides cutting their skin and burning them and all that, add a bit more to it. Break each of the bones in their fingers and toes to go with it. Use pliers to pull out each of their teeth and nails. You might also want to consider using that dull razor for scalping them… it'll make a nice souvenir."

Loki and I gulp. I realize Loki is more or less half-hiding behind my floating throne.

"And the Chinese water torture while a recording of a baby crying plays," Emmie continues. "Also, pretty good, but my suggestion to you is to skip the baby crying. Instead, think of _silence. _Total silence is known for not just causing emotional scarring, but it causes hallucinations and such. The longest anyone has been able to stand being in the quietest room in existence is forty-five minutes. So… that's an idea." She nods. "Forcing them to swallow copious amounts of unoxidized sodium…" she rubs her chin. "What the hell, don't make them swallow it. Rather, make them swallow some. But something else to consider is playing surgeon with that lovely razorblade. A deep and short incision is a good entrance to the stomach. You'll probably be able to get _more _of the actual volatile substance in that way, though forced ingestion is also pretty good. Just think of the _many _ways to do that, though, yeah? And then an insufficient noose… might I suggest barbed wire for this? Cuts _and _takes a long time to properly strangle someone if you do it right." She considers. "…Yup. That's my advice to you, Mayo. Stay psychotic." She smiles like a Miss America who just finished an interview asking to share her thoughts on world peace. Then she notices that I'm no longer in my throne. Both Loki and I are hiding behind it in vague primal terror.

"…Please don't let her kill me," Loki pleads to me in a whisper.

I gulp. "Dude… _I'm her author. _And I'm _terrified _of her. I feel like Oppenheimer when he created the atomic bomb…" I shudder. "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."

"Simply brilliant, Dr. Frankenstein," Loki hisses at me. "You've created a monster!"

Emmie is just giggling as she listens to us. "Hey, Loqi and Loki, you gonna come out and finish the rest of the questions?"

I give Loki a warning look and slowly stand, emerging so I may sit on my Thanos-throne again. With a sigh, Loki stands, too, and comes out of hiding as he drags his stool back over next to Emmie. He glowers at her as she wiggles her eyebrows.

"Disturbed, darling?" Emmie asks in a British accent.

"Unduly so. There's only so far I would go with killing an enemy," Loki says haughtily.

"…Which brings me to our next question from Phantasmagorical Me," I cut in. "For Emoki: how would you feel if you exacted Stark's death in such a manner?"

There's silence for a split second.

"That would be utterly fantastic and the perfect demise to—" Loki starts to cheer, but Emmie cuts him off.

"Hang on!" she cries. "I thought you were _disturbed _by that long and lovely murder method?"

He pauses. "Well. It's one thing to do that to someone. But Stark is in a class all on his own. I'd very much like to force him to run five miles—"

"Let's not repeat the _entire thing," _I chastise. "But you're in favor, Loki?"

"Wholeheartedly," Loki nods earnestly. "Emmie?" he glances to his partner-in-crime.

She looks thoughtful. "…If we're applying this to Stark… then I'm gonna have to start thinking harder of how to make it more painful. Suddenly that murder method seems humiliatingly insufficient. Let's see. Instead of bees, we'll make it wasps, and—"

"Emmie!" I exclaim. "No. We're moving on now. Both Emmie and Loki like the idea of horrific tortures for Stark. Got it." I shake my head in exasperation and look back through my papers. "Okay, another from Phantasmagorical Me… This one…" I grin. "Is for Emmie."

"Oh, goodie," Loki drawls. "All these questions for Emmie have been really hit-and-miss… either horribly mortifying for her, or horribly mortifying for—"

"This one's horribly mortifying for you," I supply happily. "So, Emmie," I grin as Loki slumps in his seat. "Do you feel accomplished considering you have inevitably conquered and now own the heart and affections (no matter how questionable) of an omniscient god?"

Emmie snorts derisively. "Do I feel accomplished in conquering the heart of an omniscient god?" She scoffs. "I've yet to meet an omniscient god. Just saying. Loki's a freaking idiot."

Loki narrows his eyes at her. "…I may start looking into developing torturous murder methods…"

"Hush thine pie hole," Emmie snaps. "As for the rest of the question. Do I feel accomplished? Hmm. Well… it's kind of a double-edged sword, I guess. I mean… I _did _manage to conquer his heart and affections… but…" she trails off, looking a little nervous. She mumbles something inaudible.

"What was that?" Loki lifts a hand to his ear mockingly. "Something about I managed to conquer your heart and affections, too, effectively nullifying any and all threats made against me? Hmm? You fell head over heels in love with me and would do anything for me? I think that's what she said, Loqi. I'm quite sure that's—"

"That's _so not what I said!" _Emmie screeches. "I never-!"

"…You kinda did," I say wryly. "So… I think you guys _both _conquered and were conquered in return."

"On the positive side for me," Emmie smiles. "I have an excuse. It's perfectly alright for a girl to say her heart was conquered and stolen by a god. And it's way impressive for me to say that I managed to conquer the heart and affections of a god. But for _Loki, _it's just freaking embarrassing. For him to say he had his heart and affections conquered by a seventeen-year-old Midgardian. Plus saying he conquered the heart of a seventeen-year-old girl isn't all that impressive. So I think I win," she says haughtily.

"You win nothing," Loki says loftily.

"You both win a free scar!" I cry in mock excitement, like a game show host. "Some shame, pain, and emotional pain necessary. Broken hearts sold separately."

They glare at me.

I snicker. "…So Emmie, Feel accomplished?"

"Sure," she shrugs.

"'_Sure,'" _Loki repeats. "Yes, that doesn't make me feel belittled at all."

"Good. You _should _feel belittled. _Someone _needs to put you back in your place," Emmie retorts.

"We've got one more question," I announce. "And it's for Loki."

Loki raises an eyebrow. "Alright…" he says slowly.

"Here we go," I smile. "From Phantasmagorical Me, to Loki: how would you feel if you knew I have composed a poem for you and Emmie?"

Loki's brow furrows at the question. "…Composed a poem? Like what, a limerick?"

I scoff. "Nope. Full-length poem. I'll read it to you and you can tell us your thoughts on it… but first, just answer. How do you feel knowing that someone composed a poem for you and Emmie?"

Loki merely gives me an odd look, as if he's not even sure what he's supposed to expect. "…Like a god getting tribute from worshippers who don't know how to properly worship me… Honestly. A _poem? _Couldn't she send me the Tesseract on a silver platter? _That's _something I could use. Really, a blasted _poem… _I'm feeling rather offended…"

I cross my arms and clear my throat. "Ahem. Need I remind you of the Final Author's Note in Twisted Minds Think Alike? How touched you guys both were when you read the reviews? Phantasmagorical Me loves you guys so much she took time to write you two a poem. Just for that, I'm going to make _you _read it, Loki," I say in a superior voice, quickly folding the paper into an airplane and throwing it toward the god of mischief.

He lifts his hand, and with a flick of his wrist and a soft green light, the plane swerves in midair and misses Loki entirely. Instead, Emmie catches it and unfolds it but doesn't read. She holds the paper out to Loki with pursed lips.

"Well, _I _want to hear whatever poetic genius the person who can concoct a halfway-decent torture can write," she insists, waving the paper in Loki's face. "Read it to me, O God of Idiocy."

Loki snatches the paper from her hand, giving her a scowl. He clears his throat and straightens the paper with a _snap. _"Alright… blah, blah, blah composed a poem for you…" he takes a breath and starts off the poem, reading it in a voice to make any and all of us swoon.

"Oh, she's got that look in her eye

600,000 ways to make you die

Knife to your back, doorknob to your spleen,

Plenty of ways to make you scream,

Oh, she's got that look in her eye,

Scheming for ways to make you cry,

If she's around, don't you dare linger,

Or she'll wrap your mind around her little finger,

Oh, she's got that look in her eye,

She knows just how to make you fall for her lies,

You should know by now she doesn't say what she means

In more ways than one, she'll make your heart bleed,

Oh, she's got that look on her face,

And somehow that makes your pulse race,

You've fallen for everything here that I've listed,

I guess what they say is true: there's no rest for the twisted."

None of us say anything for a moment.

"…Thoughts?" I prompt.

Emmie and Loki look at each other.

"…Well, _I _like it," Emmie announces.

"Of course you do," Loki rolls his eyes. "I think it mediocre. Nothing amazing."

"_Excuse you!" _I shriek. "You little-!"

"Can I torture him?" Emmie asks excitedly, pulling out a dull razorblade from nowhere.

I freeze, and so does Loki, looking at the razorblade.

"…No…" I say faintly. "Ahem. Loki, if you don't have anything nice to say, then at least make some _sarcastic _comment rather than bluntly saying you don't like it. And anything Loki says about the poem should probably be disregarded, because he's a picky little smeghead who's determined to dislike anything that talks about how awesome and devious Emmie is. If someone were to write a poem about _Loki, _he'd think it was amazing. And then Emmie would probably hate it," I sigh.

Loki shrugs. "Well… maybe. Perhaps. In any case, I still can't believe someone wrote a _poem _about us."

"Sounds like she's unhealthily obsessed. Which is just fine with me," Emmie adds. "_I _think the poem was _phenomenal." _

"Phenomenal," Loki repeats flatly.

"Yes, phenomenal. It's a lovely word," Emmie nods impressively.

"Phenomenal is a lovely word?"

"Heck, phenomenal is a phenomenal word," Emmie shrugs.

"Would you guys stop saying phenomenal?!" I beg. "It's _so _hard to type…"

Emmie and Loki snicker.

"So we've got our answer there then?" I ask. "Loki doesn't like the poem because he's a biased moron, and Emmie likes the poem because she's a narcissistic brat?"

"Sounds about right," Loki nods.

"That's the idea," Emmie shrugs.

"Brilliant," I nod. "Well, that's the last of our questions here for today… this ended up being far longer than intended, huh?" I look up at all the text above. "Hmm. Ah, well. That was fun."

"So can we go now?" Loki asks.

"Sure," I sigh.

They both hop up from their stools and start to walk off, but then they look around with frowns.

"…Which way are we supposed to go?" Emmie asks slowly, looking around the alien planet.

I pinch my lips. "Ah. Yeah. That may be a problem, huh? Well… according to Wikipedia, this throne thing is supposed to have powers of teleportation…" I fiddle with a little control panel I find on the armrest.

"Oh, move over," Loki orders, slapping my hands away as he inspects the controls. "Hmm. I'm going to take a wild guess here, but I'm going to conjecture that the little button here with the picture of Midgard and the word 'teleport' above it is a safe bet."

"…Or maybe it teleports Earth to somewhere else?" Emmie suggests mischievously.

"Let's _not _think about that," I mutter. "Everyone grab onto the chair and hope to the Norns we end up back on Earth."

Loki holds tightly to the back of the chair while Emmie grips the armrest.

"Ready?" I ask, my finger hovering over the button.

"Just do it!" Emmie growls.

Obediently, I hit the button, and we disappear, leaving the planet empty and barren once again. The only evidence of our presence is the two stools that Loki and Emmie sat on, and a few crumpled papers on the ground.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Well, hope you had fun with **_**that! **_**Lol I certainly did… shout out to Fangs and Fire, Fairyfinder, XAhMunnaEatChooX, and Phantasmagorical Me. **

**Is it totally strange that I ended up doing actual **_**research **_**for this one?! I did a little research for XAhMunnaEatChooX's question about Thorki… and I did some research for Phantasmagorical Me's torture blurb. And Emmie has a 'type' of younger brother's overshadowed by older siblings… and she thinks Tom Hiddleston's hot :P Ah, good times, good times. **

**I'm still currently working on a few other oneshots, so those will hopefully be posted soon as well **

**Let me know what you thought of this in a review, and requests for more oneshots or questions for yet another Ask Emoki are welcome. **


	6. Chapter 6

***Okay, for this one, you're gonna have to let your imagination stretch a bit… Based on the request from Keyboard20, for an Emoki April Fool's Day, I came up with this. I'm really stretching the possibilities of reality here… but what the hey. We can deal, right? April Fool's Day, we can make an exception for the limits of reality (especially when we have fourth-wall-breaking going on fairly regularly…) **

**So for this oneshot of an Emoki April Fool's Day, this is the deal. Suppose Emmie and Loki, by some miracle, did manage to escape the incident at New York together. So… yeah, they're "on the run" together. And then, suppose that for some reason, they're still in the New York area… and not getting into much trouble… yet… **

**Just go with it, please :P I like the idea of an Emoki April Fool's Day, but making it into a oneshot where it's not purely murder attempts is kinda hard XD **

April Fool's!

(Otherwise titled: The World is Our Oyster)

"So…. Now what?" Emmie asked dilatorily.

"Now nothing," Loki shrugged. "I'm sure that SHIELD will be unable to locate us, and I've clouded Heimdall's gaze over us. There's no way we could get caught. So now…" he spread his arms, gesturing to the world. "We're on our own.

Emmie nodded slowly. "Okay. I can take that, I suppose." She averted her gaze from Loki and glanced around the street, peering at shops. She didn't get much chance to go around and do the sightseeing and shopping bit most teenage girls did. Now the world was her oyster. "Hey, Loki," she said suddenly.

He glanced at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Where does that phrase 'the world is my oyster' come from?" she asked absentmindedly as her eyes continued to wander up and down the street at the various pedestrians and vendors and shops.

Loki gave her an odd look. "…You want to know what the phrase 'the world is my oyster' comes from," he repeated blandly.

Emmie nodded slowly, still not looking at him. "You seem like the kind of educated fellow who might know…" Her eyes narrowed as she followed a figure in the crowd with her gaze.

"Educated fellow," Loki repeated the phrase hollowly.

"Sure. Are you not an educated fellow?" Emmie asked offhandedly, hardly paying any attention to the conversation anymore. Her attention was fixed on that figure walking down the street…

"Yes, I am an educated fellow. I just find your diction rather interesting," Loki said derisively. "The world is my oyster comes from the Midgardian Shakespeare's _The Merry Wives of Windsor, _and the usage of it there isn't quite the same as the humans use it today… but in today's usage, it simply means that the world is yours to take pleasures from—"

"Shit!" Emmie hissed, her eyes widening suddenly as she seized Loki's arm and tried to drag him with her as she started to dash down the street.

"Hey!" Loki protested, wrenching his wrist back from her grasp.

"Dammit, Loki, we've got to go!" Emmie hissed, grabbing his arm again. "That's Tony Stark!" she said urgently, her eyes flicking across the street meaningfully.

Loki's eyes flashed in that direction, and panic entered his expression. Indeed, Emmie was right, and the great Tony Stark was strolling down the opposite side of the street. "What are you waiting for?!" Loki whispered at Emmie forcefully. "Let's _go!" _

The two quickly disappeared into the crowd, running off to stand between two hot dog stands that were relatively close and offered some kind of shelter. They ducked next to one of the hot dog carts. The two young men attending the cart didn't seem to notice that two people were taking refuge next to their stand. Emmie and Loki carefully peered up to see if Stark had spotted them. It appeared the billionaire hadn't spotted them, for he was still walking, pausing only to sign autographs for anyone who stopped him, and posing for pictures with a few others.

"What the bloody hell is he doing out on the street?" Loki wondered.

"…Acting like a normal human?" Emmie suggested wryly. She smirked at Loki's unimpressed glare.

"Brilliant," he muttered. "Fine… well, it's dangerous for us to be out and about at the same time he is…"

"Hey!" a shrill voice said behind them both, and the Mastermind Murderess and god of lies jumped, whirling around to see who it was. A young boy, perhaps eleven years old, stood looking at them with a grin.

Loki and Emmie glanced at each other, not quite sure what they were supposed to do.

"Your shoe's untied," the boy proclaimed, pointing at Loki's feet.

Loki frowned in confusion and glanced down at his boots. His shoes were _not _untied. In fact, it was literally _impossible _for them to be untied, because they had buckles instead of laces. He glanced back up at the child, who was giggling hysterically.

"April Fools!" the boy shrieked before dashing off.

Loki stared after him for a moment, a glare of uncomprehending on his face. Emmie glanced down at Loki's boots.

She smirked slightly. "Heh. Clever. Stupid prank, though."

Loki glanced at her. "What the bloody hell was that about?"

Emmie raised an eyebrow. "Um… you just fell for an April Fool's Day prank, obviously… some god of mischief and lies," she added derisively.

"April What's Day?"

Emmie's eyebrows shot straight up. "Loki, you have issues… you know the origin of 'the world is my oyster' but you don't know about April Fool's Day? It's the first day of April, where you're supposed to pull pranks on people. When they fall for a prank, you say 'April Fool's.' I hadn't realized it was today…" she grinned wickedly. "You should have seen what I did to the caregivers last April Fool's Day… oh, it was just fantastic…"

"Stupid Midgardian holidays aside," Loki said briskly, cutting into Emmie's explanation. "Tony Stark is still just across the street, and—"

"Hey, you two!" a voice said from the other side of the hot dog cart they hid behind.

Both of them froze. That voice. That was Tony Stark's voice.

"Yeah, I see you. Quit hiding. Come on, I'm hungry."

They glanced at each other in confusion. But then the two young hot dog stand attendants cleared their throats.

"Yes, sir… what can I get for ya?" one asked, a thick New York accent in his voice.

"Quarter pounder with extra everything, and a Coke," Stark listed off. "Make it snappy, would you?"

Emmie and Loki waited with bated breath, knowing that if Tony Stark were to just happen to look to the right side of the cart, then he would see them. And god knew what would happen then…

Loki glanced at Emmie and smirked devilishly. He laid a hand on her shoulder… and pushed her out into the open, in plain view of the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. The girl landed on her rear in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Hey!" she exclaimed angrily, quickly scrambling to her feet. Panic flashed through her as Stark's eyes flicked to her for the briefest of moments before going back to his lunch-makers. Emmie dove back behind the hot dog stand, where Loki was laughing silently at her predicament.

Emmie wasted no time in socking Loki in the jaw. "You idiot.!" she hissed in disbelief. "I could have been _caught _by him if he recognized me!"

"Would this be an appropriate time to say, 'April Fool's?" Loki grinned at her.

Emmie stared at him for a second and then punched him again. "No! No it is not!" she whisper-yelled.

"Oh, you should have seen your face, Murderess," he snickered.

They both paused and went rigid as they heard Stark say, "Thanks, guys." There was the clink of a few coins and the rustle of dollar bills, and then they heard the footsteps of someone leaving the hot dog stand. The only problem was that they were coming _this _way… to the right side of the hot dog stand, where Loki and Emmie still hid. They exchanged panicked glances, but it was too late, and Tony Stark turned the corner of the hot dog stand and almost _tripped _over Emmie.

"Hey! What the-?" Stark almost dropped his hot dog and soda as he regained his balance, not paying much mind to _who _he had tripped over… until, of course, he regained his balance and opened his mouth to give a true New-Yorker chewing-out… but the words died in his throat when his eyes landed on Loki and Emmie, crouching on the ground.

There was a moment of what seemed like dead silence and stillness, despite the movement and noise continuing around the street. But the three didn't seem to notice anything else as they stared at each other in shock.

Tony blinked twice, and he barely managed to choke out a , "_You two-!" _

But then Emmie and Loki ran off faster than a pair of foxes discovered in their den, splitting in opposite directions as they made their getaway. Emmie dashed into the crowded street while Loki sped into a side alley and disappeared around a corner.

"Wait-!" Tony stared open-mouthed, his eyes flicking between the two routes the fugitives had taken. Follow Loki down the dark alley? Or attempt to track Emmie into a crowd easy to get lost in? "Daaaaaaammmmmn," he moaned as he simply tossed the hot dog and Coke into a trash can and dug his phone out of his jeans pocket, tapping a few buttons quickly and holding the device to his ear. "Director, you need to get some people out here to Manhattan… I just saw Emmie and Loki. I swear to you. What?! _No this is not an April Fool's Day prank!" _

00000

Loki came to a stop in a side alley after navigating through the maze of streets and turning side passages. He wasn't quite sure where he was… but it didn't matter all that much, did it? He could handle himself. The only problem was… where had Emmie gone? Had she not followed him when they ran from the hot dog stand?

Emmie came to a stop in front of a clothing store in a busy crowd, and she backed against the wall, peering around. She had lost Stark, thankfully. But it also appeared she had lost Loki. Hadn't he followed her when she split from the hot dog stand?

00000

"Well, that certainly didn't take very long," Stark observed coolly as he looked around at Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, and Bruce Banner.

"Fury said to offer our help if you were serious, and to perform an execution if you're lying," Natasha said flatly. "So what's going on?"

"Emmie and Loki," Tony said quickly, gulping at the thought of an execution. "I saw them out on the street. I guess they went on the run together or something after the battle."

"You saw them out on the street?" Steve asked dubiously. "What were they doing, getting ice cream?"

"Hot dogs, actually," Stark clarified. "Point being, they split as soon as I saw them. So… they're somewhere in this area of the city. If we start a search, we might be able to find and catch them. Plan?"

"Splitting up," Clint rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "We'll all go in different directions and then keep in touch if we see anything?"

"Guess so," Bruce said, wiping his glasses on his shirt. "Suppose we should get started?"

00000

Hesitantly, Emmie walked through the streets, her hands clenched into fists in her pocket. Where the hell was Loki? She couldn't seem to find him… Where on Earth could he have gone? Certainly he wouldn't have _left her, _would he? She was _so _going to kick his ass when she found him again…

Her green eyes flicked over the street, looking for any hint of him. Why did so many people have to be out and about, anyway?

She froze when her eyes caught something that stirred her memory. Off down the street… a woman with red hair. Emmie felt her heart tighten as she cursed under her breath, backing away down the opposite way. Natasha Romanoff. Tony Stark must have called in the rest of the Avengers. Emmie had to get out of the open. She started to take another step backwards, but then suddenly Romanoff's eyes landed on her, and both of them stopped dead.

In a split second, Romanoff's hand was at her ear, touching an earpiece, and she was dashing after Emmie… who skidded off around another corner in a mad dash to flee.

A few streets down, Loki was worriedly peering up and down a street he walked on. People… too many people. Too many stupid Midgardians congesting the roads and sidewalks. Emmie could be anywhere in this crowd, but because she was short and slender, she would be practically impossible to find.

Where was the stupid girl? She couldn't have just _disappeared… _His eyes scanned the crowd. She had to be somewhere. He continued strolling, attempting to look complacent and uncaring.

The façade worked relatively well until someone's shoulder shoved his as they walked by.

Loki spun to spit some angry retort at them, but he found himself wordless.

Steve Rogers turned to apologize to the man he had bumped into, but instead he found himself staring in shock.

But then Loki was in motion, disappearing quickly into the crowd again, and Steve was running after him.

Emmie turned down an alleyway in the hopes of losing the Black Widow, twisting and turning through the dumpsters and garbage cans and stray cats and—She came to a screeching halt as she almost ran smack into _Loki, _who was also running through the crowded debris of the alleys.

"There you are!" they exclaimed in unison. "Where were you?" they asked at the same moment. "_Getting chased!" _they answered each other. "_Stop doing that!" _

"Who are you getting chased-?" Emmie started to ask, but the question was answered when Steve Rogers came tearing around the corner a few dozen yards away.

"We've got to—" Loki started to drag Emmie in the opposite direction of Rogers, but stopped when Romanoff sped around the corner in that direction. "…Ah.. damn," he breathed.

"Put your hands in the air and don't do anything stupid!" Agent Romanoff shouted.

Emmie took a fighting stance as both the heroes drew closer. "You think we're just going to _surrender? _Well, think aga— Loki, what the hell are you doing?"

Loki had raised his hands up before him, obviously surrendering.

"You idiot, we're not giving up!" Emmie shrieked.

"Shut up," Loki muttered to her.

Then about twenty Emmie's and Loki's appeared, all standing in a group milling around the alley, looking between the Black Widow and Captain America.

Natasha and Steve both drew to a stop, looking wide-eyed at the numerous gods of lies and Mastermind Murderesses.

"I thought I said not to do anything stupid!" Romanoff spat as she drew her gun out of her belt at her hip. She started moving its point between each of the Loki's heads, aiming at one and then another, unsure which one to fire at.

The real Emmie's lips quirked up in the slightest smile as Rogers stood back slightly, hands on his hips, knowing it would be far too dangerous to enter the crowd of milling villains. "Just give up and no one gets hurt!" he ordered in his best Captain voice, as if the mere words would do anything to deter the illusions from glaring at him and Natasha.

"We shan't be surrendering," one of the Loki illusions proclaimed haughtily.

Romanoff fired at that one, but the bullet went through his shoulder and ricocheted off the brick wall, burying itself in a dumpster. A cat screeched in alarm and leaped out of the dumpster in fright at the loud sound. The animal streaked down the alley, and one of the Emmie's skipped back out of the way, stumbling back slightly.

Romanoff fired at that Emmie, but again the bullet went through the figure, burying itself in the cracked cement. Another Emmie stuck her tongue out at the Black Widow while a Loki laughed at the agent's futile attempts.

What neither of the Avengers noticed was that one pair of Emmie and Loki had vanished into thin air. The Loki had grabbed one of the Emmie's hands, and then they had both disappeared.

And now, silently as they could, the real Emmie and Loki crept past Captain America, totally invisible. Emmie had her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing at the antics of the other hers and the other Loki's. The real Loki had one hand on the real Emmie's shoulder, and he was fighting back snickers as Romanoff continued firing at various illusions, and Rogers kept on giving orders for them to give up. Neither of them realized that there was no point… because _all _of the Emmie's and Loki's they were addressing and threatening were illusions.

The real ones walked nonchalantly to the end of the alley and started to head back out onto the street. They paused for a moment when they saw three figures barreling towards them at top speed.

"_This alley, I think!" _Barton was shouting over his shoulder at Stark and Banner.

"Steve said he had them cornered!" Banner called.

"Yeah, Legolas, so why do we have to hurry?!" Stark shouted to the archer.

"_Because they said they need backup!" _Hawkeye exclaimed in exasperation.

All three men continued to the entrance of the alley, where Emmie and Loki, still invisible to everyone but each other, stood off to the side.

A smirk flitted across Loki's lips as a wicked thought crossed his mind. As Clint Barton dashed past him, he delicately stuck his foot out in front of the archer's.

"_Whooooaaa!" _Barton, who was running at top speed, vaulted impressively when he tripped over Loki's invisible foot, stumbling a good two feet before faceplanting into the cement and _sliding _another good four feet.

Loki snorted in amusement at the sight, and Emmie fought the urge to crack up at the sight.

"See?! Haste makes waste!" Tony cried in exasperation as he made it to the entrance of the alleyway and saw Clint sprawled quite gracelessly on the ground.

Emmie, seeing her opportunity, stuck her arm out in front of Tony as he walked briskly past, effectively clotheslining him. Loki could only just manage to hold back his chuckle at the look on Stark's face as he toppled backward.

"_What the hell was that?!" _the billionaire choked out as best he could, clutching his sore throat, which had run into Emmie's invisible arm pretty hard.

"What happened?" Banner demanded, the last to catch up. He looked with worry at both of his companions slumped on the ground.

"Clint… tripped…" Stark started to explain.

"_Something _tripped me!" Clint protested as he got to his feet, rubbing dirt off his scraped knees and elbows.

"Well, _something _clotheslined me!" Stark supplied.

They all looked around the alley worriedly for another moment. But they saw nothing, because Emmie and Loki were still standing off to the side, quite invisible with their hands clamped over their mouths to keep from laughing.

"Come on," Bruce said slowly. "Let's just go see if we can help Natasha and Steve with Emmie and Loki. Stark, you can go ghost-hunting later."

"I'm coming with him when he does!" Clint proclaimed. Then he started off down the alley to find their teammates, who were still trying to figure out which of the illusions was solid.

Loki and Emmie held their breath for a moment longer, waiting to see if it was safe to move. They heard and saw nothing for a moment. So Loki let his hand slip off of Emmie's shoulder, and they both became visible to the world again. And then they both doubled over in a fit of maniacal laughter.

"Oh, my _god…" _

"_Norns, _that was worth it…"

"Did you see Rogers's face?!"

"Oh, _Romanoff's _expression was _priceless…" _

"I swear, I thought my head was going to explode with suppressed laughter when you tripped Barton—"

"Oh, knocking Stark down was just _rich…" _

It took a moment for them to get ahold of themselves, and they grinned mischievously at each other, for once actually allowing the empathy and closeness between them linger.

Loki gave Emmie a crooked grin. "So… would _this _be an appropriate time to say April fool's to them?"

Emmie let out a breath of laughter. "If we weren't too worried about getting _caught _and _imprisoned _by them, sure, it would be a _perfect _time to say April fool's."

"Well, I've got a way we can get around that," Loki beckoned for Emmie to come close so he could whisper in her ear.

00000

Back down the alley, all the Avengers were shifting their gazes between the many, many, many Emmie's and Loki's.

"Why don't we just shoot them all?" Clint asked irritably.

"Screw you!" one of the Emmie's shouted.

A shot was fired at her, but she skipped out of the way, and a few more Emmie's appeared. Meanwhile, a few Loki's were shuffling themselves around so it was absolutely impossible to keep track of one of them in the milling crowd. One of the Loki's teased tauntingly, "Pick a Loki; _any _Loki…" That Loki was promptly shot in the leg, but he just laughed, and the bullet was buried in the wall behind him.

"This is impossible!" Stark exclaimed.

"Yes, it is," an Emmie agreed.

"Unduly so," a Loki nodded knowingly.

But then all of the Loki's and Emmie's disappeared except for one each. One Loki and one Emmie standing in the middle of the alley, looking around at the Avengers.

"We just wanted to tell you what an absolutely _fun _little chase we've had today," Emmie said in mock cheerfulness.

"And also to wish you a happy April Fool's Day," Loki added.

"Yeah… thought you might want to know we left this alley like ten minutes ago," Emmie sighed with a fake smile of disappointment. "Terribly sorry to be the bringer of bad news."

"But the good news is," Loki pontificated. "that neither I or Emmie is harmed, and that we are in perfectly good spirits."

"April fool's!" the two of them exclaimed in unison… and then they both disappeared, revealing that they, too, had been illusions all along.

The Avengers looked around at each other in shock.

"They left _ten minutes ago?!" _Steve gaped. "But— _how?!" _

"…I think that means we _don't _have to go ghost-hunting," Clint facepalmed.

"Oh, my god… they got away," Romanoff groaned, dropping her gun back into its holster.

"…On the positive side, though," Stark said dilatorily. "Like they said, they're alright and they're in good spirits… I mean, the lovebirds have flown the nest, right?"

Everyone else turned to glare at him.

Stark smiled sheepishly. "…Plus, you have to admit… it was kind of a clever April Fool's Day prank…"

00000

And Emmie and Loki were once again strolling down the streets, acting as if nothing ever happened. They both agreed 'twas a good day. Also, they agreed that the world was, indeed, an oyster all to themselves.

00000

_**When you are a hero you are always running to save someone, sweating, worried and guilty. When you are a villain you are just lurking in the shadows waiting for the hero to pass by. Then you pop them in the head and go home... piece of cake. -James Marsters, actor **_

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: I actually ended up getting some major writer's block on this one halfway through… but I hope it didn't disappoint! :P **

**So originally when I was brainstorming a little plot for an Emoki April Fool's Day, my plan was that Emmie and Loki would be pranking each other instead of the Avengers, and they would be trying to get each other caught by the heroes… and in the end they both would end up getting caught, their plans of betrayal backfiring. However, this idea would have taken **_**way **_**too much time and effort and… words. So… I decided to keep it a little shorter, and have Loki and Emmie actually kinda working together instead of trying to kill/betray each other. I hope you're all okay with that? I just thought I'd share with you my original plotline for this oneshot, because… I dunno. Cuz I'm a loquacious person sometimes who likes to blab awhile about my weird ideas XD**

**So anywho, yeah. I thought I wouldn't have an Emoki April Fool's done by April Fool's, but to my relief, I do… so yuh. And I randomly added that little quote there at the end because I found it while looking up quotes about villains (yes, I do that fairly regularly… what of it?), and just giggled when I saw it. And so then I added it here just cuz I think it fits rather well. **

**Keyboard20, I hope you like how I did your request **

**I'm still accepting questions for Ask Emoki's and oneshot idea requests, and you can shoot 'em my way in a PM, review, smoke signal, Morse code, telepathy, skywriting, or interpretive dance (I'd be **_**very **_**interested to see an interpretive dance…). **

**Please favorite, follow, and review! **


	7. Chapter 7

***You guys are all awesome, let me tell you that right now! You guys have given me lots to do to keep myself busy and to keep this story going strong! Soo, you guys have given me enough questions for TWO Ask Emoki's! This does **_**not **_**mean you should stop asking questions, I swear to you. It just means that this particular Ask Emoki (and possibly future ones) will be split into two parts. Which is actually kinda convenient for me…. That'll be explained later. ;) As for now, I have answered about roughly half the questions I have been asked since last Ask Emoki. The next questions will be answered in my next one. Mmkay, pumpkins? So don't panic if your question isn't here in this one. It's a-coming. **

Ask Emoki 3

I drag my chair down a stone hall, the scraping sound reverberating off the stone walls noisily. In the hand not dragging the chair, I hold a large sheaf of papers, which I keep glancing at as I advance down the hall. Well… this should be interesting.

I come to a stop in front of a shimmery golden transparent wall. One of the walls to Loki's cell in the Asgardian dungeons. I peer into the room within and wave, letting go of the chair.

Emmie and Loki glare at me mutinously from within, sitting side by side on Loki's "bed." It really looks to me more like a really fancied-up lounge chair… but oh, well. . Beggars can't be choosers. And neither can prisoners, I suppose.

"What took _you _so long?" Loki snaps, glaring at me through the prison wall-thing. I shrug and adjust my chair before sitting down.

"So, if _you're _here," Emmie asks briskly. "Are we doing another Ask Emoki?"

"Correct," I answer.

"…Then why are we in the Asgardian dungeon?" Loki asks sullenly.

"Cuz it—"

"Adds to the humor?" Emmie and Loki chorus tiredly.

"Precisely. Plus you could make it all metaphorical and say that you're both trapped in your love for each other that you don't want to be in, but can't escape… but maybe I'm takin' this a bit too far," I wink at them and they glare.

"So… more questions from the fans?" Emmie prompts irritably. "The sooner we get this over with, the sooner Loki and I can get out of here. I _can't imagine why," _she says sarcastically. "But for _some reason _being locked in a little room with Loki kinda creeps me out."

Loki turns to her and grins predatorily.

Emmie surreptitiously scoots a few inches away from him. "…Ask the damn questions already," she mutters.

I just shake my head and look down at my papers. "Alright. So then…" I consider. "Ready?"

"As we'll ever be," they say together, already resigned and getting used to my constant asking them fan questions.

"First question," I announce. "Okay, we've got a couple here from my good friend Lady the Warrior. Awesome person, and everyone should go check out her stories, which I beta read."

Emmie and Loki roll their eyes. "Done advertising?"

I sigh. "Yeah… so, first of all, she wants me to tell you guys something…" I clear my throat and read directly from the paper. "She says you are, and I quote, 'a cutie-pie little couple,' who is 'extremely cute together,' and when she read your fan fiction, she thought, 'Aww, you two little cuties, I just want to pinch your cheeks and noses… d'awww.'" I eagerly look up to see their reactions.

Emmie and Loki have both left the little bed/lounge chair and are on opposite sides of the cell, in various states of gagging, revolted by the fluffy analysis of their relationship.

"Oh, my god, I'm going to be sick," Emmie chokes out as she gags and doubles over.

"'Cutie pies?'" Loki shudders. "Wants to pinch our noses and cheeks? Gods, she's lucky we're in this cell… otherwise I might want to hunt her down and do something unpleasant…"

"And I would help," Emmie nods determinedly.

"Of course you would," Loki says graciously, giving her a quick smile. "I wouldn't dream of doing it without you."

"Good to hear it," Emmie smiles.

I blink and shake my head. "…You guys are so _weird… _acting _fluffily cute _about going and _murdering my friend…" _

Loki and Emmie give me a confused look, as if not understanding just how sweet they had just been acting towards each other.

"Moving on to the _questions _that she sent you guys," I continue. I scan the papers. "Ah… Loki, prepare to die of embarrassment, will you?"

Loki grimaces as Emmie immediately perks up, interest piqued by the promise of Loki's humiliation.

"For Emmie," I read out primly. "Do you know about all the children Loki has? And how some of them are… um… monsters?"

Emmie snickers. "Well, I've heard about the horse and the son of the brother… I don't really know about any _others…" _She glances to Loki for an answer here.

He shakes his head determinedly.

"What, are you not going to give an explanation voluntarily?" I tease.

Loki looks up at both me and Emmie. "The question was if Emmie knows about all of them. It's a yes or no question and the answer is no. So if you want elaboration…" his jaw clamps firmly shut. He shakes his head again.

I smirk and shuffle through a few more papers. "Okay, Emmie, I have a way we can _make _Loki tell us about his kids. We've got another question here, lucky for us, from WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane. This question _specifically _asks… for Loki, how many children and/or how many relationships have you been in?"

Loki groans and puts his head in his hands. His voice is muffled as he mumbles through his fingers, "_Four. _Four relationships, including Emmie."

"And this is kind of picking through the actual, ah, Marvel-verse," I say delicately. "So, Loki, tell us more."

"When I was younger, Lady Sif and I were very close, and we could have been considered childhood sweethearts," Loki says carefully.

Emmie's eyebrows rise. "Really? _You _had a childhood sweetheart?"

I clear my throat. "Ahem… Loki's kind of stretching the truth there," I clarify. "Loki had a childhood _crush _on Sif. There was absolutely no 'childhood sweetheart' relationship. So… scratch that one. That never happened. Go on, Loki… other relationships?"

Loki glares at me for annihilating his delusion of him and Sif being childhood sweethearts, but he continues at a challenging look from Emmie. "…I had three children with the goddess Angerboda."

"Three children," I prompt like I'm a therapist trying to get Loki to tell me about his problems.

"…Jormungand," Loki says slowly.

"Son or daughter?" Emmie interrupts curiously.

"…Son. A, ah… serpent, actually," Loki says uncomfortably.

Emmie snorts. "Your son was a serpent?"

"The Midgard Serpent, to be specific," Loki snaps, as if this is supposed to make a difference.

I snicker at Emmie's very dubious and unimpressed look, as if she's thinking about just how unpromising the rest of Loki's brood must be if his first son was a serpent.

"My second child was the Fenris Wolf," Loki says slowly.

"…A _wolf," _Emmie repeats in disbelief. "A freaking _wolf?" _She scoffs, unable to believe it. "You're serious? Like, as in…" She breaks off and mimics a wolf howl. "A _wolf?" _

Loki huffs. "Yes, _Maria, _a wolf."

Emmie's eyes flash. "Call me that again, and I'm going to feed you to your own children as little bits of dried jerky."

"That was _dark, _Emmie," I comment. "Loki? Continue."

"My third child with Angerboda was Hella, my daughter and the goddess of the underworld," Loki finishes.

Emmie waits for the catch, but none comes. "Wait, so you just had a daughter? A goddess? Like, was she _normal?" _

"…I didn't _say _that, did I?" Loki challenges. "Hella was born half corpse half living."

Emmie's eyelids flutter as she blinks at him blankly. "…Yeah, Loki. You might want to see a doctor or something, because your children keep ending up deformed in one way or another. Or maybe Angerboda should see a gynecologist. Because seriously, either _one _or _both of you _have issues…"

Loki turns bright red.

"You were saying?" I prod Loki, wiggling my eyebrows. "Relationships? We've gone through two already. You said you had four including Emmie. That leaves… one more lucky lady?"

Emmie holds back a giggle. "Or one more _Loki _lady…"

"Sigyn," Loki says flatly.

Emmie and I wait for elaboration, but none comes. Frowning to myself, I flip back through my questions. "So, Lady the Warrior actually also asked a question here about Sigyn… let's see. Says here, Emmie, did you know about Loki's royal wife, whom he keeps betraying? Sigyn is her name."

Emmie's mouth hangs open at this revelation. "Your _wife?!" _she cries in disbelief, staring at Loki with eyes wide. "You're _married?!" _

"_Quite _unhappily, actually," Loki grumbles. "You see, I… ah… _tricked her _into marrying me. She _thought _she was marrying her true love, Theoric. But I had disguised myself as him, and so Sigyn married me instead." He breaks off and smirks slightly. "…You should have seen her face when she found out she was married to _me… _So, no, not a very happy marriage. In fact, once Odin had me _chained to her _as punishment for something. I was _chained to my wife _as _punishment!" _he growls in irritation. "Norns, that was just _not _a good day for me…"

I laugh to myself and look at Emmie. She still looks a bit shell-shocked at the idea of Loki being married at all, happily or not.

"So, there's the answer to that question," I say dilatorily. "The kids and relationships and whether or not Emmie knows about them all… Three kids and four relationships, including you, Emmie, though Loki's supposed relationship with Sif was just wishful thinking. So… that all?"

Emmie giggles. "So…. Does that mean that the kid you had with the horse doesn't count? And does that mean that the 'relationship' with Svaðilfari only counts as a one-night-stand and not a relationship?"

"You can go to Helheim!" Loki shouts at her, clenching his fists threateningly.

Emmie cackles at his response and just shakes her head. "Ooh, Loki, you should see your face when Svaðilfari gets mentioned… it's hilarious."

Loki grumbles what sounds like a curse under his breath before turning his burning gaze on me. "_Next… question…" _he says through clenched teeth.

I smirk. "Right. So…" I glance down. "We have another one from Lady the Warrior, okay?"

Emmie brightens, and Loki moans.

"So, the question is… For Loki," I announce. "Remember that time you and Thor dressed as bride and maid? Heh ahem, yeah, that time… so why didn't you use a friggin' illusion instead of dressing Thor as a bride? I mean, how could he hide his beard and his non-shaved feet?" I ask before looking to see the reactions.

Loki is actually grinning devilishly while Emmie looks curious.

"…Dressed as bride and maid?" Emmie repeats. "What the fu-?"

"Before Odin put the spell on Mjolnir that made only the worthy able to carry it," Loki begins to explain, still grinning broadly at the memory. "His great hammer was stolen by some giants. And the only way they would give it back was if we Asgardians sent him the goddess Freyja to marry. Well, Freyja was rather reluctant to marry the giant, and since Thor really wanted his beloved _hammer, _He was forced to go in the stead of Freyja. We disguised him as a woman. And I was dressed as his handmaiden. And we were able to get the hammer back… in the guise of women."

"…And so why didn't you use illusions to just make him look like Freyja instead of both of you dressing up like women?" I prompt.

Loki scoffs. "Because. I mean, _think _about it. How often do you get the chance to see Thor, the god of thunder, in a dress? Sure, I _could have _cast an illusion, but then I wouldn't forever have the memory of seeing Thor in a frilly white dress, carrying a bouquet of flowers around. And we hid his beard by making him wear a veil. And his feet were under the dress. And the giants were dumber than dirt, so they wouldn't know the difference anyway."

"So… you did it to troll Thor?" I clarify.

Loki nods.

Emmie raises an eyebrow. "…And you dressed up as a girl, too, Loki?"

Loki throws her a dirty look. "…Yes."

"…But you're _used _to being a girl, so it really wasn't that bad, huh, Loki?" Emmie teases.

Loki grits his teeth and throws her a mutinous glare. "_Shut… up…" _

I snicker. "And so Lady the Warrior wanted to know if you knew that story, Emmie."

Emmie grins wickedly. "Oh, I do _now… _and I'm committing it to memory, you don't have to doubt that."

Loki rubs his forehead with his fingertips. "Why do people keep asking questions that just make it easier for Emmie to torment me…?"

"Speaking of you being tormented," I say breezily. "Our next question has to do with you being tormented."

Emmie and Loki both look at me curiously, and I explain.

"We have a question here from WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane that says… 'Loki, are you aware of the torture you are said to have endured in Norse mythology? And are these things fact? For example,'" I pause briefly. "And she has a quote here from a piece of Norse mythology: 'the goddess Skaði is responsible for placing a serpent above him while he is bound. The serpent drips venom from above him that Sigyn collects into a bowl; however, she must empty the bowl when it is full, and the venom that drips in the meantime causes Loki to writhe in pain, thereby causing earthquakes.' And another example she has here is how you supposedly had your lips sewn shut by dwarves. So… did those things happen to you, Loki?" I sum up.

Emmie and I both look at him interestedly. Loki smiles bitterly.

"Well, _some _version of events happened that way…" he admits. "The serpent and venom part, for example… Odin was actually the one who had me sentenced to be chained and have a serpent dripping venom on me. But as we already established, Sigyn and I did _not _have a particularly good relationship. So the part with her sitting with a bowl to stop my pain is inaccurate. And actually my daughter Hella was the one who released me from that horror."

Emmie and I are both silent, not quite sure how to respond to that. I scuff my feet on the stone floor and look away from Loki. Emmie bites her bottom lip and frowns minutely as she gives Loki a searching look.

He clears his throat. "And as for the dwarves bit… well, again, it's partly right but still inaccurate. The Norse myth is that I cut off Lady Sif's golden hair and then was ordered to put it back, so I went to the dwarves and had them make her a braid of the finest gold. While among the dwarves, I made a comment that offended a few of them, and then there was a contest held. Whoever won would have the rights to the loser's head. In the myth, I was the loser of the bet and so the dwarves had the right to my head… but as I pointed out, they had absolutely no right to my neck. Therefore they could not actually chop off my head, as was the plan. But because they were determined to get revenge on me somehow, they sewed my lips shut. That's the myth."

"And so what was the actual version of events?" I ask.

"The _real _version of events is that I did indeed cut off Sif's golden hair. And then I was ordered to put it back. So I went to the dwarves for them to make Sif a new braid of golden hair. But, because I paid them nothing for their toil, they made her new braid of nothing. Which is actually why Sif's hair is now black… because her new hair was made of nothing. Blackness. And that's all there is to it." He shrugs.

Emmie tilts her head. "So where does the lips getting sewn shut part even come from?"

Loki shifts a little uncomfortably, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms. "Well…" he huffs. "I don't know."

"He's lying," Emmie proclaims.

"Loki, tell us," I insist.

He rolls his eyes and says very quietly, "…When Thor and I were entering manhood—"

"So when you were teenagers," Emmie clarifies.

"Yes. The Asgardian equivalent of teenagers," Loki concedes as he sighs and closes his eyes. "…The two of us thought it might be 'cool' to get lip piercings. So He and I went to the weaving rooms and found ourselves a needle each, and we were going to both pierce our lips. Well, only I managed to get the needle all the way through my lip before mother found us and gave us a good scolding. And _all _the servants heard. It was positively _humiliating." _

"…That's where the legend of your getting your lips sewn shut by dwarves comes from," Emmie says blandly.

Loki glares. "I'd assume so."

"…Well, that's _far _less exciting," Emmie observes.

"Next question," Loki commands.

I look over my papers and hum sadly. "Yeah… okay, this next one is for both of you. From WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane. She says, 'For Cold-Blooded Murder…'"

"yes!" they whisper in unison, and they step forward to give each other a high-five at the use of their self-proclaimed ship name.

"What is the one thing you regret most?" I plow ahead. "Out of everything that you've done, everyone you've killed, what is the one thing you regret most?"

Emmie's and Loki's smiles both fall away quickly, and their hands, still touching from their high-five, suddenly close around each other involuntarily. Like the thought of their greatest regret just makes their fists clench, and the other's hand just so happened to be there when the fist decided to clench. They end up standing and staring at me blankly while their hands are still interlaced in midair.

"…What?" Loki breathes out in disbelief.

"We seriously have to answer that?" Emmie seems to force a laugh that's hollow and disbelieving.

I shrug and nod. "Yeah. Originally Ask Emoki was supposed to be just kind of fun and stuff, but sometimes people want to know the answer to more serious questions. It really wasn't the plan, but I've yet to turn down a question for Ask Emoki. So… go on, you guys. Greatest regrets."

They look at each other awkwardly and unsurely. Slowly, they pull their hands apart. Loki crosses his arms over his chest, and Emmie slides her hands into her jeans pockets. Neither of them speaks.

"Emmie, how about you go first?" I suggest.

Emmie forces a wry smile. "I think that's supposed to be a rhetorical question, because I can think of a _lot _of reasons why I don't go first."

"Emmie, speak," I sigh. "What is your greatest regret?"

"This isn't even a fair question for me," she protests. "Cuz I only remember the last, like, year and a half of my life—"

"Then tell us your greatest regret within that last year and a half," I say simply.

She lets out a quiet growl. She shoots a look to Loki, as if he should be doing something to help the situation. He just gives the tiniest shrug, brow creased as he's lost in his own thoughts. Emmie lets out a breath and puts her hand to her forehead as she sinks back onto the bed. "Okay… okay… biggest regret… besides agreeing to participate in oneshots?" She swallows when no one responds to her attempt at a joke. "Fine. Biggest regret…" she picks at the hem of her shirt. "Um… biggest regret… I… I don't know. There's not a whole lot I regret, honestly… Remorse and regret aren't much something I linger on. I don't regret any of the people I killed. I don't regret pushing my mother away." She cracks a half-smile. "I don't even really regret leaving Loki behind, honestly… I mean, that haunts me, but I don't regret it. I know any other choice wouldn't have ended well. So… maybe my biggest regret is actually letting emotions get to me. Maybe that sounds kinda dark and anti-protagonist, because heroes and heroines in a story are supposed to let emotions in and then realize how much better they are now that they've been changed by their emotions. But I don't feel that way. I feel like life was easier before I had to deal with the emotions of… well, seeing my mother, spending time with Loki… all of that. Allowing my emotions to get to me."

"Mine would be allowing others to dictate my life," Loki says quietly without any prompting, to my surprise. "For most of my life, even though I was a bit of an outcast and a rebel in Asgard, I still allowed myself to be pushed aside by both Odin and Thor without taking destiny into my own hands. And even when I thought I was taking my destiny into my own hands by letting go and falling off the bridge, I just ended up falling into Thanos's hands, and then my life was dictated by him and The Other. And when I thought I was taking my destiny into my own hands from my time with them, I was merely being their pawn. If I hadn't allowed all of that to happen… letting other people dictate my life…" he lets out a shaky sigh. "Perhaps things would have gone better."

There's a long moment of silence, and I awkwardly look down at my papers again. Maybe I shouldn't have asked such a heavy question in the middle of the interview. But I had to get that one out there… well, at least now we had the answers there. I glance up from my papers again.

Emmie and Loki are sitting side by side on the bed, close enough that their shoulders touch, and Loki's right leg is touching Emmie's left. Their hands are touching. They aren't holding hands—they would never do something so affectionate without some groundbreaking reason—but their hands are quite clearly touching, overlapping the littlest bit with Loki's pinky on top of Emmie's.

"Were there any other questions?" Emmie mumbles indistinctly.

I shuffle my papers. "…Yeah. This one is from WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane. Directly following the last question, she says, 'In relation to the above question, do you ever have nightmares, and what is the most recurring one?"

They both heave deep breaths at the question, and I could swear that Emmie shifts her hand just a little further under Loki's, and that he presses down on her hand the tiniest bit.

"My dreams are mostly memories," Emmie says in a firm voice. "I relive a lot of different moments. Sometimes I'll relive the times I had with Loki up in the penthouse of Stark Tower or in my room on the Helicarrier. But those aren't really nightmares… but those are some recurring dreams. My biggest recurring dream that could be considered a nightmare is the day that I actually had my mind altered by the Tesseract. Reliving that scares me. Whenever I have that dream, I just wake up in a cold sweat, adrenaline rushing, sometimes I wake up screaming…" she swallows and trails off. Or maybe that was all she had to say on the matter.

"I have nightmares about Thanos," Loki says shortly. "Torture. That's all."

I nod slowly. "Alright. We're, ah… done with those hard questions."

Their gazes flick up to me, and I give them a reassuring smile.

"We've got one more question here from WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane," I add. "But I think you guys will be okay with this one."

"…Go on," Emmie says slowly.

"Right. Our last question from WhoPotterAvenge-X Kane is this," I say quickly. "Do you know what shipping is? And amongst all of the *real people* in your world, what is your OTP, and what is the worst pairing you can think of?" I look up and see that Loki and Emmie have straightened themselves out and are once again leaning on opposite walls of the cell, as if they hadn't just been supporting each other and almost holding hands just a minute ago. I smile wryly. Of course they just pretend they hadn't been actually close for a few minutes there.

"She put 'real people' in between stars for emphasis?" Emmie inquires.

"What the hell is _that _supposed to insinuate?" Loki asks disdainfully. "That some people are less real than others? I'm finding myself feeling vaguely offended. Like we're not real or something similar?"

"Okay, you guys, answer the questions," I remind them.

"Okay, OTP's first?" Emmie sighs. "Okay… OTP's of the people I know… ah… I really don't know all that many people and how they interact together… I haven't even met half the Avengers properly… And a few of them I've only seen while I'm _fighting _them… so that's kind of hard to say." She taps her fingers against her leg thoughtfully. "Yeah, Coulson and Rogers," she suddenly says. "They totally belong together."

Loki and I exchange a queer look before looking to Emmie for elaboration.

"Okay, well, I know that most ships include Loki and one of the male Avengers…"

Loki turns slightly red.

"But I am certainly not making that my OTP," she continues. "And I've never seen Natasha Romanoff interacting with any of the guys she's usually shipped with… but in Chapter 2 of Twisted Minds, I got to see Coulson all kinda gushy and giggly over the idea of going to get Rogers. So, yeah. I ship them."

I blink blankly. "…Sometimes I don't understand you. And I'm the one Writing you."

"That's your own fault for creating a very complex character," Emmie sniffs dismissively. "Loki? OTP."

Loki hums in thought. "My one true pairing… let's see. I like the idea of Agent Barton and Agent Romanoff just because it adds so much _more _to my threat of forcing Barton to torture Romanoff to death… slowly, intimately, in every way he knows she fears…" he trails off, a faint dreamy smile on his face as he recalls his threat to Natasha.

Emmie throws me a questioning look, as if to say, 'should I be worried…?'

I just shrug a little and shake my head. Of course Loki would choose his OTP as the ship that just makes his own threats a bit more heart wrenching and dramatic.

"And it would add more to the line that she said… love is for children," Loki continues to muse.

"Ahem. Let's move on to what we think the _worst _pairings are," I interrupt.

Loki rouses himself from his reverie. "Ah, yes. Alright. Worst parings…" He ponders for a moment. He glances over to Emmie and smirks. He nods towards himself meaningfully and then jerks his head towards Emmie again. Again, he nods towards Emmie and then looks back at himself meaningfully. He clears his throat pointedly and then raises his eyebrows at me. Then he throws one last glance at Emmie and goes pale at her murderous glare.

"Yeah, I'm not blind, Loki," she says sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest. "I did see that."

"…See what?" Loki asks innocently. "I wasn't just nodding between you and me as if to say we're the worst ship ever concocted… I was actually going to say that TaserTricks is the worst. Because Darcy Lewis and I would be utterly incompatible. _That's _what I was going to say. I was not at all insinuating that we are the most dysfunctional, terrible excuse for 'love' that—"

"I think the worst ship is Svaðiloki," Emmie interrupts without warning. "But maybe Loki ships it."

Loki's mouth snaps shut, and he clenches his jaw as he glares daggers at Emmie. "I dare you… Emmie, mention the horse… _one more time…" _

"Loki, you're not allowed to kill her," I announce. "We've still more questions to answer. Besides, she was just giving her answer to the question… she just said she thinks the worst ship is Svaðiloki."

"_That's not even a real ship!" _Loki protests.

"Weeelllll…." I say dilatorily. "This _is _fan fiction… _everything _is a real ship in fan fiction." I wiggle my eyebrows. Loki is just glaring continuously, and Emmie is hiding her grin.

"So my OTP is Coulson and Rogers," Emmie nods. "And Loki's is Barton and Romanoff. And our least favorite pairings are TaserTricks and Svaðiloki. Any other questions?"

I nod and shuffle my papers. My expression brightens as I reach the next question. "Ooh… almost forgot about this one. Come on, you guys!" I cry,, jumping up from my chair and tapping the wall of the cell. The golden shimmer fades, and Emmie and Loki are free to leave the little enclosure.

They give me queer looks. "…How'd you do that…?"

"I'm the author," I say haughtily, inspecting my nails in a very arrogant manner. "Therefore I can do anything, so long as I am the author. Now let's go." I turn on my heel and march away down the hall.

Emmie and Loki quickly step forward and walk at my sides, Loki on my right and Emmie on my left. "Where are we going?" Loki inquires.

"You'll see," I dismiss.

00000

Only a few minutes later, Emmie and Loki sit in the front row of a movie theater, looking vaguely confused.

"…So _where _are we _now?" _Loki asks slowly as I come out from behind the huge screen holding popcorn and a remote.

"We're in Tony Stark's home theater," I say breezily as I plop into the second row, just behind Emmie. They both look back over their shoulders at me in bemusement as I thrust a tub of popcorn towards them each.

"…Might I ask _why _we're in Stark's home theater?" Emmie inquires hesitantly as she glances between me, the popcorn, and the big blank screen.

"Because we've got three and a half seasons of a show to watch before you guys can answer the next fan question, which is from Fairyfinder," I say matter-of-factly, as if this shall explain everything to them. "Don't ask questions and just… Watch." I click a button on the remote, and the huge, nearly-empty theater goes dark. I hit another button, and the gigantic screen before us lights up.

On the screen is displayed a scene of a handsome young man riding a horse at top speed through a forest as dramatic music plays in the background.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Well, then… this one wasn't quite as funny as past Ask Emoki's have been, but there were definitely some more serious questions to answer this time around :P **

**And so yes… I'm cutting it off here because it's convenient. Because Emmie and Loki **_**do **_**have to watch three and a half seasons of a show before they can answer the next question…. And I thought it'd be nice to end this one with them starting on that. **** Hopefully the next Ask Emoki shall be more funny and random, because I saved the sillier questions for the next one. **

**So I feel it necessary to tell you that not all of this chapter is my doing… I had to do some actual serious research to answer some of the questions. Mostly about Loki's past relationships and children, etc. So… I got a lot of my information from the Marvel site, and the abundance of info on Loki they had there. So… from the Marvel-verse… the info on Loki's relationships with Sif, Angerboda, Sigyn, and his cannon kids. Indeed, in the comics, the reason for Sif's hair being black now instead of gold is the deal Loki made with the dwarves and his paying them nothing. Also true is that Sigyn was tricked into marrying Loki when he disguised himself as her true love. In the comics, Odin was indeed the one to sentence Loki to having the serpent hang over him with dripping venom, and his daughter Hella helped to release him from that… and it is also true that in the comics, Loki was handcuffed to Sigyn as punishment for something XD I find that hilarious… **

**Pieces included here from mythology include the relationship of **Svaðiloki (yes, I have now made a ship name for Loki and the horse, which is named Svaðilfari) and the story of Thor's hammer getting stolen and Loki and Thor dressing up as women to retrieve it.

Things from my imagination include… the reason for the myth of Loki getting his lips sewn shut by the dwarves. :P I know it was incredibly lame and stupid, but I had to think of some kind of humorous and ridiculous reason for that mythology, since it didn't happen in the Marvel universe.

Don't know why I felt it necessary to tell you all of the research I did… but I find it necessary to tell you that I actually put thought into these oneshots (*wipes forehead of sweat from exertions*) and that some bits and pieces of this are not my doing, but Marvel's and the creators of Norse mythology. In a way, you could call this long note my disclaimer of some of the stories accounted here XP

Alright, thank you if you're still reading this :P Wouldn't surprise me if you weren't. Anywho, point being that remaining questions shall be addressed in the next Ask Emoki I do. Questions are still welcome for asking our favorite dysfunctional couple.

Let me know what you think of how I did this one… I'm not so sure about the more serious parts, but I felt like I couldn't blow off the serious questions with B.S. answers. Lemme know if you think it was good that I did that, or if you think I should seriously just stick to humor :P

Please favorite, follow, and leave me a review


	8. Chapter 8

***Quick Note: this chapter contains a little bit of spoilers for the show Once Upon A Time, if you care about that. Apologies **** But it was necessary. Not the entire thing has to do with the show, so just bear with me if you haven't seen it? **

Ask Emoki 4

I walk out of the door to the movie theater, eyes barely open. Behind me I drag a trash bag full of soda cans, candy wrappers, and empty buckets of popcorn. In my other hand I have a sheaf of papers. But right now I can hardly pay attention to that.

Following me out of the door to Stark's movie theater are Emmie and Loki, their hair mussed, clothes rumpled, and dark circles under their eyes.

And why are we all so… exhausted? Why, because we just spent roughly eighty-three hours straight in that theater, watching every single released episode of the show _Once Upon a Time. _I hope you're happy, Fairyfinder. Because I had to pause it every few minutes and make some kind of little explanation to one or the other, because they knew I watch the show.

Silently except for the shuffling of our feet on the carpet, we trudge to the living room and then collapse on the various couches for a long and well-deserved nap.

00000

Several hours later, I wake and am forced to rouse Loki and Emmie, who (to their horror) had fallen asleep on the same couch, quite nearly snuggling in their sleep-deprived state. Then we all rouse ourselves enough to some semblance of consciousness, and I sit in an armrest as the other two sit on opposite ends of the couch.

I clear my throat. "So… did you enjoy the show?" I inquire conversationally.

Emmie rubs her eyes sleepily and Loki runs his hand through his hair.

"Too many good guys," Emmie complains. "_Way _too much of people wanting to be good and sacrificing themselves nobly and doing things for the greater good of their loved ones."

"And very few real deaths," Loki adds. "I mean, _how _many characters come back to life when they _obviously _should remain dead?"

I cough and mutter, "Says the master of never dying… who died in _Thor _and in _The Dark World _only to be revealed you're really alive before the sequel even comes out…"

Loki throws me a haughty glare. "Well, _I'm _a god. Nott a fairy tale character with far too goodie-two-shoes ideals."

"Aside from that," I say. "Did you guys like it?"

"It was entertaining," Emmie shrugs noncommittally.

Loki shrugs and nods in agreement.

I sigh and murmur, "Fair enough. Alright. So… the reason we _watched _all of that is so that we can answer this next fan question."

Loki and Emmie look at each other disbelievingly.

"All that for _one question?" _Loki groans.

"Hey, you said it was entertaining," I point out. "So. Our next question is from Fairyfinder. She would like to know…" I clear my throat and read from the paper. "'Emmie, who is your favorite Once Upon a Time character and why? Loki, first you need to figure out what OUAT is, and then tell us who your favorite character is. Okay? Good.' So _that, _darlings, is why I had you watch Once Upon A Time for approximately eighty-three hours straight, including breaks for snacks and bathroom. So… tell us. Favorite characters, and why."

Emmie taps her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm… _favorite _character… Well, I mean… Regina's kind of cool, but she's too preoccupied with finding her own happy ending and all that bullcrap… Plus the fact that she's kinda gone good recently… She was pretty cool back in the Enchanted Forest, though. As for _favorite, _though… well, I definitely _hate _Snow White, Prince Charming—"

"Might I add that I dislike Charming because he looks eerily like Fandral?" Loki interrupts. "Well, at least, he looks like how Fandral used to look… for some reason after the whole encounter with the Avengers and my return to Asgard, he looked a little different…"

Emmie gives Loki a queer look before continuing. "I also hate Emma, Henry, Belle, Rumplestiltskin—"

"Why do you not like Rumple?" I inquire.

"He's too _sentimental!" _Loki exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. "_Far _too worried about making Belle happy. He should realize that he can't be the Dark One and have Belle both. And his sacrificing himself so many times and being so… _soft…" _Loki makes a disgusted sound that causes Emmie and I to hold back giggles. Loki just shakes his head. "It's simply unforgivable." He pauses. "Also, he has a really irritatingly high-pitched giggle and talks strangely."

I facepalm. "…We were supposed to be talking about the characters we _do _like…?"

"Ah, right," Emmie says, sitting up straight again. "So, I actually really like Peter Pan's character. He's a freaking _evil, manipulative _son of a bitch, huh? Like, since he's Peter Pan, you're totally expecting him to be this really good and fun and lighthearted character, right? And then he makes you _think _he is when you first meet him… Because he's actually pretty good at faking it. but then he'll go and stab you in the back and make you realize he was just pretending the entire time. It's freaking awesome." She pats her chest with an open palm. "Respect, man."

I blink. "…So basically because he's the male version of you. A young and supposedly sweet and caring person who only pretends that and then stabs you in the back."

Emmie considers. "…Yeah. Loki?" she turns to him with a bright smile.

Loki smiles wryly. "I really liked the character of Cora. You know, she, unlike Rumplestiltskin, knows what she wants, which is power. And she, unlike Rumple, is able to put that _before _all the people who love and care for her. She can see the goal and keeps her mind on it rather than letting her sentiments and things and ideas like running off with the person you promised to run off with get in the way. Because she knows it's better to let him go in order for _her _life to be better, and that simple sentiments aren't… enough… to…" he trails off slowly as he glances sidelong at Emmie, who is returning his curious frown. "Ahem," Loki clears his throat. "Where were we?"

"I think we were in the middle of drawing an ironic parallel between Cora's decision to not run off with Rumple and Emmie's decision to leave you behind, Loki," I comment in a sing-song voice.

Emmie sniggers and Loki blushes slightly and rolls his eyes.

"I think Loki has a type, too," I snicker. "So we've got both your favorite characters… Peter Pan and Cora. Is it weird that both of those characters are pure evil villains…?" I pause and look at my two interviewees. They give me a blank look that clearly says, 'no. it's not weird.' I shrug in acknowledgment.

"Next question?" Loki asks.

"Right," I nod. "So we've got a few more here from Fairyfinder…"

I shuffle through my sheaf of papers and ignore the fact that Emmie and Loki have started a poking battle that may or may not end up with one or both of them getting either stabbed or their eyes poked out viciously with their fingers.

I let out an _ahem _to let them know I'm ready when I find my paper. Abruptly, Loki and Emmie cease their poking each other's ribs before it gets too out of hand. "Alright," I say warningly. "So, from Fairyfinder. She says this one is open to either of you, preferably both. The question is… 'Who is the OTP: Thor and Jane or Thor and Sif? My brother and I were arguing about it, and I'd like your opinions.'"

Their expressions are less than pleased by the inquiry.

"Which is the OTP?" Emmie wrinkles her nose. "Well, that depends. By OTP, or 'one true pairing,' she probably means who is the better couple? But what _makes _a good couple? Happiness? Compatibility? Romance? Excitement in the relationship?"

"If that's the question," Loki sniffs. "Then Emmie and I obviously don't have the answer. Because neither of us wish happiness and romance and excitement for Thor. However, of the two couples of Thor and Jane or Thor and Sif…" he contemplates for a moment. "I think we can at least weigh in on who we approve more as a couple, what do you think, Emmie?"

The girl nods once, lifting her chin like a queen. "Let's weigh the pros and cons, then. Let's see," she rubs her cheek thoughtfully. "So, Sif and Thor have known each other for a long time, which adds a point in favor towards their happiness."

"Yet on the other hand, in all that time," Loki adds, "Thor didn't show any special interest in her. Which says very little for their chemistry."

"And Jane and Thor had a spark between them from the moment they met," Emmie inputs. "So that means that obviously they have more of a connection if they're already falling all over each other after like two days…"

Another awkward moment as Loki and Emmie give each other a blank look while I raise my eyebrows and let out a cough that sounds an awful lot like the word 'hypocrites.'

"But then again," Loki says, quickly glossing over the awkward moment. "Jane and Thor knew each other for only two days before deciding they were perfectly in love. So… it's possible that's just infatuation that'll wear off after the honeymoon stage. Which puts a point in favor of Thor and Sif's happiness, because they've been friends for long before."

"Again, though, the lack of chemistry between them, and Thor's making it _quite _clear on multiple occasions makes it _highly _unlikely a spark's going to light anytime soon. With Thor and Jane, at least there's a chance there's something besides infatuation. Meanwhile, Thor and Sif are likely to break it off because of Thor's pretty plain lack of interest in the relationship."

"A fair point," Loki concedes. "And Jane and Thor actually have a greater chance of heartbreak on Thor's half because of Jane's mortality. Thor and Sif has a higher chance of just Sif getting her heart broken because, like you said, Thor obviously isn't deeply invested in the relationship."

They're both silent, musing for a moment.

"…Has the jury reached a decision?" I query.

"Yeah," Emmie chirps. "Thor and Jane are our OTP."

Loki nods briskly. "We're rooting for Thor getting his heart broken, and since Jane will die sooner than Sif would, then Thor/Jane is the preferable choice to us. Thor/Sif will obviously end badly as well, it just wouldn't be as emotionally scarring for Thor, instead being more heartrending for Sif. All in all, both couples would inevitably end in disaster and heartbreak, though. We just prefer the options with Thor and Jane."

Emmie nods in agreement with Loki's diction.

I blink. Did they just soliloquize about how much they want Thor to get his heart broken…? No matter. "You guys are really pessimistic," I comment offhandedly.

"Next question," they chorus happily.

I sigh and skim the paper. "Ah, yeah. One more from Fairyfinder… To Loki: What is your favorite part about Midgard? *wiggles eyebrows mockingly* Is it Emmie?"

Emmie snorts, and Loki scoffs.

"Yeah, I'm probably his _least _favorite part about Midgard," Emmie rolls her eyes.

"No, my _least _favorite part of this planet is bloody fast food." Loki shudders. "_That _is a nightmare... and it's not even that fast, most of the time…"

Emmie lets out an exaggerated sigh to bring Loki back from his ruminations on fast food.

"Right. So… my favorite part of Midgard." He reaches over and pinches Emmie's arm. "_Not _you."

"And what, might I ask, is better than _moi_?" Emmie asks, pretending offense, though a smirk plays on her lips.

"The Internet," Loki answers breezily.

My eyebrows shoot up. "Your favorite part of Midgard is the Internet?!"

Loki nods briskly, ignoring the baffled look on Emmie's and my faces. "Of course. It's a wonderful invention. Makes _everything _so much easier…"

"Like _what _can you possibly want to use the Internet for?" I demand in disbelief.

"Research," Loki shrugs. "Do you know how hard it is to have to sift through dusty old tomes and spell books for finding a scrap of information? It's _far _easier to just look it up. A real space-saver, too, because you can save pictures and information and everything else without having to take up space on your bookshelf, and—"

"The _Internet?" _Emmie repeats. "Ladies and gentlemen, Loki Laufeyson enjoys surfing the web. I find myself feeling vaguely put out. I was expecting something extravagant."

"The Internet _is _extravagant," Loki insists. "How many places on Asgard do you think you can simply sit in place and look up a myriad of stories, articles, news, pictures, videos—"

"_What _have you been looking up videos of on my laptop?" I interrupt abruptly, my eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Loki falls silent and doesn't answer. Emmie and I both give him a mistrustful look.

"… Should I be afraid to go through and look at my Internet history?" I ask worriedly. "Are the police going to be coming to my door asking for all my electronic devices just because you were looking up something you shouldn't have?"

Loki doesn't answer.

"_Loki Laufeyson!" _I shout menacingly.

He still says nothing, twiddling his fingers.

Emmie peers at him curiously. "…Were you looking up naughty-?"

"_Shut up!" _Loki shouts, cutting her off. "I answered the bloody question! _Next!" _

I sigh and shake my head, terribly worried about what Loki may or may not have done on my laptop. But then, since Tony hijacks my stories all the time, I really should probably be more worried about _him… _"Ahem. Alright, so, our next questions…" I flip through a few pages and then snicker and cover my mouth with my hand. "Alright… _so… _we've got one here from Nihlo, a Guest reviewer… so." I shake my head and grin. "This is going to be interesting… Alright. The question is… 'My one question is this: answer it how you will, Mr. Laufeyson (sorry, Ms. Hill, just for Loki). When there is something strange in the neighborhood… who might you call?"

Emmie's mouth drops open, and she begins stifling giggles as she collapses into the couch cushions. Loki just looks vaguely lost at the question.

"Be warned: the answer may affect your entire life and the lives of those around you," I add significantly, reading the last part Nihlo left on the review.

"When there's something strange in the neighborhood… who might you call?" Loki repeats in bafflement.

Emmie just starts laughing harder, burying her face in the back of the couch and shaking uncontrollably. I'm biting my lip to keep from doing the same. And Loki still looks lost.

"Is this a trick question or something similar?" he asks suspiciously.

"…Not really," I shrug. "Tell us, Loki. When there's something strange in the neighborhood, who're you gonna call?"

Emmie loses it, falling onto the floor and spasming with silent laughter, clutching her stomach as she tries in vain to breathe.

Loki frowns down at the girl. "…_What _is so funny? And _why _am I getting asked this question? Who would I call if there was something strange occurring?"

I just shake my head. "Yeah… basically that's the question. But you just killed it by rephrasing it, dude. When there's something strange in the neighborhood, who might you call?"

"…The Avengers…?" Loki guesses vaguely, totally unsure of what kind of answer he's supposed to give.

Emmie and I jump up and both shout "_The Avengers?!" _

_ "_How the hell am I supposed to know? The police? The army? _I don't know!" _Loki protests, frantically trying to think of some acceptable answer to appease us.

"_Idiot!" _Emmie spits. "The _Avengers? _The police? The army? Why not just throw 911 in there, too? Jesus, Loki, you're such a sad person…"

"Well, then _who _are you supposed to call?!" Loki demands.

"_Ghostbusters!" _Emmie and I chorus. And then we burst into song. "_When there's something strange in the neighborhood…. Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters! When there's something weird, and it don't look good… who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!" _

Loki looks thoroughly uncomprehending. "The _what?!" _

Emmie just holds up her hands and points her first fingers at him, pretending to hold two guns. "That's it. You're done." She pretends to blow him away with two popping sounds.

Loki looks thoroughly unimpressed with her fake shooting.

"Yeah, let's not let this evolve into a real gunfight," I announce. "Emmie, sit back down on the couch with the man who doesn't know who the Ghostbusters are. We've got more questions to answer."

Reluctant and grumbling, Emmie plops back on the opposite side of the couch, throwing Loki a disgusted glare. Obviously Loki still doesn't get it, and shall probably _never _get it.

"Next questions," I say, "From Fangs and Fire. Firstly… for Emmie: 'Would you like to become friends with Loqi's other OCs and make them become murderers as well? Or would you like to murder them?' And to clarify, she means Loqi with a Q. My other Ocs. So, Emmie?"

Emmie arranges herself primly, crossing her ankles and folding her hands. "Well, I've briefly met the other OCs. I get along pretty well with Strike, from _Pain is Better than Nothing, _and with Bronwynne, from _Darkness Is Light Enough. _They're pretty cool. The other ones… Naomi, from _Battle of Wits _and all those humor stories, Noir, from _Banditry, _Toria from _In a Hushed Silence, _Kimberly from _I'm With You… _They're all blergh. I don't like them. Strike and Bronwynne are tolerable, but on the whole…. I think I'd rather just murder them all." Emmie smiles sweetly.

Loki throws her a slight frown out of the corner of his eyes and just shakes his head at her. Emmie sticks her tongue out at him and shakes her head back. Loki's probably just lucky she doesn't have her dagger on her.

"So you _wouldn't _want to become friends with them and make them into murderers?" I clarify.

"There's only one Mastermind Murderess," Emmie dismisses. "And that's me. And there shall be no other badass young ladies who can turn a dresser knob into a lethal weapon. And anyone who _attempts _to become a murderess like myself shall find out just how effective a sharpened dresser knob can be on their abdomen."

I blink and clear my throat. "…Right. Next question. From Fangs and Fire… To Loki, actually. Hmm. Not bad question, actually… nobody's getting embarrassed too badly, I think. So the question is… 'Loki, if you could take over Midgard and Asgard, and let Emmie murder everyone you hated (and yes, Emmie, you are becoming a type of mercenary in my question. Deal with it. I do what I want), who would you spare, and who would you wish an extremely horrible death on?'"

Emmie looks vaguely offended while Loki looks thoughtful.

"…Since when did I become Loki's hit man?" Emmie inquires, obviously a little annoyed by the thought.

Loki grins. "…Since I theoretically took over Midgard and Asgard?"

Emmie raises a sardonic eyebrow at him. "Because _that's _worked out so well in the past…"

"This is a purely hypothetical question," I remind them. "Loki? Who would you tell Emmie to spare and who to kill?"

"She can kill Thor," Loki says promptly. "And Odin. And Sif, Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral… Let's see. She can kill Fury, Rogers, Stark—blast it, she can kill all of SHIELD, actually…"

Emmie is sighing. She _had _been keeping a tally on her fingers of the people on her hypothetical "kill list," but adding all of SHIELD makes her throw her hands up in exasperation, not even bothering to keep count as Loki continues.

"…and she can kill that man from Germany that I didn't get to kill, and a majority of those people at Stuttgart, and The Other, and Thanos…"

I facepalm and Emmie lets out a huff as she looks up at the ceiling, shaking her head.

"…and that courtier in Asgard who once said my hair looked nice… and that cashier at McDonald's who gave me a funny look when I said 'carbonated caffeinated beverage' while I was ordering, and that teenager who walked past me without looking at me in Central Park, and—"

"Loki…" I say slowly, but he's apparently having too much fun to notice my trying to interrupt his long string of people who must die.

"—and also XAhMunnaEatChooX for asking all those stupid questions about the horse, and Loqi's older sister for worshipping Rumplestiltskin from _Once Upon a Time _instead of me, and also—"

"Loki!" I interrupt again, but he still continues.

"—and how could I forget Sigyn? It'd be nice to be an official single man again; Sigyn should definitely be added there… and Angerboda, too; she never forgave me for not calling her back for three weeks after Hella was conceived, and—"

"_Loki!" _Emmie grabs Loki's wrist and twists it painfully before driving the elbow of her free hand down into the crook of his, effectively _numbing _his entire arm. "_Shut the hell up!" _

Loki lets out an agonized groan at his throbbing arm. "_Emmie!" _he cradles the injured limb with the unhurt one for a moment. "Why, you little—" He breaks off and glares mutinously at her. And then suddenly he lunges forward, and there's a tangle of flailing fists and feet on the floor of the living room, rolling over and over much like a pair of fighting cats.

"Son of a—"

"You mewling—"

"Go to—"

"Rot in—"

"Screw—"

"_Hey, lovebirds!" _I shout at the top of my lungs at them, throwing a crumpled up piece of paper at them.

They abruptly stop and stare up at me, once again reminding of two cats in the middle of a fight who were just shouted at. Emmie's pinned to the floor by Loki, who's yanking on a fistful of her hair with one hand while the other is squeezing her wrist… and the hand connected to _that _wrist is wrapped around Loki's throat while the other is pinching Loki's arm so hard it looks like she might break his skin.

I cross my arms over my chest and fume at them, "Get _off _the floor and _sit _back on the couch. We're not done here, and I'd really rather not have to explain to Stark why there's a dead body in the middle of his living room."

Emmie and Loki glance at each other nervously.

"..Which of us will the dead body be?"

"Haven't decided yet," I shrug. "Let's not have me make the decision. Get up and sit down on the couch again."

Very slowly, Loki let's go of Emmie's hair and wrist. Emmie releases her death grip on Loki's throat and ceases her pinching his arm. They very slowly get up and cross over to the couch, sitting as far away from each other as possible. Their hair and clothes are both inn a complete mess, and it looks like Emmie's got a black eye forming over her right eye, and an impressive goose egg is sprouting on Loki's head.

"We were in the middle of Loki's very long list of people to kill," I say flatly. "Loki, let's skip to the people you _wouldn't _want killed, shall we?"

Loki shrugs. "…Frigga…" he pauses and frowns. "Um…" He frowns more deeply. "Ah… let's see… who else would I not have killed…?" he rubs his chin thoughtfully. "Ah… let's see… I suppose I could let… wait, no… I could… no, not really, he deserves to die…

she _might deserve some mercy… wait, no. She rolled her eyes at me once. Hmm…" _

_I purse my lips and cross my arms. "…Anyone?" _

Loki grins devilishly. "Frigga, and… maybe I'd let _you _live, Loqi."

I frown curiously. "Oh. That's nice. Though I think killing me might actually be more merciful, if I'd end up being stuck alone in the world with only _you two…" _

They both grin deviously.

"Other questions?" Emmie suggests.

"Right," I shuffle through my papers. "One more from Fangs and Fire. So… here it is. If you two were mythical creatures, describe yourself… including species, colors, markings, build, etc."

Loki looks a little dubious at this question, but suddenly Emmie's expression lights up, and she's smiling brightly and her eyes are sparkling with excitement.

"Mythical creatures?" she repeats in rapture. "Any mythical creature?"

I nod slowly.

She bounces a little in anticipation. "So, I'd be a unicorn! And I'd be, like, this beautiful white color… and I'd have these shiny silver hooves and horn… and-"

Loki and I stare at her in uncomprehending disbelief. She's practically _gushing, _with her mouth stretched into a genuine smile, and her eyes shining, and her cheeks flushed… she looks like she might be an elementary schoolgirl in the middle of explaining why her favorite animal is a unicorn.

"And I'd have this long, flowing white mane," Emmie continues dreamily, very girlishly flipping her teddy brown hair over her shoulder. "And this long tail, and these innocent blue eyes and a slender build, and maybe I'd even have this, like, birthmark of a heart on my shoulder or something, and—"

Loki and I exchange an incredulous look. Emmie seriously wants to be a _unicorn? _

"—and then I would be able to gore people through the sternum with my horn as soon as they started to believe I was harmless and sweet and innocent!" Emmie finishes, her bright and naïve happiness suddenly transforming into a malicious grin of wicked mischief as she rubs her hands together.

Loki and I blink blankly. Heck, we're not surprised. We knew that had to be coming sometime.

"And so by using my sweet and innocent outside," Emmie sighs happily. "I'd lure people to their deaths and use my built-in deadly weapon that would be right here on my forehead." She matter-of-factly taps her forehead with a finger. "And then their blood would stain my white fur, and I'd trample their dead bodies into the dust with my pretty silver hooves." She nods thoughtfully. "Yup. Unicorn."

I just let my eyes drift closed as I facepalm. Loki just sighs and shakes his head.

"…Loki?" I prompt faintly.

"…I think I'd like to be a dragon," he says slowly.

I wait for a moment, but he doesn't continue. "Answer the rest of the question, Loki. Color, build, come on."

Loki shrugs. "Well, probably a wyvern." He pauses. "…Or perhaps a Western dragon…"

"What's the difference?" Emmie inquires.

"Wyverns are two-legged with their wings as their arms, while Western dragons have four legs and wings on their back," Loki dismisses. "Yes, I think I'd be a European dragon. Probably black… no, green… maybe a bit of both. Yes, black and green, most definitely."

Emmie and I both notice that he's actually starting to warm up to the idea of imagining himself as some other creature, getting a little more excited and energetic in the way he describes things.

"And I'd definitely have to have horns," Loki adds significantly. "Gold ones, that would look like my helmet horns. Also, I think I'd have these really long claws, good for spearing things with." He nods with a smile. "Yes. Definitely a dragon , exactly as I've just described."

"A dragon, Loki? Really?" Emmie asks skeptically.

"Most certainly," he responds haughtily. "What in the nine realms _else _is worth being? I would never want to be anything else. What else did you _think _I would be?"

Emmie bites her lip in concentration as she considers. Then her face brightens again. "…A mare, perhaps?"

I'm a little worried for a second that Loki will lunge at Emmie again… but he doesn't. Instead he just gives a death glare that makes her actually look a little uncomfortable.

"…Sorry?" Emmie squeaks nervously, shifting away a little awkwardly.

Loki narrows his eyes at her murderously.

"Let's… continue…" I say slowly, looking back down at my papers.

"Only if Emmie will stop mentioning the horse," Loki announces haughtily, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting like a little kid.

"Ah… no-can-do," I sigh. "Because the next questions are from XAhMunnaEatChooX. And you know what that means."

Emmie brightens again. "Ooh, yes!"

"Oh, yes," Loki drawls. "I know _exactly _what that means… It means I'm leaving." Without warning, he stands up and walks out of the room.

Emmie and I gape and stare as Loki strides off without another word. We then look at each other uncertainly.

"Uh…" Emmie blinks. "So…" she crosses her legs. "…Now what?"

I facepalm. "We gotta go get Loki back before we can continue. Come on." I stand and follow after Loki, beckoning to Emmie to join me.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Well, then. :P I still haven't answered quite all of the questions I've been asked… So there is more to do. I would have been able to fit more in this one, but I kind of really felt like being ramble-y and so therefore made Emmie and Loki's answers a little longer and more elaborate this time **** Just depends on whatever mood I'm in when I'm writing I guess. So then… the Once Upon A Time spoilers. I am sorry if you have not seen the show and had to kind of blindly go along with whatever Emmie and Loki were saying. Also apologies if you **_**have **_**watched the show and had to read through Emmie and Loki's opinions on it XD I regularly watch the show, but wouldn't truly consider myself a fangirl of the show. Therefore I can be a little critical of it. I made Emmie and Loki exaggerate. I think it is a moderately good show and am not in any way, shape, or form bashing the show. :P **

**So then otherwise. I ended up having a lot of fun with this particular Ask Emoki… and I hope you did, too. Let me know what you thought of it? Also, you are still free to make requests and/or ask questions for Ask Emoki. **

**Please favorite, follow, and review! **


	9. Chapter 9

***Quick warning… some of these questions get a little bit inappropriate. You can't exactly blame me…. Blame XAhMunnaEatChooX and her insane mind. *salutes her insane mind* I just thought I should let you know that some of the first questions may or may not make some people uncomfortable. Thou hast been warned. **

Ask Emoki 5

I rap my knuckles on the door before me. "Loki!"

"No," comes the voice from inside.

"Loki, we have to finish the questions," I chide.

"I said no. I refuse to be further debased and humiliated for the entertainment of others."

"Ah… you know, as long as you're a character," Emmie calls, leaning casually against the door frame. "Whether you're doing cannon stuff or fan fiction stuff, whether it's Loqi's fics or other people's fics, you're _going _to be debased and humiliated for other people's entertainment. I'd just prefer to be here to see it while that happens. So come out so we can get asked more questions."

"Emmie, you are _not _helping," I hiss at her.

She grins. "Hey, look. I've got an idea. I'll go in and talk to him and I'll get him out. Okay?"

I look dubious for a moment, but I sigh and nod. "Fine…" I reach for the door handle and try to open the door. Then I let out a huff of disappointment. "It's _locked…" _

Emmie grins and points to the side of the door frame. The hinges are on the _outside _of the room. I facepalm. "Give me a screwdriver, five minutes, and I'll have him out of there in just a few," she assures.

I shrug and hand over a screwdriver, conveniently appearing at the right moment thanks to my author powers. Emmie immediately gets to work on removing the screws, and she glances at me.

"Seriously. Five minutes, I'll bring him out to the living room. Go… sit or something," she waves her hand at me in disdainful dismissal, as if I'm unworthy to watch her unscrew a door from the wall.

I raise my eyebrows. "…Only if you promise you're bringing him out to the living room _alive…" _

Emmie pauses and frowns in thought. "Hmm… Well… Does he have to be _unharmed, _because-?"

"Yes."

"Crap. Fine. See you in the living room with a living Loki in five minutes," she answers reluctantly as her fingers continue to nimbly unscrew the hinges. The last of the screws pops out, and she begins shoving on the door as she shoos me off.

A little unsure, I back off down the hall of Stark Tower to wait in the living room.

000000

Sure enough, four minutes and fifty-seven seconds later, Emmie strides purposefully back into the living room, where I sit on my armchair. Following behind her by a few steps is a resigned-looking Loki. They don't _look _like they were fighting…

They both drop onto their ends of the couch without saying anything. I narrow my eyes and glance between them.

"…Emmie, what did you do…?" I inquire hesitantly.

"Nothin'," she dismisses.

Loki shrugs. "Nothing. Don't we have questions?"

"…" I'm not entirely sure what happened in that room within five minutes that made Loki convinced to come out and answer the rest of the questions… but I'm not entirely sure I _want _to know. "…Right. Questions. Sure everything's alright?"

"Yup," Emmie smirks, popping the 'p' and giving me a devilish smirk, as if to say, 'aren't you jealous that I can get Loki to do stuff?'

"Just fine," Loki nods. "Questions."

I clear my throat. "Alright… we've got a couple from XAhMunnaEatChooX. The first one…" I snicker and clear my throat. "Ahem. This one is for Emmie. I am going to read this verbatim. This is _not _my wording… this is all AhMunnaEatChoo. Word for word, the questions says… 'Emmie, do you touch Loki's tralala? His ding-ding dong? (P.S. If they don't get this, Loqi with a Q, I invite you to explain what it means.)'." I bite my lip and force myself to look up and see their reactions to this question.

Emmie turns very pale for a second as she stares, wide-eyed, at me. Then suddenly she goes very red with embarrassment at the question. "_What?! NO. NO I DO NOT AND HOW DARE—" _

"What does that even-?" Loki asks confusedly, frowning between me and Emmie.

"_It means I am adding someone to my personal kill list, that's what it means!" _Emmie shrieks. "Good _Lord _what is _wrong _with that chick?! Do I touch—EEEEWWWW NO!"

Loki looks to me for help, raising his hands in question. "Loqi, _what _does that-?"

I have to take a second to catch my breath from laughing at Emmie's reaction before I take a deep breath, stand up, cross over to the couch, lean down, and whisper something in Loki's ear.

Emmie's still ranting and raving about murder methods involving thumbtacks and hand sanitizer as I straighten and walk primly back to my own chair. I sit down, cross my legs, and survey them. Emmie's face is red, and it looks like she's running out of steam and insults and murder methods to say at AhMunnaEatChoo. Loki, on the other hand, is grinning wolfishly at his newfound knowledge. We wait a few more moments for Emmie to fall quiet.

"—_AND ABSOLUTELY INSANE AND TOTALLY OUT OF LINE AND… AND…" _she pauses for breath for a moment. "And just in general, the answer is no," she sniffs with a note of finality, still breathing hard with the vehemence of her lengthy answer.

I clear my throat quietly. "Okay. Got it. Loki? Anything to add?"

He nods, still grinning wickedly.

Emmie shoots him a look. "…What could you _possibly _want to add?"

Loki sits up straight and clears his throat. "The answer to XAhMunnaEatChooX's question is… yes, actually."

"_What?!" _Emmie shrieks. "_No it is not, you sick-!" _

Loki cuts her off, waving his hand irritably at her. "Emmie, let me answer! Don't you remember Chapter 14 of Twisted Minds Think Alike?"

Emmie frowns in puzzlement. "Chapter 14? Yeah. Chapter 14 was the one where… that was, like, my kickass chapter. Where I took down like four or five agents or something like that singlehandedly. What the hell does that have to do with me touching your…?" she trails off and blushes in a surprisingly adorable manner.

I snicker at her reaction. Who would have thought Emmie would get so touchy about this subject?

"It has _everything _to do with it," Loki smirks at her face. "Don't you remember what else happened in that chapter?"

Emmie frowns hard in thought, trying to remember. "Ah… I escaped from my room… beat up a bunch of agents… you wiped some blood off my face with your _spittle… _I still don't see your point."

"Is this leading up to something?" I ask slowly.

"As far as I can tell, no," Emmie announces.

"As far as I'm concerned, _yes," _Loki says haughtily. "Without a doubt, the answer to XAhMunnaEatChooX's question is a yes. Because for nearly all of Chapter 14…" he trails off for effect and wiggles his eyebrows with a demented grin. "Emmie was holding onto my _scepter…." _

Emmie's mouth drops open in disgust, and she lets out a slight gagging sound as her face turns very pale and then very red once again. Then she buries her face in her hands and wails, _"AAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHRRRRRGGGGHHHHUUUUGGGHHHH! LOOOOKIIII!"_

I'm dying in my chair, trying to find some way to make oxygen travel into my lungs through my laughter. It's not working very well. Loki's maniacal smirk is priceless, and Emmie's red face, buried in her hands as she writhes in discomfort is even more so.

Loki looks at me innocently, as if he hasn't just made the crudest innuendo I've ever actually published on this site (your fault, XAhMunnaEatChooX…). He smiles at me sweetly in what might actually have been a really good impersonation of Emmie's angelic smiles. "…Next question?"

It takes a few minutes to calm everything down, but finally Emmie isn't tearing her hair out and trying to strangle Loki, and Loki's stopped letting out sniggers as he throws suggestive looks at Emmie. Finally they're relatively calmed down, though Loki still wears a faint smirk and Emmie has her arms and legs crossed, and her face is still a light shade of pink.

I sigh and compose myself. "…We have a few more from XAhMunnaEatChooX."

"Kill me now," Emmie mutters.

"This one is kind of for both of you. She says 'for Cold-Blooded Murder…'" I pause to see if they high-five or fistbump.

Loki holds out his fist for Emmie to hit with hers, but she just throws him a mutinous glare that promises excruciating pain for him later when I'm not looking. He just grins, shrugs, and looks back to me.

"Once again, I will read this verbatim," I warn. "It says… 'Emmie, have you caught anyone doing naughty stuff with your mom? As a list of examples, however not restricted to them, Nick Fury, Coulson, Stark, Coulson's dead body... Loki with a K. If so, please tell us how you felt. And Loki, have you seen/experienced anything with her mom?'"

Emmie's beet-red again. "Have I seen—NO! I HAVEN'T! What would I care what her freaking—UUUUUGGGGGHHHH I HATE YOU, XAHMUNNAEATCHOOX! No!"

I just facepalm and shake my head slowly. "…Okay then. Not exactly the most eloquent answer I've ever heard…"

"I would also like to add," Emmie sits up straight again. "That I have hardly _seen _my mother for a year, and so therefore would not have witnessed _anything _of that nature involving her or anyone else!"

I blink at her innocently. "…Except for when you touch Loki's-?"

"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?!" she shouts threateningly.

I snicker. "…Loki? Your thoughts on this subject?"

Once again, he's grinning evilly. "I refer everyone to Chapter 20. Anyone remember what happened in that chapter?"

Emmie's eyes flash suspiciously. "…That was the chapter where I showed up at my mom's apartment to discuss our arrangement… what else happened in that chapter?"

Loki cackles. "Ooh, you weren't there for it, Emmie, but your mother and I had a very _intimate _moment…"

Emmie stares at him in horror before staring at me. "_He did not! Tell me he did not!" _

I have to talk around my hand, which I have clamped over my mouth to stifle my giggles. "Um… he's _kind of _telling the truth… he and your mother did kind of have this intimate moment of understanding each other on a very deep level…"

Loki grins as Emmie makes a gagging sound. "Oh, yes, Emmie," he says with relish. "I really got under her skin that day…"

Emmie starts fidgeting as she shakes her head forcefully. "Nuh uh."

"Oh, you'd better believe it," Loki smirks.

"Oh, my god, shut _up!" _Emmie moans. "What's the next freaking question?"

I hide my grin and straighten my papers. It's _all _about word choice and putting the right stress on the right words… and _anything _can sound more naughty than intended. Loki did indeed have a sort of 'intimate moment' with Hill… it was just more of a moment where they saw each other's true feelings about Emmie. It had absolutely _nothing _to do with whatever disturbing images are flying through Emmy's poor corrupted mind. "Right… Another here from XAhMunnaEatChooX."

Loki looks excited while Emmie looks ready to topple onto the floor and die.

"Oh," I add significantly, "By the way, we're back to the horse."

Loki's smile drops immediately, and suddenly Emmie lifts her head minutely, as if there just might be a light at the end of the tunnel.

"…Really?" Loki asks weakly.

"_Really?" _Emmie asks in relief.

"Really," I confirm. "So… here we go. 'Loki, how did you seduce the horse? In my imagination, I imagine you (not in mare form) just posing on a stripper pole or just using a stripper pole and the horse just kind of sees you and is like 'yes'."

Emmie snorts while Loki clenches his fists and his jaw tightens.

"…_No. _That is _not _how it happened," he growls.

"Care to enlighten us?" I prompt.

"…I _was _in mare form," Loki says through his teeth. "And I just… distracted it by… kind of… walking by. And then I got him to… ah… chase me around for a while."

"Ooh, the mental images!" Emmie cackles. "XAhMunnaEatChooX, picture this… Loki as a mare, strutting past Svaðilfari very sexily, swishing his/her tail and flipping his/her mane…" she chuckles to herself. "Or, even better, _prancing _by…"

"Shut up!" Loki snaps. "That's not… okay, sort of, but _no!" _

I facepalm. "That _so _doesn't help your case, Loki… so no posing on a stripper pole for Svaðilfari to seduce him."

"NO," he says firmly. "Next question."

"Great," I beam. "Next, for Emmie… Emmie, would you like to see Loki on a stripper pole like XAhMunnaEatChooX imagined and described?"

Emmie lets her head loll back as she looks up at the ceiling. "…You know…"

Loki and I wait for her answer with bated breath. I'm personally trying to not crack up. Loki looks like he's trying not to explode into a million fragments of indignant embarrassment.

"…Let's just say I found out what Loki was doing on the Internet," Emmie smirks. "And I'm pretty good with _not _seeing any more of Loki on a stripper pole… oops!" She sits up in mock alarm. "Did I say too much about your YouTube account, Loki?"

Loki's face has turned redder than Emmie's was. "YOU LITTLE LIAR I NEVER—LOQI MAKE HER STOP IT I NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE A YOUTUBE ACCOUNT AND-!"

I'm on the ground pounding my fist against the carpet as I laugh and therefore am unable to properly listen to what exactly Loki would have me do to stop Emmie from slandering his name further, but I think we've all heard enough, anyway.

Loki _humphs _and goes over to the stack of papers that I dropped on the floor when I fell over, laughing so hard. He picks it up and smirks slightly. "…Another from XAhMunnaEatChooX next…"

Emmie lifts her eyebrow, not quite sure why Loki's looking so mischievous.

"It's for me, actually," he says matter-of-factly. "It says… Loki, would you leave Emmie for the horse if it came back?"

I finally stop laughing and catch my breath as I lay on my back on the floor, waiting to hear Loki's answer. I glance up and see Emmie's reaction. Her mouth has dropped open in shock again, and she blinks in surprise.

"…Would you?" Emmie asks unsurely.

Loki snickers and crumples up the piece of paper, tossing it at her. "Well, Emmie, I think Svaðilfari would _enjoy _your company…"

Emmie scoffs. "…At least _I _wouldn't give birth to an eight-legged horse…"

Loki narrows his eyes. "…Want to bet?"

I sit up on the floor and clear my throat. "Ahem. Let's… ah… move away from this subject, shall we? This is getting a little awkward…" I reach over to the stack of papers and straighten it with a snap. "Oh, yeah… one more from XAhMunnaEatChooX."

Emmie and Loki both look at me shrewdly, as if anticipating a challenge.

"Ahem… once again. AhMunnaEatChoo's words verbatim," I clear my throat. "This is exactly what she said… 'Loki, would you go on a mass date/millionsome with Emmie, Naomi, Noir, Blanc, Coulson's dead body, Nick fury, Captain America, Hawkeye (under your spell), Iron Man, Thor, Odin, Darcy, Sigyn, what's her face that you got trapped with in a closet with, Banner (in Hulk form), Maria Hill, Spiderman, Invisible Girl, Batman, Batgirl, Tom Hiddleston, a clone of yourself, the whole army of Chitauri, Thanos, Rocket Raccoon, a random fangirl, Loqi with a Q, Pikachu, Your scepter, Odin's staff thing, Lemonade holding a cloth slowdancing, a candle, a sack of beans, a can of Brisk and a thing of febreeze? Emmie, do you think it's a good idea and would you participate?'" I take a long breath and wipe a bead of sweat from my forehead. "Phew. Hmm. I would like to point out that for once she actually managed to _not _include the horse in the question. Nowhere in that huge long list is Svaðilfari mentioned. So… Loki? Good idea? Emmie? Would you participate?" Then I look up to see their reactions.

Loki just blinks blankly. "Would I… wait… on the nine realms… why would I want… I think I'd rather not… ah… I don't even know some of them… who is Batman and Batgirl? And Tony Stark and Odin were in there, too, I think… and the _entire _Chitauri army… erm… I'm going to go with the answer of… no?" He pauses and shakes his head. "No," he says more firmly, appearing to get over his daze at the question.

We both look to Emmie. "…Emmie?"

She has a deep frown on her face. "…Uhm… ah… uh… eh…"

Loki narrows his eyes. "…Not once have you actually said anything along the lines of 'no.'"

Emmie scratches the back of her head. "Uh… Tom Hiddleston was somewhere in there… I'm just saying… Tom Hiddleston… I still kinda think he's hotter than the center of the sun…"

I look at Loki, and we exchange an incredulous look.

"Hey!" Emmie protests. "He _is _hot! I'm not saying I'm interested in anything with anyone _else _in that list… I'm just saying I wouldn't say no to Tom Hiddleston…"

Loki gives me a look. "…Move on."

I nod meekly. "…Yeah… let's do that… Ahem. Now that we've got all _that _out of the way…" I sift through my other papers for something suitable to clear the awkwardness in the air. I giggle at one particular question I come across. "Oh, here's one to change the mood a bit. I'm sure you're both going to _love _this one…"

They look at me critically and wait.

"Ahem. From CrazedFangirl96…. This question is for Loki." I giggle again. "She wants to know… 'Will you marry me?'"

Loki gapes. "Wait… _what?!" _He stares at me blankly and blinks hard. He rubs his ears vigorously and stares at me hard. "…Come again?"

I laugh and repeat myself. "CrazedFangirl96 wants to know if you'll marry her, Loki."

He just keeps looking at me uncomprehendingly. "…..Uh…"

"Eloquent," Emmie comments.

His attention snaps to her momentarily. Then he looks back at me. "I'm going to have to say _no _to CrazedFangirl…"

Emmie raises her eyebrows. "How come? I mean, you hardly see Sigyn anymore… I highly doubt she'd care if you left her for someone who actually _wants _to marry you… I mean, at least CrazedFangirl is actually asking rather than just disguising herself as your true love and then marrying you." She coughs pointedly. "Like _someone _I know did when they got married…" She winks at him and nudges his ribs. "…Not that I'm saying names or anything."

Loki gives her a disgusted look. "Ha ha. Hilarious, Emmie. Besides, I don't care about Sigyn too much… I just don't think getting married to CrazedFangirl is a good idea."

"Why? I'm sure she's awesome," Emmie wiggles her eyebrows. "Not like you're, you know, getting married to anyone _else…" _

Loki gives her a weird look. "…No, but…"

"Well, _we're _not getting married…" Emmie says mildly, lifting an eyebrow at him.

Loki continues to give her an odd look. "Well, _obviously _not… but…"

I jump up and start clapping excitedly. "Is this an unofficial Emoki proposal?!"

Emmie and Loki both look at me like deer in headlights.

"Eww no I am so not marrying him!" Emmie shrieks, practically falling over the armrest of the couch to take cover, as if I might start ringing the wedding bells as we speak.

"I'm _not _marrying her!" Loki exclaims, jumping up and scrambling away. "_Hell no that is not happening!" _

I collapse back in my armchair and attempt to breathe. It doesn't work. "Oh… gods…" I rub my cheeks, which are growing achy from the abundance of grinning I've been doing. "Okay," I choke out. "Okay… got it. Loki is not marrying Crazed Fangirl… and he's apparently not marrying Emmie, either. Fan-bloody-tastic. You two can sit back down; I'm not making you guys get _married… _that's just begging for trouble. We've still got more questions, don't worry."

Loki and Emmie give me a mistrustful look and throw each other the evil eye, as if daring the other to drop on one knee. Neither of them does. So they very, _very _slowly sink onto opposite ends of the couch and look at me expectantly.

"Okay. Here we have one from Horsequeen1379. She wants to know… Loki, why are you so handsome? Come on, it makes you seriously hard to hate!"

Emmie makes an obvious sound of derision. "_Why _do all these girls think Loki's all that? Like, wanting to marry him, or think he's hot?"

I shrug. "He's got a _lot _of fangirls…"

"Don't be jealous, Emmie," Loki smirks at her. "I'm sure there's plenty of young men out there dying to marry you…" He scratches his head. "…Wait, no. Probably not."

Emmie opens her mouth to retort, but I cut her off. "Emmie, you have some disciples and that kind of thing," I remind her pacifyingly. "Remember, Fangs and Fire wanted to be your apprentice? Yeah. Total admiration and devotion. Phantasmagorical Me, too. You're her idol. So… don't be jealous. Now then. Loki." I turn back to him. "…Horsequeen wants to know why you're so handsome."

Loki grins. "Why am I so handsome?" he smirks and cocks an eyebrow irresistibly. "Norns, I don't know…" he stretches himself luxuriously across the couch for a moment, leaning an elbow on the arm of the couch while his other arm reaches over his head. "…Just lucky, I guess. Born with it."

Emmie lets out a cough that may or may not have been masking a snort.

Loki gives her a disdainful look. "Anything you'd like to add?"

"Yeah," she says immediately. "Firstly, your looks do _not _make you hard to hate… I can _quite _easily hate you with no problems whatsoever."

I roll my eyes and decide not to bring up the fact that they're most definitely _not _simply on 'hating' terms.

"And second of all," Emmie continues. "You're not _nearly _as good-looking as Tom Hiddleston."

Loki looks offended at this last. "Excuse me, Emmie, but I am _far _more good-looking than he is. I think he's mediocre. And not nearly as dashing as I."

"He's _way _hotter," Emmie insists.

I shake my head and rub my temples in exasperation. "…You guys… seriously… have no idea… how hard it is for me to hear you argue over this. I personally still think Tom and Loki look pretty alike, and they're equally hot."

"No way," they both chorus in unison before glaring at each other.

"I'm better," Loki repeats.

"_He's _better," Emmie snaps.

"Horsequeen1379 wanted you to know, Emmie, that she thinks you are absolutely adorable and sweet," I interrupt, reading from my paper again.

Emmie's attention immediately snaps away from Loki and their Tom Hiddleston argument to stare at me in horror. "…She didn't…" she breathes.

"She did. That is exactly what she said," I nod solemnly.

Emmie swallows. Then she shudders. And then she cracks her knuckles. "…_How _many fans am I going to have to kill by the end of all these questions?"

I just laugh it off and pick through my papers for another question. "Alright… ready for another one?"

"…That depends," Emmie says slowly. "Does this one call me cute and sweet?"

I consider, looking at the question. "…Not exactly? No. No, not really."

"…Does it have to do with Svaðilfari?" Loki inquires.

I consider and shake my head.

They both nod and wait for the question.

"Alright," I shrug. "This one is from ivyrose1029. She wants me to ask you what cute, fluffy costume you would put the other in."

Both of them freeze. Emmie swears under her breath, and Loki curses the Fates. Then they send each other scowls, as if to say, 'choose your answer carefully, or there'll be hell to pay later.'

"Soooo," I sing happily. "Loki, what cute and fluffy costume would you put Emmie in?"

Loki considers, tapping his chin. "Oh, so many options… I could put her in a little nurse outfit… no. She might use it as an excuse to assault me with hypodermic needles. A little cat? No, I'm sure she'd make use of her nails and say they were claws… a rag doll would be rather cute, but if she were a doll, she might pretend she were possessed… what could I possibly turn her into that would be perfectly harmless? Hmm. Perhaps I could make her an angel."

"I would just pretend to be a fallen angel who was kicked out of heaven," Emmie sniffs.

Loki frowns. "…Let's see… I could… make you…" He brightens suddenly. "I know. _You _can be a _cupcake, _Emmie! A pink cupcake with sparkly sprinkles." He looks rather proud with himself.

Emmie looks vaguely disgusted. "…Ugh… that is so… _fluffy… _and… _sweet… _How could I even turn that against you, if I was a freaking _cupcake?!" _

Loki smirks and crosses his arms over his chest. "You can't. And that's the beauty of it. A cupcake is perfectly harmless and fluffy and sweet."

I grin. "…So, Emmie… here's your chance to get back at him. He's already said he would dress you up as a sweet and darling little cupcake…" she shudders, and Loki grins broadly again. "…but _you _have yet to say what _you _would put _him _in. So… what would you do for him?"

Emmie grins wickedly, and Loki suddenly grows very nervous, looking at her warily.

"…Have mercy," he says weakly.

Emmie's grin widens into a vicious smile. "Why… Loki… I don't think I would have mercy on you. Have you ever heard of the show… _My Little Pony?" _

Loki stiffens, and my eyes widen in shock.

"You…. Wouldn't…" Loki breathes in terror, backing away from her in dismay.

Emmie gives him a superior look. "I _so _would. You, Loki, can dress up as a female horse. Which one, do you think, Loqi? Rainbow Dash?"

Loki scoots a little farther from her, eyes widening.

"…Twilight Sparkle?" Emmie muses in thought.

Loki inches away again.

"…_Pinkie Pie?" _she cackles.

Then we glance to the side… only to find that Loki has disappeared. We can just hear distant footsteps and see a trail of fire blazing down the street outside as Loki makes his getaway, Looney Tunes style.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Again. Apologies if those first couple of questions made anyone uncomfortable XD but I mean, this story IS rated T… so. Anywho. Ahem. :P I'm gonna go ahead and move on from that… yeah, let's move on XD **

**So yeah… poor Emmie, NOT getting proposed to, etc. Lol but then again, she DOES have fans… just not an army, like Loki has of his fangirls XD and ooh, the constant irony of Emmie thinking Tom Hiddleston is hot… And apparently Loki is not accepting marriage proposals *snicker snicker* **

**And let's…. let's just not worry about how exactly Emmie would know about **_**My Little Pony, **_**or why Loki also seems to know. Mmkay, my pumpkins? Let's just pretend that makes perfect sense :D And enjoy wondering what the implications of my leaving it off with the last question being what cute and fluffy costume they would put each other in… *eyes widen* SAYETH WHAT?! FORESHADOWING NEXT ASKEMOKI?! NO WAYETH! *cackles evilly* Moving on… **

**I still have more questions to complete **** Keep sending them in if you have any questions that you think must be answered by these two. Love y'all, and I shall see you for the next chapter… Please favorite, follow, and review. **


	10. Chapter 10

***So today in Biology we were learning about ecology and the interaction between organisms… one of the questions on our bell work: What is the relationship between the crocodile and the bird called? I smiled to myself and put down "symbiosis." Best Biology class ever. **

**Just felt like sharing that with you because I was left with this hilariously warm glow in my chest at that word XD **

Ask Emoki 6

I hum to myself as I walk down an empty, echoey hall with a sheaf of papers in my hands. Behind me I drag a chair, which scrapes loudly on the floor and echoes off the stone walls, drowning out my humming of the Mission Impossible theme song. We've had the last two Ask Emoki's in the Stark Tower living room… and I thought it was time for a change of scenery. Plus this was the only place _safe _for this Ask Emoki.

I come to a stop in front of two cells, adjoined by the golden holographic wall between them. The two prisoners within can look out at me and can still see each other… but (luckily) cannot touch each other. This is for both my own protection and theirs…

Because Emmie is wearing a cupcake costume. And Loki is in a Pinkie Pie costume. And I'd rather them not try to kill me or each other.

As soon as I appear, they launch themselves at the wall separating them from me.

"_How dare you, you stupid mortal!" _

_ "Let us out of here so I can rip out your heart and eat it with your liver!" _

_ "Mewling quim!" _

_ "I'm going to kill you using nothing but __**this thumb!" **_

I clear my throat pointedly. "Yeah… doubtful. You aren't allowed to kill me. I have more questions from the fans, so you aren't allowed to kill me at least until all the questions are answered."

They glare mutinously at me. Then they turn to glare at each other through their little wall.

"I blame you for this," they both proclaim in unison at each other.

I facepalm. And since you probably want a description of the costumes, I shall tell it to you here. Emmie is, indeed, a pink cupcake topped with sparkly sprinkles. The costume is one that makes her look like a cupcake with hands and feet and a face. The cupcake part goes down to about mid-thigh, and then she has pale pink tights underneath it to match the cupcake wrapper. Her face has a hole to poke out of in the middle of the hot pink frosting, and on top of the very uppermost mound of frosting, there are huge sparkles to represent the sprinkles. Also, her face looks like she could literally kill with just a glare. Luckily, she can't. And Loki's Pinkie Pie costume… It's a full-body costume that makes him look like a Little Pony standing on its hind legs. It is, of course, pink. Actually, it looks a lot like an oversized onesie. His hands and feet are uncovered, so his shiny black boots under the pink costume look particularly out of place. There is also a small emblem of balloons and a party hat on his butt, just a couple of inches from the tail that's there as well. There's a hood that lifts over the head to provide the horse head features, with a horse's snout protruding over his head like a bizarre baseball cap, and Pinkie Pie's bright eyes sit on top of his head, just in front of the horse ears and flowing mane. And he looks like he's ready to tear me (or anyone else, for that matter) to shreds with his hands and a butterknife.

If you ask me, they both look marvelous. But I guess they beg to differ.

"So, I think we all know why we're back in the Asgardian dungeons with a joint cell to hold you two in," I say conversationally.

"To keep us from… Cold-Blooded Murder?" Emmie spits bitingly.

I snigger. That was pretty good. "Yup. So… shall we start the questions?"

"…If you promise to let us out of these costumes when it's over," Loki says stubbornly.

I consider with a hum of thought. "…Maybe. We'll see. If you behave." Their faces light up with horror at the 'b-word'… 'behave.' "So…" I shuffle through my papers. "Let's start with this one from Nihlo. She would like to know, Emmie… 'Ms. Hill, if you could be any other person in the nine realms, who would you be and why?'"

Emmie lets out a huff and crosses her arms over the cupcake costume. "Hmm. Who would I be… and why…?" She frowns in thought and looks critically at the wall before her. "…Maybe I'd be Curse from The Dark World so I could break down this wall…"

I roll my eyes. "Emmie. Seriously. If you _weren't _stuck in the Asgardian dungeon, who would you want to be and why?"

"…Maybe I'd be Loki, so I could make him leave me the hell alone…"

"Emmie."

"…Maybe I'd be _you, _Loqi with a q, so I could write all the fics you write the way _I _want them to go…"

"_Emmie!_

_ "What?! _Fine!" She frowns hard in thought and lets out a long breath. "…I think… I'd either be Odin or Thor."

Loki and I throw her curious glances.

"Why Odin or Thor?" Loki asks slowly.

Emmie smiles faintly. "Well… I mean… if I were Odin, then Loki would have absolutely _no _chance of overthrowing me to take over Asgard. So basically to screw with Loki."

I snicker. Leave it to Emmie to choose being someone only to spite Loki. "…And why Thor?"

She grins deviously. "…Because I'm terribly curious to see if, if I were Thor, would I be able to pick up Mjolnir? Because I'd be Thor… but I'd also be me…"

We all pause and ponder over this for a moment.

"…Perhaps once _you _became Thor, you wouldn't be worthy?" Loki suggests.

"That'd be funny," Emmie sighs dreamily. "Imagine how that would screw with _everyone _if suddenly Thor wasn't able to pick up Mjolnir… and then you could also imagine… if I _could _pick up Mjolnir…" she lets out a low, creepy chuckle that sets Loki and me on edge… and that contrasts highly with her costume.

"So… we've got our answer there," I force a smile. "Emmie would be either Odin or Thor. Odin so she could screw with Loki and make sure he never rose to power on Asgard. Thor so she could experiment and see if she's able to pick up Thor's hammer. Shall we move on to the next questions?"

They nod quickly.

I smile. "Okeydokeyy. So… next we have some stuff from Fairyfinder. Firstly I am going to read her comments about the costumes, which she left last chapter when I foreshadowed to your being put in the costumes. So… this is what she says on Emmie being in a cupcake costume."

Emmie puts on her pouty face again and gives me a dirty look, crossing her arms and sticking her hips to one side in a very bratty-teenager-y way.

"' Emmie, whilst wearing the cupcake outfit, you should bake a batch of cupcakes - not just ordinary cupcakes, of course; poisoned cupcakes - and then hand them out to the people on your to-kill list, saying it is a sign of your goodwill. Then when they eat the cupcakes they will either writhe in agony or die, depending on what kind of poison you put in the cupcakes. I like to think of it like this: since you are dressed as a cupcake, but on the inside you are pure evil, why not hand out adorable cupcakes that are equally evil within?' That is what she said on Emmie's cupcake costume." I look up to see Emmie.

She tilts her head to the side in a kind of curious fascination. "…Hey… not a half-bad idea…" she grins. "…I like that. Thank you, Fairyfinder. I just might use that."

Loki throws her a wary look through the see-through wall. "…I am _never _eating _anything _you give me, Emmie. Never."

Emmie laughs a little. "Oh, but Loki, I promise they'll _taste good… _You know… until you start vomiting and feeling numb and start having muscle spasms and foaming at the mouth and you feel like there's internal bleeding and…" she trails off and smiles delicately. "…Like I said. I promise they'll _taste good…" _

Loki pulls a face at her.

"Fairy finder also wanted to add that she's never really come up with murder methods involving baked goods before. Or any murder methods, period. And that we are all rubbing off on her," I say proudly, smiling smugly.

Loki lets out a low, evil laugh. "Turning the readers into psychopathic maniacs… one murder method at a time."

"Cold-Blooded Murder," Emmie adds in a jovial voice. "Making our readers murderous maniacs since 2014."

"She also left a comment on the idea of Loki in an MLP costume," I add. "She says… 'Sorry Loki, ponies aren't that awesome. On the bright side, Rainbow Dash can create giant explosive rainbows (if I recollect correctly), Twilight Sparkle is a master of magic (much like yourself), and Pinkie Pie has a huge skill set which the entirety of is not completely known. And some of those skills might be useful in conquering the earth. Good luck with that.'"

Emmie giggles to herself, and Loki glowers. "So she can turn Emmie's predicament into a plan of evil mischief, but the best she can do is tell me that Pinkie Pie—"

"…Don't _ever _say 'Pinkie Pie' again, Loki," I facepalm. It sounds absolutely ridiculous.

"—has undefined powers which may or may not prove helpful at some time in the future?" Loki finishes.

"Hey," Emmie shrugs. "What can I say? I know how to pick a costume that can have absolutely no good in it for you."

"Fairyfinder also had a couple of questions," I continue. "Ready to hear those?"

They look at me with unsure trepidation, no longer sure what to ever expect from the questions asked in Ask Emoki's.

"This here is for Loki…" I take a breath and read out from my paper."' Loki, are you jealous that Thor has Mjolnir and you do not? And that you only have a scepter given to you by Thanos and said scepter gets taken away by the Avengers? Do you wish YOU had a Mjolnir?'"

Loki rolls his eyes. "…No. I'm not at all jealous of Thor's… _hammer. _I'm quite happy with my _scepter _and think my _weapon _is actually _superior _to his when it comes to doing _battle. _My _scepter _has powers beyond Thor's _hammer_… for example, have you ever seen Thor's _hammer _be used to make someone into a perfect slave? Yes, my _scepter _can quite easily _blow someone's mind… _While Thor's _hammer _is good and well for _pounding enemies, _my _scepter _is far better… I can actually _impale _someone with it, as I did with Coulson, for example. So while Thor's hammer may be one-of-a-kind and he'll only let the worthy _use it… _I still wouldn't want to have any part of _swinging Thor's hammer around…" _he trails off and looks thoughtful for a moment. "…Yes, that's all I can do. I'm out of ideas for dragging this monologue out any _longer… _it's gotten rather _hard _to continue…" he grins wickedly. "So, no. I'm not jealous of Thor's hammer, and I don't want Thor's hammer in any way."

He looks between Emmie and me and then laughs out loud at our expressions. My sheaf of papers is covering the lower half of my face as I stare at him with wide eyes, and Emmie's mouth is hanging slightly open as she gapes at him, her face redder than Thor's cape.

"…Problem, ladies?" he teases lightly.

"Oh, my god," I mumble past the papers. "Loki, you just made me publish an innuendo monologue. How _dare_ you…?"

Loki shrugs halfheartedly. "Well, the question got asked… and all I could think to do was start, ah… _comparing _our _weapons… _Which then simply led to… more dangerous territory in my mind."

"…Apologize to Fairyfinder," I order.

Loki scoffs. "I refuse. That was funnier than hell and you know it."

"…It was funny," I concede. "But that was _bad…" _

Emmie murmurs something about her being _further _scarred for life, as if she wasn't scarred enough as it was.

I sigh and shake my head. "…Apparently Loki isn't retracting his statement and offering a more appropriate answer to Fairyfinder's questions… apparently he isn't jealous of Mjolnir and doesn't want his own Mjolnir because he was quite happy with his own scepter." I snicker. "…Um. Then Loki's scepter got taken away… I'd just like to point that out. Does that mean Loki is now weaponless?" I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

Loki stares at me, his face going pale. "…No! Damn it, Loqi, you just utterly ruined my insinuative analogy by bringing that up!"

I grin and shake my head. "…Let's just move on and see if we can't get some _less _suggestive answers, shall we?" I leaf through my myriad questions. "We've got a few more from Fairyfinder. Here's the next one…" I clear my throat and straighten my paper. "Ahem. 'Emmie, have you ever heard of the X-Men? If so, what do you think of them? Who would be the hardest to defeat? Who would you want to be allies with?'"

Emmie looks slightly puzzled. "Hmm… the X-Men? Yeah, I've never really… I know a _little _about them, but not much."

"Me, neither," Loki shrugs. "Minimal knowledge."

I nod in agreement. "Yeah, I don't know too much, either…" I slip my phone out of my pocket and tap a few buttons, pulling up an internet search for the X-Men (once again, there is convenient Wi-Fi when I need it, cuz reasons like me being the author). "Let's spend a little time familiarizing ourselves, shall we?" I tap on a link for the X-Men Movies Wiki and begin a half hour to an hour of perusal of the various characters.

00000

After a good long while of exploring the X-Men cinematic universe, we all sit silent and ponder over our newfound knowledge.

"So…" I say slowly. "Emmie? Which would you think would be the most difficult to defeat, and which would you want as allies?"

"Well…" she says slowly, tapping her chin. "Overall, I think they're an _interesting _team… well, except for the obviously _ridiculous _name of the school… Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters? Who the hell _named _the place? Who the hell uses the word 'youngsters'?"

I shrug. "Beyond me. Never seen the movies. Maybe it's better described in there… or maybe it's just one of the quirks."

"So anyways," she sighs. "_Interesting. _I think as far as doing battle goes… well, I'm fairly sure that Rogue wouldn't be _too _bad… I'd just need to fight long-distance and avoid _touch, _as far as I can tell. Storm might be difficult… Cyclops would be weird… I'm not sure how I'd deal with him. But overall, I think it's pretty obvious that Wolverine would be the most difficult one to take down. I mean, he's practically freaking _invincible. _Unless you can freaking _decapitate _him or get your hands on adamantium, you're basically screwed. So… Wolverine would be the most difficult person, I think."

"And allies?" I prompt.

She snorts. "Wolverine, obviously. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I mean, there are countless old adages on my side here, so…" she shrugs. "Yuh."

I shrug and nod. "Yeah… let's see what else we have." I snort as I see the last question from Fairyfinder. "One more question here… she wants to know… 'Loki, about the horse… just… why?'"

Emmie starts giggling uncontrollably, and Loki looks _exceedingly _displeased.

"_Why _does everyone fixate on the horse incident?!" he snaps irritably, crossing his arms and glaring around.

"…Because it's funny as hell…?" Emmie suggests. "Plus it's kinda… bizarre. It makes everyone think you have some really creepy fetishes and habits, and it spawns a lot of ideas of you being gay or bi or just generally into bestiality or—"

"Shut up and let's not give the readers any more ideas," Loki interrupts. "_Why _with the horse? Well, it's obviously all Odin's fault. _Not _my idea."

"Shall we all sit around the campfire and listen to the story of Sleipnir being conceived?" I grin.

Loki glares. "…Whatever. Basically the Asgardians wanted a wall to be built around Asgard, and we wanted to hire someone to do it for us. So we hired a man and promised him his payment if he could build the wall by the first day of summer. What he wanted in payment was the sun, the moon, and the goddess of love. Well, we were quite sure that he _wouldn't _be able to finish building the entire wall by the first day of summer, and so we agreed. But the only help he would be able to get while building this wall was from his horse—"

"Svaðilfari?" Emmie interrupts brightly.

Loki throws her a dirty look. "…Yes, obviously it was Svaðilfari. Honestly. Were you expecting it to be Seabiscuit?" "Loki, don't change the subject," I scold. "So the guy was promised the sun, the moon, and Freyja if he was able to complete the entire wall around Asgard by the first day of summer using only his horse for help."

"Yes," he sighs. "And we were all quite surprised when he made astonishing progress on building this wall. It was only two days until the first day of summer, and he was nearly done building the wall. Suddenly Odin decided he was a cheapskate and didn't actually _want _to pay the man the price he had been promised. So his solution was to delay the finishing of the wall until his time was up, therefore nullifying the agreement and allowing the wall to be built for free. So…" Loki grimaces. "…His solution was to tell me to get the work on the wall to be delayed. So…" he shifts uncomfortably. "…I… _distracted_ Svaðilfari for a while…. In mare form. So…" he sighs. "…A few months later, Sleipnir was born. And all because Odin doesn't like holding up his end of the bargain when you make a deal with him. Bloody cheapskate."

"Ah," I say lightly. "So…" I smirk slightly. "…Did the wall get finished on time?"

Loki glares. "…No. The work was delayed long enough that it wasn't finished by the first day of summer, and so Odin didn't have to give up the sun and the moon and Freyja."

Emmie smiles. "…So _something _good came out of this besides our entertainment."

"Shut up."

I grin. "So… Loki, could you _really _not think of _any other way _to delay the work besides getting it on with Svaðilfari?"

He flushes. "I was pressed for time and I didn't have time to think of another plan!"

"Plus he was horny…" Emmie mumbles into her hand.

"Excuse you, Little Miss I-Can't-Stand-Hearing-Innuendos?!" Loki shoots at her angrily.

She throws up her hand in mock surrender. "Hey, as long as it's contributing to your humiliation over the whole horse business, I'm cool with it. I enjoy tormenting you, remember?"

He grumbles and glares at me. "…So _why _is because of Odin. Stupid man."

"And lack of better planning," Emmie adds.

I shake my head. "Okay… next, then?"

"Next," they agree.

"Alrighty," I flip through my papers. "Hmm… Here's one from Horsequeen1379. She would like to know, Loki… 'Loki, was it cool being a horse temporarily? And would you ever turn into a horse again just for the fun of it?'"

Loki facepalms. "What… is with… the horse… questions?!"

"I told you," Emmie reminds him cheekily. "It leaves a lot to the imagination."

"So… was it cool to be a horse? And would you do it again just for fun?" I prompt.

"He already did it 'just for fun,'" Emmie snickers. "Cuz all he did _last time _was 'have fun'…"

"No one asked you, _Cupcake," _Loki snarls at her.

Emmie's cheeks turn red as she looks down at her costume again. "…Well, _you're _not answering, _Pinkie Pie." _

I sigh and watch as they launch themselves at the wall separating them and start pounding their fists against it in an attempt to get at each other. "This… is a disaster," I mutter. "Loki! Emmie!" I shout. They continue kicking and hitting the wall, yelling insults and profanities.

"Piece of shi—!"

"Little harlot-!"

"Asshole-!"

"Foul little demon-!"

"Horse lecher-!"

"Take that back!"

"No!"

"_OI! COLD-BLOODED MURDER! OTP OF HALF THE PEOPLE READING THIS!" _I bellow at them.

They pause very briefly to give me a murderous glare.

"Shut up and answer the freaking questions!" I chide exasperatedly. "Gods… someone might start to think I actually have _no _control over my own characters if you keep going like this…"

"You _have _no control over us," Emmie says haughtily. "Loki is technically owned by another company, and I escaped the mental asylum in the back of your mind. So… you have no control over us and therefore can't make us do anything."

"Answer the freaking questions," I rub my forehead tiredly.

"…Being a horse," Loki says slowly. "Was perfectly fine. However, turning into a horse has now forever been ruined by that experience. So, no. I would _not _turn into a horse for fun."

"Thank you, Pinkie—I mean, Loki," I say quietly, keeping a perfectly straight face as I give him an earnest expression.

His face slowly transforms into a glower again. "Loqi… go to Helheim and burn there for the rest of eternity," he says with a voice perfectly controlled and even.

I smile a little. "Certainly. Right after we finish all our questions. And we have several more to go through…. So that may take a while."

He huffs and just shakes his head.

I sift through my myriad papers. "Hmm… let's answer this one. To finish us off here… from LEDAnime. She says… 'I have a question for the dear happy couple, Cold-Blooded Murder.'" I pause and look up at them to see their reaction to the use of their self-proclaimed ship name yet again.

They just glare at each other and scoff. Emmie flips Loki off.

I sigh and shake my head. "Right. So… 'My question is this. Have either of you ever had any pets? If you wanted a pet, what animal would it be? It could be your companion _or _your living torture device. I recommend a honey badger or a Komodo dragon. The second one is one of my favorites."

Loki looks thoughtful. "A pet…"

"And you're not allowed to have a horse," I add, just because _someone _has to say it, and Loki's pissed enough at Emmie as it is.

"You… are going to be killed," Loki announces nonchalantly, pointing at me. "And no. I wouldn't want a horse anyway. Let's see… what's a honey badger, and what's a Komodo dragon? I think a dragon would be a good pet…"

"Komodo dragons aren't real dragons as you would think of them, Loki," I answer. "A Komodo dragon is a large monitor lizard native to Indonesia. It is the largest living lizard, sometimes growing to a length of three meters (ten feet)." I then quickly close the screen on my phone I had been reading from. "I believe they're also poisonous," I add. I reconsider. "Wait, no… I don't think they're actually poisonous. From what I've heard, their saliva is actually just full of so much bacteria that it getting into your bloodstream when they bite you is enough to cause a raging infection that will kill you."

Emmie looks fascinated.

Loki looks unimpressed. "…A real dragon would just breathe fire on its victims."

"Well, it's not a real dragon," I huff. "Now tell us… let's stick to Earth animals, and tell us what pet you might have."

Loki taps his chin, frowning. "…Let's see… I'd want something strong, intimidating, and can actually cause damage to someone…" his face lights up. "I think I would like to have a jaguar."

I freeze and gape at him. "…Did… you… just say… you want… a jaguar?"

He nods.

I cover my mouth with the papers again and begin giggling uncontrollably. "Loki… wants… a jaguar," I cackle. "Ooh, the _irony… Loki _wants a _jaguar…" _

"_What _is so amusing about that?" Loki snaps.

I force my giggles down and stand up straight. In my best Tom Hiddleston impersonation, I say, "They say Brits make the best villains… but what makes a good villain?" And then I collapse into a fit of laughter again.

Both Loki and Emmie look vaguely lost. "…What is she laughing about?" Loki asks slowly.

Emmie shakes her head. "…I actually have not the slightest clue."

My laughter dies away again and I sigh, facepalming. "Loki…. There's this thing… with Tom Hiddleston and Jaguars… It's the most awesome thing ever…"

"What?" Loki asks irritably, just wanting me to explain myself already.

"It's just ironic that you would want a jaguar when Tom Hiddleston did a commercial for Jaguar," I grin.

Loki glares. "Fine. Then I _don't _want a jaguar if Tom Hiddleston is associated with jaguars."

"Too late," I smirk. "Loki wants a jaguar. Next?" I look to Emmie.

She suppresses a smile. "…Can I have Tom Hiddleston as a pet…?"

"No," Loki and I both say blandly in unison, giving her stern looks.

She rolls her eyes. "Fine. How about… well, you said _Loki _can't have a horse. Can _I _have a horse-?"

"No," Loki and I answer again.

She sticks her tongue out at us. "Then I'll take the honey badger, actually."

"What's a honey badger?" Loki asks. "And why would you want it?"

"A honey badger is a carnivorous mammal of Africa and Asia, having short legs and a thick coat that is dark below and whitish above. Also called a ratel," I explain, closing the screen on my phone when I finish speaking. "Also, it's known for—"

"Not caring and not giving a shit," Emmie cuts in with an impish grin.

Loki blinks. "…What?"

I shake my head with a sigh. "There are some things about Earth that you shall never understand, Loki. And one of them is the honey badger. Let's just leave it at that. It's basically known as a badass."

"And I want one because honey badger don't care. And because honey badger don't give a shit," Emmie nods knowingly.

Loki looks blankly between us. "…Uh…?"

"Don't worry about it," I wave my hand in dismissal at him.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Hey everyone :P So I'm going to cut this one off here… Apologies to everyone. I was feeling kind of odd when I wrote this chapter… so for the Loki innuendo monologue, I apologize. Also, I am not really familiar with X-Men, so I did actually end up spending a half hour to an hour on the X-Men Wiki to get to know the basics. **

**On the **_**positive **_**side, we got to see Loki and Emmie dressed up in their cute and fluffy costumes! XD **

**And the Jaguar thing: in case anyone doesn't know, Tom Hiddleston did the most epic commercial in history for Jaguar (the car). And also the honey badger thing… internet sensation thingamajigger video of a Nature program about the honey badger voiced over with a lot of swearing and general talking about the badassery of the honey badger. **

**So that's that… the next several questions I have lined up are two to- five-parters, and so I'm just going to save them for the next Ask Emoki. **

**Yet again, I'm feeling in kind of an odd mood, so I apologize if this one is kinda weird. I'm a little out of it today. **

**Please favorite, follow, and review. Questions and/or requests are welcome. **


	11. Chapter 11

Ask Emoki 7

In a huge room filled with tables, I sit. The numerous tables in the room are covered with white linen cloths. At the head of the room is an archway. Light spills in from the windows, overlooking a picturesque view of grass and trees and stone pathways.

"…Should I even bother asking where we are?" Loki asks warily, looking around the room. He sits across the table from me, next to Emmie.

I glance up from my clipboard with papers attached to it. I slowly put a pencil behind my ear and tuck a few strands of hair away. "Mmm…

I'm not sure you exactly want to know…"

"No, I think we'd _very _much like to know exactly where we are," Emmie crosses her arms over her chest. Loki nods in agreement.

I clear my throat. "…Yeah… well… we're nowhere specific in the Marvel cinematic universe, actually. For once."

"And we're not in your school auditorium, either," Loki observes.

I shake my head. "Nope."

"So where?" Emmie asks again.

I lick my lips. "…It has something to do with one of the fan questions."

"Where?" they ask in unison, glowering at my refusal to relinquish the information of our location.

I sigh and bow my head. "Okay. Okay, okay, okay. We are at the top floor of a hotel not far from my home."

"For some reason that still doesn't clarify," Loki points out sarcastically.

I grin sheepishly. "…This is where my parents had their renewal."

"Renewal?" Emmie lifts an eyebrow in question.

"Yeah…" I sniff and scratch my chin. "…Basically like a second wedding, to renew their wedding vows to each other after ten years of marriage."

They stare blankly in shock at me.

"Why the hell are we in a place that people can rent out for weddings?" Loki asks flatly.

"Told you. It's because of one of the fan questions," I shrug evasively. "Um… let's… start with something else, though. We've got our first question from QueenMarthaPond."

They look at me mistrustfully, but don't object.

"Alright," I take a breath and read out from my paper. "From QueenMarthaPond… 'We all know you both love the Avengers, so I'm going to put you in an extremely hard situation and ask you to rate the Avengers from worst to best, with reasons.'" I glance up.

"Aww… _shit," _Emmie whispers to herself, grimacing. "Rate the Avengers from worst to best?"

"Wait, what constitutes 'worst'? Our perception of what's 'good' about them is very different from what other people think is the 'good' things about them. Like… People think Barton is the worst Avenger because he's rather unhelpful except hand-to-hand and archery, and would be very easy to take down for anyone with powers. But to _me…" _Loki puts his hand over his heart. "He's one of the _best, _because he's so easy to take down."

I roll my eyes. "Fine. Rate them like that, then… who's the best to _you." _

"None of them are the best," Emmie scoffs.

"They're all ants under my boot," Loki sniffs in agreement.

I sigh. "Look, we're going to have to do this somehow…" I pause. "Wait, you said they're ants under your boot?"

They glance at each other and nod in agreement.

"Okay," I grin. "I'm changing up this question a bit, then. I've got a ranking scale we can do this on… So. If all the Avengers were ants… in what order would you step on them?"

Emmie brightens, and Loki grins devilishly.

"Now _that's _a good question," Loki rubs his chin. "Hmm… Emmie, who do you think we'd squish first?"

"Stark. Without a doubt," she proclaims. "Tony Stark would be the most irritating ant, just _begging _to be squished. I'd stomp him straight-up, first thing, no questions asked."

Loki nods in approval. "Then I insist we step on Thor next. "

"Fine with me. Thor is second to be stomped."

"I'd stomp _hard, _too," Loki adds. "And then I'd grind him into the pavement with my foot."

"Lovely," Emmie smiles. "Who next? It's gonna be either Romanoff or Banner, I think… Hmm… I think Romanoff would be a very squishable little ant. I'd step on her next."

"And then Banner directly after Agent Romanoff," Loki nods. "Then… you think Rogers after that?"

"Sure. Rogers can be the next to meet the sole of my shoes. Which leaves Barton for last?" Emmie does a quick count on her fingers. "Tony, Thor, Natasha, Bruce, Steve, and Clint?"

"I think that's all of them," Loki nods.

"Hmm," I muse. "That was actually kind of interesting… it's kind of difficult to actually rate them worst to best… but you at least rated them by how much you _hate _them… So is it safe to say that in your eyes, Barton is the best Avenger, Rogers is second, Banner is next, followed by Romanoff, Thor is second worst, and then Stark is the absolute worst Avenger?"

They shrug. "Moderately accurate, I suppose…"

"Great." I flip to the next page of my clipboard. "Ooh, fantastic. This is the second question from QueenMarthaPond. And also the reason we're up here in the hotel penthouse, which rents out to parties and weddings, and where my parents renewed their vows…"

Loki looks wary, and Emmie doesn't look quite sure how she's supposed to react.

I clear my throat and smile slightly. "I'm sure we all remember Ask Emoki 5, back in Stark Tower, where Crazedfangirl96 asked Loki to marry her."

"Oh, that was _rich," _Emmie says with relish.

"That was _terrible," _Loki grimaces.

"Well, I'm sure we also remember that I insinuated that Loki was proposing to Emmie by saying that he wasn't going to marry Crazedfangirl96," I continue. "So… QueenMarthaPond had this to say on the matter: 'The almost engagement made me think, what is your wedding going to be like? I want to know all, what you are both wearing, where it'll be, etc.'"

Loki looks horrified. Emmie just grins.

"Ahem. Loqi with a Q," Emmie says. "My folder, if you will?"

I nod quickly, knowing what she's talking about, even though Loki obviously doesn't. With a flourish, I pull a manila folder out of nowhere and hand it across the table to Emmie.

She promptly flips it open. "Okay, so the color scheme is going to be green and gold…" she pulls out two swatches from the manila folder, displaying them on the table.

Loki gapes at her in terror. "W—wait! _Just a bloody second! _I haven't even _proposed _and you have a _folder _of wedding plans?!"

Emmie glances down at the file folder. It's moderately full, with at least twenty to thirty pieces of paper in it. "…Yeah…"

Loki just blinks blankly, totally uncomprehending. "…You think about us getting married…?" he sounds like he's not sure if he should be _happy _about that thought, or running for the hills. He just looks a little bewildered.

Emmie shrugs. "Loki, I think about lots of things. I think about us getting married, I think about us breaking up, and sometimes I think about that motion-activated grenade I put in one of your dresser drawers. But then I watch a few videos of Tom Hiddleston online… and I'm fine." She smiles sweetly.

Loki blinks blankly again, not sure if she's joking about the motion-activated grenade that may or may not be in one of the drawers of his dresser. Also he's probably still a little stunned at the fact that Emmie has wedding plans for them.

"Anywho," Emmie turns back to her folder. "So like I said, the colors are going to be green and gold…" she gestures to the swatches: a forest green and a pale gold that remind a bit of winter and Christmas. "And it's gonna be a winter wedding… I was thinking we could have it up somewhere in Norway, just for Loki's sake… sentiment and all."

"I'm not sentimental," Loki says stubbornly as he crosses his arms.

Emmie snorts and rolls her eyes, throwing him a disbelieving look. "Please, Loki, you proposed to me. Obviously you're very sentimental."

He balks at the statement. "Wh—I didn't propose to you!"

"Well, if you ever do, we've got plans," Emmie dismisses, gesturing. "I'm not sure the exact location, you know, venue and that kind of thing…" she pulls out a couple of photos. "And I found this dress…" She sets the picture on the table and continues perusing the folder while Loki and I lean forward to see the dress she has evidently selected for herself.

It's modelled on a young woman in the picture who looks absolutely nothing like Emmie, but we focus on the garment itself. It looks like an A-line dress, which flares out at the waist. Also, it has a slit on one side that goes up to about the knee.

"The slit is so I can have a dagger strapped to my calf, in case you're wondering," Emmie informs us absentmindedly as she continues to sift through her wedding plans. "And I'd have a green sash with gold trim across my waist."

Loki and I exchange incredulous looks.

"And I was thinking Loki could wear the same suit thing he wore in Germany," Emmie sighs. "Because I sure as hell am _not _letting him wear the helmet… and Loqi with a Q will do the ceremony, and none of the Avengers or our family are allowed."

"Hang on: you want _me _to do the ceremony?" I ask bemusedly.

Emmie nods without looking up, frowning between two brochures of honeymoon suites which she evidently hasn't decided between.

I close my eyes and sigh, utterly not even sure how this all came about. Another thought strikes me. "Question," I input. "…_Who _will be attending this wedding, exactly?"

Emmie pauses in thought. "Hmm. I'm not letting my mother anywhere near, like I said… Loki?"

"Frigga doesn't like you," Loki observes. "So she probably won't want to come… Odin and Thor aren't allowed, either. Ah… Um…"

"We could invite…" Emmie furrows her brow in thought. "Hmm. We could invite…" Her face lights up. "The fans. The fans can come to our wedding, Loki, since obviously there's quite a few of them. Off the top of my head, Horsequeen1379, Phantasmagorical Me, Lady the Warrior, M0rbidF0x, QueenMarthaPond, Crazedfangirl96, XAhMunnaEatChooX, Ivyrose1029, Fangs and Fire, LEDAnime, WhoPotterAvenge- X Kane, Fairyfinder, Nihlo… That's all I can remember. That's all the people who have ever asked questions in Ask Emoki."

"…So at least thirteen people," Loki says.

Emmie smirks. "Considering all odds, that's not a bad turnout for the wedding of two insane serial killers."

I sigh. "Anything else to add about the wedding plans?"

"Uh huh. The song for me and Loki is _I Can't Decide _by Scissor Sisters," Emmie announces.

Suddenly Loki lightens up. "Oh, that's _perfect!" _

I facepalm. "Oh, god… _that _song? For your _wedding?" _

"It describes us _perfectly!" _Emmie protests. "Look, just tell people the lyrics. They can look it up later if they want."

"I will do no such thing," I proclaim. "_You _tell people the lyrics if you want to let them know what 'your song' is."

Emmie pulls a face. "Grr…" she glances at Loki. "Fine. Ready?"

Loki blinks. "Wait, are we seriously singing it?"

"Just, like… uh… let's see, we can start…" She leans in and whispers in his ear.

He grins. "Okay, okay."

They clear their throats and sing from the middle of the song together: "_I've got to hand it to you; you play by all the same rules. It takes the truth to fool me… and now you've made me angry! I can't decide whether you should live or die. Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry; no wonder why my heart feels dead inside! It's cold and hard and petrified! Lock the doors and close the blinds; we're going for a ride! Oh, I could throw you in the lake or feed you poison birthday cake! I won't deny, I'm gonna miss you when you're gone," _they break off and hum a few notes between the next lines. "_Oh, I could bury you alive, but you might crawl out with a knife, and kill me while I'm sleeping: that's why I can't decide whether you should live or die…" _they trail off.

"And then it goes back into the chorus again," Loki explains.

I just sigh and shake my head. "Brilliant. Your wedding song is _I can't Decide. _That is just… sad. _Really _sad. Anything else about wedding plans, Emmie?"

Emmie grins wickedly. "…Yes…"

Loki and I wait.

"…I'll be serving cupcakes," Emmie smiles savagely as she says it.

I facepalm. "Awww…. Crap. See what you've done, Fairyfinder?"

"Let's please move on," Loki says. "The thought of Emmie and me getting married is _really _stressing me out…" He throws a disturbed look to Emmie. "…And the idea of her serving cupcakes at such an occasion is _not _helping."

I dip my head in agreement. "Right. So… next questions. Ah, we've got several here from Phantasmagorical Me."

Emmie raises her eyebrows as she carefully puts all the wedding plan papers back into the folder. "Phantasmagorical Me? That's the one who wrote a poem about me in Ask Emoki 2 and asked me for murder advice?"

I nod. "Correct."

"I like her," Emmie says in an impressive likeness of Loki's saying it in _The Dark World. _

Loki throws her a look at this impersonation of his voice.

"Ahem," I say. "Firstly, she wanted me to tell you this verbatim… 'First of all, let me just say that you guys are probably my OTP and I adore you both. You guys are the cutest...hm, not boyfriend and girlfriend...not couple...definitely not lovers...symbioses. And you guys are unquestionably awesome.'" I look up to see their responses to this.

Emmie opens her mouth to comment, then just closes her mouth and props her head on a fist, pondering this. "…Honestly…I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult."

"…Honestly…I'm not sure which she meant it as," I snicker.

Loki glares mutinously at me. "…Out-of-place references to Battle of Wits aside…"

"On one hand, she called us cute," Emmie observes. "But on the other hand, she said we're her OTP and that we're awesome."

"But on the other hand—" Loki starts to say, but I interrupt.

"You have three hands?" I inquire.

They give me a puzzled look.

"…You said on one hand, but on the other hand, but on the other hand… so… you have three hands?" I grin.

They roll their eyes.

"The point I was going to make before I was so rudely interrupted," Loki forges ahead. "Was that she incorrectly used the word symbioses."

Emmie gives him a wry smile. "…Grammar Nazi…"

"No, honestly," Loki says earnestly, straightening and looking between me and Emmie seriously. "Symbioses would be the plural for Symbiosis. So symbioses refers to two instances of symbiosis. The word she was _looking for _could be either 'symbionts' or 'symbiotes'. Which both would mean two organisms in a symbiotic relationship."

Emmie and I blink.

"Point being…?" I say slowly. "She was one letter off of 'symbiotes'. She very well might have made a typo in her message."

"Still wrong," Loki insists.

"Shut up, Loki," Emmie sighs in exasperation. "What were her questions?"

"Right," I nod. "So… the first question here from Phantasmagorical Me is this. For Loki: In the past few Ask Emoki's, we've kind of glossed over your childhood 'crush' on Sif, which I find both heartbreaking and adorable. :) Can we get an elaboration on that? (Be honest or I'll ask Thor what really happened).'"

Emmie snickers and leans back in her seat, looking to Loki for her entertainment.

He lets out a long breath of irritation.

"At least she's not asking about the horse," I point out.

"Really, Loqi with a Q?!" Loki snaps. "I thought we might be able to go one chapter without mentioning the horse…"

"Nope," Emmie and I chorus.

"So," I nod encouragingly to him. "Tell us about you and Sif. We wanna hear _all _the details." I lean back in my seat as well, looking imploringly at the god of mischief.

He sighs and rubs his face before glaring between us two girls. "….Fine. When Thor and I were younger, Sif was our friend, and we played together a lot. Also, she wasn't interested in warfare or being a warrior or anything like that. She was pretty proper for a young lady, and she had gold hair back then."

"And you had a crush on her," Emmie adds.

Loki glowers. "…Yes. Anyway, I've told the story of my cutting off her hair in a past Ask Emoki… but just as a refresher for any bumbling person whose forgotten, I cut off her hair—"

"I don't think we mentioned before exactly _why _you cut it off?" I input, raising my eyebrows.

Loki shifts uncomfortably. "…It was a prank because she liked Thor better than me," he admits under his breath.

Emmie tries to hide her smirk behind her hand, muttering something about 'childish and stupid' and 'thought he was better than that.'

"Anyways," Loki continues. "I cut off her hair, was ordered to give it back, then went to the dwarves, and then didn't pay them. So as a result, Sif's hair became black. As I recall, she was so upset when her golden hair became black that she began wailing in distress. And nobody could get her to shut up about it. So finally, her parents were fed up with it and sent her away to learn to become a warrior so she wouldn't be so irritatingly vain and—"

"You're just mad because she didn't like you back," I point out. "You _liked _her."

"I'd like to point out that maybe he liked her because he's vain, too," Emmie suggests.

"Point being he's exaggerating his dislike of Sif now because he's bitter about his delusional childhood sweetheart scenario not going how he wanted," I finish. "Continue, Loki. Sif was sent away to learn to be a warrior by her parents because she wouldn't stop crying about her golden hair turning black."

Loki huffs. "_Why _do you keep interrupting me?!"

"Because," we say simply. "Go on."

Loki sighs morosely. "…And after she was sent away to become a warrior, I didn't see Sif for years. And when she finally came back, she was different; a warrior. Which _really _didn't help with the situation with the love triangle with Thor and Sif and I."

"…So to sum up," I say mildly. "Your attempt to get her to notice you by cutting off her hair backfired, eventually leading to her leaving and coming back even further from you."

"Making plans that backfire seems to be one of Loki's strong suits," Emmie nods.

"What's the next bloody question?" Loki grumbles, evidently done explaining the situation with Sif.

"Great," I perk up as I look at my clipboard. "So, another from Phantasmagorical Me. This one is for Emmie… here it is: 'For Emmie: What's your favorite song(s) to listen to when you have free time (or you're procrastinating)? And if you don't have one or you can't remember, may I make a suggestion? One of Loqi's personal favorites, "Revenge and Its Thrills" by Tonight Alive. I'm sure Loqi would play it for you if you haven't heard it.'"

Emmie grins. "Ooh, _Revenge and its Thrills. _I actually know that one. In the epilogue of TMTA, there was an indirect reference to me listening to that song! Loqi with a Q, read it! Read it!"

I shake my head and magically pull my laptop out from under the table, though I'm fairly sure it wasn't there before (once again, author powers). I flip it open and open up the document of the TMTA Epilogue. "Excerpt from the epilogue….. 'Emmie kicked her boots off into a corner and tossed her jacket onto the semi-neat bed. She crossed over to the stereo that sat on a plain wooden dresser and hit the play button. A song by Tonight Alive started blaring out, and Emmie nodded her head along to the angry drums and guitars…' So though it was an indirect reference, it was kind of a joke in my mind that Emmie was actually listening to _Revenge and its Thrills." _

"So what is _Revenge and its Thrills?" _Loki inquires.

Emmie and I cackle evilly.

"Like Phantasmagorical Me said," I say briskly. "One of my personal favorites. I actually used it at the end of Chapter 9 of Battle of Wits, too, but that was long before I even conceived of Emmie. So… basically it's a song about—"

"Torturing people you always wanted to kill, and finally letting go of your inner inhibitions," Emmie says brightly. "Super awesome song, with epic guitars and drums and female vocals. Some of the key lines being parts like: _These images of you become violent, and I'm searching for a reason not to let myself go on you… well, believe me, it's not the first time I've wanted to: I've just been waiting for the right chance to hold you—still not hold your hand, but hold you to the flames and watch you dance." _She pauses and taps her chin. "Other favorite lines would be… _Oh, I can almost taste it; the taste of sweet, sweet, sweet revenge… come closer, my friend, so I can let myself go on you." _

"Really an awesome song," I agree, smiling fondly.

Loki just lifts an eyebrow in slight skepticism.

"Anywho," I say breezily. "Emmie, any other songs you like to listen to in your spare time?"

She nods. "_Bad Apple. _I think it was originally in Japanese, but I only know the English version, which can be found on YouTube… that's basically a song about kind of losing yourself in the hatred and anger inside. Some good lines from that would be… _I'm slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity, with nothing but my hate and the paralyzing agony to tell me who I am, who I was. Uncertainty enveloping my mind till I can't break free… _That's one of the good parts, but really the whole song is generally filled with awesome lyrics. Also, _Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know? Can I take another step? I've done everything I can. All the people that I see I will never understand. If I find a way to change, if I step into the light, then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to white." _She falls silent and contemplative. "…So yeah. Bad Apple, Revenge and its Thrills…" She brightens. "And I think the song _She's So Mean _is pretty good. The _best p_art of that song is the video! Seriously, everyone who likes _me _and my chaos that I cause should look up the official music video for _She's So Mean _by Matchbox 20." She smiles. "So… yeah. Next question?"

"Certainly." I consult my clipboard again. "Ah… yes." I smile.

Emmie awaits eagerly. "I _like _these questions from Phantasmagorical Me… I got to hear Loki get humiliated about his childhood crush… I got to rant about awesome songs… what's next?"

"Probably more of me getting humiliated," Loki says sullenly.

I grin devilishly at this exchange. "You two are going to _love this one… Alright. Last question from Phantasmagorical Me." I clear my throat. "'_ For Emmie: Sorry, Emmie, I think you're awesome, but I came to the realization that most of the questions in the Ask Emoki series were geared towards humiliating Loki...and since I'm a strong believer in fairness/revenge, here is YOUR humiliating question. And the reason why I'm not asking it to Loki even though it would be interesting to see how he would answer...well, he got lucky this time. *cough* Got Loki this time. Your question: when did you realize that you fell for Loki, and why do you think you did? And don't give me any "he understands" smeg either. Be honest and original."

Emmie's excited expression falls away like melted ice cream sliding down a cone. Loki, however, looks like he was just given the best present anyone could ever give him.

"_About bloody time!" _he chuckles wickedly. "Honestly. She should have done _this _rather than a poem… _I _appreciate it _so _much more!"

Emmie elbows him in the ribs angrily. "Shut up, you! Do I seriously have to answer this question?" she asks pleadingly, looking back at me worriedly

I nod. "Emmie, I've yet to not answer a question asked for Ask Emoki. You are going to have to answer this question in one way or another. So… when did you fall for Loki, exactly, and why do you think you did? And something a little more profound than the standard 'he understands'."

Emmie mouths silently for a moment. "But… _when _did I realize…? I don't…" She chuckles self-consciously. "I mean…" She smiles wryly. "When did I realize that I fell for Loki…? Why, it came on so gradually that I do not know when it began… but I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley."

Loki blinks in confusion. "…Wait, what?"

I facepalm. "Emmie, do be serious! I entreat you!"

Loki still looks confused. "She just quoted _Pride and Prejudice," _I explain. "Once again comparing you to Darcy, Loki. That's what Elizabeth Bennett says when her sister asks her exactly when it was that she began falling in love with Mr. Darcy."

Emmie shrugs sheepishly. "…What? It was the perfect time for a Jane Austen quote…"

"Answer the question for real!" I chide.

Emmie sighs and looks down, her cheeks colored as she fiddles with the hem of the white linen tablecloth. "Mmm… when did I realize I was falling for Loki…" she sighs and fidgets uncomfortably.

Loki leans an elbow on the table, giving Emmie a surprisingly thoughtful and patient look as he waits. It looks to me like he's vaguely surprised that she's Gotten quiet and embarrassed about this rather than angrily defensive.

"Hey, Loqi with a Q?" Emmie asks nervously. "Could I… ah… see your laptop really quick?"

I give her a dubious look, but her expression is surprisingly convincing in a way that doesn't make me think she's being manipulative. She's biting her bottom lip and looking at me from under her brows anxiously. "Okay…" I say slowly, sliding the computer across the table to her.

She throws a self-conscious look to Loki before tapping a few keys on the laptop keyboard and then scrolling with the touchpad. "Okay… Excerpt from Chapter 11 of Twisted Minds Think Alike." She clears her throat and begins reading the words, switching them from the original third-person point-of-view they were originally written in to the first-person point-of-view as she speaks. "He was seething, fighting back the urge to strangle me. I could see it. I could see that I had gotten him to the breaking point. This was the point at which people either lashed out or broke down. I wondered which he would do. I wondered if I would live if he lashed out. Probably not. But I got a corrupt gratification from angering him, along with a self-loathing for doing it to him." She snaps the laptop closed and pushes it back towards me. "So… yeah. That," she murmurs softly. "Basically when I started actually being _attracted _to him. When I _wanted _to get into all these arguments with him so I could hurt and be hurt by it." She repositions herself and licks her lips, not looking up to meet either his or my eyes. "Um… and _why?" _ She scoffs slightly. "…Probably, in the bluntest terms, because I'm a masochist and he's a sadist. Also because I'm a sadist and he's a masochist. So basically because we like hurting and getting hurt back, and we're the kind of double-edged sword that can provide that for each other. So… yeah. Basically because He'll put up with me hurting him by hurting me back." She clears her throat and bites her lip again. "…Yeah. Masochism/sadism kinda thing."

Nobody speaks for a moment.

"…That's disturbing how touching I found that," Loki murmurs softly, smiling crookedly.

I grin. "…We're in a place that rents out to weddings, you know, and I'm going to be performing your ceremony anyway, so—"

"No!" they shout in unison.

I laugh and wave my hand. "Yeah, I know, I know. But still. Weird how creepy and yet sweet that was. I'm serious, I love writing you guys… Just so you know, if you were a _normal _couple, now would be an appropriate time for a soft kiss to seal that proclamation of love—"

"Shut up!" Emmie snaps. "And don't you dare insinuate that I can make a loving speech that can invoke a caring kiss! That is _offensive _to me!"

"Right," I sigh. "Anyways, that's all the questions four this Ask Emoki. You guys ready to go?" I gesture towards the back of the large room, where an elevator is set back in the wall.

There's a meaningful look exchanged between them.

"…We'll be along in a minute," Loki says delicately.

"…We're gonna hang for a little bit," Emmie says lightly.

I start to stand up, smiling knowingly between the two as I collect my clipboard and laptop. "…You two gonna talk about what was just said…?"

"No."

"Shut up."

"None of your business, Loqi with a Q."

"Just shove off, Loqi with a Q."

"Sure, sure, whatever you say," I say breezily, walking off towards the elevator. I strain my ears to listen if they speak, but they're careful not to even make a noise. I step into the elevator and let the doors close, leaving Loki and Emmie still sitting at the table silently, not touching and not even looking at each other as the doors slide closed, cutting off my view of them. And I'm going to be perfectly honest… I don't know exactly what transpires while they're alone up in the penthouse of the hotel /resort. Maybe they say something meaningful, maybe they just say they were going to forget that that Ask Emoki ever happened, and maybe they Just continue to sit in silence until unspoken consent made them stand up and leave without anything actually happening. Maybe they do actually kiss. Maybe they end up arguing. Maybe Emmie ends up getting pinned against the wall. That happens pretty often in their symbiosis.

But… we'll never know.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: …Well, then. That ended up going a little different than I intended. But actually… that was the most fun I've had writing Emoki in a while. Weird. :P**

**Maybe it was the random song lyrics I got to reference and type out… maybe it was the throwbacks to Twisted Minds… maybe it was the (funnily enough) romantic quality of some of the questions. In any case, I'm feeling in a relatively good mood. ;) If anyone would be willing to look up the songs Emmie mentioned (**_**I Can't Decide **_**by Scissor Sisters, Revenge and Its Thrills by Tonight Alive, Bad Apple (English Translation), or the She's So Mean by Matchbox 20 music video on YouTube), then I think it would be cool to hear your thoughts on how well **_**you **_**guys think they relate to Emmie. And what would **_**you guys **_**think about attending Emmie and Loki's wedding? Lol apparently, according to Emmie, you're all invited. Honestly, anyone reading this is invited… I just comprised the list of everyone who's asked questions. Everyone is welcome, though XP **

**I've a couple other things to mention… So I've got this kind of request from Horsequeen1379 for Emmie and Loki meeting Tom Hiddleston. I think it's a really fun idea, and I've done a bit of toying around with the idea, even writing a little bit… but what would everyone like to happen in an encounter with Tom Hiddleston? What shall happen in this encounter, do you think…? I've written a kind of half-scene where Emmie and Loki think they're coming in for another Ask Emoki, and then I walk in with Tom Hiddleston. I'm just not quite sure where to go with it lol.**

**One more thing… I am sending apologies through here for everyone I regularly PM… I've been feeling kinda off and odd . And I like to avoid messaging when I feel that way. I'll continue messaging everyone when I actually start feeling a little more confident in my conversational skills… allergies are currently kicking my head in repeatedly. **

**Alrighty, I'm going to leave you here, before I start to continue rambling pointlessly…. I seem to be pretty good at that when I'm feeling icky :P **

**I shall continue accepting requests and questions for Ask Emoki's. I've got several more to do, but I like the idea of having many questions to ensure that this keeps going. **** I love you all and thank you for the support. Please favorite, follow, and review. **


	12. Chapter 12

***Hey, you guys, wanted to tell you a little random something… Last chapter everyone was kind of giggling about Emmie making wedding plans for herself and Loki. Thought I'd tell you a quick little anecdote… my aunt (the woman who married my uncle) had a file on her iPad of wedding plans even before my uncle proposed to her. We found out about this and thought it was hilarious… so that was kind of the inspiration for the whole "I haven't even proposed yet, and you have plans for our wedding?!" thing. My aunt is awesome lol **

Ask Emoki 8

I traipse through the empty halls of the Helicarrier, singing the lyrics of _Revenge and Its Thrills _under my breath as I look at the papers on my clipboard. Today's going to be _very _interesting.

I reach a door on my left and stop, pulling out a card and sliding it through the slot. A small beep signals the room unlocking, and I pull the door open.

I find myself in a small room, furnished only with a bed and a dresser. Emmie and Loki sit next to each other on the bed, arms crossed and resolutely not looking at each other.

"Hello, you two," I greet with a grin as I let the door swing closed and I lean against the wall.

"Hi," Emmie says drily. "Normally, I think we'd ask why we're back in the room I was contained in on the Helicarrier for most of Twisted Minds Think Alike, but I think it's getting redundant to ask."

I nod in agreement. "Yup. But actually we're here today for one of the fan questions, too. Like the last Ask Emoki…." I trail off to see if they have any reaction to the mention of last Ask Emoki. They don't even twitch. "…the setting has something to do with one of the questions we're answering," I finish. "So anyways. We've got a lot to get through. Ready to begin?"

They nod silently.

"Great," I consult my clipboard. "So… we've got several questions from M0rbidF0x. But before we get to the actual questions, she wanted me to say… 'Okay, first of all, I want to give everyone a virtual slice of chocolate chip cheesecake that I made last night as an offering of forgiveness in advance in case I anger either of you (which will probably be the case).'" I look up to see that Emmie and Loki now each hold a small paper plate of chocolate chip cheesecake and a plastic spoon. Spoons because it'll be just a tad harder to hurt someone with than a fork, though I'm sure that in a pinch, they could make do with even a plastic spoon.

Loki takes a bite of the chocolate chip cheesecake. He chews slowly, as if taking in the taste and considering it. "…Not bad. But virtual food is never as good as real food."

I roll my eyes. "She couldn't send real chocolate chip cheesecake to you, Loki. At least she sent some virtual chocolate chip cheesecake. Be grateful."

Emmie snickers. "Pfft. Us. Grateful. That's a good one." She takes a bite of the cheesecake and then looks at me innocently as I glare. "…So what were her questions?"

I sigh and read out from the paper again. "She says… 'I have quite a few questions here that I thought of, and I think that I'll start with the easier ones and work my way to the serious ones that might make you want to murder me.'"

"…That doesn't sound too promising," Loki deadpans. Emmie shakes her head in agreement.

"Actually I like her questions," I say fairly. "So… ready for the first? She said she's doing easier ones before the harder ones."

"Yes, read the first question," Loki sighs as he takes another bite of cheesecake.

"Right," I sigh. "Here we go. 'Alright, here's my first question to Cold-blooded Murder: When you two are being forced to do oneshots or when you guys were still doing TMTA, did Loqi have a script for you guys to go by or did you just do whatever the heck you wanted with the scenario she gave you? Or did she give you a script and you completely ignored it? That seems like something you guys would do…"

"Actually, it's kind of interesting how we write the stories," Emmie chirps brightly.

Loki nods. "It is, actually. See, Loqi with a Q usually has a general idea for what she wants to happen in a oneshot or a chapter… sometimes she'll have a few key lines she wants us to fit in, or a direction she wants us to take a conversation in."

"And usually we'll just fill in the blanks of conversation and thoughts," Emmie finishes. She grins. "But sometimes we don't like to cooperate."

Loki smirks. "Yes… Sometimes Loqi with a Q will have a certain line she wants to fit in or a certain direction she wants a conversation or scene to go, but we refuse to cooperate."

"They make it _very _difficult to write a scene sometimes," I agree.

"Just because we start saying something awesome that leads into a whole different direction than she wants to go…" Emmie nods.

"Or because we don't like a line, or we don't think it's 'us.' We get stubborn and then… kind of go on strike," Loki chuckles. "So then we'll just not do anything, refusing to actually make some of the scenes in her head happen, for whatever reason we come up with."

"Yeah," Emmie laughs a little. "It's fun when we go on strike. Loqi with a Q gets so mad at us for not cooperating…"

"It's not funny when you do that," I snap irritably. "And yes, it is totally and entirely their fault when I get writer's block. They call it going on strike. I call it writer's block."

"I call it getting the day off, actually," Emmie smiles in a feigned friendly manner. "Honestly, we don't even get sick days… I think we deserve a day off every once in a while."

"Or a month," Loki mutters under his breath.

I glare. "Yeah. The day off. Right. You two spent _many _a day just sitting here in this room, staring at each other and refusing to do anything."

"Yeah," Loki grins. He pauses. "Wait, is that why we're in here? Because so much of the story's action takes place in this room? Where we did a lot of the story's writing?"

I nod.

"Oh," Emmie says thoughtfully. She looks around the room fondly. "Yeah… we had a lot of good times in this room. Good times." She thinks for a moment and frowns. "…Also, some not-so-good times." She looks down at her plastic spoon thoughtfully, then looks critically at Loki.

"Ahem," I cut in before Emmie can devise a way to turn that plastic spoon into a weapon.

"Yes. Anyways," Loki says quickly, catching the wheels-turning-in-her-head look Emmie has. "To sum up the answer to that question… we're given a general idea, direction, and perhaps a little structure, and we fill in the blanks of the scene."

"Good," I look back down at my clipboard. "Ready for the next question?"

"As we'll ever be," Emmie shrugs, licking a bite of cheesecake off her spoon like it's an ice cream cone.

I clear my throat. "' 2nd question, for Cold-blooded Murder: What do you think the plot is for the sequel to Twisted Minds? Any ideas? Or are you two just trying to delude yourselves for as long as possible into thinking that Loqi isn't making one? OR has she already talked to you guys about what the sequel is about already?'" I look at them and give them a stern look. "And I'm _not _allowing for any spoilers to be published, so watch it."

"Oh, of course, almighty author," Emmie says with feigned reverence.

Loki scoffs. "Well, the sequel. We don't… _really _know what's going to happen. I know that it's going to have to do with that very last scene in the epilogue with what The Other said to Thanos. And, ah… Loqi with a Q has been writing—"

"Drafting, really," I correct him.

"Right. She's been _drafting _a few scenes," Loki nods. "So we've been running around and doing a few random scenes that remain unfinished…" he sighs. "So no. I'm not sure how it all is going to go."

"Me, neither," Emmie admits. "Like he said… we know what's going to be happening in a few disconnected scenes… but we haven't been allowed to see her notes or plot outline in the Sequel Stuff folder on her laptop."

"Tony's seen it," Loki says thoughtfully.

Emmie nods thoughtfully. "…So he has… any idea where Tony is? Can we go jump him and beat him into submission, forcing him to tell-?"

"No," I say flatly, not even letting her finish the sentence.

They glare mutinously at me.

I just smile. "Yeah, anyways," I say briskly. "So you don't really know what's happening in the sequel. Vague ideas."

"Yeah," Emmie sighs. "Vague disconnected scenes…"

"Though it shall officially be called Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted," I add. "That's all the spoilers I'll give. Plot is still under a little development, and I'm drafting some scenes. I'm kind of hoping to finish writing my fic Banditry before I start posting the sequel here, though…" I scratch the back of my neck and look down critically at the clipboard. "Okay. Next question?"

"Go ahead," Loki nods.

"' 3rd question, for Cold-blooded Murder: In this scenario, both of you guys are tied to chairs (which are melded to the floor) for 3 hours in separate rooms. During those three hours, Loqi and the Avengers can come in and say/do whatever they'd like to you guys and you can't do anything about it. How would you cope throughout the three hours?'" I read out.

"Three hours? That's nothing," Loki sneers.

"And the Avengers and I can come in and do _whatever we want _to you," I add significantly, quirking my eyebrows at them. "I dunno, sounds kind of inviting…"

"Um, you do whatever you want to us _anyway," _Emmie points out. "Honestly. I had absolutely _no say _in getting put into a cupcake costume. Really. Kept in a chair to the floor doesn't sound too bad…" She tilts her head. "Hmm… how would I cope…"

"Sing a loud and obnoxious song as loud as you can to stave off whatever they're doing?" Loki suggests. "Since insults probably will be ineffective…"

Emmie grins. "Sing a loud and obnoxious song? What, you mean like…" She takes in a deep breath and shout-sings at the top of her lungs. "_I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES: I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODDY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND THIS IS HOW-!" _

She is promptly tackled to the ground by both me and Loki, who desperately clamp our hands over her mouth.

"No more!" Loki begs.

Emmie flails her arms and legs to get out from under the two people on top of her, shouting something in protest. "Loki! Loqi! Get the hell off!" she cries. "I'm done singing!"

We climb to our feet, and Loki starts to hold out a hand to help her off the floor. Then he catches the little smile from me, and he hastily stuffs his hands into his pockets, leaving Emmie to clamber to her feet on her own, shooting the two of us a glare.

"Well, screw you, too," she says bitingly.

"…Save it for when we're tied to immovable chairs for three hours," Loki advises. "Yes. Sing just like that… only… make sure I'm nowhere near to hear it."

"Another strategy might be to just stare at whoever's tormenting you," Emmie says thoughtfully. "…And just mentally imagine them with their guts spilling out over the floor. Or their eyes bleeding. Or their heads being severed. Or—"

I clear my throat. "…Let's move on."

"Fine," Emmie sighs, seating herself on the mattress again. "What's next?"

"Here starts the serious questions," I warn, consulting my papers.

Loki and Emmie exchange a very adorable sympathetic grimace to each other, but I hold back my comments.

"' 4th question, for Emmie (However, Loki, you have an optional question after Emmie's): As you most likely know, Loki lost his moth- *coughs suddenly* Ahem, I mean FRIGGA, already in the TDW movie and will most probably be losing her again in the sequel to Twisted Minds. Do you feel bad for him or feel sorry for him at all because of this, seeing as she's pretty much the only person that cares for Loki and gave him the time of day? And Loki, since you've kinda lost her before in the movies, does the knowledge that you will probably lose her again bother you a lot? Again, this is an optional question for you as I mainly wanted to hear Emmie's answer, so you're welcome to skip this,'" I dictate.

Emmie stares at me, slack-jawed. "W—wait! You're kidding me!" she looks to Loki disbelievingly. "You lost your mom?! And you didn't tell me?!"

Loki sighs and crosses his arms. "…Technically, I haven't lost her _yet _in this universe… but since I'm evidently omniscient of all the other alternate universes, yes, I have lost my mother. Or I will lose Her sometime in the future, and I am aware of it. So just go ahead and scoff or whatever it is that you're going to do. Just get it over with."

Emmie blinks, her mouth still hanging slightly open. "…Uh…"

"Eloquent," I comment.

Emmie quickly snaps her mouth shut, and her green eyes flash when she looks at me. "Shut up—I'm just—just trying to—" She breaks off and shakes her head. "…That's just…"

Loki frowns slightly at her speechlessness, giving her a queer look. "…Just… what?"

"Got a little sympathy caught in your throat there, Emmie?" I inquire sweetly.

"No, stupid! I'm just-Next time give me a spoiler alert before you spring something like that on me!" She crosses her arms over her torso almost-protectively, and she glowers around at us. "_I _haven't been to future alternate universes where shit's happened that I don't know about! Next thing I know, you're going to be telling me that Tony Stark gets rid of his arc reactor or blows up all his suits or something."

Loki opens his mouth to say something, but I shoot him a sharp look and shake my head meaningfully. He clamps his mouth shut again obediently with a sigh of disappointment.

"But, um, Emmie…" I say soothingly.

She lifts her head slightly and purses her lips.

"Would you mind answering M0rbidF0x's question?" I coax.

She frowns. "…What was it again?"

I smile wryly. Evidently the news of Loki losing his mother has really thrown her for a loop. "Do you feel sorry for him at all, seeing as how she's the only person who ever gave him the time of day and cared for him?"

Emmie shifts uncomfortably and glances at Loki. He raises his eyebrows at her questioningly. She sighs and pointedly looks away. "…No. I don't feel sorry for him," she says flatly. But something in her demeanor and manner says something else.

"…Emmie?" Loki murmurs quietly.

"Shut up," she mutters. "It just… totally threw me off. I didn't know you… damn," she bites her lip and still doesn't look at him. "Loki, I…" she seems flustered beyond belief. "I'm s—" She cuts herself off and closes her mouth, shaking her head again and falling silent. She opens her mouth to say something one more time, but it's quickly closed, and she says nothing else.

I smile faintly. I know what's happening. Emmie's just not able to properly express her sympathy for the situation. Maybe if she were just a bit better at actually expressing her emotions, she could actually tell Loki she was sorry for him. As it is, though, she just sighs and brings her knees up to her chest, affected far deeper than she wants to let on. And Loki just smiles bitterly and shakes his head as he looks at her. He probably wanted to hear her say it. Too bad it's not going to happen, because they're both too guarded.

I clear my throat a little bit. "So… Loki? Your part of the question? She said you're welcome to skip it, but does the knowledge that you're going to be losing your mother again bother you?"

Loki scoffs disdainfully. "As opposed to what? Being nonchalant and not caring that I know my mother will be dying in a fiction that I'll have to participate in? Oh, no," he says sardonically. "Doesn't bother me in the least. I'm just fine with it. Grand idea, if you ask me."

I sigh at the dry and caustic humor, but know there's nothing more to expect from him. "We have just one more from M0rbidF0x, but it's a very long one. Just for Loki. Ready?"

Loki shrugs.

I pretend to not notice that Emmie and Loki have scooted just a few inches closer to each other after the last question as I glance down at my paper. "Okay… long question. Here we go. '5th question, for Loki (and no, you may not skip this one): This is another scenario like the 3rd question, but more serious. Before I give you the scenario though, I'd like to say now that you can only choose one of the two options I'm going to give you and you may not change their outcomes or any of the variables that lead up to that outcome. That being said, here is the scenario and your choices…"

"This does _not_ bode well," Loki observes resignedly. "Very well. Go ahead. But let it be noted that whatever the scenarios are, I would _always _be able to find a way out of it. Just to humor M0rbidF0x, I shall pretend that I'm capable of sticking only to given options. Proceed, Loqi with a Q."

"Alright," I nod. "And here's the scenario… 'As a result to being subjected to the Tesseracts energy once again, Emmie's mind has been messed up even more than what it was. She is now even colder and more psychotic than before. She has lost any humanity she might have retained and all of the control she might have had over her murderous urges. On top of that, along with her human side went any affection she might have had for her mother (if there was any) and any love she had for you is long gone.

"You know, however, that S.H.I.E L.D has developed a serum that will reverse the Tesseract's effects. But they cannot get close enough to her to administer it and S.H.I.E.L.D doesn't want to take the chance that it might not work. Here are your choices of action:

"Choice #1: You go along with her and follow her where ever she goes, but you basically do nothing to stop her or help her get back to her semi-sane self except for a few failed attempts of talking her into seeing reason while she continues on with her killing spree. After a month of this, she will be hunted down and killed by a S.H.I.E.L.D agent for her careless behavior, but you will be able to escape capture.

"Choice #2: You manage to steal the cure and administer it to Emmie and it reverses ALL side effects of the Tesseract's energy and wipes all of her memories of the time she spent as the Mastermind Murderess, allowing her to return to a mostly normal life as the goody-goody Emmie she once was without any personality disorders or conflicting personalities. With her return to her normal self, she also develops a deep-seated and unbending hatred for you despite your hand in returning her to her original self. This option also involves you escaping S.H.I.E.L.D's clutches.

"So those are your options. It's kind of a lose-lose situation either way you go. I'd like to reiterate before you make your choice that you can NOT change any outcomes or variables. This means that if you pick option one, you can't force her to love you again, make her go back to being your Mastermind Murderess, save her from death, etc. And if you pick option 2, you can't make her be evil and murderous again, make her love you, make her LIKE or TOLERATE you, etc. You also can't create any of your own options, even if you wouldn't do any of the things my options listed if the situation were a real one. It's one or the other; no changing, adding, or creating anything,'" I finally finish and look up at the two of them.

They stare at me, looking stricken.

Loki's face hardens, and he's the first to speak. "I wouldn't ever—"

"Nope," I interrupt. "Wrong answer. One choice or the other."

"But—"

"Nope. Talk it out and figure out what choice you'd make," I cut him off again. "Choice one, she turns eviler and hates you and dies. Choice two, she turns good and hates you, but lives."

"She hates me in either scenario!" Loki objects.

"…I hate you _now," _Emmie points out with a wry smile.

Loki throws her a dirty look, and her smirk fades. "…Not in the same way," he rolls his eyes. "When you come down to it, this question is really just what I would do if Emmie hated me. Would I want Emmie to live or die if I knew there was no way for any semblance of our relationship now to exist?" He frowns and sinks into thought. "It's really a question of selfishness, really, if you think about it."

Emmie simply sits silently and waits, looking at him patiently.

"So… the first option," he says slowly, "Is the self-serving and selfish approach. It's the 'if I can't have her, then no one can' attitude. Which, under a lot of circumstances, I might choose… Emmie, though, is the person who I couldn't stand actually knowing what happened to her. In this first choice, I would have a very clear knowledge of what happens to her: she dies. I'm not very fond of the_ certainty _of that." He pauses. "The second choice is really more of a 'I'm happy as long as she's happy' approach. And knowing that she could be happy with hating me isn't very inviting. Because it's not even a hate I can actually properly share in. Then again, though, she has a hate I can't share in in both scenarios. Now, the issue being that if she hates me either way, what do I care if , if she's not my Emmie?"

Emmie lifts a single eyebrow. "Since when am I _ever _'your' Emmie?" she asks delicately.

He throws her an unimpressed glare. "…Face it, Emmie. You _are _my Emmie. You certainly aren't your mother's Emmie, and I doubt Fury would take ownership of you. And you're too dependent on other's to be your own. Therefore, I claim you as mine."

Emmie looks vaguely offended and baffled by this line of thinking. I just hide a smile.

Loki's already returned to his ruminations, talking to himself more than us and asking himself what he would do, as if he's forgotten we're even there. "But if you _weren't _mine, would I _let _someone else take you?" He looks at his hands as he laces them together, as if searching for the answer in the creases of his palms. "…I'm not sure. Your mother loves you, Emmie. She'd be overjoyed if you were to revert back to how you used to be. And you'd be happy, But I just might be spiteful enough to choose choice one just out of selfishness." He steeples his fingers. "Maybe. But I don't think so." He takes a deep breath and bows his head. "…I think I'd administer the cure and allow SHIELD to take her for their own little perfect angel again. She could live with her hatred of me. And I could live with it."

Emmie narrows her eyes slightly and gives him a careful look. He's still looking at his hands, as if they had really told him his answer.

"At least then," he says quietly. "After I escaped SHIELD, I could imagine what she might have done with her life." He shakes his head. "…Actually, no. I'd administer the cure and then after I escaped SHIELD, I think I'd just try to forget."

It looks like Emmie's measuring his words and his countenance, taking in his demeanor and attempting to calculate it. She can't quite seem to figure it out, so she shakes her head and sighs.

Loki seems to be broken out of his reverie by her sigh, and he looks up at her. Then he quickly looks away again, focusing instead on a blank spot of wall.

"…So you wouldn't at least let me die doing what I loved…?" Emmie asks half-teasingly.

He reaches out and shoves her shoulder half-playfully with a smirk. "If you're going to die doing what you love, you're at least going to get killed by _me _instead of some half-witted unworthy SHIELD agent. They wouldn't be able to provide you with a _worthy _death."

I facepalm. "Oh, god. Really? Are we going all Spartan and discussing what makes a beautiful death?"

"Hey, I love the movie _300!" _Emmie protests. "So much… _violence…" _

_ Loki snickers_

I just shake my head. "Well, that's all of those questions. You guys ready to go?" I'm half-hoping that they'll want to stay behind for a couple of minutes to talk or whatever it was they did after I left last time, but no such luck.

"Yup; let's go," Emmie jumps up.

"We've spent _plenty _of time in this room again," Loki agrees, standing up and stretching

I shrug and open the door again, ushering them out and into the hall of the Helicarrier.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: This was a bit of an odd one, to me… I couldn't quite figure out exactly what kind of mood I was going for here, but some of those questions were extremely complex. I think I can honestly say I am accomplishing more of the ways Emmie and my Loki's minds work in these Ask Emoki's than I did in the actual TMTA. Anywho, I've still got some more questions to answer…. So I'll be answering those. And I'm working on some more actual oneshots… you know how long it's been since we had a chapter that wasn't Ask Emoki? It's been a while. Not that I mind ;) **

**God , it's going to be weird to go back to writing the actual 'fics' after this XD **

**Still accepting questions if you want to ask them. Please favorite, follow, and review.**


	13. Chapter 13

Ask Emoki 9

"Loqi with a Q, you have _got _to be kidding me," Loki groans as I hold open the door for him and Emmie to enter.

"I rarely kid. And when I do kid, you will know by my use of the word 'bazinga,'" I say gravely. "Now get in."

"'Bazinga'?" Emmie asks with a raised eyebrow as she enters after Loki.

"Big Bang Theory reference," I explain. "I never use bazinga. But that's not the point. The point is that we have to answer more questions from the fans. So pick a seat." I gesture grandly around the small Shawarma restaurant, which is utterly empty.

Loki looks around disdainfully and makes a beeline for a table in the middle of the place, with six chairs around it. I smirk and follow him, deciding not to mention that this is exactly where the Avengers sat in their little excursion to Shawarma. Loki takes a chair, Emmie plops herself down, and I drop into a chair across from the two of them and set my clipboard on the table.

"Can we at least get food?" Emmie complains.

"No," I say breezily. "Though it would be funny. Nah, I've never had Shawarma, and so therefore cannot really write about you guys eating it. However, it is quite fortunate that you bring up eating, because our very first question has to do with that very subject."

"Oh, god," Emmie sighs. "In case you're wondering, _no, _I would not partake in cannibalism!"

Loki and I both lift our eyebrows at her.

"…Any particular reason you make that sound like that's a concern many people have brought up before?" I ask conversationally.

Emmie sighs and rests her head on her hand, looking glumly at us. "…It was one of Fury's main concerns when I was still in rehab. Since I'd regularly knock out caregivers and cause them bodily harm, he was a little worried I'd try to eat my victims."

Loki looks vaguely interested and vaguely disturbed. "…And _did _you-?"

"No!" Emmie interrupts exasperatedly.

I stifle a giggle. "Okay, great. What a relief, Emmie. Good to hear. Now, as I was saying, our first question has something to do with food. However, it has nothing to do with cannibalism." I pause and look at my clipboard thoughtfully. "Well, I suppose it _could _if you _wanted _it to."

"What's the question?" Loki finally asks, tired of my beating around the bush.

"Yeah, yeah," I sigh. "Lady the Warrior had a question for you two. She pointed out that you two have never actually been asked what your favorite colors and foods are. So… what is your favorite color, and what is your favorite food? And we've already established that Emmie's is not human flesh."

Emmie rolls her eyes. "No. Not human flesh. Favorite color first though…" she considers. "…Red. Blood red. The kind of dark red that almost looks black… You don't get that kind of red from a little flesh wound… the kind of dark red that spills out of someone's chest when you stab them in the heart..." She smiles dreamily. Then she pauses. "Also, I'm fond of green because it brings out my eyes rather nicely."

I let my head drop to the table top and groan. Gods, Emmie. Just… gods. No words.

Loki's just shaking his head at Emmie's answer. From death and murder to 'it brings out my eyes.' "Personally," he says. "Green, quite obviously. Deeper greens, not the kind of bright grass green associated with spring. But more like a deep forest green."

"Lovely," I nod. "And if anyone's wondering, green is also my favorite color. Any kind of green. Now, what were your favorite foods?"

Emmie sighs and frowns, considering. "Hmm… I can't remember what kind of food I liked back before the Tesseract and stuff… but _now, _my favorite food…" She taps her chin. "Candy canes, barbecue ribs, celery, and boiled eggs."

I blink blankly. "…Those are a little random…"

"No, they're not," Loki sighs. "She has one legitimate reason for those foods… and that is that they all remind her of killing people."

I look to Emmie for confirmation on this. She smiles sweetly and nods.

"Candy canes can be turned into a weapon," she starts to list. "Suck on the tip for long enough and it becomes dangerously sharp. Easily could cause some damage. Ribs… the bones can be sharpened into weapons once you eat the meat off. Celery, when you snap it in half, makes this fantastic crunching sound. If you close your eyes and listen carefully, it sounds like someone's neck breaking. And boiled eggs, putting the shell shards in someone's food can harm the throat. Hurts like hell, too." She considers. "…Also, apples. Just because I was peeling an apple in the very first scene of Twisted Minds. And they taste good."

I look to Loki, deciding not to even comment. "And Loki? Favorite foods?"

"…Souls?" he grins wickedly.

"No," I say flatly. "Favorite food. You do not eat people's souls. You just steal hearts. That is the extent of it."

Loki sighs. "Fine. Ah… I like almost all food... except for fast-food. Fast-food restaurants are absolutely terrible."

"…_I_ like fast-food," Emmie mumbles under her breath, crossing her arms.

Loki rolls his eyes. "I don't like spring onions, in case anyone's wondering. And I also don't eat horse meat. And contrary to popular belief, I don't like Lucky Charms."

I clap my hands over my heart. "Loki! You have wounded me deeply! Not liking Lucky Charms?"

"No," he snaps. "Now would everyone very kindly stop saying Loki Charms every time they eat Lucky Charms?!"

"No," Emmie and I say in unison, smirking wickedly at the fact that we've discovered something new to torment him with.

He sighs exasperatedly. "Whatever. My favorite food. Um… Sour Patch Kids."

"Sour Patch Kids?" I repeat. "You mean those little sweet-and-sour gummy things?"

"First they're sour… then they're sweet," Emmie recites.

Loki nods. "They're… funny. I like them."

"Okay then," I raise an eyebrow curiously but say no more. "Next question… From Lady the Warrior. 'This one is for Loki, so Loki: all of us know that a king is not complete without a queen. who would you choose as your queen when you become the king of all realms (obviously you won't choose Sigyn so tell me out of Loqi's OCs, who is your queen?)?'"

Loki groans slightly, and I look up from my clipboard. He's grimacing distastefully between Emmie and me. "Do I _have _to have a queen?"

I grin. "According to Lady the Warrior, apparently so. So… who do we have to choose from here? We've got Strike, Toria, Kimberly, Naomi, Bronwynne, Noir, and Emmie. Picky-picky, Loki. Eenie-meenie-minie-moe it if you have to."

Loki pulls a face. "But I don't _want to—_"

"Tough luck," Emmie cuts in. "Just marry whichever one strikes your fancy…"

"The issue is that basically none of them are, shall we say, _proper _relationships," Loki points out. "And so therefore would be frowned upon for a king of Asgard. Strike, Naomi, Kimberly, and Emmie are all human. Obviously the Aesir would greatly disapprove. Bronwynne, romance would be forbidden. Noir is a neko, and so therefore even _associating _with her publically is out of the question, let alone making her my queen. There would be a positive _uproar _if she were my queen. And as for Toria…" he pauses to consider. "Hmm. Well, we were only in a oneshot together. But honestly, that's the most _practical _pick for a queen, because she's a lady of Asgard's court." He frowns slightly. "Of course, I was only with her in a oneshot, and it's never quite clear how things go after that point. From a king's standpoint, she'd be the logical choice for a queen. But if we're talking _sentimentally…" _He pulls another disgusted face. "I'm not sure."

"Suspend reality for just a second," I smirk. "So, if, say, the human and status and all that weren't a factor. _Then _what would you do?"

"Could I be queen?" Emmie chirps brightly. "Please? Please? Pretty please?"

"No, you may _not," _Loki snaps. "Norns know if you were queen, I'd wake up to find a knife in my chest so you could take over the kingdom for yourself."

"…Or you just wouldn't wake up at all," Emmie smiles sweetly. "As tempting as it would be to stab you in your sleep, I think asphyxiation is far less suspicious. Maybe you just rolled over and smothered yourself on your pillow on accident."

"…Amusing," Loki deadpans. "But definitely not. Hmm. If rank or status or race weren't a factor…" He considers. "Ah… yeah, I think I'm going to remain silent on this subject and not muss up the fourth wall any more than it already is by favoring one of my _other _ships over this one in this universe."

"Oh, lovely," I drawl. "Loki tends to plead the fifth when asked to choose other OC's on account of sentiment, for fear of 'mussing up the fourth wall.' Lovely diction, Loki."

"Shut up. Next question," Loki rolls his eyes.

"Great. Next is for Emmie… in relation to the previous question," I beam at Emmie and read out from the paper Lady the Warrior's next question. "' And for Emmie, would you want to be the queen of the dark world Loki is ruling? And then slowly and intimately take control over Loki and push him aside so you would be ruling the chaotic world you two have been creating?'"

Loki facepalms while Emmie grins wickedly.

"Oh, no two ways about it," Emmie snickers. "Would I want to slowly and intimately push him aside? Nah… My plan would be to spend a few years in the background familiarizing myself with how things get done by watching Loki. I wouldn't do anything to interfere, staying on the sidelines. And once I figured out how the kingdom works, the intricacies and pressure points between the realms… that would be when I… ahem… I mean, when Loki would accidentally succumb to asphyxia in his sleep, leaving his distraught queen to rule in his place. It would be quite tragic, really," she finishes morosely, though her green eyes sparkle with malicious glee.

"…_Not _funny," Loki mutters.

"Agree to disagree," Emmie shrugs indifferently. "I think it would be lots of fun. Next question?"

I clear my throat. "Again from Lady the Warrior, for Emmie. 'Have you ever wanted to be a goddess and have godly powers? If you did have a kinda special ability what would you like it to be?'"

Emmie frowns and opens her mouth to ask something, but I quickly cut her off.

"Absolutely _no _spoilers for the sequel to TMTA," I say significantly.

Emmie blinks and sighs. "Fine… um… if I had a _choice _in choosing to have godly powers… well…" she taps her chin in thought. "…Bloodbending, from _Avatar: The Last Airbender, _would be royally epic. Also, though, I like the idea of having the abilities of Wolverine…"

Loki shudders slightly at both thoughts: an Emmie able to control the actions of those surrounding her on the nights of the full moon, or the thought of her being able to produce deadly claws from her hands at a whim and then be practically indestructible.

"…But I think overall, I'd like the powers of shapeshifting. Not like Naomi with her cat thing… but being able to actually make myself look however I wanted. And not just _look _like it, but _be _it," Emmie smiles dreamily. "So, like, I could make myself into a giant muscley dude and… kill people with brute force…" She grins again. "And then I could go into hiding really easily, and pull off crimes flawlessly, because the authorities wouldn't be able to find me, and… yeah."

Loki grimaces at the thought of Emmie being able to change her form at will. "…Emmie, the only thing holding you back from bloody world domination now is your diminutive size."

Emmie nods vigorously. "Precisely!"

"Oh, gods," I facepalm. "Good thing _that's _not going to happen…"

"…Does this mean you _are _hinting to what's happening in the sequel?" Loki wiggles his eyebrows hopefully at me.

I pretend to zip my lips. "Nope. My lips are sealed."

Emmie smirks. "…So you're saying all we need is a good sharp _letter opener _to _unseal _your lips…"

I glare. "…You are _not _torturing your own author into telling you the storyline for the sequel. You _are, _however, going to answer more fan questions."

Loki and Emmie both huff.

"Great. What's next?" Emmie asks.

I glance at my clipboard. "…Another from Lady the Warrior. Last one from her is… 'For Loki. Why wouldn't you just go rule Jotunheim? Why would you want Asgard?'" I wince at the question. Oh, _here _we go…

"Because ruling Asgard is my birthright!" Loki snaps irritably. "I was told my whole life, I was born to be a king—"

"Ever consider the _irony _of Odin saying you were born to be a king?" Emmie asks mildly, looking only half-interested in the conversation. "I mean, that time he said 'you were both born to be kings' to Thor and you. Honestly, you _are _the birth son of the king of Jotunheim… so technically, you were '_born'" _she inserts air quotes here. "to be king of Jotunheim."

"The frost giants are monsters I was raised to hate my entire life," Loki spits. "So _associating _myself with them is _not _particularly on my 'to-do' list."

"And even after you found out about your heritage," I say conversationally. "You still want to rule Asgard? Any difference in your motivation now?"

He sighs bitterly. "Ah… Thor and Odin… showing them that I'm just as good as them. That I'm _worthy _of their standards and show that I can be even _better _than them, despite their trying to hold me back all these years." His voice has dropped to a threatening growl that has Emmie looking at him with a touch of suspicious worry, and I awkwardly scratch the back of my neck, resisting the urge to run the other way from his high and mighty evil-ness.

"…Next question?" he asks brightly, transforming from evil to bright fast enough to rival Emmie's devil-to-angel transformations.

Emmie scoots an inch away from him. "Loki… you're a creepy bastard sometimes."

Loki grins as if she's given him a flattering compliment.

"Ahem," I nervously tug my collar and look at my clipboard. "So… we now have a couple of questions from Fangs and Fire."

"Alright," they chorus.

"So, firstly… 'For both of you, are you in any fandoms? She said she's in the _Divergent _fandom, and it's amazing."

"Oh, fandoms," Emmie sighs, thinking. "Well… I've made it clear I've watched _Lord of the Rings _and _300 _and _Avatar: The Last Airbender…. _My top fandoms are really those crime shows, though…._ Medium _and all those different Sherlock Holmes shows and _Forensic Files…_ that sort of thing."

"…I think I know why," I sigh. "For the murder?"

Loki starts to clap, slowly and sarcastically. "Brilliant, Holmes. How'd you deduce that one?"

Emmie snickers. "Yes, obviously I watch it for the murder. There are so many interesting new ways to kill people when you watch those shows…"

I just sigh. "Of course. Loki?"

"I like…" he pauses and considers. "_Lord of the Rings_… and _The Inheritance Cycle_… and _Game of Thrones_…"

"So basically anything medieval fantasy?" I clarify.

He shrugs. "Sure."

"Great," I smile slightly and look down to my questions again. "Ah, yes… from Fangs and Fire… heh. This will be fun… 'out of all the people who have asked questions, who would you kill, and how, and who would you spare?'" I read out.

Emmie and Loki both let out a gasp, and I very slowly look up from the papers to see their expressions... Just a warning... they put the Joker grin to shame. Honestly, if I didn't have to finish the chapter, I'd probably be running away as fast as humanly possible, and using my author powers to transport myself somewhere safe… because they look so ready to enjoy murder and torture being inflicted on their enemies. I gulp. "Um… yes…?"

They look at each other and begin whispering so quietly I can't hear.

"Um… guys?" I repeat nervously. "…Gonna answer?"

"Alright," Emmie says abruptly, turning back to me with a determined expression. "Ah… so… the list of people we would like to kill: Horsequeen1379, Phantasmagorical Me, Lady the Warrior, M0rbidF0x, QueenMarthaPond, Crazedfangirl96, Ivyrose1029, Fangs and Fire, LEDAnime, WhoPotterAvenge- X Kane, Fairyfinder, Nihlo… and XAhMunnaEatChooX."

"_Especially _XAhMunnaEatChooX," Loki says maliciously, cracking his knuckles threateningly at the thought.

I open my mouth to comment, then frown and think this over carefully. "Um… hang on…" I flip through my clipboard. "So… uh… that's _all _the people who have ever asked questions," I say bemusedly.

They snicker. "Certainly. Did you think we'd leave any survivors?"

I consider carefully. "Hm… yeah, I guess _all _the questions you've ever been asked have, in one way or another, led to one or both of your torment…"

"Some people have asked questions that aren't totally irritating or intrusive or disturbing," Emmie adds. "…But then those same people eventually _do _ask embarrassing and horrific questions, utterly negating any effect of not asking a horrible question. Like people who ask harmless questions like how we would murder the Avengers—"

I open my mouth to challenge the "harmlessness" of such questions, but decide against it.

"—But then those people eventually end up asking questions like what our favorite things about each other are," Emmie finishes glumly, propping her head on her hands. "At some point, everyone has asked a question that has gotten on our nerves."

"_Especially _XAhMunnaEatChooX," Loki repeats darkly.

"Dude, shut up about AhMunnaEatChoo," I snap. "We get it. You hate her."

"Her and the stupid horse references," Loki sighs.

"…You realize publicly declaring your dislike of her is only what she wants," I point out. "It'll only encourage her."

Suddenly Loki goes very pale.

"Which is why we're going to kill her," Emmie reminds soothingly to Loki, awkwardly reaching up and patting his shoulder. Then she makes a show of wiping her hand off on her pants, as if she just touched something disgusting. She only grins at the less-than-happy look Loki gives her.

"…Anyway," he mutters. "We'd kill _everyone. _No survivors of our rampage on those who have taken advantage of Loqi with a Q's allowing us to be asked questions… they shall feel our wrath… I'm thinking we might take a few pages out of Vlad Dracula the Impaler's book."

"A whole chapter, actually," Emmie adds eagerly. "Heck, we'll just take a few copies of the whole book."

"Vlad Dracula the Impaler?" I repeat blandly with a sigh.

They nod. "The original inspiration for the modern Dracula, of course," Loki explains. "He was a fifteenth century Romanian prince. Known for his brutal reign, wherein he found various ways of impaling people who displeased him."

"Pretty horrific and creative ways, too," Emmie sighs happily. "I would like to have met him. One of the more popular stories I've heard is how, when survivors of his army came home after a defeat, he brought them all to a courtyard and then impaled them, one by one, on the sharpened branches of a tree. And they couldn't do a thing about it because he was their ruler."

I tug my collar. "…And this is the action you would like to take against your readers…?"

"There's also the non-impalement stories about him," Loki points out. "Like him making a number of tiny cuts on the feet of his victims, pouring salt on the wounds, and then siccing goats on the fool."

I facepalm as Emmie makes a sound of delighted interest. "…Are we done here…? You'd kill all of them, using possible various methods from the stories of the historic Vlad the Impaler?"

"Most certainly."

"Sounds like fun to me."

"Go on, Loqi with a Q."

"Let's hear what else she's got."

I sigh bitterly and look down at my clipboard again. "Ah… she says 'finally,' but she really gives like three questions following said 'finally.' Soooo… first question following this 'finally' entry… For Loki: Is _Thor: The Dark World _real?"

Loki sighs and nods. "Quite. Very real."

I just smile to myself at the idea of Loki's confirming that _Thor: The Dark World _has true events in it. Sigh. "In connection to that, Fangs and Fire would like to know… so if TDW is real, how did you survive getting impaled by Curse?" I smile wryly at the question and look to Loki for his answer.

He scoffs. "In the words of How It Should Have Ended… 'Magic. Duh.'"

"Can we get a little more elaboration on that?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

Loki lifts an eyebrow at me disdainfully. "A magician _never _reveals his secrets."

Emmie looks at him with an unimpressed smirk. "…You don't know, do you?"

"Haven't the foggiest," Loki slumps slightly in his seat, crossing his arms grumpily and glaring at me. "And it's Loqi with a Q's fault I don't know."

I shrug helplessly. "…Being Loki's author here, he can't know unless I know… and since I don't actually know exactly how he did it in cannon, I can't exactly tell you. And I'm still working on a way to describe it in the sequel. Any ideas, guys?" I look between Emmie and Loki.

Emmie smirks. "Is he wearing a chain mail shirt of Mithril underneath his clothes, perhaps?"

Loki huffs and I roll my eyes.

"…Did we just make a LOTR reference?" I groan.

"Yup," Emmie pops the P. "Got any other ideas beside the standard 'Magic. Duh,' and a shirt of Mithril?"

"It can't have been an illusion," Loki reasons. "Because there was actual _contact _made… and illusions can't have real substance. I had a thought that it _might _be something like mithril—"

"You mean _I _had a thought that it might be something like mithril," I correct.

"Shut up, Loqi with a Q," Loki sniffs. "The question was for me. Anyways, I thought that perhaps I wasn't actually stabbed, or at least that it wasn't as bad of a wound as it seemed to be… I thought that perhaps I was grazed or something like that, and then _pretended _the wound was far worse, and maybe the blood and such could have been an illusion." He shrugs. "Just… ideas."

"If anyone has any amazing ideas or theories on how Loki faked his death," I clear my throat, addressing the readers by letting . my eyes focus on some point in the distance. "…Then I'd be very happy to hear them. And it's going to have to be Loki faking his death, not him just somehow barely managing to survive… it's the only way it'll work for the sequel for TMTA. Point me in the direction of some theory sites if you have them, or PM or review some thoughts, okay?"

"Next question?" Loki asks.

I sigh sadly and look at my paper again. "Yeah… Fangs and Fire wants to know what it felt like to be impaled by Curse, because she has a morbid curiosity."

Loki sighs. "…I'd tell you if I knew, but unfortunately, I could only tell you if I was aware of how I managed to survive…"

"Morbid curiosity is good, though," Emmie says helpfully. "I can tell you what it feels like to _stab _someone… just not how it feels to be stabbed."

"I know how it feels to stab someone, too," Loki brightens. "I've done it on _several _occasions…"

"Me, too!" Emmie grins ecstatically.

I groan and facepalm. "…Let's not go into sharing stories around the Shawarma table of the many ways you've killed people…"

"Fine. What's the next question?" Emmie asks.

I peer down at the clipboard and then bang my head on the table.

Loki plucks the clipboard from my hand and grins. "Ah, good. A question inviting us to sit around the Shawarma table and share stories of the way we killed people… Odin, specifically. Fangs and Fire said, 'how did you get rid of Odin at the end? Good on you for getting rid of the old tyrant!'" Loki chuckles to himself. "Ooh, quite an interesting story, really… but I wouldn't want to spoil it."

"You don't know how you did that, either, do you?" Emmie drawls.

"Not exactly," Loki admits. "Well, I have a general idea—"

"_I _have a general idea," I correct blandly.

"—And there's a few different versions of ideas," Loki continues as if I hadn't said anything. "So… Loqi with a Q's theory in cannon is that I disguised myself as a guard after 'dying' in Svartalfheim… then I went to Asgard and either offed Odin and hid the body somewhere… or I might have merely incapacitated him somehow and then shoved him in a closet somewhere obscure in the palace, so he's not really dead. Those are the two ideas in cannon."

"And _not _in cannon?" I prompt.

"Well, there's going to be a few changes to that theory in Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted," Loki smirks. "But _that _really shouldn't be spoiled."

"Thank you," I beam approvingly at his not giving anything away. Probably because he still hasn't been told all the details, either.

Emmie sighs. "Sucks that _I _don't even know…"

"Well, you aren't allowed to see into the multiple alternate universes," Loki teases.

He's readily shoved off his chair by Emmie, who doesn't miss a beat with the response, "Well, you didn't see _that _coming in _this _alternate universe, genius."

"Ah—I—" Loki, now seated on the floor and looking vaguely stunned at the suddenness of his change in position, just blinks for a moment before it hits him. And then he hastily scrambles back to his feet and scoots two seats over, so he's now sitting next to me rather than Emmie. "…I'm sitting over here with Loqi with a Q now, thank you very much," he says haughtily.

"Why, you're _quite _welcome," Emmie smirks.

Loki lets out a string of impressive and creative profanities which I cannot repeat here with a clear conscience unless I change the rating of this story to M.

"Anyways, Loqi with a Q," Emmie says briskly. "Basically we're not entirely sure how Loki offed Odin, but there's a few different ideas and definitely two different versions of the story with cannon and the sequel for Twisted Minds. Other questions?"

I reach across the table and slide the clipboard from where Loki had left it after reading out Fangs and Fire's last question. "Yeah… let's finish off with this from HorseQueen1379, shall we?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

"Ahem. Her questions pertain to those lovely little ornaments on your shoulders, placed there by the loving hands of your significant other…" I start, but pause when I see them shudder slightly and roll their shoulders. Not quite sure if it's because of the memories of having their shoulder blades carved with a dagger, or my assertion that they are each other's loving significant other. "…Firstly, she wants to know, 'Would you guys ever carve stuff in each other again?'"

"Hmm," Loki wrinkles his nose. "…I didn't particularly _enjoy it _last time…" he considers and looks critically at Emmie, who lifts an eyebrow in question. "…Hmm. Yes, I think I'd be quite willing to carve something into Emmie again. On the other hand, I _don't _think I'd be willing to let _her _carve something into _me _again."

"Well, that's an awful shame," Emmie says breezily. "…Because I'd be willing to carve something into _you _again, without a doubt. It was absolutely _delicious _last time—"

Loki shudders again and rolls his shoulders at the memory.

"—But I most _certainly _wouldn't want to let _you _carve something into _me _again," Emmie finishes with a grimace.

Loki smirks at that last. "…What, you didn't _enjoy _it?"

"…No more than _you," _Emmie glares mutinously.

"…Well, that's kind of hypocritical of both of you," I observe. "And also I think we're back where we started… you both just wanting to hurt each other but afraid of being hurt in return…"

"…But at the same time, craving the pain," Loki inputs.

"…Which we get from hurting each other," Emmie finishes.

"You two are an enigma," I sigh. "And our last question…" I snicker. "This is really kind of a funny question, and I _really _just… kind of can't fathom the motive behind it, if it's asked sarcastically or seriously…" I laugh softly. "I dunno. Anyways, the question is this… 'Why couldn't you just get cool tattoos if you're gonna be masochistic?'"

Loki blinks blankly. Emmie tilts her head to one side uncomprehendingly, a confused frown on her face. "…Pardon?" Loki asks bemusedly.

"Horsequeen1379 wants to know why you two didn't just get tattoos if you're gonna be masochistic," I repeat tiredly.

"Uh…" Emmie says in a monotone. "Um… Ah… Uh…" She then just laughs breathily. "…Seriously? Is that even a question?"

"Let me see!" Loki snatches the clipboard from my hands for the second time that day. His eyes quickly skim the paper, and his brow furrows slightly. Then he just laughs in disbelief. "…She seriously asked that. I thought such a question went without saying…"

"Honestly," Emmie shakes her head. "Weird and… ah… vaguely senseless question."

"Don't be rude, you guys," I scold. "Be nice. She reads stories about you, and for that you should be grateful."

They both roll their eyes.

"Fine. Well, besides the obvious fact that there's no _tattoo parlor _on the _Helicarrier," _Emmie sneers. "There's the fact that we didn't carve our names onto each other's shoulder for the same reason that people get tattoos of each other's names. It wasn't a pledge to each other—"

"It was a power play of sorts," Loki clarifies. "Manipulation and dominance taking hold in our relationship. Not at all a way to keep the other with us wherever we were—"

"Even though that's what the scars _evolved _into," Emmie adds. "Just… unintentionally. . Just to be clear, it also wasn't entirely just a move of pure 'masochism.' While that played a part, it was _not _the single reason for our name-carving scenes. It was a way to mark the other as inferior and under the other's power…"

"Which, ironically, we're _both _under the other's power," Loki sighs.

"Right," Emmie nods.

"But that only works because we were the ones to mark each other—scarring each other," Loki continues. "Simply 'getting tattoos' doesn't create that same effect of dominance, manipulation, and power dynamics. Getting tattoos means that someone _else _would be giving us our tattoos. Which ruins the entire meaning of the scar."

"Difficult as it may be to believe," Emmie smirks. "…Neither of us are professional tattoo artists."

I shiver slightly at the thought of either Emmie or Loki being professional tattoo artists. No, thank you. I'll go get my tattoos at someplace besides the "Cold-Blooded Murder Tattoo Palace". I clear my throat. "…Besides… I think we've already established that Emmie and needles of any kind do _not _mix well for anyone."

Emmie snickers, and Loki just shakes his head.

"So… I hope that answered that baffling question well enough," Loki states. "Honestly… odd question… makes me think she missed the entire _point _of that sequence…"

"I said don't be rude," I snap, shoving him off his seat just like Emmie did only minutes ago.

Loki, once again finding himself inexplicably on the floor again, opens his mouth, huffs angrily, jumps up, and starts striding out. "_I'm done with this." _

I smile. "Good. We're _all _done here. That's all the questions for today." I stand and stretch, then beckon for Emmie to follow.

She jumps up from her chair and follows, so now Loki, Emmie, and I all exit the little restaurant together.

"By the way, you guys," I say slowly, glancing between my characters. "…You'll be having some time off."

They stop dead and look at me incredulously.

"…We will?" Loki asks suspiciously, as if not daring to believe it.

"Yup. I'm going to summer camp," I explain. "So… since I won't have much spare time to be writing, you can go troll around… you know. Wherever you go and do whatever you do when you have spare time, not being written."

Emmie and Loki exchange surprised looks, obviously not even sure what they're supposed to do with themselves. "…What are we supposed to do?"

I suppress my smile and shrug. "I dunno. Maybe we'll write a oneshot or two about it when I get back from summer camp. Till then, though, do whatever. I'll be returning to more Ask Emoki's and such when I get back."

"…That's unfortunate," Emmie observes.

"Shut up," I roll my eyes. "Now… go and be free. Frolic around the desktop of my laptop as you see fit until I return to Scarred For Life… you've got roughly two months. Go."

And then they're suddenly making a mad dash down the street, putting as much distance between themselves and me as fast as humanly—or Jotunly—possible.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: So… Fun Fact: the sound of celery being snapped in half is a trick used in special effects departments of movies for the sound of someone's neck breaking. Interesting, no? **

**Also, I send virtual thanks to my little sister for teaching me random bits of history on Vlad the Impaler several months ago when she was learning about him in her school… not that she shall ever know I used this obscure information, since she does not have a FF account… but anywho. Yes, Vlad the Impaler is a very interesting tidbit of history that I'm sure Emmie would totally idolize… **

**Also, I'd like to tell everyone I feel totally unqualified to tell you people what Loki's favorite food is XDDD random but true. And I still feel like Loki should never ever have a preference for another OC sentimentally within the Twisted Minds universe . And then there are certain things about cannon I seriously do not have the answer to… I'm still working on those specific details for Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted. Again, if anyone has any ideas for how Loki fakes his death on Svartalfheim, then I would highly appreciate it.**

**And finally… yes, I will likely not be updating this story for a good two months due to summer camp being imminent. I am not abandoning this story… I am merely being forced into devoting my time to things other than what I would like to devote it to. I'm going to try to go around and update other in-progress stories before I head off, so I hope this won't be the last you hear from me for two months… just on **_**this **_**story. I promise I will be back. **

**Please favorite, follow, leave a review (and Loki-death-scenarios if possible :P), and I will see you again when I return from the long and grueling and time-consuming world of summer camp. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Welcome back, everyone! To start off my return to Scarred for Life, we shall have a quick little update on what Emmie and Loki were doing during the hiatus… Warning: the following oneshot may contain near-fluff and a frenemy relationship. Behold, Emoki's Summer break. **

Summer Break

(Otherwise Titled "What Normal People Do")

Two figures sat on the edge of a building overlooking the city, feet dangling over the edge of a fifty-story drop to the pavement below. It was midmorning, and the temperature was on the rise, but the two didn't seem to notice, stoic and still as gargoyles… only, these two were actually probably scarier than any gargoyle.

"…She's probably gone now," Loki said solemnly. "Loqi with a Q. To summer camp, I mean. She was supposed to leave this morning."

Emmie nodded silently and brought her arms up to hug herself. "…We're alone," she whispered.

"It'll be nice, I think," Loki observed. "Not having to do oneshots or Ask Emoki's or scenes for Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted. Don't you think?" He turned to Emmie with an inquisitive look, only to realize she was starting to hyperventilate. "…What?" he asked in confusion.

Emmie rocked back and forth. "Oh, god… what are we going to _do? _We don't have anything to do… I'm going to go madder than usual… nothing to do... nobody to keep me in line…" her breath quickened. "…no oneshots, no Ask Emoki's, no Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted, no purpose, no Loqi with a Q to give us directions for us to flout, absolute emptiness and endless free time and I'm going to go crazy and—"

Loki stared at her uncomprehendingly, blinking bemusedly.

"—And I swear I'm going to kill someone except the only person around here in this place when we're not doing oneshots or Ask Emoki's or Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted is _you, _and Loqi with a Q would kill me if I killed you, and then I _really_ wouldn't have anything to do except lie there in a coffin in the ground and I don't wanna die and oh my god what are we going to do we have a whole six weeks before Loqi with a Q comes back and Loki this is killing me—"

She was rocking back and forth violently now, eyes squeezed shut with panic as her voice rose to a hysterical pitch and Loki was afraid she just might fall off the building. Grimacing, he reached forward and touched her shoulder to make her stop. "Ah… Murderess…"

"—holy crap no schedule or things to do or anyone around to torment and—"

"_Emmie! Calm down!" _Loki cried, shaking her back to her senses. "Norns, you're more unstable than I thought…"

Emmie abruptly stopped and opened her eyes slowly to look at him. Her face slackened into a relaxed one, and then she glared. "…Screw you!"

"I'm not the one having a panic attack at the idea of a bit of free time!" Loki pointed out haughtily.

"Well, what the hell are we going to do to keep ourselves busy over summer break?!" Emmie cried, waving her arms wildly.

Loki quickly reached forward and grabbed her wrists, worried she might start waving her arms so erratically she'd lose her balance and fall off the roof. She promptly yanked her wrists out of his grip anyway, giving him a suspicious frown, as if he may have grabbed her wrists for something other than her own protection. He grimaced. No. He had _not _just been trying to protect Emmie… Had he? He quickly cleared his throat to banish the awkwardness away from that disturbing revelation. "…We'll just have to find something to do, then," he shrugged.

Emmie lifted an eyebrow sardonically. "Really? _We're _going to do something over summer break while Loqi with a Q is off at summer camp?"

Loki considered. "Sure. She said we could."

"And what are _we _going to do?" she inquired, looking skeptical.

Loki scoffed. "I wouldn't know. What do _normal _Midgardians do over summer break?"

Emmie paused and tilted her head. "Hmm…" she took a long time to think this over. She had no idea. What _did _normal people do over summer break? She couldn't remember what she had done with her mother during summer breaks when she was younger, and last summer had been spent in a rehab facility devising ways to make a weapon out of a Jell-O cup. "…Normal's not exactly my forte, Darcy."

"…Back to calling me Darcy?" Loki asked drily.

"Only when I feel like it," she shrugged. "Summer break. Ideas?"

"Quit looking at me like I have any ideas," Loki snapped, crossing his arms irritably.

Emmie sighed. "…Fine. Um… well, we're stuck in Loqi with a Q's laptop… there's Internet, right?"

"I think so…"

"Then let's find out what most people find a good idea for summer break." She suddenly leaped up to her feet, and Loki tensed slightly, worried she might lose her balance jumping up so carelessly like that. Especially when she started to walk on the very edge of the building, arms held out to her sides to keep her balance as she peered at the precipice just to her left, hundreds of feet tall. "How'd we get up here, anyway?" she inquired.

Loki gave her a wary look. "…Honestly, I have no idea. Perhaps we have character powers like Loqi with a Q's author powers, but they only work when she's not around to manipulate our world."

"…Interesting theory," she conceded. She frowned as she looked at the empty street far below, curiosity permeating her features as her eyebrows quirked and she pushed her lips to one side. "…What do you think it would be like to fall that far and splatter on the pavement?" she asked nonchalantly.

Loki stood quickly and seized the back of her shirt, dragging her away from the edge of the building roughly. "Let's not find out," he answered sternly as he pulled her backwards towards the fire escape further down the side of the building.

Emmie managed to pull herself out of Loki's grip and throw him a wry look, half-pleased and half-disgusted with his worry about her self-destructive nature. It hadn't escaped her notice that that was the second time he had actively done something to make sure she didn't kill herself, inadvertently or purposefully. First grabbing her wrists when she was waving her arms around, and then pulling her back from leaning out over the edge. Kind of… amusing, actually. Still, somehow she found it in herself to not make a snide comment as he led the way over to the fire escape and started down, not even throwing a glance her way.

"You think it's possible to slide down a metal banister like this?" Emmie asked airily, flicking the narrow, rusty, unstable banister with a fingernail.

Loki stopped dead, turned around, and gave her a death glare that very clearly said, 'I dare you to try. And if you die, I swear I will kill you.' Ah, such was the logic of their relationship. Emmie just grinned and sauntered past him, trailing her fingers down the banister as she walked down them like a regular human being rather than sliding. She could still feel Loki's glare burning into the back of her skull the rest of the climb down.

00000

Later, in a nondescript office with a desk and two chairs, Loki and Emmie sat across from each other as Loki rummaged under the wooden desk. "Okay," Loki sighed, flipping the laptop open and pushing it towards Emmie. "I hope _you _know how to work this thing…"

Emmie peered at it and shrugged, resting her fingers on the keyboard and pulling open a web browser. "Isn't this Loqi with a Q's laptop?"

"Think so."

"Hmm. That seems to make absolutely _no _logical sense, seeing as we're actually living in her laptop…" she pointed out.

Loki hummed in thought. "I'm telling you… I think we have character powers when Loqi with a Q's not around to be in charge."

"Interesting. So…" she peered at the screen. "'How to Make the Most of your Summer Vacation, for Teens,' on wikiHow." She clicked on it and began scrolling through. "…Well…"

"Anything interesting?" he asked.

"Let's see… it mentions a lot of things, actually. It says cleaning out your room is an option to do something productive… trust me, you don't want to be anywhere near my apartment. Its contents may scare you."

"Why would the contents of your apartment scare me?" Loki asked worriedly, looking up from where he was practicing flipping a pencil over and under each of his fingers. He wasn't nearly as good at it as Emmie, but practice was most definitely helping.

"…I have to occasionally do stuff to make sure my murderous urges don't overwhelm me," she said evasively. "Not important. You'll find out in the sequel."

Loki looked vaguely concerned, but Emmie continued.

"So cleaning out my room is out…" she scrolled down. "Walking your dog or a neighbor's dog… not an option, seeing as neither of us own a dog and nobody else lives in this folder of the laptop except us, and I don't particularly feel like making the trek up to the Banditry folder or the Battle of Wits folder or any of the other folders…" she continued scrolling. "Bike riding… rollerblading… camping… swimming… hiking… road trip… gardening… go to the library… learn to cook… watch movies… discover new music... scrapbooking… the mall… yoga… sleepovers… going for a jog…" She sighed and closed out the window. "That's what wikiHow gives us for advice on what we could do for summer. What do you think?"

"Camping could be interesting," he shrugged. "I've been camping many times. Odin made us do it all the time."

"Are you _good _at it?" Emmie asked skeptically.

"…Granted, I once ended up getting dragged around for hours on end by a giant disguised as an eagle on a camping trip and ended up betraying all of Asgard to make it let me go, but otherwise I'm quite skilled," he gave her a cavalier smirk.

Emmie looked thoroughly unimpressed. "…Okay then."

00000

Soon after, the two were walking through a lush forest, large backpacks slung over their shoulders. Loki was also dragging a cooler and had a weighty bag tucked under his arm in addition to the bulky backpack.

"…Are we almost there?" Emmie asked, fighting hard to hide the exhaustion in her voice as she asked.

"…Bit farther," Loki shrugged.

"How do you know?"

"Character powers. I'm telling you. If you believe it, then I bet you can use them, too," Loki answered breezily.

Emmie huffed. "…Couldn't you have used your character powers to transport us to somewhere where we _didn't _have to walk for a whole half hour carrying four and a half tons of camping equipment?"

Loki paused for a moment and gave her a careful look. Her cheeks were flushed, sweat beaded on her forehead, and she was panting slightly. Not to mention the fact that she was slouching under the weight of her backpack. "…You're getting tired, aren't you?" he teased with a smirk.

Emmie growled and began stomping up the trail with renewed vigor. Loki caught up easily.

"You're not even carrying most of the equipment," he pointed out, nodding towards his own backpack, the bag under one arm, and the cooler being dragged with his other arm.

"Excuse me for being only five foot one and a helluva lot smaller than you and not gifted with godlike strength," she spat.

"Well, weakling, we're almost there. Don't fret and try not to faint, O Delicate Maiden of Midgard," Loki taunted.

Emmie took this opportunity to stick her foot out in front of his, causing him to stumble slightly and nearly trip. "You go to hell," she snapped.

00000

Another ten minutes later, they reached their destination: a little clearing with trees cleared away, semi-smooth ground, and a ring of stones in the center.

"Here we are," Loki announced. He heard a thump behind him and turned slowly.

Emmie had dropped her pack to the ground unceremoniously, then dropped herself and leaned her head against her pack as a cushion. She sighed and closed her eyes, obviously already prepared for a nap.

Loki rolled his eyes and set his bags down with more care, then opened the cooler and pulled out a water bottle. "Have a drink, and then we have to get started on setting up the tents." He tossed the bottle her way, and she twisted off the cap, guzzling the liquid greedily. Loki shook his head at her in exasperation, and she glowered as she put the cap back on the half-empty container.

"Why don't _you _set up the tents yourself, O God of Camping and Carrying Bags Around?" she challenged.

Loki narrowed his eyes. "Fine then. I will." He hauled the bag he had been carrying under his arm over to a clear spot and unzipped it. Then he peered inside and frowned in confusion. He glanced at Emmie, who raised her eyebrows in defiance. Loki quickly looked back at the contents of the bag and dumped them out onto the ground. This most certainly wasn't what he had been expecting. This wasn't the kind of tents he and the others used on their camping trips. But then again, that had been… a _long _time ago. Things had certainly changed. The items on the ground were large sheets of nylon fabric and narrow, flexible plastic sticks and little metal rings. He cleared his throat as he considered the mess before him.

Emmie slowly stood and meandered over to him, coming to stop at his side and peer down at the unfamiliar jumble of objects. "…Seems to be going well," she commented.

Loki reached up and yanked a lock of her hair painfully, extracting a yelp from her. "Shut up."

"You _do _know how to set up a tent, right?" she asked mutinously, rubbing her head.

"…I know how to set up a tent, yes," Loki replied. "_This _is not a tent. This is a monstrosity and a mockery of what tents are supposed to be."

"Well, where are the instructions?" Emmie asked.

Loki frowned and gave her a queer look. "Instructions?"

"Yeah. Didn't instructions come in the box with the tent?"

He sighed. "…I didn't _bring _the box, did I? I just grabbed everything that was _in _the box and then put it in the _bag _so it would be easier to _carry, _and—"

"You didn't bring the instructions, did you?" she asked reproachfully.

"_Why would I bring the instructions to something I already know how to do?" _

_ "Obviously you __**don't **__know how to do it!" _

_ "Well I didn't know that, you insolent little gremlin!" _

"_You arrogant dictator! _

"_Idiotic—" _

About ten minutes later, they had finished yelling at each other and were instead staring down at the mess of plastic and nylon silently.

"…We have to put it up sometime," Loki pointed out. "We may as well _try…" _

Emmie sighed. "Fine. What do you think we do first?"

"Let's… try to figure out what all these parts are," he suggested, pulling the nylon fabric sheets away first. "Okay…. Obviously this is the tent part. I think that square one there goes under the tent. Grab that."

Emmie grabbed the large square of cloth. "Okay. Got it. Now what? Lay it on the ground and spread it out?"

"Yes, I think so. And then we're going to have to stake it down…. Maybe that's what these parts are for," Loki nudged the stakes and metal rings with a toe.

Emmie sighed. "…Kay… wanna help me?"

"Want to?" Loki scoffed. "Not particularly."

Emmie glared. "Then I _won't _help you set up your tent."

"…I didn't say I _wouldn't," _Loki pointed out, immediately dropping the cloths he was holding and grabbing a handful of the one Emmie was holding. "I just said I didn't _want _to…" He took two corners of the cloth and stepped back, spreading it as far as it would go. Emmie did likewise, and soon the sheet was pulled taut between them.

Emmie snickered. "…I get the feeling there's some kind of tension between us, Loki." She wiggled her eyebrows, and Loki just rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to smirk.

"Now set it down and we'll have to hammer in the stakes," he instructed. They set the cloth down, and Loki clipped one of the metal rings into the corner and grabbed a stake. "Emmie, bring a rock over here and help me stake this into the ground.

Emmie gasped in delight. "You mean I get to hit something?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "…Yes. So long as it's not _me." _

Emmie laughed a little and then grabbed a rock, dropping to kneel next to Loki while he held the ring and stake in place. She tapped the head of the stake a few times, and then hit it harder, and soon it was deep in the ground.

"There," Loki announced, pulling his hands away from where they were uncomfortably close to Emmie's. "…Now we just have to do that three more times and then set up the rest of the tent.

It proved to be a bit of a hassle, but not nearly as bad as they thought it would be. Finally, with the poles through the tent and the rain fly covering the tent and the zippers lined up, Emmie sighed in relief and dropped to her knees. Loki let out a puff of breath and dropped onto the ground as well, propping his head on an elbow.

"…And now we just need to do _yours," _Loki said.

Emmie groaned. "_You _do mine. I'm done." She crawled over to the half-empty water bottle and drained it.

Loki grumbled something under his breath and went to get Emmie's tent. He paused. "Uh… where _is _the bag with your tent in it?" he inquired.

Emmie paused and frowned. "Um… I thought _you _had it?"

"…Why would _I _have it?" he asked.

"…Because you were carrying a lot more than me?" she suggested.

He gulped. "…I was carrying the cooler, my tent, and the bag with all my clothes and snacks in it. What were _you _carrying?"

"…The bag with all my clothes and snacks in it," Emmie said nervously, the idea dawning on her that she didn't _have _her own tent.

Loki said nothing for a moment, looking down at her blankly. He then glanced back to the single tent they had just set up. "Oh," he said under his breath. "…Damn."

They then proceeded to stare at each other awkwardly for a long, uncomfortable moment.

"…Firewood?" Emmie suggested weakly?

"Yeah, let's do that," Loki agreed quickly, turning away from her to look at the ring of stones to serve as their firepit. "Um… dry wood works best."

"I'll be back," Emmie announced, jumping up and backing away from him warily. God, she felt idiotic… she hadn't even realized she hadn't had her own tent. She decided to try and ignore the new sleeping arrangements for now. She had firewood to get.

00000

Soon Emmie was returning to find Loki experimenting with a lighter. He didn't seem to be having the best luck with lighting it, cursing every time he failed to light it.

"…Problem, Darcy?" she inquired as she drew closer and set down her stack of size-varied sticks.

Loki humphed and once again tried to conquer the lighter. "…How do you _use _this thing?" he growled when there was only a flicker of light and a click, but nothing more. In exasperation, he tossed it to the ground, where it sat among the rocks and soil as he glared down at it mutinously.

Emmie cleared her throat. "…Never used a lighter before?"

Loki lifted his eyes to meet hers, and then he glared. "…If I _had, _then it wouldn't be a problem, would it?"

Emmie bent down and delicately picked up the lighter. "…How do you _normally _start a fire, God of Camping? You said you'd done it dozens of times."

"More like scores," he scoffed. "And normally we used flint and steel."

Emmie inspected the lighter, rubbing the soil off of it with the hem of her shirt. "Well, I've got a pocketknife for steel if you want to go and find a rock… or I could just use the lighter and light it once you've got the wood arranged properly." She lifted her eyes back to his and quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

He was giving her a hard look, as if trying to figure something out. His eyes flicked from the firewood she had brought to the empty firepit to the lighter in her hands to the tent several yards away and then finally back to Emmie, the look in his eyes still calculating.

"_What?" _Emmie repeated irritably.

"Nothing," he muttered. "You can light the fire. Give me a few moments." He crossed over to the pile of wood and began strategically placing wood inside the ring of stones.

Emmie sighed and sat down on the ground cross-legged. "…Okay," she murmured, eyes still fixed curiously on Loki as she started flipping the long lighter over and under each of her fingers while he worked.

"Have you _ever _been camping?" Loki finally inquired, his eyes glancing to hers just briefly.

Emmie pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, resting her chin on her kneecaps. "Couldn't tell you. Don't remember. Agent Hill might have taken me when I was younger, but…" She shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I'm gonna go with a no, though, just because my body doesn't seem to have the slightest clue, either, any more than my brain. Usually if there's something I did routinely before the Tesseract, I can still do it pretty automatically. Like when I read, I have an inexplicable habit of making sure I don't bend the books too far backward and damage the spine. Even though we both know I have no qualms about damaging things. Guess I used to have a real respect for books and a tendency to make sure I didn't mess them up. That carried over."

"So did some memories," Loki added. "Like your knowledge of Jane Austen. Even though you hadn't read the books since the Tesseract, there was still knowledge of them ingrained in your memory."

"I guess."

"What else?" Loki asked.

She lifted her hand, which still flipped the lighter over and under each finger. "That's a habit I've had since I woke up. The habit was pre-formed, so I'm thinking that was pre-Tesseract."

"But no inexplicable knowledge of how to set up a tent or set up a campfire?" Loki sighed.

"Nope. Which is why I don't think camping was a regular thing." She was silent for a minute. "Is camping fun?"

Loki snorted. "…Sometimes?" He finished setting up the wood and sat back on his heels, looking contemplatively at the girl across from him. "I suppose it depends on the company. Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three were often loud, boisterous, die-hard living-off-the-wilderness campers. Tyr, god of war, was more at ease. It just depends."

Emmie narrowed her eyes slightly, looking at him carefully. "…And how do you think this trip will turn out?"

He chuckled and then grinned. "Oh, abominable, I'm absolutely positive. Now come light the fire with that detestable little invention."

Emmie just laughed a little and scooted over to him. "Where should I light it at?"

"About there," he pointed. "At the bottom."

Emmie required only two tries to light the lighter, and soon the wood in the pit had caught. "See? It's not _that _hard, Loki," she bragged to him, flicking the lighter around her finger like a smoking gun. "Now. Dinner?"

Indeed, the sun was starting to set by now, and they had to get food unpacked before the dark blanketed the forest. Emmie went over to her bag and dragged it a bit closer.

"So… what's for dinner?" she asked, unzipping one of the pockets and peering inside. "We've got several different kinds of canned soup we can heat up by the fire."

Loki pulled his bag over as well and squinted at the labels of the cans within. "…Let's try this… chicken noodle soup."

Emmie suppressed a snicker at Loki's reading the words "chicken noodle soup" so formally. It just didn't sound right coming from his mouth. "Think we're going to have to open the cans and then just warm them by the fire, and eat out of the cans."

"Doesn't sound too bad," Loki conceded, pulling the tab of his can and setting it on top of a flat stone in the ring around the fire.

Emmie followed suit and sighed, watching the cans. "This could take a couple of minutes." Loki only hummed in acknowledgment. "…So…" She sighed and considered. There was absolutely nothing for her and Loki to talk about. They weren't the sort to engage in any kind of conversations except for verbal threats and insults. Otherwise they just kind of argued. There wasn't even anything good to argue about. The longest conversation they had had without yelling or accusing or insulting was one wherein they were both _faking it. _There had to be _something _to talk about… they were technically co-workers, after all. "So… once Loqi with a Q gets back, we're probably gonna do more of Absence."

"That's paradoxical. We'll do Absence when Loqi returns from her absence."

Emmie giggled. She couldn't help it. Loki smiled crookedly. "Yeah, well," Emmie continued. "Apparently she's supposed to be… developing our relationship more or something."

"Obviously. She's not just going to let us sit around and do nothing but argue _forever," _he sighed. "_Eventually we're going to have to move on from that." _

_ "Do we have to?" she implored. "I kinda like arguing." _

_ "Me, too. But relationships have to evolve past that point. Even ours. So… evidently that's Loqi with a Q's plan. I don't know what direction she's taking it in, butt…" he sighed. "It's changing somehow." He threw her a pensive sidelong glance. "What do you think?" _

_ Emmie pondered for a moment, stabbing a spare twig into the ground as she thought it over. "Dunno. I kind of… like our relationship the way it is right now," she confessed quietly, not meeting Loki's eyes. _

_ "How is it right now?" Loki questioned searchingly._

_ Emmie let out a breath of soft laughter that tugged at the corners of Loki's lips. "Constantly arguing. Chaotic. Angry. To me, it's comforting. Because it… means I can act out and be destructive, and it's not like you blame me for it because it's ordinary. And then I can expect the same from you. And the pandemonium is kind of… to me, it's fun. I always feel chaotic. I like being chaotic. And causing chaos." _

_ The darkness around them was complete now, and the only light came from the fire. The dancing lights flickered across Emmie's features as he inspected her. Her eyes were focused on the fire, leaping up and down and back and forth, the dark circles under her eyes brought into sharp relief. She looked dark, like she belonged here in the dark and the fire. Self-destructive and burning whatever she could—whether it be others or herself. _

_ Loki let his eyes move from her to the fire, and he watched it like she did, without moving or speaking. For a few minutes, there was only the muted sounds of the fire crackling and logs shifting as they collapsed in on themselves. Neither of them said anything even when they retrieved the heated cans of chicken noodle soup from the rocks, and spoons were pulled out from the backpacks as well. Emmie pulled the hood of her black sweatshirt up over her head. Then the only sounds were of the fire crackling unobtrusively and the scrape of plastic spoons on the metal cans. And soon enough, they had finished their small dinner and it was once again just the fire. _

_ Finally, Loki said. "I think I like it out here. Quiet." _

_ "It's peaceful," Emmie agreed. "Pretty nice." _

_ "Think so?" _

_ "Sure." _

_ "…Intriguing." _

Emmie's brows furrowed and she looked up at Loki again. "What?"

"Nothing," he smiled slightly, and the firelight glinted off his teeth. "…We're just not arguing and you said it's nice."

Emmie blinked. And then she laughed slightly and looked away from him, not sure how to respond. "…No one said we're not arguing," she muttered.

Loki smirked, giving into the bait and knowing full well what it would lead to. "Well, we're not."

"…We kind of are," Emmie shot back.

"No, we're not."

"That's it. You have officially managed to turn this into an argument, and we have irrevocably begun arguing about whether or not we're arguing," Emmie announced. "Therefore I am having a perfectly good time because we are arguing."

"Of course. Never doubted that for a second."

"You did, too."

"Did not."

"Did, too."

"Did not."

"Unsuccessful usurper."

"Aggravating anarchist."

"Malicious megalomaniac."

"Refractory rapscallion."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means you need to work on your vocabulary. That's what it means, Emmie."

She snorted and shook her head, glad that the awkward moment was over. Talking about feelings, what caused them, or what she liked or didn't like about them wasn't her forte. Just like most normal things. Normal wasn't her forte.

"What are these things?" Loki asked, pulling something out of his backpack.

"I don't know. What are they?" Emmie echoed.

He tried to focus on the words on the bag using only the firelight. "…Marsh… mallows. Marshmallows is what it says. What is a marshmallow?"

Emmie snickered. That was even funnier than hearing him say chicken noodle soup. "It means, Loki, that you have to expand your diet. That's what it means."

"I didn't ask what it means. What are they?" Loki repeated. "This is food? They look vaguely like little…" he pressed on one experimentally. "…pillows."

"They're great. Believe me, I've become an expert on soft foods that SHIELD agents hope to God you can't turn into a weapon. Marshmallows are one of the more effective non-weapons. Can't do crap with them except eat them. Open the bag and I'll show you."

Loki did so and pulled one of them out. It was covered in a very light powder that left his fingers feeling a little chalky. "This is _edible?" _he asked in disbelief.

Emmie snatched the bag from him and nodded. "Try it." She popped one into her mouth to demonstrate.

Tentatively, he took a small nibble off one corner and rolled it around in his mouth thoughtfully. "…It's sweet," he said slowly. "And… soft. And… springy." He popped the rest of it into his mouth. "This is camping food?" he asked through the marshmallow.

Emmie nodded. "From what I've heard and read on the internet and seen in movies, people usually stick them on skewers and roast them over the fire and then eat 'em that way. I've only ever eaten them out of the bag without cooking them."

Loki reached past her, and she scooted out of the way as he grabbed a long and narrow branch from the pile of firewood. He stuck the tip of the stick into the fire to harden and sanitize it, and then he took a marshmallow out of the bag Emmie held, sticking it carefully onto the end of the skewer. "And then roast it?" he asked skeptically.

"You've roasted stuff before, haven't you?"

"Of course. Just… mostly animals and vegetables and mushrooms."

"Don't mushrooms count as vegetables?"

"Technically they're a fungus."

"Well, that just makes it sound gross. Stick the freaking marshmallow into the fire until its cooked, Loki."

With an exaggerated eye rol and a sigh, Loki poked the marshmallow toward the flames and let it rest for a moment, hovering amongst the heat. He then pulled it out and inspected the little snack. It looked blackened on one side and perfectly white on the other. "Hmm. I'm not sure that's how it's supposed to look," he mused, delicately pulling the marshmallow off and narrowing his eyes at it. All the same, he bit into it.

"How is it?" Emmie asked eagerly, grabbing a long stick of her own and tempering it in the fire before stabbing a marshmallow onto its tip.

Loki had to finish chewing and swallowing before he could answer, and then he licked the residue off his lips. "it's… gooey," he said in surprise. "But…" he took another marshmallow from the bag and stuck it onto the end of his stick. "It's good." Promptly, he stuck the next marshmallow into the fire.

Emmie found her marshmallow pretty good, too, though it wasn't half-burnt. Hers was more like a crispy brown with speckles all over it. Amazingly good. Soon they were scarfing down roasted marshmallows until there was only one left in the bag. They reached for it at the same time but stopped dead before their hands met.

"….How many did you have?" Emmie asked suspiciously.

Loki narrowed his eyes. "How many did _you _have?"

"Probably less than you," she snapped, reaching for the last marshmallow.

Loki snatched it away before her fingers wrapped around it.

"Hey!" she cried, staring at him in shock. Then she stabbed her stick at his chest to poke him accusingly.

Loki nearly fell backwards as he scooted back to avoid getting poked with Emmie's stick. Then he retaliated by stabbing back at her with his own stick, the marshmallow in his hand almost forgotten. Emmie managed to knock his stick aside, then waved hers at his hand again, trying to make him lose his grip on his makeshift weapon. Loki jumped up and brandished his stick threateningly.

"Back, fiend!" he snarled as Emmie scrambled to her feet and swiped her stick through the air.

"Never, you knave!" Emmie cried, lunging forward and rapping her stick against his shoulder.

Loki twisted as she landed her blow, reducing its impact, and he swung his stick at her again, catching the tip of her stick and nearly flinging it out of her grip. Emmie's arm was thrown to the side by the move, leaving her torso open for attacks before she could put up her guard again, and Loki thrust his stick towards her stomach. Emmie danced backwards, tripping over the small pile of firewood.

"Aha!" Loki cried, jumping forward and pointing his marshmallow skewer at her throat when she landed on her back. "You have been defeated, you churl!"

"Not until my last breath escapes my lungs, boor!" Emmie shouted, batting his pretend sword away with the back of her hand and rolling out of the way before she sprang to her feet, panting. She raised her branch again and grinned at Loki savagely.

Loki just laughed and held up his branch defensively as he shuffled forward. "It matters not how long you resist, you lout: there is nothing you can do to defeat me! I shall prevail!"

Emmie threw herself forward with a war cry, her stick hitting against Loki's with a resounding _crack. _Their narrowed eyes met over their crossed stick-swords.

"Never shall you prevail, you…" she paused as she pushed harder against Loki's sword, attempting to knock him off balance. "…running out of freaking old-fashioned insults here," she spat.

Loki pressed harder against her, a lighthearted grin forcing itself onto his lips as he flicked his head to get the strand of loose hair out of his face. "Do you yield?" he challenged, mock danger in his voice.

Emmie let out a breath of tired laughter as she resisted the urge to give in, leaning all of her insufficient weight back against her stick, even though she knew she could never overpower Loki in a battle of pushing against each other. "Never, you… blackguard!"

"Wretch!" Loki shot back as he shoved her away.

"Crap!" Emmie hissed as she stumbled backwards, nearly losing her balance.

"Submit: I command it of you," Loki proclaimed.

"Oh, go to hell," Emmie panted. Loki just smirked and gave her a moment to catch her breath before continuing. She swallowed, took a deep breath, straightened, and wearily flicked her sword. "Have at thee!"

Loki took a step forward, advancing as she took a step back for every one he took toward her. "Yes, flee," he sneered theatrically.

"I do not flee," Emmie snapped. "I just—_whoa!" _The back of her foot caught on something, and she started to lose her balance.

Suddenly Loki jumped forward and grabbed her arm, preventing her from falling back. He dragged her forward and closer to him, even though she yelped in protest.

"Unhand me—" she started to say, but Loki cut her off.

"Emmie," he snapped seriously, looking down at her. One of his hands was wrapped tightly around her wrist, and the other one was gripping her shoulder.

She felt herself go slightly limp as she looked up at him in confusion. "What? You could've let me _fall, _it's not like I haven't _fallen _befo—"

"You almost fell into the fire," he said matter-of-factly, releasing her and nodding towards where she had almost fallen. Indeed, her foot had caught on one of the stones ringing the fire, and if she had fallen backward, she would've landed in the burning logs and flames. He had pulled her to stop her from falling in and burning herself.

Emmie blinked, staring at the fire. "Oh," she said under her breath. She felt her face get hot at the realization. "Um…"

"You don't have to thank me or anything," he said quickly. "Just… be more careful. Only an idiot doesn't watch where they place their feet when they're walking backwards. You need to… work on that. Otherwise you're going to end up getting hurt."

Emmie smiled faintly. "What, you don't want me getting hurt?"

Loki scoffed. "Oh, I do. Just do it some other time; don't ruin our summer break by falling into the firepit on our camping trip. I don't think Loqi with a Q would ever forgive me if I let her OC die of burns in the middle of the White Mountains."

Emmie laughed a little. "Yeah. Probably not. Um…" she looked down at her hands. She still held her makeshift sword in her right hand. "Done fencing?"

Loki looked down at his own hands. He had dropped his stick when he saved Emmie from her fiery fate. "Ah… I'm not sure where mine went. I don't feel like searching in the dark for it." He fell silent for a moment and then laughed to himself.

Emmie gave him a quizzical look. "What?"

"I…" he giggled to himself. "I… dropped the marshmallow."

Emmie said nothing for a moment. Honestly, she had forgotten entirely about the marshmallow—the reason they had started their little battle. And Loki had dropped it. It had entirely slipped her mind for a second there. Then she started laughing, too. "Screw you, Loki!" she cursed him, shoving him roughly.

Loki shoved her back. "You could find it on the ground and eat it if you wanted, but—"

"Oh, go to hell!" she spat, even though she was still smiling. She pushed him again, towards the fire. "Don't count on me to stop you from falling in any fires, moron!"

Loki grabbed her wrist and swung her closer to the fire. "Ooh, don't count on me to save you again," he threatened playfully.

"I'm still armed with my stick, you know," Emmie said significantly, wiggling it in her fingers.

"Your stick is no match for the god of mischief," Loki dismissed. "And neither are you." He simply released her and then dropped to the ground in front of the fire again, feeling peculiarly happy.

Emmie sighed and seated herself in front of the fire again, too, a good four feet from Loki. "Been a surprisingly good night," she commented offhandedly.

"I agree," he nodded.

Silence.

"Getting tired?" Emmie asked.

"No. Are you?" he asked in return.

"No."

Silence. Their eyes shifted uneasily to the single tent, which they had purposely avoided mentioning for a while now.

"It's getting a little late," Loki said.

"Certainly is."

Silence.

"That's a single-person tent, isn't it?" Emmie asked gloomily.

"Yup."

"Damn."

"Yup."

Silence.

"What do you propose we do?" Loki asked.

"I propose nothing, and I'd appreciate you not proposing to me," Emmie replied.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Look, there's only one tent, and it's _tiny, _and—"

"The only way we're even both going to _fit _is if we're spooning, and no offense to you, but I'm _not _really fond of the idea," Emmie huffed, crossing her arms self-consciously and giving Loki a hard look.

Loki looked back at her, his expression stony. "I hate to say this," he said solemnly. "…But I have no idea what spooning is. Except that it sounds terribly awkward."

Silence again. Except this time Emmie stared at him, shaking her head. The tiniest smile curved along her lips as she just shook her head at him.

"Excuse me if I'm not familiar with all the latest Midgardian colloquialisms," he added bitterly.

"Spooning. Basically where you're pressed front-to-back with someone, very closely and uncomfortably and I would like to reiterate I'm not open to the idea." Emmie squeezed her hands together. Even the thought of being that intimately _near _Loki was making her jittery and anxious and she just might have a panic attack.

"No offense to _you," _Loki said blankly. "But _I'm_ not open to the idea, either, so don't worry." He ran a hand over his face and rubbed his eyes. "Look," he said, heels of his palms still pressed into his eyes. "You can go sleep in the tent if you want to, and I'll stay out here all night. Not like I've never stayed up an entire night before."

Emmie didn't answer for a moment. "Or _you _can go sleep in the tent and I'll stay out here," she countered.

"Ah, no thank you. I know you have a pocketknife hidden somewhere on you, and I don't like the idea of sleeping while you're still awake and armed," he answered quickly. "You can sleep and I'll stay up."

"No, thanks. I'll stay out here."

"Are we both staying out here all night?" Loki asked in exasperation.

"Would you rather be spooning?"

No response. They remained on the ground, staring into the fire.

"I guess this could be worse," Emmie said fairly.

"Could it? We have a tent available for taking up residence in for the night, but instead we're both going to sit out by the fire the whole night. That's neither logical nor _good, _so how could it be _worse?" _Loki queried.

Emmie pondered. "Well, Tony Stark could be here. That would make things worse. We could be answering fan questions instead of this. Knowing our fans, that could _definitely _be worse than this. Hell, even some of the scenarios we've been put in for TMTA are worse than this. You could be stuck with Thor… you could have _not _had someone with you who could work a lighter… you could have ended up lost in the wilderness alone with nobody but your good horse friend Svaðilfari…"

"Oh, Norns," Loki huffed. "You just _had _to bring up the horse…"

Emmie snickered. "Of course. So, yeah. It could totally be worse. Instead you're just stuck out in the wilderness with a girl who often fantasizes about murdering you, with no protection from our author, and a very meager supply of marshmallows, and only one tent that neither of us will consent to sleeping in. There's worse ways to spend your summer."

Loki let out a hum of thought. "Yes… I suppose things could be worse." He threw Emmie a kind of conceding half-smile. "Then again, it could be a lot _better, _but…" He grinned. "Yes. It could be worse."

They remained next to the fire, talking little as the fire slowly died out and the sky very slowly grew lighter with the rising sun.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Oh, gods, I cannot believe I just wrote that… for one, it was incredibly long. Apologies. For two, it was… incredibly **_**fluffy **_**for Emoki… ah, who am I kidding. This kind of interaction between Loki and Emmie is practically concept art for their relationship in the upcoming sequel :P Still a lot of bantering, but also a kind of understanding. Naturally, none of y'all know exactly how they shall get to that point in the fic itself… but you'll eventually find out. I'm thinking I might post a few other oneshots (hopefully shorter ones) of other antics Emmie and Loki got up to while I was at summer camp. Beach, anyone? **

**Please favorite, follow, and review. **


	15. Chapter 15

***Hey, you guys! So I know I had thought about doing the beach for Emoki's next Summer Break activity, but I wrote about a third of it and just wasn't feeling it. So I scrapped it in favor of this, and I sincerely hope you are all okay with me changing tactics and going in this direction. I look forward to your thoughts on it, and I hope you enjoy. **

Summer Break Part 2

(Otherwise Titled "Having Fun Yet?")

"…Are we in agreement to not do something that lasts overnight this time?" Loki asked sullenly.

"Entirely in agreement," Emmie nodded quickly, pulling open the laptop again in the nondescript office.

They had returned to the city they usually resided in inside the Twisted Minds Think Alike folder of the laptop. The tent and backpacks had conveniently disappeared, and Emmie and Loki were conveniently awake and clean again, ready for their next adventure.

"So… I read off the whole list last time," Emmie muttered, scrolling through the internet browser. "I think _I _should choose this time, since you chose camping, and that turned out so brilliantly."

"It's not _my _fault," Loki snapped. "_You're _the one who forgot your tent."

"I didn't forget my tent. You failed to bring it," Emmie dismissed. "Now…. How about…" her eyes scanned the laptop screen. "Hmm. What do you think of going rollerblading?"

Loki's nose wrinkled. "What is that?"

Emmie quirked an eyebrow at him. "It's where you put on these shoes with wheels and then skate around, usually in a park or a skating rink. I vote park."

Loki blinked at her and frowned slightly. "…Doesn't sound very fun."

"Yeah, well, camping didn't sound very fun to me," Emmie snapped, closing the laptop and glaring at him. "So now we're doing something you don't think will be fun."

Loki narrowed his eyes slightly at her. "…You say camping 'didn't sound fun.' Is that supposed to subtextually tell me you actually had fun camping with me?"

Emmie said nothing, looking at him blankly for a moment. Loki raised his eyebrows at her minutely, waiting for an answer. Emmie cleared her throat, she glared, and she stood up so abruptly that her chair nearly fell backwards. "I said we're going rollerblading," she announced loudly, stomping out of the room.

Loki smirked to himself and shook his head, standing up and walking out after the murderess, feeling oddly and inexplicably smug.

00000

"So… have you ever actually done this before?" Loki asked flatly as he frowned down at his feet and tightened the laces on his black-and-green rollerblades.

"Um… Not really," Emmie conceded, picking her foot up onto her knee and absentmindedly spinning the wheels on the bottom.

"What does not really mean?" Loki asked. "It was a fairly straightforward question. There shouldn't be any ambiguity involved."

"Well, it wasn't rollerblading," she huffed. "But I did kind of skateboard once."

"Kind of?"

"It wasn't exactly a skateboard…"

"…Emmie…?"

"Ugh. It was a cart in the SHIELD facility with a missile on it. I may or may not have commandeered it after escaping from my room, and more or less skateboarded it down the halls for a short time."

Loki cocked an eyebrow at her guarded and irritated countenance. "…And how did that end, Murderess?"

Emmie's nostrils flared. "…I accidentally ran into a wall because the cart was too heavy to properly turn."

Loki sighed. "Emmie, how do you plan on rollerblading when you've never done it before and the only experience with something vaguely similar ended in disaster?"

"It didn't end in disaster!" Emmie protested. "I mean… yeah, the missile I was standing on let out a little noxious gas, but it was no biggie. The rollerblades won't let out noxious gases."

Loki resisted the urge to slap his hand to his face. "Loqi with a Q will not appreciate your insistence on getting yourself into dangerous situations. What would she do if you accidentally killed yourself in a oneshot? Then what would she do for the sequel to TMTA?"

Emmie flashed a grin. "This is technically the Marvel fandom. Anyone who dies has a fighting chance of returning to life for no particular good reason. Remember Coulson?"

Loki blinked. "What about Coulson? I killed him…"

Emmie snickered. "Nothin', Loki. And I won't kill myself rollerblading. This will be a piece of cake."

"Fine. Then let's see you do it." Loki crossed his arms and nodded to the sidewalk next to the bench they were currently sitting on.

"No problem." Emmie pushed herself to her feet and suppressed the panic in her when her feet wobbled before she gained her balance. Promptly, she dropped herself back to the bench. "Ahem. I'm going to look up how to do this online."

"You do that. I'm going to master this mortal pastime within the time it takes you to figure out how to stand up," Loki informed her. He stood up and managed to clumsily shuffle over to the middle of the concrete, nearly falling once or twice as his feet started to roll out from under him before he gained his balance.

Emmie produced an iPhone and began tapping the screen. Somehow she had access to Loqi with a Q's cell phone, and she wasn't going to bother trying to figure out the logic of that. She had to figure out how to rollerblade like a boss in the next few minutes. With a few quick motions on the touchscreen, she brought up a WikiHow on Rollerblading. "Hmm," she said out loud so Loki could hear her as well. "One of the first things it says you should do is make sure your rollerblades fit."

"Obviously they fit fine," Loki commented, and Emmie shrugged and continued reading without looking up.

"It says you should practice getting your stance and figuring out how to move on carpet or grass first, so there's less chance of falling and losing your balance, because the rollerblades won't roll."

"Please. That's for amateurs."

"Yeah, I agree, Loki. It also mentions that you should have a helmet and wristguards and kneepads and elbowpads," Emmie listed. "So you won't get hurt if you fall."

"Once again. For amateurs. I am a god, and you are a human who has been affected by the Tesseract so that your brain is technically more efficient than others'."

"Yeah. Protective equipment is overrated," Emmie shrugged, still looking down at the phone screen. "Says you should know how to brake before you really start rollerblading. We can learn that on the fly, though," she dismissed. "And it says you should practice a lot and not be discouraged if you don't get the hang of it immediately."

"Any other tips?" Loki inquired.

"Yeah. It says taking lessons is never a bad idea."

"Then what's the point of having a bloody article on it, if it's just going to tell you to take lessons?" Loki snorted. "This article _is _our lesson."

"Also, it says you should try to learn with a friend, because it's easier when you have someone's hand to hold onto," Emmie finished.

"Emmie, don't make me gag," Loki pretended a revolted tone, and Emmie smirked.

"Yeah, let's not partake in that part of the learning process," she agreed, though briefly wondering if her and Loki holding hands _would _make the process easier. She pushed the thought away quickly and locked the phone.

"Um… does it give any instructions on how you're supposed to get up if you fall?" Loki asked nervously.

For the first time, Emmie looked up from the screen to see Loki's progress.

He was sprawled out on the sidewalk on his stomach, glaring backwards at his feet. The wheels on his blades were rolling lazily, as if taunting him. With a huff, he once again tried to plant his feet on the ground, but the wheels immediately made his feet slip out from under him. Emmie hadn't noticed since she had been so focused on the article on the phone, but he had fallen somewhere around the time she started looking through the article. And though he had managed to keep himself composed, he had been lying on the ground and fruitlessly attempting to get back to his feet.

Emmie bit her lip at the sight, not sure if she should laugh or help. "…No, it didn't mention it," she said breezily."

"Well, this is just brilliant," Loki growled, getting up to his hands and knees before trying once more to get his feet under him.

Emmie managed to stand, and she shifted her feet forward and backwards, testing her balance. Her knees started to buckle in towards each other, and she almost fell. She reached back and grabbed onto the bench for balance before straightening with a relieved sigh. Then she slid forward an inch, and then another. Soon she stood in front of Loki, who was on his hands and knees and glaring up at her. Emmie smirked. "Kneel before me," she said imperiously.

"Shut up, Emmie," Loki snapped with a huff, starting to get to his feet before his feet rolled out from under him.

"I said," Emmie smirked. "_Kneel!" _

"Would you just help me up?" Loki growled irritably.

Emmie paused. "Oh." So… that was new. He was actually asking her for help? "Yeah, sure," she said hastily, wiping the arrogant smirk off her face and stretching out a hand.

Loki grimaced slightly before he took her hand and started to pull himself to his feet.

"_Daaammmnnnn!" _Emmie squealed as Loki's weight tugging her arm pulled her forward, and she tumbled forward, the rollerblades slipping out from under her.

"Blast it, Emmie!" Loki gasped when she landed on top of him, and then they were both sprawled out on the concrete, with Emmie half-laying on Loki's back, her elbow digging into his shoulder.

"Sorry!" she cried, quickly scooting off of him and into a sitting position.

Loki _humphed _and shifted himself into a sitting position as well, glaring at her mutinously. "You know, you said rollerblading would be fun," he accused as he gestured to them both, helplessly on the ground with no idea what they were doing.

"Technically I never said it would be fun," Emmie said delicately, blowing a stray strand of hair out of her face. "I just said that you chose the last thing, saying _it _would be fun. And then I insisted on choosing the next thing. That doesn't necessarily mean I said I would choose something fun."

"It insinuates it," Loki pointed out.

"Well, you made an assumption," Emmie rolled her eyes. "And when you assume, it makes an ass of you and me."

Loki groaned. "_Now _what are we supposed to do? We're on the ground wearing ridiculous shoes with wheels that we have no idea how to use, and we can't _even stand up." _

Emmie felt her shoulders slump. "I mean…" she looked down at her hands in her lap and twiddled her fingers. She had _meant _to find something that would be fun… it had just… gone wrong, with her thinking they would just be able to wing it and figure this all out easily enough. She'd been wrong, of course, like always. At least being wrong meant that she wouldn't be relied on all the time, but at the same time… it led to situations like this one. "Shouldn't we have been able to figure this out?" Emmie complained in frustration, running her hands through her hair. "I mean, you arethe god of mischief. You've been in countless battles, you're dexterous, clever, and coordinated…" she counted his qualities on her fingers.

Loki blinked blankly at her. "…What are you getting at?" he asked slowly. Was she actually… seeing his good qualities…? "Flattery will accomplish nothing, you know."

Emmie paused and glanced at him with a confused frown. "What do you mean, flattery?" She paused and thought about what she had just been saying. "Wait, no—" she turned a little red. "I just meant…" she trailed off before clearing her throat and continuing as if he hadn't interrupted. "And then I, due to the Tesseract, am hyper-coordinated and have increased balance, aim, and general dexterity," Emmie counted on her other fingers.

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Murderess, what's your point?"

Emmie sighed. "My point is that we _should _be some kind of unstoppable team of wicked evil supervillains—not sitting like toddlers on the sidewalk crying over how we don't know how to rollerblade!" She threw her arms up in exasperation.

Loki said nothing, thinking it over. "…Well, in order for us to be a team of wicked evil supervillains, we'd have to actually be a team to begin with."

Emmie was quiet a moment. "Hmm. Fair point. A team. A group organized to work together. So… we'd actually have to work together is what you're saying."

"Technically, it's what _you're _saying," Loki quickly corrected, not wanting to be the one to say they actually work together.

"Well, fine, it's what I'm saying," Emmie bit her lip. "So… if we're actually going to help each other… you really think that might work?"

"Well, between both our cunning and ingenuity and stubbornness, I should think we'd be able to conquer a couple pairs of rollerblades," Loki reasoned. "Don't you think?"

Emmie smirked. "One would think so."

00000

After much planning and complicated strategies discussed on the sidewalk, Loki and Emmie decided the best way to find their feet was to grip each other's forearms and stand, pulling or pushing slightly on each other to help both themselves and each other. There were a few near-falls and a couple of unsavory insults spat between them, but soon enough they stood facing each other, arms still clasping each other's forearms.

"Well, then…" Emmie said slowly, refusing to meet Loki's eyes. "Do you think we can move on to actually, like, _moving, _now that we're standing?"

"We'll see how that goes," Loki agreed. "On three, we let go of each other." He paused, and Emmie nodded in agreement. "One… two… three."

They released each other, and they stood apart.

"Good," Emmie nodded curtly. "Then… I suppose we have to like… turn and start rolling forward."

"I think so," Loki glanced down the sidewalk that wound through the park.

Tentatively, they both turned so they were facing the same way. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, they slid their feet forward one by one, inch by inch.

"You know, this isn't too bad," Loki smiled slightly.

Emmie glanced back to the bench they had fallen in front of. They were about five feet from it. She decided not to point out to Loki that they had made a pathetic amount of progress. But by the time she turned to look forward again, she realized that Loki was now three feet in front of her. "Hey, wait!" she ordered, gliding forward to match him.

Loki paused for a moment, just in time for Emmie to go zooming past him. "Hey!" Loki called, indignant. "Don't just tell me to wait and then—" he was already sliding his feet over the concrete to catch up to her, grinning at the wind blowing in his face and the challenge.

Within seconds, it was a race to nowhere, both desperate to merely out-skate the other. Now that they were on their feet and moving, the god and the enhanced human were gliding gracefully and speedily, practically blurs on the sidewalk as they yelled at each other and sped faster and faster. One second, it seemed Emmie was leading by a few yards, and the next, it was Loki. Then there were moments where they were side by side and trying to send each other death glares but failed horribly since they were too busy grinning at how much fun this honestly was.

It was impossible to tell exactly how long it was that they merely raced each other on the winding and meandering paths of the park, cutting each other off and weaving from side to side with expert ease and the deadly grace of cheetahs racing through the savanna, but Emmie and Loki didn't care because that was far too weirdly poetic of a description for either of their tastes, anyway.

What they did know was that eventually they were slowing down, their shirts and foreheads soaked with sweat and not enough energy to properly insult or race each other anymore. Loki glanced at Emmie, and she at him. Their faces were red and sweaty, and ragged breaths were escaping from between their lips.

"I… win," Loki proclaimed, panting as he and Emmie slowly skated side by side, losing speed by the second.

Emmie threw him a half-hearted glare. "Hey, dumbass… it's impossible to tell…" she paused for a deep breath: she seemed to have lost all her breath some time ago. "It's impossible to tell who won, since… since we…" Another gasp for breath. "We didn't have a finish line. For all you know, _I _won."

"Ha. You. Win. That's _funny, Murderess_," Loki snorted.

"Funny to hear that coming from you, Mr. The-Avengers-Can-Never-Defeat-Me-Oh-Wait-Yeah-They-Can," Emmie teased with a devilish smirk.

Loki turned and narrowed his eyes at her threateningly before reaching out to shove her shoulder.

Emmie let out a breath of laughter and sped up quickly, avoiding his shove easily before turning to face him, skating backwards as if she had been rollerblading all her life instead of just today. She raised her eyebrows.

Loki rolled his eyes, too tired to speed up and continue this argument. "You know, you were right," he suddenly said conversationally.

Emmie tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"Rollerblading really should be easy for us," Loki shrugged. "I'm a god with superhuman strength and abilities, and your coordination and such has been enhanced by the Tesseract. It just took us getting started to find our stride. And now look at us, skating around the park like it's nothing." He smiled with a kind of arrogant pride in them.

Emmie smiled crookedly. "Told you. I'm such a natural at this, I can even skate backwards without losing my balance," she gloated.

"About that," Loki smiled slyly. "Were you planning on hitting that trash can there, or were you going to dodge it without looking?"

"What-?" _Bam. _Emmie's back slammed into something hard, and she let out a groan of pain.

Loki quickly reached forward and grabbed her arm before she fell. "_That _trash can, Murderess," he smirked, his hand still on her arm to prevent her from slumping to the ground.

"Screw you," Emmie hissed between her teeth.

"Didn't I tell you on our _last _summer break adventure that you have to learn to look behind you?" Loki sighed condescendingly.

Emmie wrenched her arm out of his grip and straightened herself, skating a few feet down the sidewalk as Loki easily caught up to her and skated at her side. "Shut up," she huffed. "So I don't look behind me. So what?"

"So you keep getting hurt by the things you're refusing to look at behind you," Loki observed. "If you'd simply learn to look over your shoulder, then—"

"Do you look over your shoulder when you're walking backwards?" Emmie asked accusatorily.

"I'm not the one running into trash cans and nearly falling into fires," Loki pointed out. "So yes. In brief glances, I'll look behind me. I don't see why you refuse to."

"You know what, Loki?" Emmie snapped. "I'm a bit distracted. I have other things to pay attention to in front of me. I can't look behind me."

"Can't or won't?" Loki inquired.

Emmie frowned. "I don't know."

"Maybe you should figure it out so you can fix it," Loki observed. "And start glancing over your shoulder every once in a while."

Emmie rolled her eyes. "No need. I've got you to stop me from falling when I don't look behind me."

Loki tilted his head slightly at this assertion. "Hmm…"

"What?" Emmie asked immediately.

"Are we talking about rollerblading anymore?" Loki asked slowly and deliberately, wondering at the symbolism that had somehow woven itself into this little escapade.

Emmie blinked. "Um… _I'm _talking about rollerblading… what else would we be talking about?"

Loki was quiet for a moment. "I think Loqi with a Q somehow set us up on a metaphorical summer break adventure, filled with hidden meaning."

"How could she do that?" Emmie demanded, trying to stop but realizing that she actually hadn't figured out how to brake just yet. Crap. Oh, well; she could just keep skating for now. "Loqi with a Q is off at summer camp; how would she be able to…" she trailed off and sighed. "Author powers?"

"Probably," Loki sighed.

"Well, that sucks," Emmie grumbled.

"Mm."

Silence as they continued forward for several moments.

"…Do you know how to stop these things?" Emmie asked flatly.

"No," Loki mumbled.

"Figures," Emmie sighed in defeat as her rolling feet had no choice but to keep moving forward on the virtually frictionless concrete. That was, until a foot suddenly appeared in front of hers, and she ran into it. "Hey!" she yelled indignantly as she toppled to the ground, losing her balance. She wildly reached out on impulse and grabbed onto Loki's arm as she fell, but then they were both falling to the ground, and then they were sprawled in a heap on the concrete once again.

"Well, that _relatively _worked," Loki observed mildly.

Emmie winced and sat up. Her head hurt: it had hit the sidewalk. Maybe protective gear wouldn't have been such a bad idea. Her elbows were also scraped, and one of the knees of her jeans was torn. "…You _tripped me, _Loki!" she accused.

Loki was inspecting a tear in the sleeve of his left elbow and brushing the dust off his pants. "…I mean…" he smirked. "…It stopped your forward momentum… Now at least we've braked…"

Emmie's brows furrowed. "Damn you to hell, Loki. Now I hurt."

Loki didn't answer for a moment "…" An odd look came over his face. "…I do, too. That's… not normal," he said nervously.

Emmie straightened a little. "Where do you hurt?" If Loki had been injured badly enough that he was actually in noticeable pain, then Loqi with a Q was going to kill them for damaging her main cannon character. She pointed to his elbow. "Your elbow? Did it get scraped or something?"

Loki jerked his arm away and shook his head. "That doesn't hurt… like… all over my…." He vaguely gestured to his face and neck.

Emmie frowned. "Did you… hit it on the ground…?"

Loki shook his head.

Emmie noticed something. Her face and neck and arms also hurt. Not just where she had scraped her elbows. All over. "Um… me, too," she said worriedly. She looked down at herself. She looked at Loki again. "Oh," she breathed. Loki's face was red, and she realized it wasn't just from the exertions of endless time rollerblading around the park. "…We didn't put sunblock on. I think we're sunburned. You probably burn easily because of your frost giant blood… and I've hardly been outside in a year." She gulped. "Crap. We need to get inside and find some aloe vera or something before it gets worse."

"Sunburn," Loki echoed. "You mean that Midgardian condition where your skin turns all red?" He paused and looked at Emmie more carefully. Hmm… She _was _a little redder than usual. He had thought it was just from the intense exercise they had been doing all afternoon, but that should have faded a bit more by now. Emmie's face was still unnaturally colored. There was a pinkish tint on her arms, and red across her cheekbones. Was his face red, too? Blast. The thought had never occurred to him. "Damn. We should most definitely go inside, then."

"Are we gonna have to do the helping-each-other-up thing again?" Emmie crinkled her nose at the thought.

Loki didn't look pleased at the idea either, but he shrugged. "Ughh."

Emmie sighed in defeat and got onto her knees, holding out her arms for Loki to take. He followed suit, and they gripped each other's forearms again, pulling and pushing to their feet with some difficulty. After that struggle, they let go and took a moment to reorient themselves and reacquaint themselves with standing on rollerblades.

"Well, then…" Emmie said delicately. "Wasn't that fun, Loki?"

Loki threw her an unimpressed look and slowly started back down the sidewalk, ready to go indoors and take off these ridiculous rollerblades.

"I'll take your silence as a yes," Emmie proclaimed.

"Shut up, Emmie," Loki said bitingly, though his suppressed smile said otherwise.

"Told you it would be as fun as camping," Emmie sniffed haughtily.

"So camping _was _fun?" Loki snickered.

Emmie paused and glared at him mutinously. "Whatever," she shook her head, glad that the sunburn gave her an excuse to have her face be as red as it was.

They rolled down the sidewalk, halfheartedly bantering as they went, and arguing over the truth of whether both Loki's and Emmie's ideas had been fun or not.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Ever since I wrote the camping, I have been contemplating why it is that Emmie never looks behind her even though Loki tells her it makes her a flawed fighter. I have now realized that my subconscious made it symbolic. Darn it, Advanced Placement Literature class! You are making my writing too metaphorical and symbolic and deep! So anywho lol yeah I had to put it in there. It's okay if you don't actually understand the hidden meaning behind it, but I would also be happy to explain if anyone wants me to. Hope you guys can understand it, though. **** I ended up thinking a lot about it while I started writing this oneshot. **

**So I've got one more idea for the Summer Break oneshots, though it would definitely be fun to continue with Emmie and Loki's Summer Break adventures. I might consider randomly doing other things of Emmie and Loki and what they do in their free time together between official oneshots and Ask Emoki's and TMTA stuff. We'll see how it goes from there. **

**I hope you all enjoyed reading about Emmie and Loki rollerblading, and I hope you'll join me for their next adventure. **

**How do you all feel about a Cold-Blooded Karaoke Night? ;) **

**Please favorite, follow, and review! **


	16. Chapter 16

Summer Break Part 3

(Otherwise Titled "A Different Kind of Screaming and Shouting than Usual")

"You know," Loki sighed. "I hope you'll forgive me if I vote against doing anything _outside _this time."

Emmie lifted her eyes from the laptop screen she was perusing to glare at Loki mutinously. "Yeah. I think we're in agreement on that point."

They were once again in the nondescript office with Loqi with a Q's laptop, deciding on what their next summer break activity should be. Loki's face, neck and hands had been very badly sunburned, and so had Emmie's face, neck, and arms. They looked vaguely like they had been spraypainted with a can of dull orangey-red paint.

"And since you chose the last activity, that means _I _get to choose the next one," Loki added haughtily.

"No."

"No?"

"I said no. I don't want to let you choose again," Emmie announced.

"You chose the last one. Therefore you're not choosing the next."

"Oh, please don't tell me you've suddenly got a fairness complex going on," Emmie crinkled her nose and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, please," Loki scoffed. "No. I just don't want to get humiliated and injured this time," Loki spat.

"Then let's choose something together," Emmie sighed.

Loki blinked. "Um… _together?" _

Emmie shrugged. "Might as well."

Loki tilted his head slightly to one side. "Actually, not a bad compromise. Very well. What do _you _want to do?"

Emmie considered, looking at the laptop screen. "Hmm… we could…" She closed the laptop. "There's nothing in there I want to do. Let's just binge watch Netflix for a while."

Loki looked unimpressed. "Meh… doesn't sound very fun. I'd like to actually _do _something and not just sit around. We should…" he thought for a moment. "Wasn't discovering new music one of the suggestions on that list? I'd like to do that."

Emmie opened the laptop and peeked at the screen. "Yeah, discovering new music is one of the suggestions there… but how are we going to discover new music?"

"Doesn't Loqi with a Q have a list of music she thinks applies to us somewhere on there?" Loki asked.

Emmie's fingers flew over the keyboard for a moment, and she narrowed her eyes. "Yeah… right here. She's got a three-page document just of songs for us that she wants to maybe have for the sequel soundtrack, and to listen to while she writes Cold-Blooded Murder stuff."

"Well, let's start there," Loki shrugged.

"Do you want to just look up the songs and listen to them?" Emmie lifted an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted to actually _do _something and not just sit around."

Loki leaned forward towards her slightly. "Well, if we want to discover new music and _do _something at the same time, I suppose we could _sing _the new music we're discovering…"

He looked like he was obviously kidding around, and didn't intend at all to actually sing the songs they were looking into. But he felt himself tense up when he saw a spark of inspiration in Emmie's eyes.

"…Sing the songs?" she smirked. "Why, Loki, have you ever heard of karaoke?"

Loki paled. "Oh, gods no… I get enough of this hell in Helikaraoke."

00000

"Now that I think of it," Loki said slowly, peering down at where Emmie was fiddling with some wires and a speaker. "You'll be at a disadvantage. I've sung before in fan fiction. You have not."

"Well, there was that one time Loqi with a Q and I sang a snippet of the Ghostbusters song. Plus you and I sang _I Can't Decide _during one of the Ask Emoki's," Emmie said fairly, frowning between a couple different plugs, unsure which was supposed to go to where. She was plugging in a pair of cords that led to microphones, which were set up on the stage of the empty karaoke bar. Above the stage shone the words 'Cold-Blooded Karaoke' in neon green lights.

"Oh, yeah," Loki recalled with a faint smile. "I remember now."

"Yeah," Emmie jammed an end of the wire into the speaker, and a slight buzz emitted from the speaker.

Loki jumped up to the stage and tapped one of the microphones. Nothing happened. He tapped the second microphone, and a light tapping sound echoed through the room. "Testing, testing," he spoke into the mic. His voice was clearly audible around the room.

"It's working," Emmie called up to him. "Now we just need to do the second one." She grabbed the other wire and tentatively poked it into another little outlet on the speaker. Loki tested that mic, and it worked as well. "Great," Emmie stood up and brushed off her knees. "We're clear to start picking music now."

Loki hopped off the stage and crossed over to where Emmie was pulling open the laptop again, setting it on top of one of the empty tables with plastic chairs around it.

"Okeydokey, Loki," Emmie smirked. "What do you want to do?"

Loki peered over the girl's shoulder and squinted at the screen. "This is just a list of songs and who they're by, along with a few words of how it fits us," Loki observed.

It was true. There were vague notes accompanying each song title and artist, with things like "song for when Emmie is mad at Loki" or "for when both feel betrayed" or even "possible song for Absence epilogue." There were other more specific ones, like "for Emmie meltdown scene" and "Emmie and Loki reunion" and "for scene with Stark."

"We could probably actually get a lot of hints for some of the situations for the sequel just by looking at these songs and the little notes that accompany them," Emmie said in surprise.

"We actually probably could," Loki agreed, intrigued. "Maybe later?"

Emmie shrugged and nodded. "For now… let's find some songs that sound good and do some karaoke."

"Yes, let's," Loki nodded. "Well, then."

Emmie scrolled through the long list, and they skimmed through the songs, names, and descriptions, looking for something that looked interesting. It was easy to see a lot of recurring artist names cropping up, like Skillet and New Year's Day and Icon for Hire.

"Have you noticed that there's a lot of songs by this… Halestorm?" Loki finally spoke up.

Emmie nodded wordlessly, quirking an eyebrow. "Seems like that's a major predominant one in our lives' soundtrack. Wanna check it out?"

Loki reached past her and carefully tapped the screen. "How about this one?"

Emmie leaned closer and looked at the selection. "Hmm… sounds a little… ominous."

Loki had pointed out a title by Halestorm, called _I Miss the Misery. _The only word next to it was simply… "Masochism."

Emmie and Loki looked at each other skeptically.

"…Fine," Emmie shrugged, and she pulled up YouTube to find the song. The laptop had already been plugged into the speaker so the sound from the little computer would be in surround sound. "So… are we just going to sing together?" she asked offhandedly.

"Sure," Loki said slowly, deciding he'd rather them both be up on stage rather than be alone up on stage with Emmie staring at him or vice versa. "We'll do this lovely song on masochism together."

Emmie scoffed. "Great. So…" She clicked a few buttons. "The song should start in a couple seconds. Let's American Idol this bee-otch." With that, she clambered up onto the stage and seized her microphone from one of the stands, and Loki scrambled up next to her and took his own mic as the music slowly started up, seeming to vibrate around the otherwise-empty karaoke bar. Their eyes were fixed unmovingly on the screen that was supposed to display the lyrics they were to sing. A single wavering note hung ominously in the air for a moment… and then…

_Oooh, I miss the misery! _

Lzzy Hale's voice shouted from the speakers, and guitars and drums exploded into action, cueing the start of the song. Emmie grinned at the hard rock sound of the music and felt her heart rate start to rise and her blood pumping harder through her with adrenaline. The corners of Loki's mouth curled up savagely at the heavy, angry music pounding around the karaoke bar.

Emmie licked her lips nervously and glanced from Loki to the screen, waiting for the lyrics and wondering if they would actually take turns singing, or sing the entire song together. Hmm. Loki raised his eyebrows at her and waved his hand from her to the empty screen, as if to say, 'all yours.'

So Emmie hesitantly started singing along to the words that soon appeared on the screen, the music slowing down slightly for the first verse.

"_I've been a mess since you stayed _

_I've been a wreck since you changed _

_Don't let me get in your way _

_I miss the lies and the pain _

_The fights that keep us awake-ake-ake! _

_I'm telling you!" _

Emmie glanced to her side in slight surprise when Loki jumped in and harmonized with her on the chorus, stepping closer and leaning towards her with a wicked smirk.

"_I miss the bad things!_

_The way you hate me! _

_I miss the screaming, _

_The way that you blame me!" _

Emmie and Loki were now both singing in unison to each other, shouting their hearts out to the dark lyrics as they grinned at the perfection of these lyrics. Loqi with a Q seriously did put a lot of work into the songs she chose for them.

"_Miss the phone calls _

_When it's your fault!_

_I miss the late nights; _

_Don't miss you at all!" _

Emmie took the next line on her own, singing,

"_I like the kick in the face…" _

Loki sang the line in between

"_And the things you do to me!" _

Emmie playfully rubbed up against Loki's side slightly as she sang,

"_I love the way that it hurts!" _

Loki scoffed and lightly shoved her away playfully, singing,

"_I don't miss you: I miss the misery!" _

They laughed and grinned at how fun it was to shout and scream and yell at each other in an entirely different way. And while they totally did love the way that it hurt, it was kind of fun to merely play-fight, too, and the joking "arguing" they were feigning in just singing this song was… enjoyable.

Emmie glanced from the screen with the lyrics to Loki and nodded, giving him the signal to go ahead and take the next verse for himself.

Loki flashed a superior grin and lifted the mic to his mouth as the next lyrics appeared.

"_I've tried, but I just can't take it _

_I'd rather fight than just fake it…" _

Emmie sang the background

"_Cuz I like it rough." _

Loki resumed, stepping towards Emmie and standing over her as if intimidating her while she held back giggles.

"_You know that I've had enough _

_I dare you to call my bluff _

_Can't take too much of a good thing-ing! _

_I'm telling you!" _

And then they were shouting out the chorus together again, somehow ending up with their backs pressed together and leaning against each other slightly as they sang.

"_I miss the bad things!_

_The way you hate me!_

_Miss the screaming, _

_The way that you blame me! _

_I miss the phone calls _

_When it's your fault!_

_I miss the late nights; _

_Don't miss you at all!" _

Loki spun and grabbed Emmie's hand, twirling her to face him as he sang,

"_I like the kick in the face!" _

Emmie stood slightly on tiptoe, bringing herself just a few inches closer to Loki's face.

"_And the things you do to me!" _

Loki leaned slightly down, so now the only thing separating their lips was Loki's microphone as he sang a little quieter now,

"_I like the way that it hurts…." _

When he finished the line, he dropped his mic so there was nothing between him and Emmie but a few inches of air, but Emmie grinned and yanked her hand out of Loki's grip, backing away with a smirk as she sang,

"_I don't miss you, I miss the misery!" _

Loki smiled wryly and raised his mic to his lips again.

"_Just know that I'll make you hurt…" _

Emmie traipsed in a circle around the god of mischief, singing,

"_I miss the lies and the pain, what you did to me." _

Loki again:

"_When you tell me you'll make it worse…" _

"_I'd rather fight all night than watch the T.V.!" _

Emmie theatrically rolled her eyes and continued with the next two lines,

"_I hate that feeling inside _

_You tell me how hard you'll try." _

Loki raised his eyebrows,

"_But when we're at our worst…" _

Then they sang the next line together:

"_I miss the misery." _

Then just Emmie,

"_I miss the bad things." _

Loki stepped a little closer, glaring down at Emmie, and sneered,

"_The way you hate me." _

And then they were just about face-to-face, growling together

"_I miss the screaming, _

_The way that you blame me." _

They grinned and turned back to glance at the screen for the next lyrics. They both paled slightly at the next line that appeared on the screen, and neither of them sang.

"Let's… just… not," Emmie said slowly as the lyrics continued to appear, but neither of them felt inclined to sing.

"Yeah… let's not," Loki agreed slowly.

The song finished out quickly after that, and then they put their mics back in the stands.

"You know, that wasn't too bad up until that line showed up," Emmie pointed out.

"Yes," Loki acknowledged. "And then that line appeared. And now we are done singing."

"…What if we sing another song?" Emmie suggested.

Loki glanced at her in surprise out of the corner of his eye. "…You want to?"

Emmie glanced away. "I mean… we don't have to."

"We can if you want to," Loki said slowly.

"Only if you want," Emmie bit her lip.

There was a moment when they merely stood and looked at each other, both of them too proud to be the one to say that they actually liked singing together. It had been fun for both of them, singing the angry lyrics at each other and yet not feeling that same anger in the same way they usually did.

"…We can at least look at some of the other titles of the songs," Loki conceded hesitantly.

"Yeah," Emmie nodded, hopping off the stage and skidding to a halt in front of the laptop. The two of them perused for a bit longer, considering.

"I liked the sound of ah… Halestorm," Loki opined.

Emmie nodded vigorously. "Me, too. Want to do another of their songs?"

"Which?" Loki asked.

Emmie hummed in thought as she scrolled down the long list. "There's one here called '_I'm Not an Angel,' _by Halestorm. Loqi with a Q's note beside it is just 'you do know I'm going to break you, right?'"

Loki snorted. "Sounds interesting enough. Shall we?"

Emmie smiled faintly, trying not to show her excitement at the prospect of another song, more screaming and shouting in a way that involved far less actual trying to figure out wording. "Great. _I'm Not an Angel _it is."

Within moments, they jumped back on stage and took their microphones from the stand again.

The music started up, this one a little slower than the previous song. Hmm… it didn't sound as angry as the last one. Emmie and Loki threw unsure looks at each other, but the lyrics were starting to appear on the screen. Emmie shrugged it off and started off the karaoke.

"_You made a mistake _

_On the day that you met me and lost your way _

_You saw all the signs, _

_But you let it go _

_You closed your eyes…" _

Loki lifted his microphone to his lips and sang the next lines, frowning curiously at the lyrics as they sang them.

"_I should have told you to leave _

_Cuz I knew all the time you couldn't handle me _

_But you're hard to resist…" _

Loki smiled faintly at the next line.

"_When you're on your knees…" _

Emmie joined in the next part, and she and Loki both crooned,

"_Begging me…" _

And then the chorus exploded out. It wasn't the same kind of angry screaming and shout-singing; it was something more like a desperate plea, a warning and not an argument like the other had been. Together, the Mastermind Murderess and god of lies cried out,

"_I tear you down _

_I make you bleed eternally _

_Can't help myself _

_From hurting you, and it's hurting me _

_I don't have wings, so flying with me won't be easy…._

_Cuz I'm not an angel _

_I'm not an angel." _

Loki felt some kind of twinge somewhere deep in his heart. No, neither he nor Emmie were angels, tearing each other down and making each other bleed without being able to resist it. A quick sidelong glance at the girl told him she was thinking the same thing: there was a slight crease in her brows at the fitting lyrics, a kind of troubled understanding in her slightly-damp eyes. Loki swallowed and jumped into the next pair of lines:

"_Hate being that wall _

_That you hit when you feel like you gave it all." _

Emmie took the next lines:

"_I keep taking the blame _

_When we both know…" _

She glanced meaningfully at Loki.

"_That I'll never change…" _

The chorus came around again, and Emmie stepped slightly towards Loki. He turned and faced her, looking down into her eyes as she looked up into his, and this time, they were actually singing to each other.

"_I'll tear you down _

_I'll make you bleed eternally_

_Can't help myself _

_From hurting you, and it's hurting me." _

Bitter smiles graced their lips, wry, twisted smiles. Tentatively, Loki reached out and touched Emmie's hand, pulling her a little closer. She didn't resist.

"_I don't have wings, so flying with me won't be easy _

_Cuz I'm not an angel _

_I'm not an angel." _

Emmie couldn't help herself from grinning as Loki took her hand and carefully twirled her as she sang the next lines. Never in a million years would she have imagined herself on stage singing with the god of mischief and lies as he spun her in a slow circle.

"_I wasn't always this way _

_I used to be the one with the halo." _

Loki took up the next lyrics as Emmie rested her hand on his forearm, and they were performing some clumsy semblance of a waltz as they held onto each other with their free hand and their other hands still held their microphones.

"_But that disappeared when I had my first taste and fell from grace _

_It left me… in this place…" _

Their eyes flicked to the screen, and they both smirked as they sang together, teasing glints in each of their expressions as they taunted each other.

"_But I'm starting to think…_

_Maybe you like it." _

And then they were rotating together in the middle of the stage as they sang the chorus one more time. This time, they weren't shouting out the lyrics like the original song did, instead speaking it in semi-hushed voices to each other.

"_I'll tear you down _

_I'll make you bleed eternally_

_Can't help myself _

_From hurting you, and it's hurting me _

_I don't have wings, so flying with me won't be easy _

_Cuz I'm not an angel _

_I'm not an angel _

_I'm not an angel." _

They let their hands fall to their sides as the music faded out, and they stood silently for a long moment, looking at each other pensively. Neither was sure what to say after that. Neither of them wanted to address the fact that they had just been not only singing, but kind of dancing together, enjoying their screaming and shouting at each other in a far less malevolent way. They were spared from speaking by a very slow, sarcastic, languid clapping coming from one of the tables.

Emmie and Loki jumped about a foot in the air and dropped their microphones as they turned quickly to look out over the sea of empty tables in the karaoke bar—that is, nearly empty.

Their eyes widened and mouths dropped open when they saw their beloved—well, maybe not beloved by them—author sitting at a table in the middle of the room.

I grinned and stood up. "Having fun, I see."

"Loqi with a Q?!" Emmie cried, leaping off the stage, shock written all over her face. "I thought you weren't supposed to be back until six weeks after you left!"

"Funny how time in fan fiction land is different than real-world time," I grinned. They continued staring at me. "…Don't come running to hug your author and ask how she is all at once now," I muttered. "Ungrateful characters…"

"You've been watching us this whole time?" Loki suddenly demanded, his face transforming into an accusing glare.

I smiled sheepishly. "I mean… Maybe. Nice performance there on _I'm Not an Angel." _

Loki and Emmie both blushed, turning to look awkwardly at each other. "…Whatever…"

"So how come you guys are sunburned?" I asked conversationally.

"…No reason," Loki said uneasily.

"Uh huh. And how'd you get your hands on my laptop?" I continued, pointing at the laptop displaying the YouTube lyrics video.

"…Doesn't matter," Emmie mumbled.

"Uh huh." I glanced unimpressedly between them. "…Have a good summer break?"

"…Mmm…" was all they could manage.

"So does this mean we're going back to Ask Emoki's and oneshots?" Loki asked with a slight sigh.

I looked thoughtfully between them. "…Yeah. Soon enough. But I've got some stuff I think you'll enjoy."

"Unlikely," Emmie sniffed.

"We'll see," I shrugged. "So. Did you guys want to do a little more karaoke?"

Their eyebrows lifted slightly at me, and I grinned at their uncertain faces.

"Come on, Emmie," I smirked. "We're going to do some more Halestorm, since you guys like it so much."

And soon enough, another twenty minutes had passed in karaoke. Emmie and I sang _Daughters of Darkness _together, Emmie and Loki did _Love/Hate Heartbreak, _and then all three of us finished off our karaoke night with _Freak like Me. I then informed them we would be getting back to work pretty soon, though maybe I would let them have a little more of a break once in a while so they could have more moments like they did on their summer break. _Then we all trooped off the stage and out of the karaoke bar, leaving it empty.

Or so we thought. Slowly, ever so slowly, a head peeped out from behind the bar. Tony Stark snickered as he strutted out of the room. Nobody had noticed that he had been hiding there, taking videos of all the karaoke performances that night on his phone. He should get back to the other story, though… he was supposed to be in a oneshot for _Tyna Válað _right now. Or was he supposed to be in _Helikaraoke? _He couldn't remember. He'd figure it out. And save his little videos to post on the internet later.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Eheheheh okay seriously XD **

**Okay. So. Let me tell you a little something. I seriously do have a document like 3 pages long just filled with songs that I think pertain to Emoki, that I plan to either put in the soundtrack for the sequel or that I simply listen to while writing Emoki. And it is also true that like half of the songs by Halestorm are on that long list, including **_**I Miss the Misery, I'm Not an Angel, **_**and **_**Love/Hate Heartbreak. **_**The others I mention in here (**_**Freak like Me **_**and **_**Daughters of Darkness) **_**I just wanted to mention cuz I would love to karaoke that with Emmie and Loki lol. If you like metal with a female vocalist, I totally recommend Halestorm. I had a couple of their songs on the TMTA soundtrack, so… yeah lol. Anyways. **

**If you're wondering what that lyrics was in **_**I Miss the Misery **_**that totally threw them off was, the verse after "The way that you blame me" goes is… "I miss the rough sex, leaves me a mess, I miss the feeling of pains in my chest." So it's the "I miss the rough sex" part that makes them go pale and stop singing. ;P **

**Anyways… yeah. I have been kind of dying to share these songs with you guys, just so you can look them up and think "Cold-Blooded Murder!" And now that that has been done, I have concluded my Summer Break arc. I would, however, be open to maybe doing a few more oneshots in between all the others of what my two mischief-makers get up to when they have some free time. I'll be getting back to answering your questions in Ask Emoki, as well as trying to do some more of the requests for oneshots I've gotten, and a couple new things thrown in if I can. I hope you're all looking forward to it, and I hope you all enjoyed this. **

**Now, somebody asked me when the sequel for TMTA is coming out. Well… I'm not entirely sure just yet. I was really hoping to just keep this story going and play around with the characters for awhile while I finish up my other main fic, Banditry. I'm not really liking the idea of doing two actual serious fics at once, and so I wanted to finish Banditry before starting Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted. Rest assured, though, I do plan on getting it done. I even have most of a first chapter written, as well as little random samplings of rough sketches of scenes to happen in the future. I also have an entire plot outline sketched out. So it's not like I've given up on that. It will come, I promise. **

**Alright, you guys, I'm done here. I hope you all enjoyed, and that you don't mind me throwing in some random karaoke for you. **

**I'll see you next time, my Cold-Blooded Fans. Please favorite, follow, and review! **


	17. Chapter 17

***So… uh… heh. Hi, everyone. This is actually a request from… I believe Horsequeen1379 was the one who first suggested it. It was a request for Emmie and Loki to meet Tom Hiddleston. I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do, exactly, but I have done it. It took a long time to write, but it is finally finished. So… Emmie and Loki get to meet Tom Hiddleston. I hope you all enjoy **

Tom Hiddleston

I look at the cell phone in my hands and take a deep, shaky breath. I cannot believe I'm doing this. This is most likely illegal in some way… it's probably entrapment or false pretenses or… I don't know. Something that could get me landed in jail for a good amount of time.

I'm too young to go to jail. But I'm sure I could get in _huge _trouble.

So I tap the button and then hold it to my ear, preparing myself. There's a few rings as I wait with bated breath for the line to pick up.

There's a click, and a voice comes on the other line.

"Hello, this is Tom Hiddleston's publicist, may I help you?"

I lick my lips and try to make my voice sound more grown-up and professional than it normally is. "Yes, hello, this is a representative of the SFL branch of the TMTA Agency, and I was hoping I could be able to get in an interview with Tom Hiddleston."

00000

Emmie and Loki sit on a leather couch, peering around the mostly-unfurnished room. There's another two couches, but both are empty. They're the only ones in the room.

"…So…" Emmie says slowly, looking to Loki. "…Any idea what's going on here?"

"I would assume another Ask Emoki," Loki shrugs.

"Then where's Loqi with a Q?" Emmie asks suspiciously.

"She often doesn't show up right away," Loki says fairly. "Maybe she's, you know, writing her grand entrance of her walking down a hall or flipping through her papers or… you know. The usual things. She'll be here soon enough."

00000

Actually, I am in the hall. But I'm not leafing through my questions from the fans, and I'm not dragging a chair or anything I'm usually doing. I'm actually just trying to keep my cool.

"It's nice to meet you," he holds out his hand for me to shake.

I attempt fruitlessly not to blush as I hold out my hand and take his. "It's—it's an honor to meet you. You can, ah… call me Loqi Cuibbler."

"Loki?" he asks with a slight smile and a quirk of his eyebrows.

"Loqi with a Q," I clarify with a cheesy grin. "Erm… so, ah. For this, um… interview…"

"My publicist said it was for the TMTA Agency," he nods. "You'll have to forgive me… I'm not quite familiar on what it is exactly that your agency does…" his eyebrow lifts very slightly in an impossibly adorable manner.

I can't help but smile again. "Mmm yeah. See, here at TMTA, we deal with…" I start to sweat, trying to remember what exactly it was that I had put together for my alibi. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What was my lie again? Emmie or Loki would be so much better at this. It's hard to concentrate with his polite smile and earnest eyes on me. "…We deal with some of the mentally unstable," I stammer. "Er—people with, ah… people with some… yeah, mental stability challenges. We try to get what's best for them and find the best way to make them happy in their own… special way." I grin a bit. "Currently we're in the SFL branch, though we're soon going to be expanding another branch. We're a nonprofit organization."

"It sounds like a good cause," he bobs his head in approval. "So… shall we get started?"

I bite my lip. "Mm… yes. Right this way. I'm working with a pair of other… representatives of TMTA for this little get-together. I have to warn you… you might be a little… surprised. They can be a bit…" I swallow. "…yeah. Surprising."

"I'm sure it'll be fantastic," he dismisses with a friendly shrug as he starts to follow me down the hall. "So… how long have you been involved with TMTA?"

"Eh… about September 23, 2014," I say evasively. "And I've been doing the SFL branch since March 16, 2015."

"Really? How long have you been doing interviews on its behalf?" he asks interestedly.

"Uh…" I chuckle self-consciously. "Not long at all."

00000

Emmie and Loki perk up when they hear voices and footsteps approaching the room.

"It certainly took her long enough…" Emmie starts to say, but then she frowns. "Wait… sh…"

"I wasn't speaking," Loki points out, but then he falls quiet too, listening carefully. His brow furrows. "…Are there… _two _people coming this way…?"

Emmie tilts her head and dips her head in acknowledgment. "Who…?" she trails off as two figures enter the room.

"So… here's our little, um—" my sentence is cut off as we enter the room, and there's a gasp of shock from my left.

Tom and I both look to see the two sitting on the couch. Emmie's mouth is hanging open in disbelief, and Loki just stares with a dumbfounded expression.

"So… we have a guest star for this oneshot!" I announce. "Take a seat, Mr. Hiddleston, and I'll explain everything." I then jump onto one of the empty couches and wave my hand towards the only remaining one.

But now the celebrity is looking around the room a little unsurely, eyes flicking between Loki and Emmie. Not one of them has spoken.

I awkwardly clear my throat. "…Introductions? Ahem. Mr. Tom Hiddleston, this is my original character, Emmie Hill, and I think you're a little familiar with Loki Laufeyson."

Tom visibly swallows, bewildered by the situation. I think he's figured out this isn't what he had been told it would be. But then his smile comes back, and he nods to them. "Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Hill…" his eyes go back to Loki, and he can't seem to figure out exactly what he's supposed to say to him. "…I'm actually a… big fan of yours," he finally says delicately.

Loki narrows his eyes at the man before him, sizing him up and trying to figure out whether or not to take this as a compliment. Then he just snorts in derision and glares at Tom.

Emmie merely continues to stare at Tom, but it seems she's gotten over her starstruck wonder. Now her eyes are fixed on him in acute focus, calculating… in a way that actually kind of reminds of a predator fixating on her prey. A bit of a worrying idea, actually.

"…If you just sit down, I'll explain everything," I assure, beginning to grow a bit nervous.

Tom nods and slowly moves to sit on the remaining empty couch. Neither Emmie nor Loki's gazes move from him for a second.

As Tom sits, I clear my throat. "So… Well, I know this is terribly unprofessional and untruthful and deceptive, but you're really not here for an interview. You are currently in a fan fiction."

Tom's eyes glance over to me with a curious expression, but he doesn't say anything.

"…And not everything was a lie," I continue. "This is technically the SFL branch of the TMTA agency… the Scarred For Life spin-off oneshots of my fic Twisted Minds Think Alike. And I was requested to do a oneshot in which you, Mr. Hiddleston, meet my main characters, Emmie Hill and Loki Laufeyson. So…" I gulp. "Yeah. Sorry for the…" I scratch the back of my neck awkwardly. "…insincerity."

"…Actually, you'd be surprised how often I accidentally find myself in fan fiction," he smiles wryly. "Though I try to avoid it."

"Yeah…" I look to Emmie and Loki. "So… you guys are up. Anything you would like to say to Tom Hiddleston?"

"I'm still better-looking than you," Loki proclaims. "And you don't look anything like me."

"Actually, I think you're better-looking than Loki," Emmie says loftily.

Tom seems to take just a second to process what they just said, and then he lets out a breath of amusement. "Yeah, I, um… I'd have to agree with Loki, I think. I really don't think I look anything like him. He's more _menacing._"

Loki looks haughty at this observation. "Agreed."

"I actually have two opinions from the fans on this subject," I pipe up. "Which I've been saving for this exact encounter. Horsequeen1379 wanted me to say that Tom is hotter, because he actually smiles and he has that cute laugh and he's so funny."

Loki scowls and mutters 'I smile' and 'I can be funny'. Tom just shifts a little on the couch and smiles self-consciously, saying something indistinctly about 'sweet' and 'thanks'. Emmie is looking critically between the man sitting next to her and the man on the other couch.

"And then we had another opinion from Fangs and Fire," I continue. "She said that Loki is better-looking than Tom, but only by a microscopic margin."

Loki frowns at this observation before shrugging appreciatively. Tom just smiles wryly and shrugs indifferently. Emmie still looks critically between the two men.

"So… yeah," I shrug. "Personally, I think you're both _terribly _handsome. But let's move away from that subject. Tom, would you like to say anything to Emmie and Loki?" I look between the two couches. Absentmindedly, I notice that it appears Loki has scooted a few inches closer to Emmie, and has his arm draped casually over the back of the couch behind Emmie. She doesn't seem to have noticed either move just yet.

"Sure," Tom nods. "So… what is your story actually about?"

Emmie shrugs a little. "…Not much. You know. Just, uh… this little thing between me and Loki. It's nothing major," she says modestly, obviously trying to belittle the relationship between Loki and herself.

Loki scoffs. "Emmie, don't be modest," he says airily, his words having a sharp edge to them. "It's a very deep an philosophical look at human nature and the way we react to emotions on a monumental scale. In it, Emmie and I are in a _very deep _relationship with a range of feelings for each other that reach to our very core." He scoots another inch closer to Emmie possessively. "…We're together, just so you know," he adds as an afterthought, as if his exaggerated speech talking about the depth of their emotions towards each other wasn't enough to make that clear.

Emmie shoots a glare at Loki. and then notices how close he's gotten. "…You wanna back off, buddy?" she mutters threateningly.

Loki sneers at her. "…_No." _

Emmie curls her lip. "…I'll cut you."

Tom throws a slightly-worried look to me, as if to ask what in the world is going on. I sigh and just wave my hand to inform him this is nothing to be worried about.

I clear my throat. "Ahem. _Anyway" _

_Loki and Emmie glance away from their rather glarey staring contest. _

"You were answering Mr. Tom Hiddleston's question," I remind.

"It's a romance," Loki answers quickly.

"He's lying," Emmie snaps, jerking her thumb at the god of mischief. "It's in the angst/adventure section, because it's not true romance. Dysfunctional beyond belief. Terrifying stuff, really."

"And we're happy with it," Loki adds.

"Happiness is a relative term," Emmie says delicately.

Tom has his polite smile on again as he watches the exchange but doesn't comment, probably wary of inflaming their irritation towards each other anymore. Once they fall silent, he casts around for another topic of conversation. "…So what would you say your biggest character traits are, Emmie?"

Emmie actually blushes bright red at Tom's using her name. Loki shoots the actor a death glare and shifts ever closer to Emmie protectively.

"Oh," she grins goofily as she looks at Tom. "Um… character traits… I can be… realistic—"

"She's pessimistic," Loki inputs.

"I pay attention to details—"

"She's obsessive…"

"I'm determined—"

"She's stubborn and argumentative."

"I'm independent—"

"She's defensive and pushes people away."

"I'm spontaneous—"

"Also known as _unpredictable." _

"I'm intuitive—"

"She's intrinsically suspicious of everyone around her."

"And I'm passionate."

"She's overly emotional and sensitive."

Emmie falls silent and huffs, glaring at Loki. "No one asked _you. _Tom—I can call you Tom, right?" she turns her bright eyes back on Tom.

"Sure," he shrugs with an awkward smile.

"Anyways, Tom was asking _me," _Emmie snaps, turning back to Loki. "So _you _don't have to start giving input on my character traits."

"Quite plainly, she's not a fun person to be around," Loki says to Tom, no longer looking at Emmie. "So, really, you won't want anything to do with her."

Emmie promptly socks him in the jaw. "_Would you shut up?!" _

Meanwhile, I'm facepalming. Tom just rubs the back of his neck and seems to find his shoes very interesting.

"And what about you, Tom?" Emmie leans forward eagerly. "What, um, are you, um, interested in?"

Loki looks to me as if for help, uncomprehending of what on earth is happening to his symbiont. Obviously, he has no idea how to react to Emmie being _nice _to someone, _interested _in them, and attempting to be genuinely _polite _to them. In short, he has no idea how to deal with a decent Emmie. No idea how to deal with a fangirling Emmie. All _he _knows is that Emmie is plainly far more interested in Tom Hiddleston than she is in Loki at the moment. And that does not bode well for the possessive and jealous part of Loki.

I just shrug to him helplessly. I don't have a clue what this could possibly mean, either. All I know is that somehow Tom and Emmie have started a discussion about comparing Jane Austen to Shakespeare and how, really, they both knew how to capture both the bad and good in people, as well as having truly genius wit. And I swear, Emmie looks like she's vibrating with excitement, on the edge of her seat as she leans forward intently, hanging onto the actor's every word with rapt attention. Also, that Tom seems to be acting very tolerant. Which _also _does not bode well for the possessive and jealous part of Loki.

"Seriously," Emmie continues. "Loqi, don't you think that Tom would be an amazing Mr. Knightley from _Emma?" _

"No, I don't," Loki snaps, though he has absolutely no idea.

"I was talking to Loqi with a Q," Emmie pontificates. She looks pointedly at me, and I feel like a deer in headlights.

"Um…" I glance helplessly at Tom for direction this time. He very minutely shakes his head and shrugs, as if to say, '…I have no idea, either.' "Yeah. Sure, he'd be a good Mr. Knightley," I force a smile.

Emmie turns back to Tom. "Told you. We should do a play of _Emma. _You can be Mr. Knightley and I'll be Emma, and Loki can be… let's see… Loki can be what's-his-face… Mr. Elton."

"You mean the guy that proposes to Emma and gets refused?" I ask blankly.

"Yeah," Emmie smirks. "He was a loser. Loki could play him perfectly."

Loki turns very red. "Why, you little _goblin, _I am going to—"

"As tempting as it would be to take part in a play of _Emma," _Tom interrupts quickly, alarm flashing in his eyes as he glances between the fuming couple. "…I'm just a bit too busy with _Crimson Peak." _

"I'm going to go see it in theaters when it comes out," Emmie says immediately. "Opening day. I'm totally into horror, and _Crimson Peak _sounds amazing."

"You couldn't go to the theaters," Loki mutters. "You'd have some sort of emotional breakdown in the middle of it and start murdering people left and right."

"I _would not!" _Emmie protests.

"Would, too," Loki shoots back.

"Would not."

"Would, too."

"Would not."

"Would, too."

"Arrogant dictator."

"Childish sociopath."

"Megalomaniac."

"You just have Napoleon complex, Emmie."

I sigh and shake my head as I watch them before turning to Tom. He looks vaguely lost, as if wondering exactly what he's done wrong in his life to end up here. Poor man. Probably never expected he'd one day be assaulted by a mad murderous fictional fangirl and have to see the character that he himself portrays hating him because said murderous fangirl is said character's symbiont. Ah, well, _c'est la vie. _

"But back to _Crimson Peak," _Emmie says briskly, turning away from Loki before he can finish the very long string of insults and her faults that he started to rave about a few minutes ago. "How's that going?" she asks of Tom, her eyes back to being bright and fascinated and absolutely captivated, rather than the malicious and irked expression they held when she was talking to Loki.

Tom awkwardly clears his throat. "Yeah, no, it's good. I think it'll be coming out in theaters in… October, I believe. It really will be a great movie, I think."

"I bet," Emmie sighs dreamily.

Loki glares dangerously at Tom. "And what other 'great' movies have you acted in?"

Tom throws an unsure look to me, as if not quite sure how much he should say about the movies he's been in. I glance at Loki meaningfully, glance back at Tom, and shake my head very clearly. Tom nods in understanding. "Well, I started off doing plays, but more recently I've been doing some movies. Ah… I've done some work playing a villain—"

"No way you could do a villain," Emmie smiles adoringly. "You're too nice."

Tom glances at Loki and actually pinches his lips to keep himself from smiling too much. "…I think I can pull it off pretty well. I've been told so, anyways."

"Not as good a villain as me," Loki says pompously. "No way you could _possibly _rival my pure evil."

Tom opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it again and just shakes his head, baffled by the circumstances.

"…I don't know, Loki," I comment. "I think Tom could give you a run for your money. Pick one of the best things you've ever said, Loki, and we'll see who can do it better."

"Done," Loki smirks. "Emmie… you stand…" he grabs her wrists and pulls her to her feet before standing up himself, and then he positions her a few paces in front of him. "Stay _right there. _Now…" he pauses, takes a breath, and then adopts a manipulative glare, leaning towards Emmie menacingly. In a growl, he snarls, "_This _is my bargain, you mewling quim."

Personally, I'm on the verge of fangirling, but Emmie simply nods.

"… Right," Emmie shrugs. She turns to Tom. "Your turn."

Loki gives a look to Tom, as if to say, 'top that, mewling quim.'

Tom slowly stands up and gently puts his hands on Emmie's shoulders, turning her to face him. I swear she turns about fifty shades of pink the world has never seen. "Okay, stand _just there," _Tom instructs. He takes a step back and then takes a deep breath. In a second, his smile and polite demeanor are gone, replaced by a manipulative glare. He leans forward towards Emmie menacingly, and in a growl, he snarls, "_This _is my bargain, you mewling quim."

At this point, I don't even know what to do with myself, I'm resisting the urge to just squeal in delight. And Emmie looks positively stunned, looking at Tom with her mouth hanging slightly open. She looks at Loki, then back at Tom.

"Uh…" she says blankly. "Did… what just… I…" she looks between Loki and Tom. "…My head…" she rubs her hand over her forehead. "…That is so _beyond _anything creepy I've _ever _seen…"

"So who did it better?" I inquire dreamily.

Emmie looks honestly disturbed. "I… can't…." she points at Loki, then Tom, then Loki again. Then she shudders. "Ooh, that's just…" she runs her hands over her arms. "…Gave me _chills…" _

"What did?!" Loki demands exasperatedly.

Tom's just smiling slightly as he seats himself back down on the couch. "…Alright, Emmie?"

"…No," Emmie mumbles. "My head hurts." She sinks back onto the couch. "Creepy, man… That was like… identical, Loki. He did it _exactly _like you. I think Tom Hiddleston would be an _amazing _villain."

Loki looks slightly displeased with this, and he looks to Tom again. "…_Besides _villains, what else have you done?"

"…I was in a movie called _War Horse," _Tom starts to say, but Loki makes some choked sound in the back of his throat, and Emmie perks up considerably.

"Did you say the word '_horse'?" _Emmie asks excitedly.

Tom nods.

Emmie snickers. Loki facepalms. "Loki likes horses, too," Emmie says in a sing-song voice.

Oh, gods… this won't end well.

"Emmie…" Loki breathes out through his clenched teeth. "Don't… go there."

Emmie smirks. "Oh, Loki just _loves _horses…"

Tom shifts uncomfortably and resorts to his polite smile again, not sure how to respond.

"Have you heard all the lovely stories of Loki's love for horses?" Emmie asks. Loki smacks the back of her head, but Emmie seems to not even notice much, grinning as she rubs the place where Loki's hand smacked her.

"I've heard stories," Tom says delicately, throwing a wary look to Loki. "Um… I don't think Loki's comfortable with this subject, though…"

Emmie just bursts into giggles, and Loki turns slightly red. I roll my eyes and shake my head, not quite sure if I should intervene.

"So this one time," Emmie grins wickedly. "Odin wanted to have a wall built around Asgard…"

"Emmie!" Loki cries, grabbing her arm forcefully in warning. "Shut… _up…" _

"…And so he made a bargain with this guy…"

_"Emmie…"_ Loki's grip tightens threateningly on her arm. Tom looks increasingly uncomfortable while Emmie appears unperturbed.

"…Where if the guy could finish the wall before summer started…"

"Please?" Loki pleads in a whisper, his glare disappearing as he leans in and murmurs in Emmie's ear earnestly.

The girl's voice dies, and she briefly pauses and glances at the god of lies, seeing his sincerity. She blinks blankly, but says no more, eyes flicking down to where his hand is still squeezing her arm desperately.

Wordlessly, he releases her, but keeps his wary gaze on her, prepared to take further action if she continues reciting the story.

She doesn't.

The room is silent for a long moment.

"Um… anyways…" I say as I swallow. "Ah… shall we… wrap this up?"

Loki and Tom stand up simultaneously, saying "Let's do that," in unison. They stop dead and throw each other an odd look. Tom clears his throat awkwardly and Loki crosses his arms, looking pointedly away in an attempt to ignore the random synchronicity.

Emmie stands up after them, throwing a peculiar look between them.

I follow suit and get to my feet, walking over to Tom. "Well, then, it was a huge pleasure having you here. I hope you enjoyed yourself—though I highly doubt it—and I very greatly appreciate you putting up with all this madness for like eleven pages worth."

Tom lets out a breath of laughter and shrugs. "Um… thanks for having me. It's been… interesting." He holds out his hand to shake mine, and I try not to swoon as he shakes my hand. "It's been a pleasure, Loqi Cuibbler."

"Pleasure's all mine," I giggle and then glance towards my characters. "Final words? Say your goodbyes. I'm letting Tom go back to the real world here in a minute."

Loki stiffly steps forward and forces a smile for Mr. Hiddleston. "It has been simply grand meeting you," he curls his lip at the actor and holds out his hand.

Tom starts to reach out his hand to shake Loki's, but I clear my throat and give Loki a meaningful look. "…Please don't break Tom Hiddleston's hand," I warn.

The mischievous look drains from Loki's face, replaced with glum disappointment. Tom shakes his hand, and then Loki crosses his arms bitterly, glaring daggers from me to Tom.

Then Tom turns to Emmie, who stands up straight with her hands behind her back. "It was nice to meet you, Emmie," Tom smiles.

"No, no," Emmie smiles. "It was nice to meet _you." _

Loki throws me another bewildered look at Emmie's civil behavior. Since when is Emmie saying it's nice to meet anyone?

"So before you go," Emmie asks quickly. "Um. I'm just curious. Do you have an allergy to chloroform?"

Tom blinks. "Do I… an allergy… to chloroform?"

Emmie nods briskly. "Yeah. I mean, theoretically, if someone were to come up behind you with a rag soaked in chloroform and covered your nose and mouth with it, effectively knocking you out and leaving you to the will of whatever person attacked you, would you wake up just fine in a few hours, or would you have a bad reaction?"

Tom stares at her for a moment. "Ah…"

"Just asking. You know, cuz there's other pretty effective ways to knock someone out so you can kidnap them," Emmie smiles brightly. "It would just be easier for me—wait, I mean, for someone to get their hands on chloroform and since, you know, hypodermic needles or gas masks need a little more preparation and stuff while chloroform you just put over the person's mouth… So… chloroform... would that, ah… hurt you at all? Cuz, you know, if someone were to kidnap you, they wouldn't want you to get hurt or anything. They'd just want to hold you captive in their apartment and just look at you and talk to you since you're so great."

I walk over to Emmie and pinch her arm. "Ahem. Not happening."

Emmie glances towards me and glares, her eager and bright look reserved for Tom vanishing instantly. "Ahem. Nothing's happening."

"…I believe it's time for me to go," Tom backs slowly towards the door to the room.

"Wait I didn't get to hug you!" Emmie leaps forward and throws her arms around his neck, nearly tackling him to the ground. Tom barely manages to keep upright, keeping his balance and looking at the girl clinging to him for dear life bemusedly.

"That's enough of that," Loki says in a clipped voice, stepping forward and attempting to remove the fangirl from around Tom's shoulders.

"No. Mine," Emmie says obstinately, not releasing her grip on the man, who looks to me helplessly while Loki continues to try to pry Emmie off.

I facepalm. "Emmie. Drop it," I warn in the same voice one uses when telling their dog to release the squeaky toy they have their jaws clamped tightly around.

Emmie lets out a whimper of disappointment. "But… but…"

"Emmie, I'd very much like my neck back," Tom forces a weak smile and starts helping Loki to laboriously pry Emmie's arms from around him.

"But… but…"

I roll my eyes and step forward. It takes all three me, Loki, and Tom to actually manage to remove the Mastermind Murderess from being Tom Hiddleston's personal neck ornament.

Then Loki has one hand resting firmly on the girl's shoulder to prevent her from tackle-hugging him again while I apologize profusely for my character's behavior and lead the way out of the room. It is absolutely amazing how well Mr. Hiddleston took all of that. He never once complained, only looking nervous and awkward and struggling to remain polite even as Emmie and Loki had an insult-argument with him literally between them (Emmie had been clinging to Tom while Loki worked to break her grip on Tom's shoulders.). Suppose that's why the great Hiddles is so great.

Emmie and Loki watch silently as I escort Tom out of the room, and Emmie sniffles quietly. Loki finally removes his hand from her shoulder, and they flop back onto the couch.

"You know," Emmie says slowly. "He never actually answered the question of if he's allergic to chloroform. I don't wanna _hurt _the guy when I kidna—" she breaks off at Loki's stony death glare. "…I mean…" she smiles innocently.

"How can you possibly even act like that around anyone?" Loki asks incredulously. "You were so… nice to him…"

Emmie smirks. "Ya jelly?"

Loki blinks blankly. "…Huh?"

Emmie scoffs. "You jealous?"

Loki's face hardens. "No."

"No?"

"Never."

"Uh huh."

"I just feel wary and envious of the fact that you act far nicer to him than you do to me and I don't want you to give all your attentions to him rather than me."

"Yuh. Not jealous _at all, _Loki. Not at all."

000000

One week later, Tom Hiddleston walks down an empty street at dusk, his hands in his pockets. For some reason he keeps getting the feeling he's being watched. Or followed. He feels the hungry eyes on his back. He doesn't react, though. He's used to feeling people watching him, recognizing him, coming up to him randomly when he's never met them before in his life.

But… this feels slightly different. Whoever's watching him, that is. He ignores the feeling and walks on.

A shadowy figure steps out of an alleyway, crossing in front of his path. "Tom!" a girl's voice whispers excitedly.

Tom's ears prick up. That voice sounds familiar. It sounds like…

"It's me, Emmie!" the figure says brightly, stepping closer.

In the fading light, it's a bit hard to see her. But it is indeed Emmie, that original character he had met last week during the staged "interview" in the fan fiction story. Her face is partially hidden in the shadow of her black sweatshirt's hood, but her green eyes shine out brightly, eerily looking reflective and glowing like a cat's eyes at night. Her hands are shoved into her pockets, and she grins at Tom.

"Hi," he greets her with a smile, though he tenses slightly at the memory of her flinging herself into his arms and the ensuing long process of extricating himself from her arms. "It's good to see you again."

"Oh?" Emmie giggles happily. "It's good to see you again, too. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior last week in that oneshot."

"Oh, it's fine," he brushes it off quickly. An idea hits him. Emmie's a character. She shouldn't be here. "…Am I in a fan fiction again?" he asks hesitantly.

Emmie bites her lips to keep from smiling. "…I wanted to ask you a question."

"…Where are Loqi Cuibbler and Loki?" Tom asks warily. "Do they know you're here?"

Emmie shakes her head. "Nah. I ditched them. I'm supposed to be in the first chapter of Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted right now, but right now Loqi with a Q's doing a scene in Asgard with Loki, so they didn't notice that I left. Wanted to see you. And ask you a question."

"…Absence Makes the Heart… Oh, right, the sequel you'll be in soon," Tom says in comprehension. "Are you sure you don't need to be there for your story-?"

"It's fine," Emmie shrugs. "So. I had a question for you."

Tom pauses a moment before slowly asking, "…What's your question?"

Emmie smiles wickedly and reaches into the pocket of her black sweatshirt. "I was wondering…" she pulls out a wet cloth and holds it up. "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" She jumps forward and reaches forward to cover Tom's face with the chloroform-soaked cloth, but there's suddenly a shout behind her.

"_Emmie!" _

Tom leaps backward as two figures tackle Emmie to the ground and wrench the cloth out of her grip.

"I thought I told you you're not allowed to go and try to kidnap Tom Hiddleston!" I shriek indignantly, shaking my OC as I glare down at her. Loki has her pinned to the ground, giving her a smoldering look of deep irritation.

Emmie pouts up at us. "…I just wanted to keep him for a few days… I'd feed him and play with him and walk him and clean up after him and everything… Please can I have a Hiddleston?" She widens her eyes to adorable puppy size and pushes out her bottom lip pleadingly.

"No!" Loki and I both shout. Loki hauls Emmie to her feet, and Loki and I take hold of one of her arms each and drag her back into the alleyway.

Tom stares after us blankly, blinking slowly. He had just very nearly been kidnapped by a fictional character. He puts on his polite smile and shakes his head, resuming his stroll down the street. Oh, well.

**Note from Loquacious Quibbler: Oh. My. God. I wrote it. There has been this request of having me make Emmie and Loki meet Tom Hiddleston since like Chapter 4 of Scarred for Life. Ever since Emmie saw a picture of Tom Hiddleston and swooned. There has been that request. I have been extremely hesitant to do this because I'm not really comfortable writing a real person that I'm not acquainted with. Characters, I can do. Real people… well, I felt very underqualified to do a chapter including Tom Hiddleston interacting with my characters. Forgive me if I have done it utterly wrong, but I was just like… uuuhhhh I gotta do this somehow… So there we are. **

**Yes, I deceived Tom Hiddleston to come and meet me and Emmie and Loki by saying he's doing an interview for the SFL branch of the TMTA agency, which works with people with mental issues and tries to make them happy in their own special way. *facepalm* And then we got to see Emmie in fangirl mode. And a jealous Loki. And a very confused Tom Hiddleston. Lol what I love about Tom is that in all the interviews I've watched on YouTube, whenever someone asks him an awkward question or something like that, he just gets this kind of polite smile and never loses his cool. I totally love that about him. Which is why I constantly mention his polite smile throughout this oneshot :P**

**Lol I hope you all found this enjoyable, even if Emmie attempted to kidnap Tom Hiddleston. I had some fun writing this, and I hope you had fun reading it. **

**Note: I will be returning to Twisted Minds Think Alike to do a little editing. Nothing about the story is getting changed at all, but I will be altering author's notes and adding scene separations, and removing that chapter that is just an author's note. I'll also be updating the soundtrack with some songs that I think fit a little better with a few of the chapters. My reasoning for telling you all this is mainly actually just so nobody's gonna freak out if they see that TMTA's gotten updated :P Thanks, you guys. **

**Please favorite, follow, and review. **


	18. Chapter 18

***Holy cow, you guys, before writing this oneshot, I went through my Requests/Ideas document (which is where I write down all your requests, ideas, and questions for Ask Emoki's). Turns out I have roughly 24 questions to answer. Lol Better get started… *wiggles fingers over keyboard excitedly* **

Ask Emoki 10

I smirk to myself as I hum _Back in Black _by AC/DC.

"Nice trench coat," Emmie drawls drily as she drags her gaze up and down over me.

I break into a grin and chuckle. "Nice, huh?"

I'm standing in the middle of the Helicarrier control room in the middle of a semicircle of holographic screens, wearing an eye patch and trench coat. Loki and Emmie are each sitting at chairs slightly off to my left.

"Nice is a relative term," Loki shrugs. "Are we doing Ask Emoki's again now?"

"Indeed," I nod briskly. "Wait," I pause, and then I adopt a Nick Fury voice. "That's right, Loki," I say smoothly. "You see these holographic screens?" I point from him to the screens. "Victim… Torture."

Loki rolls his eyes. "You don't do a very good Fury impression."

I shrug and roll my eyes. "Excuse me if a seventeen-year-old girl can't do a very good Fury impression."

"…I can do better," Emmie sniffs.

I facepalm and shake my head. "Anyways. We have a lot of questions to get through. Let's get started, shall we?"

The two characters glance towards each other resignedly and shrug.

"Let's start this off right," I grin. "We have several questions from XAhMunnaEatChooX…"

Loki pales immediately, and Emmie cracks a half-smile. One can never tell what's going to come from XAhMunnaEatChooX.

"First," I proclaim, tapping the holographic screen that's displaying the questions today. "She wanted me to tell you, Loki, since you seem to never understand why it is that everyone fixates on the horse story…"

"Why must everyone bring that up?!" Loki cries in exasperation, pounding a fist down on the table he sits at.

"Case in point," Emmie mutters.

"…AhMunnaEatChoo wanted me to tell you… 'The reason everyone obsesses over the horse is because I kept asking about it and it just became a thing. Plus it is sort of hilarious with how you react. *devil smile*'"

Loki crosses his arms and huffs. "I do _not _see what is so funny about tormenting me about the horse! We've all made mistakes and done things we regret but that doesn't mean you have to constantly tease, and ask and ask and ask about it-!"

"He's really not helping his case, is he?" Emmie quirks an eyebrow and smirks at me as I shake my head in agreement.

"Ranting and raving is what they find hilarious," I coolly inform Loki. "So, you know."

He abruptly falls silent and fixes an indifferent expression on his face. "Right. Now... What were the questions that my good friend AhMunnaEatChoo had for us?"

I shake my head and peer at the screen again. "She wanted me to add that you two are perfectly allowed to intervene on each other's questions and interrupt each other."

They throw furtive glares at each other and look back to me.

"So her first question here is for Loki here," I smile sweetly and read out from the screen, pretending that I don't notice Loki sweating nervously at a question for him from AhMunnaEatChoo. "How do you maintain so many damn girlfriends in so many dimensions and alternate universes? It's obvious you are aware of it, so is it tricky trying to keep track of them all or do you just hop from one to the next, or are you just dragged around 24/7 with a million girlfriends and make people think it's in alternate universes? EXPLAIN, EXPLAIN! OR YOU SHALL BE EXTEEEERRRRMINATED!" I look up from the screen again. "Naturally, that's her wording and not mine." I smile and wait for Loki's answer on this one.

He shifts uncomfortably. "How do I maintain so many different girlfriends, and is it hard to keep track of them…?"

Emmie snickers. "Ever yelled out the wrong girlfriend's name in bed, Loki? I can picture it… 'Oh, Naomi!' "EXCUSE ME?!' 'Blast it! Sorry, I thought I was still in Battle of Wits; sorry, Noir!'"

Loki facepalms. "That has _never _happened, Emmie!"

I shake my head. "And I am never allowing it to happen, either."

"Anyways," Loki sighs. "Yes, all my girlfriends are in different universes… and I get constantly transported from one to the other by my _brilliant _author here," he gestures to me with a mock-grand wave of his hand. "Honestly, does anyone know how disorienting it is to be in Asgard one moment, then suddenly in Stark Tower doing something entirely different and with a different girlfriend, and then next thing I know, I'm on the Helicarrier at some point in the _past _from the first Avengers movie, and then next thing I know, I'm back in Asgard before _Thor _even took place! It's absolute insanity. But…" he composes himself and smiles charmingly. "I pull it off flawlessly. I can keep my cool and get into character for the story I'm in within a second, and it's as if I've never been in any universe but that one."

"…So you kind of have a multiple personality disorder?" Emmie asks with a devilish smile.

Loki turns to her and rolls his eyes. "…No."

I clear my throat. "It's true. I constantly drag Loki around from story to story, and I disregard his thoughts on it. He must dance to my whims, for I am the puppet master and he is my little godlike puppet."

Loki sticks his tongue out at me.

I giggle. "So… yeah, Loki doesn't get all that much choice. It's my fault he has so many girlfriends, and my fault he has to switch between them so much."

"I think he likes it," Emmie proclaims. "He can have multiple girlfriends, effectively cheating on all of them, but he can wash his hands of all responsibility because it's his author's fault."

"Exactly!" Loki throws an arm into the air. "Not my fault."

I roll my eyes and look back to the screen. "Okay, AhMunnaEatChoo's next question… For Cold-Blooded Murder. Have you ever…. Lllllicked a llllamppost in winter? *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*" I bite my lip to stop my snicker and look to Loki and Emmie.

Emmie looks vaguely disturbed. Loki raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"…Where are we supposed to go with this one?" Loki asks confusedly. "I have never licked a lamppost in winter. Why?"

Emmie clears her throat. "…I don't think you noticed the *wiggles eyebrows suggestively* part, Loki. Think about licking a lamppost, then think about it suggestively."

Loki pauses and then goes still, and then grins. "…Emmie has licked a lamppost in winter…"

Emmie goes red. "Have not."

"Have, too."

"Do you even know what you're saying, Loki?" Emmie snaps.

"I've got a general idea," he shrugs. "I have a dirty mind, Murderess. Do you?" He wiggles his eyebrows, and Emmie blushes. "…I see you do."

"Shut up, you," Emmie mutters. "I have never licked a lamppost in winter… but I bet Loki has."

Loki quirks an eyebrow. "I don't believe I have. What about you, Loqi with a Q? Ever…. Lllllliccked a llllamppost in winter?"

I roll my eyes. "No. I have not, nor do I ever intend to."

"Next question?" Emmie asks with an exaggerated eyeroll.

I sigh and turn back to the holographic screens, flicking my finger upward to see the next question from AhMunnaEatChoo. I grin absentmindedly as I see the question. "Oh, yeah… this one…"

"What one?" Emmie and Loki ask worriedly in unison.

I snicker. "Ahem. So this one is for Loki. 'If you had one of those weird dating profile thingies, what would you put on the description? Right now I'm imagining something along the lines of 'likes taking over Midgard, likes setting beaches on fire, makes implications that he slept with people's moms, is asked weird questions all the bloody time, has a soft spot for cats and murderesses, is into BDSM, is definitely into one-night stands with horses and has fabulous flowing hair and a not so but also so-so celebrity look-alike.'"

I glance up at Loki for his response.

He just scoffs. "Now, I'd like to note that if I had a dating profile, I wouldn't exactly be entirely _honest… _Is anyone actually honest on their dating profile? I don't think so. So I certainly wouldn't be. I'd choose some of my more _attractive _traits to advertise."

"So… you wouldn't have anything on your dating profile?" Emmie asks innocently, batting her eyelashes.

Loki turns to her with an unamused glare. "I have plenty of attractive qualities, you know, Emmie."

"Oh really?" Emmie asks, looking less than convinced.

"Sure. What would I put on my dating profile?" Loki considers. "I'd put that I'm charming—"

"AKA manipulative," Emmie lists.

"-I'm intelligent—"

"You're a freaking know-it-all."

"—I'm caring, sweet, and sensitive…"

"Okay, you're an excellent _liar…" _

"I'm drop-dead-gorgeous—"

"If you like that sort of thing," Emmie sniffs.

"And I'm single and ready to mingle," Loki grins devilishly and winks.

Emmie and I exchange a look of exasperation and shake our heads.

"…So you'd be willing to cheat even _more _on your girlfriends?" I ask with a sigh.

Loki considers and shrugs. "I mean… obviously, if I have a dating profile…"

"And would you have a picture of you posing on a stripper pole?" Emmie asks interestedly, raising her eyebrows at Loki. "You know. If it worked on the horse so well, don't you think it would work on the women on dating sites, too?"

_"I did not pose on a stripper pole to seduce the horse!" _Loki explodes.

I facepalm as Emmie starts cracking up so hard she falls off her chair and onto the floor. "What would you put under your interests?" I ask.

"Emmie starts snickering again from her place on the floor. "…He loves horse riding…"

Loki facedesks.

"And he likes getting tattoos," Emmie adds airily. "He has ambition to be at the top of the social ladder of, say, the entire world… He's fun at parties…"

"Just shut up," Loki mumbles indistinctly.

"What would _you _put?" Emmie asks pointedly.

Loki lifts his head from the desk. "If I had a dating profile, under interests, I'd put… reading, mind games, romantic candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, drinking fine wine, giving back massages, and making extravagant amounts of money."

I look at him blankly. "Um…"

Loki raises his eyebrows challengingly. "…How else am I supposed to seduce women other than telling them what they want to hear?"

I huff exasperatedly and turn back to my holographic screen. "Next… for Emmie. What would be your trail of thought for a dating profile for yourself, perhaps?"

Emmie is still lying on the floor where she fell off her chair, now reclined with her head propped on her hand and her legs crossed. "A dating profile for _moi?" _

Loki grins devilishly. "Why, she'd put that she's seventeen years old, has an irrational fear and hatred for her mother and any kind of affection, likes kicking puppies and baking apple pies, is into BDSM, is terribly belligerent and aggressive and psychotic…"

"But I put the 'hot' in psychotic," Emmie winks.

"And I put the 'harm' in 'charm,'" Loki chimes in suddenly, lighting up.

Emmie smirks. "I put the 'cute' in 'execute.'"

"I put the 'laugh' in 'slaughter!'" Loki jumps up excitedly.

"I put the 'act' in 'attractive,'" Emmie strikes an exaggerated actress pose, her hand across her forehead.

"I put the 'con' in a 'conversation,'" Loki grins.

"I put the 'win' in 'swindle'," Emmie cackles.

"And I put the 'rule' in 'cruel,'" Loki rubs his hands together menacingly.

"I put the 'sass' in 'assassination,'" Emmie stands and strikes a pose. She pauses and glances at Loki. "By the way, you put the 'ass' in 'assassination,' Loki."

Loki's grin drops, and he glares. "You put the 'ill' in 'killer.'"

"You put the 'lame' in 'blame,'" Emmie shoots back.

"You put the 'tick' in 'psychotic,'" Loki sniffs.

"You put the 'cry' in 'crime,'" Emmie wrinkles her nose.

"You put the 'sigh' in 'psycho," Loki glares.

"You put the 'hell' in 'horned helmet,'" Emmie sneers. Then she pauses and smirks. "You put something else in the 'horned' part of it, but—"

"Emmie," I warn. "I don't believe we use that kind of language in this story."

"Yes, Emmie," Loki scowls. "Besides, you put the 'sick' in 'sycophant.'"

"And you put the 'reek' in 'freak,'" Emmie says bitingly.

I sigh and roll my eyes. "You two done putting the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional' yet?"

They pause and stare at me. "…um…"

"Three can play at this game," I smile haughtily at them. "Done putting the 'antics' in 'romantics?'" I query. "Putting the 'rot' in 'erotic?' Putting the 'end' in 'tenderness?' The 'rat' in 'admiration?' Have you finished putting the 'diss' in 'aphrodisiac'? The attack' in 'attachment?'"

Loki and Emmie look at each other in worry. "Um…"

"Can we get back to answering the questions?" I ask finally, pointing at the holographic screens.

Loki awkwardly clears his throat. "…Yes?"

Emmie meekly nods. "…Sure?"

Loki snickers slightly. "So… Loqi with a Q… are you taking 'us' out of our verbal 'tussle?'"

I facepalm, and they giggle. "You guys were supposed to be talking about Emmie's dating profile."

Emmie just scoffs. "…I had more enjoyment putting the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional.'"

I shake my head at them. "…Let's just move on to the next question, you guys. You're getting out of hand here."

They both give me superior looks.

"Ahem," I clear my throat as I flick my finger up the holographic screen and examine the next question. "Ah. Last one from AhMunnaEatChoo…"

Loki and Emmie raise their eyebrows, once again sitting in their chairs silently with their arms crossed, looking at me intently.

I primly read out from the screen. "For Loki: Just so you know now, this question may or may not rip apart your entire life, and a good chunk of your fans out there may end up hoarding wherever you are like bloodthirsty hungry zombies that want nothing more than to rip out all of your intestines and string you up with them, then hammer nails into every single nerve in your hands and feet (and I'm talking those really long ones that twist so afterwards, actually screwing them in I guess), make serval lacerations, cuts, bruises, (maybe hickeys) covering every inch of your skin as well as burns made by a scorching hot fire poker, then dig out your eyes with a spoon or fork or spork and cut off your tongue. That is, after they fry your entire mouth with gasoline lit on fire. And much more of course, and not done in this order..."

Emmie smirks slightly... "…Someone needs to really work on their torture methods."

"It needs to be more coherent," Loki agrees offhandedly.

"Figure out what order things would be done in before warningly threatening," Emmie sniffs disdainfully.

"Ahem," I look at them pointedly. "Do you want to hear the question or not?"

Loki licks his lips. "…Alright. What is this question that may or may not cause hordes of fangirls to swarm me and torture me in a very unorganized manner and ruin my life?"

"Lay off the torture method," I snap at them. "Anyways." I turn back to the screen. "This question being... Who is best pony? (MLP)"

Emmie's eyes widen slightly. "Ooohh…." She looks at Loki warily. "…Watch yourself on this one, Loki. Those MLP fans are feisty sometimes."

Loki furrows his brows. "…You're kidding, right?"

I shake my head gravely, and Emmie just looks at Loki levelly.

"…Fans of My Little Pony will be my downfall?" Loki looks between us girls skeptically.

We nod again.

"So…" I say in a hushed voice. "Choose your next words carefully, my dear god of mischief and lies. Who… is… the best My Little Pony?"

Emmie and I lean forward eagerly toward the disturbed-looking Loki.

He looks wary. "Ah… You know, I've never really watched the show…"

The Helicarrier we're on rocks slightly, as if it's been buffeted by a heavy wind that the aircraft was struggling to handle. We pause and look around worriedly. When nothing else happens, we look back to Loki, who looks slightly hesitant.

"Go on," I murmur encouragingly.

Loki quirks an eyebrow. "So I'm not a huge fan of any of the ponies…"

The Helicarrier rocks again, a little more violently, and I could swear I hear creaking, as if there's something seriously wrong with the internal engines, or maybe like there's too much weight on this thing that makes the metal strain. We glance at each other anxiously.

"…And?" Emmie whispers nervously, looking intently at Loki.

Loki looks around the control room suspiciously, as if double-checking nothing is going to happen again before he continues. "Right. Well… I don't think _any _of the ponies of My Little Pony are that good, and so therefore I have no best pony."

As soon as he finishes speaking, there's a deafening roar, and the Helicarrier shakes dramatically, as if we were in some kind of earthquake in the air, being tossed violently for a moment and thrown onto the floor. And that's when they appear…. The MLP fangirls and fanboys. Surging into the room from the far side of the room, wearing Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy,, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Derpy, Discord, and the merchandise of countless other ponies, as well as infuriated faces that would scare a bilgesnipe.

_"AAAAUUUGGGHHH SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!" _I shriek, leaping to my feet and seizing my character's hands, yanking on them frantically. _"YOU'VE BROUGHT THE FANS DOWN ON US, LOKI!" _

"I didn't know!" Loki squeals helplessly, jerking to his feet and then making a mad dash for the exit of the room, even though I'm still tightly gripping his hand. Next thing any of us know, we are on a high-speed chase through the Helicarrier with Loki dragging me and Emmie along behind him while the hell-bent MLP fans chase us, screeching threats and statements defending their fandom while the Helicarrier shakes with the sheer force of all their footsteps.

I could swear I see Thor and Tony somewhere in their midst, jeering at us and holding up their own pony figurines and wearing Brony shirts.

Finally, Loki skids around a corner and flings himself into a very familiar room, dragging Emmie and me in after him. Together, the three of us manage to slam ourselves against the door and shut it—just before the swarm of MLP fans hits the door with the force of a battering ram. We flinch and brace ourselves against the door, praying it will hold. It does.

With a sigh of relief, we back away and flop onto the floor of the cell where Emmie had been kept through the majority of the story of TMTA.

"Ah, home sweet home," Emmie drawls.

"It was the only place I could think of for us to hide," Loki protests, his eyes still fixated on the door, behind which we can still hear the furious rants of angry fans.

"Don't you know to never outright insult another fandom within this story?" I demand irritably, raking a hand through my hair and heaving a sigh. "The only fandoms we are allowed to outright insult are any of the DC fandoms, but that's only because we're in a Marvel fic. _Never _insult another fandom whilst inside a fourth-wall-breaking fic, Loki. The fans might materialize and decide to take their wrath on you." I gesture vaguely towards the door.

Loki huffs and crosses his arms. "Well, you could've _told _me that…"

"We told you to be careful," Emmie and I chant in unison.

"And AhMunnaEatChoo told you the fans would come after you and torture you in a very unorganized and yet detailed manner," I add reproachfully.

Loki grumbles noncommittally.

"So now what are we going to do?" Emmie asks with a quirk of her eyebrows.

"Well…" I pull a clipboard out of my epic black trench coat. "I guess we can do some more questions until the MLP fans leave us alone." I smile at them brightly, and Emmie and Loki facepalm.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Ya know, I for some reason had sooo much fun writing this episode of Ask Emoki XD **

**Idk exactly why, considering the fact that I wandered so much that I didn't even get that many questions answered… but oh, gods, did I have fun anyways lol. I hope you guys don't mind too much that I trailed off subject so many times (you have no idea how much fun I had with that tangent of "putting the fun in dysfunctional" and putting the "harm" in "charm" and all that stuff… Oooh that was so bloody fun lol). In any case, I shall have to continue answering all of your questions, my friends. **

**Also, I know that since last chapter, many people have been wondering if Absence Makes the Heart Grow Twisted will be soon published… As I've mentioned briefly before, I plan on holding off on full-time writing that fic until I am finished with Banditry, my main story that I'm currently working on. I've been crazy busy with school and my social life (wtf when did I get a social life outside of the internet, you guys?), and so I don't want to start Absence and then not update it for two months in between chapters. I'd rather have a little more free time and less stuff on my fanfiction-writing plate before I begin that endeavor. However, I will inform you that I have almost an entire first chapter of Absence written, as well as several rough sketches of later scenes. I hope you guys are willing to wait for that, and I hope you're okay with the nonsense that is Scarred for Life until you can have the cannon (ha! Cannon, indeed. Lol) Emoki in the TMTA sequel. I've got plenty more of your questions to answer, and please feel free to continue sending them if you have any burning questions for the couple that puts the "antics" in "romantics." **

***note: I have now put up the edited version of TMTA. As I mentioned before, nothing of the story has been changed; I've only gone and taken out a few words here and there and inserted scene breaks as well as changing the misspelling of Coulson in those first few chapters that drives everybody so nuts. Aside from that, the only new things in TMTA are a couple of changed author's notes (If you're interested, a few of the author's notes now have a couple of fun facts about the scenes or chapters that weren't in there before, like where I got the inspiration for the Dagger scenes is now in the author's note of Chapter 13, and my original but discarded idea behind how the Tesseract affected Emmie is now in the author's note for Chapter 11. Just little random things like that). Other than that, there's a new little bit added to the end of the Final Author's Note in which Emmie, Loki, and I just give an update on the advancements in Emoki stuff. Also the soundtrack has been very much tweaked if you'd like to check that out (like half of the songs have either been switched out or shuffled around, though some, like **_**Hello **_**by Evanescence, **_**Shatter Me **_**by Lindsey Stirling, and **_**Lost **_** by Within Temptation have been left). If you'd like to look at the new soundtrack, you can do that as well. Do you have to go back and now reread Twisted Minds? Nah. Not at all. Just thought I should tell you it's been edited. **

**And just one more thing, I swear. Coming up will be the first holiday season since the end of TMTA, and the first holiday season since you guys have been personally interacting with the characters. I had an idea for a holiday oneshot for Scarred For Life. If you'd like, please leave in a review or a PM what your holiday present to Emmie or Loki (or both, together or separate) would be. Then I can write a oneshot in which I have Emmie and Loki open all your presents and react to them. I personally celebrate Christmas, but if you'd like it to be a Chanukah (Hanukkah? Why can I not seem to figure out which spelling is correct? Apologies) present, or a Kwanzaa present, or anything else you celebrate during the holiday season, then I'd be perfectly happy to specify that to Emoki. I just have a mental image of Loki, Emmie, and me sitting in the Stark Tower living room with a gigantic Christmas tree in the middle of the room, and me dragging a sack of presents into the room instead of a clipboard with questions and a chair, and then Emmie and Loki opening whatever insane gifts you want to send… **

**Emmie: A NEW DAGGER! **

**Loki: WHAT IS WITH THE REINDEER SWEATERS AND MY LITTLE PONY TOYS?!**

**Emmie: Um, really? A temporary tattoo kit? **

**Loki: Hey, someone was listening in Ask Emoki 9 and gave me a giant bag of Sour Patch Kids! **

**Emmie: …Told you candy canes make good weapons… *plucks one off the tree* **

**My imagination goes on and on. Anyways, if anyone is interested in giving Emoki a present for your winter holiday of choice, I think it would be fun. Plus getting presents for Emmie and Loki, unlike for your relatives, costs nothing but a few moments of your time to type it into a review box and hit "Post Review." ;) Just saying. **

**ANYWAYS. This has been a hugely long author's note… Ima stop now, I promise. **

**Thank you all for reading, and please favorite, follow, and review! *salutes you* **


	19. Chapter 19

Ask Emoki 11

"But I don't wanna answer more fan questions," Emmie whines.

"Too bad. Do you have any better ideas of things to do while we wait for the MLP fans to leave us alone?" I raise my eyebrows and nod towards the door of the room we're in, where we can still clearly hear pounding on the door and shouts of outrage.

Loki and Emmie exchange looks. "Yes. Yes, we can."

"You forget you are talking to the god of mischief and lies and the Mastermind Murderess," Loki says with an eye roll.

"Whose ship name has been renamed Cold-Blooded Murder," Emmie adds significantly.

"You really think we can't think of anything more fun to do than ask Emoki when we're trapped in a small room with our author who has caused us nothing but pain and irritation?"

I slowly scoot backwards, giving them wary looks. "…You can't kill your author. Who would write your stories?"

"Nobody," they grin in unison. "We wouldn't be forced to be in stories."

I facepalm. "Smeg you guys… I bet somebody would be happy to take you guys off my hands if I died, and they'd start writing their own fics about you. And would they be as insane and random and twisted as mine?" I raise my eyebrows. "…Well, I certainly hope there's nobody who is as insane and random and twisted as I am that they could write Emoki like me…"

"Whatever," Emmie flaps her hand. "Just read us the next questions so we can get this over with. You know, since we've still got like… wait, how many more do we have to answer?"

I briefly flick through the clipboard. "…We got like twenty-two questions to answer at this point."

"Brilliant," Loki sighs.

"Hey, it's fun," I smirk. "Shall we get started?"

They grumble, but they jump slightly when there's a particularly loud _bang _on the door to the room. Emmie throws Loki a glare. "This is your fault." He sticks his tongue out at her, and they look at me resignedly.

"Ahem," I readjust my eyepatch over my eye and peer down at the clipboard. "We've several questions from TLGRIMN. First of these being… 'Questions for Emoki (sorry, Cold-Blooded Murder): if you had to choose between ruling the world for a week or killing the other, what would you choose?'"

Emmie scoffs. "Um… ruling the world for a week? Obviously. While killing Loki would be _soooo _fun…." Here they exchange dirty looks of disdain. "…it would mean I wouldn't have him around to torment. I mean, he's fun to have around. I don't think I'd really want to kill him over ruling the world for a week."

"Really?" Loki asks, raising his eyebrows with intrigue.

Emmie shrugs indifferently. "Yeah. Wouldn't you?"

Loki hesitates for a moment, looking at her skeptically.

Emmie sits up straighter and stares at him. "Wait, you _would _choose ruling the world for a week over killing me, right?"

"I mean…" Loki says slowly.

"_Oh my god Loki I just said I'd rather __**not **__kill you and you're sitting here like well maybe I'd rather kill you than rule the entire freaking world for only a freaking week!" _Emmie shrieks, leaping forward and tackling him to the floor flat on his back.

"_Hey!" _Loki tries pushing her off of him, but Emmie bites his hand, and he squeals like a little girl.

I groan and hop up onto the bed, out of the way of the tussle that has started on the floor. They look like cats fighting, rolling over and over and taking turns pinning each other. "Hey!" I bellow at them, and they stop.

Emmie's sitting on Loki's chest, and she's biting his hand again, like a pit bull who's reluctant to let go of a squeaky toy. Loki is twisting both of her wrists painfully, and Emmie is about four inches away from driving her knee into Loki's tenders.

"Get… off… each other!" I order. Neither of them moves. "_Emmie… drop it," _I growl, and she slowly unclamps her jaws from around Loki's hand. "_Loki… let her go." _Loki loosens his grip on Emmie's wrists, and she slowly pulls them away. "Now we're going to continue answering these questions," I say warningly. "Emmie, you come sit on my left. Loki, you come sit on my right."

"How come _he _gets to be on the right?" Emmie asks accusingly.

"Then you sit on my right and he sits on my left," I snarl, throwing the clipboard down onto the floor.

They jump in surprise and quickly scramble to their places on either side of me (Emmie is on the right, Loki on my left).

I let out a deep and exasperated breath, picking up my clipboard again. "Now. I shall ask again. Would you rather rule the world for a week or kill the other?"

"Kill," they say at the same time.

I look at them disinterestedly. "Uh huh. Would you like to share your reasoning?"

"She left teeth marks on my hand," Loki mutters mutinously, holding out his hand for me to see. It's true; the imprints of Emmie's teeth are still there on the side of Loki's hand. He's lucky she didn't break skin.

"…and now my wrists hurt," Emmie adds bitterly, holding out her hands. This is also true. Her wrists are an angry red and slightly swollen from Loki's tight grip and probably a little chafing when he twisted her arms so forcefully.

"Very well. Emmie and Loki would now both rather kill each other than rule the world," I nod and look at my clipboard again. "Next… for Emmie."

"Someone wants to know why you're such a mewling quim, Emmie," Loki says sweetly, leaning forward to peer around me and grin savagely at the Mastermind Murderess. All he gets is Emmie's fist to his jaw for his efforts.

I shove them apart and grumble irritably. "_Anyways. _Next from TLGRIMN is for Emmie. 'How would you suggest killing someone with a zucchini, paintbrush, two potatoes, and a roll of twine? I've got a couple of people left on my kill list, and I'm trying to get the police off my trail, so I should probably be creative.'"

"Ooh!" Emmie lights up immediately.

"Oh, Norns," Loki and I moan.

"Okay, so we've got a zucchini, a paintbrush, two potatoes, and a ball of twine," Emmie lists, counting on her fingers and narrowing her eyes in concentration, gears almost visibly spinning in her twisted mind. "Okay. So. The paintbrush is key here for one of my methods—"

"_One _of your methods?" I ask incredulously.

"Yeah, I've got a few," Emmie shrugs and grins.

My jaw drops.

"We're listening," Loki says slowly, now sounding vaguely interested.

"Okay," Emmie says conspiratorially. "So. This paintbrush. And this plan will work whether it's a wooden handle or a plastic handle, but it has to have a good handle. What you do is you take that handle and make two shards about… yay big," she holds her fingers a few inches apart and then a few centimeters apart. "Make it long and narrow, and sharp on both ends. Use the twine to tie them together into a plus sign. Then whatcha gotta do is make them eat the zucchini or potato—just make it so that they will be having their mouth open wide part of the time. And _then, _when they have their mouth open, you cram the little plus sign of death into their mouth—you gotta cram it back there good. What that will do is that immediately they'll start gagging, choking, trying to spit it out. That's why we put it into a plus sign shape instead of a single little shard. With it being in a plus sign, there's no way to really make it not hurt—sharp on four ends. They might choke on it, the sharp ends will be making cuts and gouges all along the back of their throat, blood is running out over their lips and down their trachea…" a faraway dreamy look has come over her face.

I clear my throat. "…Lovely mental image there, Emmie."

"Right?" she smirks. "Then there's a couple of other ways as well, but that's the most fun and graphic, and it uses all of your supplies. Other ways include merely sharpening the handle of the paintbrush into a dagger and stabbing them with it, strangling them with the twine, and then just suffocating them with a potato or zucchini—"

"Is that possible?" Loki asks curiously.

"Sure. Pin them down, plug their nose, and stuff the vegetable of choice down to the back of their throat, cutting off their windpipe. It'll take a good maybe three minutes to make sure they're really gone, but it's possible if you got the skill to pin them down that long," Emmie shrugs.

"Hmm," Loki looks thoughtful.

I shudder. "…Excellent. Next question?"

"Yeah, next," Emmie smiles.

"Alright, for Loki," I clear my throat and brush my hair behind my ear. "'are you aware most people don't even view you as a villain anymore? If anything, you're probably thought of as a sad (attractive) puppy.'"

The look of absolute horror on Loki's face… eyes wide in revulsion and shock, lips downturned in a grimace of disgust, and his fists clenched in rage in his lap… it's priceless. I can't help but burst into a laugh. Emmie quickly joins me, and Loki snaps out of it. "It's not funny!" he protests. "I am an evil supervillain who poses a threat to mankind and the entire universe and the nine realms at large! How can I not be viewed as a villain anymore?!" he whines. "I'm _evil! _How am I _cute?!" _

Emmie and I have collapsed backwards onto the bed, giggling uncontrollably at Loki's reaction.

"Oh… my… god… you are so adorable!" I gasp through my laughter. "Even just your reaction to being cute is cute…"

"It is not!" Loki yells indignantly, slamming a fist down onto the bed next to my head, but I only laugh more. Emmie's with me all the way, her laughs almost silent because she's practically out of breath.

"Oh, _stop, _Loki," Emmie pleads in a groan. "My stomach… my stomach… too much laughing…"

"I am _not cute and I am not a puppy!" _Loki shouts, demanding to be heard.

"No," I choke out. "More like a kitten in the middle of a tantrum…"

Emmie falls off the bed as she erupts into another fit of giggles, and there's a slight gasp of pain before she just continues snickering.

Loki leaps up and stomps his foot in anger. "_Stop it, you stupid mortals!" _

We don't obey.

Huffing in fury, Loki proclaims, "I am done with this abuse! I don't have to put up with it! I'm leaving!" He strides over to the door and places his hand on the handle.

He twists and pulls, and there's a flood of deafening sound as the door opens.

Loki immediately slams the door shut again, and he leans against the door, panting and gasping in surprise. "…The My Little Pony fans are still out there…" he mumbles.

The noise has shaken me and Emmie out of our amusement. We sit up and stare at Loki worriedly. "Oh."

Slowly, he returns to sitting on the bed. Emmie hauls herself off the floor and seats herself on the bed again.

"So… the answer to that question was, no, you didn't know people didn't really view you as a villain anymore. And you are not happy about the prospect," I say primly.

Loki crosses his arms over his chest and makes no response.

"Next?" Emmie suggests.

I clear my throat and flip to the next question. "Next… For Cold-Blooded Murder. 'What are your opinions on minions? Both the Twinkies in overalls and the villainous kind.'"

"Twinkies in overalls?" Loki asks in confusion.

"I understood that reference!" Emmie cries in triumph, thrusting her fist into the air with a grin.

I stare at her. "…Did you just quote Steve Rogers?"

She frowns. "….What?"

Loki smirks. "_I _understood _that _reference."

Emmie looks slightly puzzled, and I just shake my head at her. "Steve Rogers said that he understood a reference once," I explain. "And Loki, the Twinkies in overalls thing is a reference to the movie _Despicable Me." _I pull out my phone and pull up a couple of brief videos on YouTube of the minions of _Despicable Me. _

A few minutes later, I look between them with raised eyebrows.

"…So we're supposed to say our thoughts on minions," Loki asks. "Both the villainous kind and the Twinkies in overalls."

"Correct," I nod.

"Well, we can start with the Twinkies in overalls," Emmie says, crossing her legs. "They're annoying."

"Entirely," Loki agrees. "And stupid."

"So stupid!" Emmie says immediately. "How are they supposed to be popular?"

"I don't even know!" Loki exclaims, throwing an arm out to emphasize his not understanding.

I clear my throat. "Ahem. A lot of people think that the minions are really funny and cute. They are entertaining, childish, and provide comic relief with their senseless antics. They are also cute and occasionally helpful when it suits the plot."

Emmie and Loki still look skeptical. "…I would kill them if I ever encountered one," they both say solemnly. "Slowly, intimately, in every way they fear," Loki adds savagely.

I facepalm. "Great. Loki and Emmie want to kill the minions. Now… ah… what about the villainous kind of minions?"

"In the history of minions," Loki says quickly. "They seem to be bad news in one way or another. Obviously me having Clint Barton as a minion did not turn out well, and ended up backfiring. In other instances I've seen, they just end up being useless." He pauses and looks pointedly at Emmie. "… or they end up leaving you to fend for yourself when the heroes manage to capture you after your army fails."

Emmie flushes. "Shut up. I think the minion is a good part of the story. Like the Joker and Harley Quinn. The sidekick chick is the best part of the whole thing," she clears her throat and looks pointedly at Loki. "Yup. The minion is the better character, I think."

Loki narrows his eyes at her. "Perhaps the minion thinks she's the best part. But perhaps the _main villain _thinks the minion should shut up and do what she's told and not get into trouble."

"Maybe the minion always thinks the main villain's a moron," Emmie shoots back.

"Maybe the main villain would like to throw the minion out to the bloodthirsty herd of pony fans outside the door," Loki snaps.

"Maybe the minion doesn't even think it's fair to be called a minion since she's everyone's favorite, anyway," Emmie sniffs. "Maybe _she's _the main villain, and the guy who _thinks _he's the main villain is actually the perceived minion's minion."

"I don't believe the perceived minion had a plan to take over the earth," Loki quips. "Only the main villain does that. And the minion is supposed to help. And the perceived minion here was going to help the main villain—the one with the plan to take over the world—to complete his plan. Therefore the perceived minion is definitely the minion here. And the minion is just acting stupid."

I stand up and clap my hands. "Alright, you guys! Got it! Emmie roots for villainous minions, Loki is not in favor. Great. Next question."

"But I want to keep talking about minions and main villains!" Emmie yells. "I was about to win this argument!"

"You totally were not," Loki scoffs.

"Next!" I insist. "Ahem! From TLGRIMN: Do either of you have any particular talents like art, singing, nostril flaring, etc.? Note: ALL talents involving murder, fighting, manipulating, weapon making, ruling the world, failing at ruling the world, being creepy, seducing psychopaths, being psychopathic, seducing horses, being a horse, bloodthirst, maiming, and or evilness are excluded."

"Awww," Emmie smirks. "She just excluded all of Loki's talents."

"And yours, too," Loki simpers. "Poor Emmie has nothing else to offer to the world."

"I do, too!" Emmie growls.

"Oh, yeah?" Loki asks. "You have hidden talents now, do you? Like what?"

Emmie pauses for a moment, tapping her chin. "Hmm. Well, I'm a pretty good cook. I can make the best apple pie you've ever tasted."

Loki and I raise our eyebrows.

"As long as you're not intentionally burning gingerbread men to a crisp, that is," I say neutrally.

"And as long as you can trust her to not poison you," Loki adds.

"Well, obviously," Emmie shrugs. "I also am really good at darts and pool. And… like… I can balance stuff on my head."

"Interesting," Loki says blandly.

"Oh!" Emmie lights up. "And I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue!"

"Hey!" I grin brightly. "I can do that, too!" Emmie and I high-five. "Anything else, Emmie?"

Emmie considers. "Uh… I guess I used to be really good at math and science and stuff, but I haven't really gotten the chance to see how good I still am at it… kinda out of practice and all… I'm a really fast typist."

"And she has a talent for tripping over her feet when she's walking backwards," Loki inputs helpfully.

We turn our glares on him. "What about you?" we challenge.

"I have a remarkably high alcohol tolerance," Loki says cheerfully. "And I'm renowned for being the fastest eater in Asgard. Also," he cracks his neck and quirks an eyebrow at Emmie. "I hear I'm a pretty good tattoo artist."

Emmie rolls her eyes. "Plus he's a great stripper. Just ask the horse."

Loki turns scarlet. "That is not true!"

"Oh, so you're not that good of a stripper?" Emmie asks with a straight face. "That's a little disappointing. I was hoping to have a little entertainment at my 18th birthday party."

Loki facepalms. "No. I have never stripped for a horse or _anyone else. _But I do have the talent of looking really good in dresses."

Emmie pauses for a second, and then she suddenly remembers that story about Loki dressing up as a woman with Thor to retrieve Mjolnir from the giants. Then she grins. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a real talent. Not everyone can pull that off."

"I know. It takes real confidence and swagger," Loki cocks an eyebrow, which sends Emmie into a fit of giggles.

I look between the two of them bemusedly and just shake my head. "Oooookay then." I pause and tilt my head to one side.

Emmie and Loki stop laughing when they see my curious expression. "What?"

I hold up a finger. "Shh… hear that?"

They tilt their heads and listen carefully. "Hear what? I don't hear anything."

I grin. "Exactly. Shh… Silence." I stealthily get to my feet and tiptoe towards the door to the room and press my ear against it. I wave them to come join me, and they leave the bed to listen to the silence. "…The MLP fans are gone," I whisper. They suddenly look hopeful and excited. I grin and hesitantly twist the doorknob, slowly pulling the door free of the frame.

Outside, there is nobody in the hall. It is perfectly empty and clear, as if the MLP fans had never been there.

"Phew," I wipe my forehead.

"Thank the Norns," Loki sighs in relief.

"Does this mean we can go now?" Emmie asks imploringly.

I stand up straight and peer down the halls one more time. "I think so. Somebody else must have insulted their fandom, and they had to go and defend it from some other offensive comment. I don't think they'll be back unless we insult the ponies again."

"Brilliant," Loki steps forward and then dashes down the hall.

"Wait for me!" Emmie calls, dashing after him like he just initiated a game of tag. Only a game of tag would likely end in cold-blooded murder for those two.

I sigh and shrug, closing the door behind me and strolling lackadaisically down the hall after them, listening to the loud yelling and profanity as they chase each other through the Helicarrier. There goes my chance to get any more questions answered for now.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Hope you enjoyed **

**Don't have too much else to really say about this one lol… I do have something to say about the **_**next **_**chapter, though! The next chapter will be the Christmas one. I've gotten plenty of Christmas presents from you guys for Emoki, and I've got a complete chapter that I plan on posting either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, just depending on how busy my days are. If you want to throw in a last-minute gift for Emmie and Loki, I will gladly write it in, but it has to be within the next, like, two days in order for me to have enough time to write it. **

**Thank y'all, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please favorite, follow, and review! **


	20. Chapter 20

***Just warning you now, this one is really long lol. Like, really long. Hope you enjoy the Christmas special! **

Christmassacre

Emmie and Loki sit on the couch in Stark Tower, staring upward.

"Um…" Emmie says slowly. "What the heck?"

"Helheim if I know," Loki says with a bewildered shrug.

They're staring upward at a gigantic tree. The tip of it brushes the ceiling… well, the tip of the ornament on top touches the ceiling, anyway. It's probably worth mentioning that the ornament topping the tree, instead of a star, is a small replica of the infamous horned helmet.

"…What does she have in store for us this time?" Loki wonders.

"Probably some kind of Christmas special, if the tree is anything to go by."

"Obviously," Loki rolls his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me. Santa will see," Emmie taunts.

Loki leans forward and rolls his eyes more exaggeratedly at her. "Let him see. I'm on the naughty list." He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and Emmie goes slightly pink. "And so are you," Loki smirks broadly and leans a little closer to her

"Don't get any funny ideas," Emmie warns, leaning away from him warily.

"Like what?" Loki asks innocently. "I was just thinking of—"

"I don't want to know!" Emmie shouts, plugging her ears and starting to hum Deck the Halls as loudly as she can.

Loki falls back against his cushion and just starts laughing heartily. "Don't worry, Emmie! I have no naughty plans except stealing Christmas with the Grinch."

Emmie halts abruptly and looks at him skeptically. "…You just made a reference to something popular, Loki," she says in awe.

Loki just shrugs indifferently.

"It's a Christmas miracle!" Emmie starts giggling.

Loki just rolls his eyes again, but they both halt as suddenly a song starts blaring from speakers around the room.

_I Won't Be Home for Christmas _by Blink 182plays out, and a door is suddenly thrown open. In walks the lovely, amazing, talented, beauteous (because beautiful is overrated and cliché), stunning author that is _moi, _Loqi with a Q. And for once I shall give my brilliant readers a little description of myself, for posterity. As I waltz into the room, I have a rather sizable red bag with white trim tossed over my shoulder, and I'm wearing… a Santa outfit! Because why not? My long dark brown hair is frizzy from the fuzzy Santa hat fit snugly over my ears, and a jingling emanates from the red jingle bell earrings that dangle from my earlobes. I've got on a pair of shin-high black boots, and a knee-length red skirt with white trim at the bottom, and a red button-up shirt with white around the cuffs and collar. And we'll pretend that it looks fantastic on me, because I have author powers, and this wouldn't look so great on me in real life, but who cares?

"Ho, ho, ho!" I cry out. "Merry Christmassacre!"

My characters stare at me blankly, their mouths hanging slightly open at my appearance.

I stomp forward towards them, my boots making a heavy clunk on the floor with each step as _I Won't Be Home for Christmas _continues playing. "Merry Christmas, my dear Cold-Blooded Murder!" I grin and give a little excited bounce.

Loki manages to close his mouth. "…Interesting getup there…"

I snort and gracefully sweep my gigantic bag off my back and set it on the floor. "Nice to see you, too."

"What's Christmassacre?" Emmie asks with interest.

I smile devilishly and point to the Christmas tree that's still looming over us as _I Won't Be Home for Christmas _fades out. "_Christmassacre _is the name of this oneshot, sillies."

The two of them look towards the Christmas tree with blank expressions.

I follow their gaze, and then I slap my forehead. "Ah, I forgot!"

The tree is decorated with the little horned helmet as the topmost crowning jewel, and small various silver, gold, and green metallic ornaments are littered around the rest of the tree. Shimmery garlands of the same color scheme are wrapped delicately around the tree as well. But there's one thing I forgot…

I clap my hands together twice, and the tree suddenly lights up. The words "Christmassacre with Emoki" are emblazoned in white lights across the front of the tree. In smaller lit-up letters are the words "(or Cold-Blooded Murder. Either way)".

"Christmassacre," Emmie says the word slowly, as if testing its weight. "…I like it."

"It's actually a song title, "I supply. "A From First to Last Song. Personally not a huge fan of it—a little too screamy for me—but I decided to borrow their song title for our little oneshot."

"An apt title, I might add," Loki nods his approval. "…This just might turn into a massacre."

I glare at them. "None of that. We are going to have a nice Christmas. You two will behave yourselves and provide a lovely little Christmas special for the readers. Are we understood?"

Emmie and Loki look at each other reluctantly.

"Cut back on the threats, Emmie," I coax.

Emmie crinkles her nose. "Cut back on the threats?" I nod, and Emmie sighs. "Fine. I suppose I won't threaten to strangle Loki with a string of Christmas lights and then impale his lifeless body on the top of the Christmas tree, and then use a sharpened candy cane to bore his eyes from their sockets."

I glare at her flatly. "Uh huh."

Emmie smiles brightly. "Anyways."

I turn to Loki. "And you. Cut back on the innuendos."

Loki sighs morosely. "So you mean I can't make jokes about the naughty list or unwrapping my package or licking candy canes or having a very merry Christmas together, and definitely not having a Silent Night, and instead Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree and really jingling some bells?"

I glare at him flatly. "Correct."

Loki smiles brightly. "Very well."

"Have you two quite finished?"

"Yup," they chorus in unison.

"Good," I shake my head in exasperation. "I'd like for us to take a moment and remember where we all were last year on Christmas Day. Do you two remember?"

Emmie and Loki both grimace.

"On Christmas Day," Loki utters dilatorily. "You posted the Symbiosis chapter."

Emmie nods in remembrance. "That would be the chapter where I leave the Helicarrier with Loki, and I have that little confrontation with my mother, and then Loki and I have our little moment on our way to New York."

"Ah, I remember it well," Loki nods with a slight smile and a slight frown at the same time.

"Yeah…" Emmie tilts her head slightly as she recalls the time. "…I recall."

"I remember writing that chapter," I reminisce. "I was singing along to _Christmas _by Blues Traveler with my family, and typing about both of your guys' inner anguish and turmoil…"

They throw me unimpressed glares.

"Well, then, we can get on to presents." I smile cheerily to get rid of the strange mood that overtook us at the thought of what had all transpired only a year ago. How far Emoki has come since then…

"Oh, yay," Emmie shifts forward on her seat, leaning towards the big bag I dropped on the ground. "Where are all these—"

"Ah, ah, ah!" I step in front of the bag and wiggle my finger at them. "You guys exchange your presents first."

Loki and Emmie look bitterly at each other.

"You guys got presents for each other," I remind them. They grumble incoherently. I huff and cross my arms over my chest. "Emmie, give Loki your gift. Now."

The Mastermind Murderess throws a mutinous look at me before reluctantly reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small box, small enough to wrap one hand around.

Loki raises his eyebrows. I grin in approval as Emmie looks down at the little black box with a golden bow on top, and she hands it over to the god of mischief and lies.

Loki smiles with a tint of smugness. "Thank you, Emmie."

"Just wait till you open it," Emmie smirks, giving him a daring look.

Loki pauses and looks suspiciously at the box.

"I dare you," Emmie hisses.

I facepalm.

"…What is it?" Loki asks nervously, now looking at the small box with sudden apprehension.

"Don't you wish you knew?" Emmie snickers. "I know. I know what it is. Open it… you know, if you're not too afraid."

Loki freezes at those words, and he glances with narrowed eyes between Emmie's face and her innocent-looking present. Upon the box is a little sticker. To: Gomal. From: M&amp;M. he lifts an eyebrow in question.

"God of Mischief and Lies," Emmie elaborates, pointing to "Gomal." "And Mastermind Murderess," she points to "M&amp;M."

"That's kinda cute," I smirk. "Maybe that'll catch on…"

"It had better not," Loki comments, and then he fearlessly tosses off the top of the box, and it nearly hits Emmie's face as it falls to the ground. Loki pauses and stares into the box. "Oh," he breathes in slight surprise.

Emmie grins. I step forward to inspect the contents of the box.

Loki plucks out a rectangular object. "Is this… an iPod?" he asks tentatively, as if worried he's going to get it wrong and look like an idiot.

Emmie nods. "Yup. It's an iPod. A music player." She leans forward and taps the screen, bringing it to life. "_Happy Holidays, You Bastard." _

"Emmie!" I cry in shock at her vulgar language. "That was uncalled for!"

Emmie looks up in confusion at my outburst, then suddenly scoffs. "….That's the title of the first song that's up, Loqi with a Q. Jeez, cool it. I'm not unnecessarily swearing at this dumbass," she gestures to Loki, who gives her an ironic smile and rolls his eyes.

"Oh…" I think about it and grin. "…Seriously? You put that song on Loki's iPod?"

"I think it's fitting," Emmie smirks. "I put a ton of songs on there for you already, Loki," she adds to the man sitting next to her, who is carefully tapping at the screen and scrolling through the selections. "I put the soundtrack from TMTA, plus those songs we did for karaoke on summer break, and then some other songs I thought you might like. Like _Happy Holidays, You Bastard _by Blink 182."

Loki throws her a skeptical look. "…You only put that song on there so you could say the title when you gave it to me, didn't you?"

Emmie grins sheepishly. "…You'll get no confession from me."

Loki just laughs softly and looks down at his new iPod. "Well… thank you," he says a little uncertainly.

Emmie smiles faintly. "You're welcome."

There's a brief look of something akin to fondness passed between them, but then it disappears when Emmie clears her throat. "So. Where's my present?"

Loki sighs and shakes his head. "One second." Loki dives behind the couch and produces a present—a box about a foot long and a few inches high, and wrapped in red-and-gold wrapping paper.

Emmie raises an eyebrow at the red-and-gold wrapping paper. "Iron Man colored wrapping paper? Really?"

Loki flushes slightly as Emmie takes the present from him. "…It was all I could find around the Tower here… It was left over from last April Fool's Day—that's the same wrapping paper Tony Stark's April Fool's Day gift was wrapped in."

"Ah. I see," Emmie suppresses a smile with some difficulty. She glances down at the box she's holding. "…Is this safe for me to open?"

Loki bares his teeth in a wicked smile. "Open it and find out."

Emmie sticks her tongue out at him. "Maybe I will."

"Do it then."

"I will." And with that, she starts tearing off the wrapping paper. She stops dead for a second about halfway through, seeing the print on the box. Then, with renewed vigor, she finishes ripping off the wrapping paper and stares delightedly at what she's holding. It's a Nintendo box, proudly proclaiming "Nintendo DSi", a small portable video game console. "Dude…" Emmie gapes at it.

"And…" Loki pulls something out of seemingly thin air and hands it to her. Emmie snatches it and squeals with joy. It's a case for a Nintendo DS game: Ultimate Mortal Kombat.

"Dude!" Emmie shrieks. "This is great!"

"I hoped you'd like it," Loki murmurs self-consciously, glancing away.

"Thank you!" Emmie gushes, still looking at her present. Then she glances up at Loki, and her smile quickly disappears, though the pink in her cheeks remains. "Ahem," she composes herself. "I mean, thank you, Loki."

Loki just nods automatically. "Yeah. You're welcome, Murderess. Figured you'd want a game to brutally fight to the death with fictional people."

Emmie smiles wryly. "Yeah, well, you figured right. I'm gonna have fun with this."

I, on the other hand, am silently fangirling at the cuteness. Luckily they haven't noticed my silent fangirl screams yet. They turn to look at me, and in an instant, I'm standing with my hands behind my back and a pleasant smile on my face. "Nice, you guys. Now, my present for you guys…" I pull the first present out of my big bag on the floor and hand it to them.

They glance at each other awkwardly. "Um… whose is this?"

"Both of yours." I look at them each in turn. "…You _share, _you see… get used to it. Some of the readers sent gifts for both of you to share."

They look unimpressed at the idea.

"You're greedy little things, aren't you?" I shake my head disapprovingly, and they just shrug. "Well, open up your present," I nod at them and wave my hand at the present.

Hesitantly, they both start peeling away the shiny white wrapping paper to see… a temporary tattoo kit.

Slowly, a pair of blue eyes and a pair of green eyes lift up from the cardboard box (covered in images of bare arms with skulls, flowers, butterflies, and Chinese characters on it). Their dark gazes land on me and pierce me accusingly.

I snicker. "Problem?"

"No."

"Uh huh. I just thought, you know, you guys might have some fun with that," I nod towards the box, and they look at each other appraisingly.

"…No."

I laugh silently. "If you say so."

"What else do we get?" Loki asks imperiously, setting the temporary tattoo kit on the couch next to him and looking at the big Santa bag on the floor.

"Jeez, impatient, aren't you?" I ask with a shake of my head and reach into the bag. "Let's see what we have here first… We got several gifts for you guys from the readers. Up first…" I pull a box out of the bag, about a foot long and a few inches wide. "This is from TLGRIMN, and it is addressed to Emmie!"

The box is immediately snatched from my hands by the Murderess, and I blink in surprise at her swiftness as she's already back on the couch, tearing it open. She pauses briefly at my stunned look. "What?" she whines. "All I got for Christmas last year was frizzy hair and a sore lip from Loki's biting it," she flutters her eyelashes. "I'm allowed to be excited about getting _real _presents this year… Ow!" She rubs the back of her head, where Loki smacked her harshly.

I just shake my head. "Open it up, Emmie."

Hastily, Emmie finishes tearing away the paper and gapes at the contents… a cardboard box! Emmie growls in frustration and finds the end of the box and then tears it open with itchy fingers. Out from the box drop three objects. Emmie's mouth drops open in surprise, and she snatches two of them up from the ground. "Oh… my… god…" She triumphantly holds out two sheathed daggers, the black sheaths coated in silvery jewels. "Check it out!" She yanks one of the daggers out of its sheath, and the blade is also bedazzled. "Bedazzled daggers!" she jumps up and down enthusiastically.

I kneel down and pick up the third object that had fallen from the box. It's a card from TLGRIMN. I clear my throat and read it out loud while Emmie continues bouncing and Loki just stares at her with mixed worry and disdain at her display. "Ahem. TLGRIMN says that these stabulous (not fabulous, stabulous) knives cannot be detected by airport security."

Emmie gasps in delight and holds her new toys to her chest. "Epic! Thank you, TLGRIMN! I am going to stab Loki in his sleep with these!"

Loki gives her a bitter look. "We'll see about that." He looks expectantly at me, and I get the picture.

I dive back into the bag and pull out another present, this one for Loki. "This one is TLGRIMN's gift to Loki…" I carefully hand it over to him.

Loki looks quizzically at the object in his hand. It's vaguely oval-shaped, so the wrapping paper is crinkled around the top and bottom around the curves. He looks curiously back at Emmie, who still holds her knives. "Maybe it's a bomb?" he wonders, looking back at his present. He starts to peel away at the tape to reveal his gift. His look of eager curiosity fades quickly, replaced with one of irritated confusion. "What the… bloody… hell…?"

Loki has found himself holding a boiled egg in a nest of wrapping paper. It's still warm, as if it's just come out of the boiling pot (because author powers).

"She said she gave you a boiled egg, and that she knew you would love it," I supply helpfully.

Loki stares down at his boiled egg blankly. "…So… she gets Emmie a pair of deadly weapons that can get past airport security and are sufficiently flashy. And she gets me… a boiled egg?"

Emmie snorts. "I guess we can see who the fan favorite is here."

"Shut up," Loki quips, reaching forward and rapping the egg on the top of Emmie's head before peeling off the shell. I wordlessly hand over a salt and pepper shaker, and he seasons his boiled egg before popping it into his mouth. "Next," he snaps his fingers at me, his voice muffled by his food.

I raise my eyebrows and reach into my bag of goodies for the next presents. "Hmm…" I pull out two small boxes about the size of my palm. One is addressed to Loki, and the other to Emmie. "here we go," I smile and hand them their respective little boxes. "These are from Nihlo. One for each of you of these."

Emmie and Loki throw quizzical looks to each other and shrug, pulling the little boxes open at the same time. Within the boxes, each of the characters has an identical bracelet. Both bracelets are dark metallic gray, and have only one ornament on them. This ornament is a small skull shape on the band.

"Evil friendship bracelets," I grin and clap my hands together once.

"Okay, these would be cool if Loki and I weren't matching," Emmie says coolly as she slips her bracelet onto her right wrist, and Loki puts his on his left with his mouth twisted slightly to one side.

"Oh, please," I wave my hand in dismissal. "They're awesome. You'll learn to love them."

Loki is inspecting his bracelet. "I do like the little skull decoration, admittedly"

"Yeah…" Emmie looks at her bracelet and frowns. "…Is it just me, or does it look like a button?"

Loki blinks and peers a little closer. "…A button?" he immediately places a finger over the skull and presses down.

Emmie suddenly spasms and lets out a choked cry of surprise. Loki lets go of the skull button.

"What was that?!" Emmie yells, jumping up.

"What happened?" Loki demands in confusion.

"my bracelet!" Emmie says, staring aghast at the friendship bracelet. "Like, it shocked me!"

Loki's mouth opens in an 'o', and comprehension dawns on his face. With a smirk, he presses the skull on his bracelet again, and Emmie shrieks. Loki lets go of the button, and he starts laughing maniacally. That is, until Emmie presses down the skull on her own bracelet, and Loki's laugh turns into a very girlish scream. Emmie holds down the skull for a few more moments, watching Loki writhe on the couch cushion, and then she finally lets it go.

"That bloody hurt!" Loki yells in protest.

"Yeah, sure does, don't it?!" Emmie yells back.

Loki presses the skull on his bracelet again.

I facepalm as immediately both my characters are pressing on the skulls on their bracelets, alternately writhing and spasming in electric pain, and then laughing viciously as they manage to shock their partner back in retaliation. "Why…?" I ask nobody in particular. "Shock collar friendship bracelets…" I stare at my characters blankly for a few more moments before deciding I've had enough. "Alright, everybody stop!" I cry, waving my arms. They pause briefly and look up at me. "That's enough, you guys! Quit with the shocking."

They look at each other reluctantly. Both of their hair is uber frizzy and is standing on end from the electrical currents. Emmie starts to reach for the skull on her bracelet again, but I make a hissing sound, and she immediately stops.

"Enough shocking for now," I say again. "Let's continue with the other presents. We've still got more to go."

Loki looks wistfully at his bracelet, but nods. Emmie sighs and nods glumly.

I run my hand through my hair, almost accidentally knocking off my Santa hat, and then I grab for another present. This one is a rather larger box, and is for Emmie. "From Nihlo," I add as I hand it over to the Murderess.

"Hmm…" Emmie tentatively shakes the box, but there's not really any sound. She starts to peel the wrapping paper off, and it turns out it isn't a box at all, but instead is a stack of DVD cases. They all spill out onto her lap, and her eyes widen. "Whoa…" She picks up one of the movies. "_Midnight in Paris…" _She lifts another case. "_Wallander… War Horse… The Deep Blue Sea… Only Lovers Left Alive… Muppets Most Wanted… Crimson Peak…" _There were plenty of others in the pile, including the audiobook of _The Red Necklace. _"Is this… all… of Tom Hiddleston's work?" she asks in utter awe.

I bite my lip and refrain from saying that there are a couple of superhero movies that are not included in the pile of movies, and instead I just nod. "Yup. Nihlo got you all the Tom Hiddleston works, including recordings of plays, shows he's been in, movies, the audiobook he narrated… the works."

"That is so cool," Emmie breathes out in wonder. "The only thing that would be better than this is if I had Tom Hiddleston for Christmas…" She suddenly grimaces and starts twitching spasmodically.

I throw a look to Loki. He's pressing down on the skull on his friendship bracelet. He abruptly lets it go when he sees my dirty look.

Emmie glares at the god of mischief and flips him the finger.

Loki looks at me expectantly. "What do I get?" he asks in a very entitled voice.

I roll my eyes and pull another present out of the bag. "From Nihlo, to Loki…"

Loki rips apart the wrapping paper and peers at his presents. With a raised eyebrow, he holds up two books for us to see. There's still a piece of wrapping paper clinging to the cover of one of them, partly obscuring the title. "This one…" he opens the first book and flips through it, and then looks at the cover before frowning slightly. "…It's called 'Emoki Reviews.' You published a book of Emoki Reviews?" he looks at me confusedly.

I shake my head. "Nihlo made it especially for you. It's a book containing all the reviews from both TMTA as well as all the reviews on Scarred for Life. I suppose that the more reviews are left , the bigger the book will get. Because author powers."

Loki flips through the book again and frowns. "…Some of this has been highlighted." He inspects a little closer, reading the highlighted text. "…All the questions about the horse are highlighted in green," he says flatly.

Emmie snickers and presses the skull of her bracelet.

"That's it!" I seize Emmie's wrist and grab her friendship bracelet, and then I snatch the bracelet from Loki's wrist. "You two can have these back after we're done with presents," I wave the bracelets in front of their faces. "Now continue opening your presents, Loki." I slip the two bracelets into a pocket on the front of my red-and-white skirt and nod at Loki.

He sighs and sets aside the Emoki Reviews book. "…The other is…" he looks at the other book. There's still a strip of wrapping paper attached to the cover, but there are words visible on it. "Oh!" he smiles slightly. "It's _Pride and Prejudice." _

"Oh, really?" Emmie asks interestedly, leaning over to peer at the book.

Loki smiles. "Yes, _Pride and Prejudice. _Good. I can read this book you're so desperately in love with, and we can have a proper discussion about it."

Emmie looks pleased. "That… actually sounds fun…"

"I'll start reading it as soon as I get the chance," Loki promises, and Emmie looks even more pleased.

I decide not to tell Loki to take off the rest of the wrapping paper from the cover. I know that below that wrapping paper are a few more words, beneath _Pride and Prejudice. _Below those words, hidden by the wrapping paper, are the words _And Zombies, by Seth Grahame-Smith. _Ah, well, Loki will find out eventually that he's actually reading a parody of Emmie's favorite book. But they can have their little moment for now.

"What's our next present?" Loki asks imperiously.

I root around in the bag for the next gift and pull out a lumpy package. "This is… from Fangirl7777, for Loki," I announce, and I give it to said god.

Loki frowns slightly as I hand him the present, and he flexes his hand around the package. "It's… squishy," he observes, and he tears the wrapping paper away. And then his face falls, looking at the present. It's a horse plushie, very cute and cartoony as it stares up at Loki. Loki looks thoroughly unimpressed.

Emmie snickers. "Yes! I knew someone would give Loki a horse present!"

Loki sighs and absentmindedly starts stroking the stuffed horse's mane. "Ha, ha. Very nice, Fangirl7777. Hilarious."

"It's cute, though," I add cheekily with a false smile.

Loki just looks down at the plushie and sighs. "Well, might as well call you Sleipnir."

"Awww," Emmie and I chorus, hiding giggles as Loki sets the horse plushie aside and gives us exasperated looks.

"And did she get me a present?" Emmie asks hopefully. "Maybe I got a stuffed honey badger…"

I pluck the present for Emmie from Fangirl7777 from the mound of presents, and she promptly starts tearing it open. It doesn't look like it's going to be a honey badger plushie; it's a stiff rectangular shape.

Emmie reveals that her present is, in fact, a package of hair ties of varying shapes and sizes and colors. Taped to the package is a note: 'Have fun killing people, from one psycho to another! Merry Christmas, you rock!' Emmie lifts a single eyebrow skeptically. "Kill people? With hair ties?" She looks thoughtful for a moment and then nods. "Yeah, it's possible. Definitely possible."

Loki and I glance at each other grimly.

"But…" Emmie pulls open the plastic box and selects a sizable hair tie from the pile. "It's more fun to just annoy people with hair ties." She loops one side of the hair tie around her finger, uses her other hand to stretch the band, and then lets it fly… hitting Loki squarely on the cheek with a slight _slapping _sound.

"Hey!" Loki cries indignantly. He seizes the little band up from where it dropped, and he launches it back at Emmie quickly, and she shrieks as it snaps against her nose.

"You two!" I yell, and then I pull a referee's whistle out from a lanyard dangling around my neck. A shrill piercing whistle blows out across the room, and they quickly stop. "Foul! Both teams are going to receive a penalty if they don't quit and just get back to having a lovely Christmas!" I warn in my best referee voice.

Emmie grumbles something under her breath and puts the hair tie back into the box before closing it.

"So next," I announce, digging around in the bag on the floor. "We have a gift here for… Emmie." I hand Emmie a gift about the size of a pencil case. "From Queen Martha Pond."

She shreds the wrapping paper quickly, and opens the box within. Her face lights up with a wicked smile. "Sweet," she purrs, producing a dagger in a sheath.

"Oh, gods," Loki groans. "Does this mean I'm getting another boiled egg?"

Emmie just giggles and inspects her new dagger. This one is in a plain black sheath, except for the silver filigree words intricately placed on each flat side of the black leather: _Mastermind Murderess. _Emmie wriggles happily and slides the dagger out of its sheath, and she fangirls. On the blade is the same silver words across the metal: Mastermind Murderess. "This is awesome," she gushes. "I've gotten three daggers today! And Loki hasn't gotten any weapons! I am so totally gonna outweapon him in a duel!"

"Hey, not so fast," I admonish. I reach into the bag and pull out a long, narrow object from my bag. (Actually, it's starting to look like I'm Mary Poppins, pulling crap out of my bag that doesn't even physically fit in it.)

Loki's eyes widen, and his mouth drops open. "Give! Give! Give me give me give me!" he demands, making grabby hands towards the object I have produced. Because the object I have produced is, in fact, a staff of gold, with a red Christmas bow wrapped around the handle.

I hand it over, and he looks at it with reverence, slipping the bow off of the impressive scepter. "Queen Martha Pond says this one is not a mind control staff," I warn. "Because we learned from _that _fiasco a long time ago…"

Loki is too busy staring at the handle of the scepter. Engraved in the gold is a carefully carved phrase: God of Mischief and Lies." "Norns…" Loki says elatedly. "This is gorgeous… mind controlling or not…"

Emmie looks at the staff with pursed lips and raised eyebrows, looking enviously from the pointed tip down to the blunt base. "I remember when I got to use the scepter and kick total ass with it back in Chapter 14 of TMTA… it was… cool…" But then she looks down at her new dagger again, and she grins again. "…But daggers are more of my thing."

Loki protectively holds the scepter against his chest. "Mine."

Emmie rolls her eyes. "Uh huh. I can still pry it from your cold dead fingers after I'm finished gutting you."

"In your dreams," Loki challenges.

Emmie nods in agreement. "Yup. In my favorite, best dreams that leave me still smiling when I wake up…"

Loki and I both look vaguely disturbed.

"…Anyways," I mutter, shaking off the stunned silence and turning back to my bag. "Next…" I select another bundle from the bag. This one is soft and floppy, and is in a cylindrical shape. "For Emmie, also from Queen Martha Pond."

"Mmm," Emmie takes the present from me, and uses her new dagger to slit the wrapping paper. Loki facepalms as she starts flipping the dagger over and under each finger as her other hand unrolls the new present. She drops the dagger into her lap as she sees what her new present is, and she unravels it. It's a t-shirt, which had been rolled up into a cylinder. "Nice!" she exclaims, seeing what's on the shirt. It says "I'm With Stupid," and has an arrow that points to one side. Coincidentally, it is pointing towards Emmie's right…. Which is where Loki is sitting. "Ha," Emmie smirks at Loki and then turns the shirt around to hold it up against her chest and see how well it fits against her torso. And somehow, even though she has flipped the shirt around, the arrow is still pointing to her right… at Loki. Loki stares at the shirt and blinks. Emmie appears not to have noticed the inexplicable arrow consistently pointing to her right. "Looks like it'll fit just fine," Emmie comments brightly.

Loki slowly gets up and circles around the couch, seating himself on Emmie's left side. He blinks and stares at the shirt when he sees that the "I'm With Stupid" arrow is now pointing to Emmie's left… still at him. And now Emmie's noticed as well. She looks at Loki, now sitting on her left, and then down at the shirt with its arrow, still pointing at Loki. She looks puzzled for a moment. Experimentally, she motions for Loki to come sit on her right side again. Slowly, he stands and walks over to Emmie's right side and sits down again. They both look at the shirt. It's pointing at Loki.

Emmie's lips very slowly start to lift at the corners, and her face splits into a grin. A tiny psychotic laugh floats out from her mouth. "I'm with stupid," she whispers, and she points at Loki. She looks down at her new shirt again. And then she just cracks up.

Loki sighs and looks up at the ceiling. "Loqi with a Q…?"

I'm hiding my own smile behind my hand. "…Queen Martha Pond got Emmie a shirt that says I'm With Stupid, and it always points at Loki. Always."

Loki buries his face in his hand. "…Whatever."

"Want your next present?" I ask coaxingly.

"Yes, please," Loki mutters, peeping out from between his fingers while Emmie tries to get her giggling under control as she carefully folds her new shirt (making sure that the arrow will still be visible, pointing at Loki, as she sets it down).

I smile and hand over another box. "This one's from Queen Martha Pond as well," I inform him as he takes the box.

Loki gingerly strips off the wrapping paper and his face lights up when he sees the contents. "Oh!" he gapes at the contents. Queen Martha Pond has gifted Loki with an assortment of British teas, with samplings of teabags as well as containers of tea leaves of several different types of authentic imported British tea. "This is simply lovely!" Loki squeals like he's suddenly been transformed into some kind of very strange tea-obsessed British housewife. Emmie looks at me, now vaguely worried at the enraptured look on Loki's face. But now Loki's started talking excitedly. "Proper British tea! Tea just isn't the same over here in America…"

I raise my eyebrows and clear my throat. "That's actually exactly what Queen Martha Pond said. She said she's giving you proper British tea, as one person with a British accent to another."

Loki looks confused. "…I have an Asgardian accent…"

I resist the urge to facepalm. "Right. You and Thor both have Asgardian accents. You do not have a British accent, and Thor does not have an Australian accent. How silly of me," I deadpan. "But you like the tea?"

"Yes!" Loki's face splits into a delighted grin again.

Emmie looks disturbed at his display of utter buoyancy.

I just laugh and reach into my bag again, plucking out the next gift. My eyes widen at the label on it. "Hey! This one says it's for Loqi…" I pause as Loki shifts forward with eager anticipation. "…With a Q," I finish.

"For _you?" _Emmie sounds slightly incredulous.

"Yes, for me," I quip, holding up the present for them to see. "From Queen Martha Pond, to Loqi with a Q." I plop myself down on the floor, cross-legged as I smooth out my skirt, and I start to peel away the wrapping as Loki and Emmie look at each other, bewildered. I grin as I read the card hidden within the wrapping. "Awww… she says, for Loqi with a Q, one of the best writers ever, because you deserve presents too." I place a hand over my heart, touched, as I pull out the gift. "Oooohhh!" I say with relish as I look at my present.

I have received a matching pen and notebook, beautifully crafted and they just have a _feeling _of quality. And the gold lettering on both of them lends it that perfect air of richness. And what does this lettering say? Why, across the cover of the notebook and along the length of the pen, gold letters stamp out: Cold-Blooded Murder Babysitter/Handler. I can't help it. I start laughing. It's just too awesome.

"What? What?" Loki and Emmie are immediately scrambling from the couch to my place on the floor, scrabbling for the pen and notebook clutched in my hands. It doesn't take too much effort for them to seize them from my hands and inspect them closely. But then Emmie and Loki catch what it is that has me laughing so hard. They look at each other mutinously, toss the gifts back into my lap, and sulk back to the couch, waiting for my giggling fit to pass.

Finally, I get ahold of myself and smile sweetly. "That is amazing. I'm going to keep this and use it forever and ever. Thank you, Queen Martha Pond." With that, I dive back into the bag, in search of the next presents.

The next gift that I pull out is soft and squishy, like Emmie's shirt had been. And yet the most remarkable part of this wrapped present is the paper that encases it. I look at it and smirk before handing it to Loki.

"This one's from XAhMunnaEatChooX," I say with a little smile.

Loki stares at the present in his lap with something akin to horror. "…of course it's from AhMunnaEatChoo," he says faintly.

Emmie scoots closer and peers at the gift curiously, wondering what's got Loki so horrified. Her face quickly morphs into a perturbed expression. "Uuuhhh… eww."

They're both transfixed by the wrapping paper. It is patterned with Pikachu from Pokémon, sporting the awesome smiley face. Which translates to a frighteningly wide smile and eyes. Both the Cold-Blooded Murderers are deeply unsettled by the look of ecstasy on the cartoon's face.

"Rip it, Loki," Emmie whispers. "Please, tear it apart."

Obediently, Loki shreds the wrapping paper, splitting the many faces of the euphoric Pokémon and revealing the gift inside. His look of utter disgust and terror does not subside, however, as he catches sight of the Christmas gift from AhMunnaEatChoo.

"So… What'd she get you?" I ask in a saccharine voice, though I already know.

Loki pinches a piece of cloth between his fingers and lifts it up, as if it might somehow infect him with a disease. "Ah… uuuggghhh," he shudders.

With an exasperated sigh, I step forward and hold up the two articles of clothing that have been carefully folded. There is a shirt and a pair of pants, soft and stretchy. I grin lazily. "Behold, everybody. This is a shirt and pair of pants. They are maternity clothes. And they are horse patterned."

Loki groans and simply drops to the floor, as if in great pain. At first I think somehow Emmie electrocuted him with the evil friendship bracelets again, but then I remember those are still in my pocket. No, Loki is just in a lot of agony at the gift of horse-patterned maternity clothes.

Emmie cackles and reaches across the couch to where there's a little card amidst the Pikachu wrapping paper. "She says… 'Just in case you decide to do it again, this will be useful, Loki.' And a winky face." Emmie shakes her head and flicks the notecard towards the indisposed god of mischief. "That is brilliant."

"Shut up," Loki moans. "What is with the horse?!"

I click my tongue. "We've told you before, Loki. People keep bringing it up because you keep reacting."

"And it's funny as hell," Emmie inputs knowingly.

With what seems like great pain, Loki drags himself back up onto the couch and sits as straight as he can (still slouching slightly). "Just… get the next present…"

"Thank AhMunnaEatChoo first," I tease.

Loki growls quietly before mumbling, "Thanks, AhMunnaEatChoo, for that lovely fire kindling you have given me."

"Hey!" I snap. "You are not burning her present!"

Loki smiles viciously. "I was just kidding. I wouldn't do that. I'm just going to cut it up and use the fragments as dishrags."

"Loki!"

"What, do you expect me to just leave them hanging in my closet in the back, never to be used?" Loki demands.

"I mean, I'm sure if you got knocked up again, you could use them," Emmie's eyes twinkle playfully. Loki glares at her murderously. "Or if not," Emmie changes tack quickly. "Then you could give them to me, and I shall—"

"Get knocked up and wear maternity clothes?" Loki's eyebrows shoot up in alarm.

Emmie flushes. "No! I was _going _to say that I could cut them up and use them as chloroform rags!"

Loki visibly relaxes. "…Right…"

I am banging my head on the wall.

"…I think we need more presents over here," Loki calls.

Nodding, I drag the bag over to me and extract yet another present. This one is also covered in Pikachu wrapping paper. "For Emmie, from XAhMunnaEatChooX," I announce, tossing the box to Emmie.

Emmie catches it, but cringes at the fact that she's touching the awesome smiley face. Quickly, she drops it onto the couch and unsheathes one of her bedazzled daggers, using it instead of her hands to tear the paper. From within, she pulls out a plastic see-through box. Her eyebrows rise. "Hey!" she squeaks.

"What?" Loki scoots over to her, peering at the box. He raises an eyebrow in slight confusion. "Ah…"

The box contains several syringes, as well as plastic-wrapped needle attachments. Alongside the needles and syringes is a single vial containing some mercurial substance. The vial has a skull on it.

"It's substance Skull!" Emmie punches a fist into the air. "Hypodermic needles and Substance Skull! Ohmigod that's great! I've missed having hypodermic needles!"

Loki glances at me with a quirked eyebrow.

"You weren't there for that chapter," I elaborate. "Emmie caused havoc on the Helicarrier by escaping from her cell and stealing some hypodermic needles and some unknown poisonous substance with a skull on its label, which she dubbed Substance Skull. And now AhMunnaEatChoo has given her some more of it. So. Yeah."

Loki looks glumly at the plastic box in Emmie's hands. She's already trying to open it, tugging fruitlessly on the lid of the box. "Can you open it?" Loki asks in amusement.

Emmie grumbles and continues trying to figure out how to free her new toys.

"Next present for you," I roll my eyes and grab the next little box from my Santa bag. "To Loki, from AhMunnaEatChoo."

"Another one?" Loki grimaces distastefully when I toss him a small palm-sized box covered in Pikachu wrapping paper.

"Just open it," I nod at him.

With a sigh, Loki yanks off the wrapping paper and then tugs open the box inside. And then he pauses. The box holds a small oval golden locket, shut tight. "A locket?" he asks quietly.

"Open it," I repeat encouragingly.

Trepidatiously, he tugs the locket out of the box so the chain dangles down, winking gold in the light of the Christmas tree. And dilatorily, Loki opens the locket with a click. He blinks blankly at the inside of the locket, glancing silently between two pictures. He says nothing.

"Well?" I ask hopefully.

He holds the locket out to me, and I take it, already knowing what it is. On the right side of the locket's inside, there is a small dainty portrait of Frigga, queen of Asgard. She looks serenely happy, and holds a bouquet of flowers as she smiles out of her picture. On the left side of the locket is a portrait of two young grinning boys: Thor and Loki, looking to be perhaps ten to twelve years old, standing side by side. They each have an arm wrapped around the other's shoulder in some kind of friendly but manly embrace. Wordlessly, I hand it back to the god of mischief, now far more grown than he was so long ago in that picture, when he and Thor were young and not mortal enemies. "So?" I ask. "What do you think?"

Loki shrugs indifferently, but doesn't say anything. I could swear I see him swallow a couple times, as if trying to dispel a lump that's formed in his throat. It also doesn't escape my notice that he gently slips the locket into his pants pocket for safekeeping. It strikes me that maybe he isn't speaking because he's worried his voice will crack.

We both glance to Emmie, and we realize she hasn't been watching the last present-opening at all. She has taken to gnawing ferociously at the corner of the box of hypodermic needles as her nails scrabble frantically at the other corner. There are definite bite-marks on each of the corners, and a positively wild glint in Emmie's eyes. Apparently the box with the hypodermic needles is childproofed/adultproofed/teenagerproofed/nuclear-bombproof.

"You can open that later," I sigh and cross my arms, looking at her impatiently as a drip of saliva slides down the box. Loki looks disgusted. "You've got another present," I add, and Emmie perks up, wiping her mouth clean of the spit.

"Oh, really?" Emmie asks. "From AhMunnaEatChoo?"

I nod and grab the next box from the bag.

"…Loki didn't get another present from her?" Emmie asks.

"Yes, I did," Loki snaps. "You were just too busy masticating your plastic box to notice that I opened another present."

Emmie looks stunned. "…Oh. What was it?"

"Nothing," Loki snaps, and he looks resolutely ahead, not saying anything at all.

I clear my throat and hand over the next Pikachu-themed present.

Emmie takes it and opens it swiftly, and a small pile of books pours out. "Meep! Jane Austen!" She seizes _Sense and Sensibility _and _Emma _from the pile and clutches them to her chest. "My other copies are getting so freaking worn out, I swear the spines are gonna fall off!" She reverently picks up _Pride and Prejudice _and carefully opens up the cover. There's the telltale quiet _crack _of a new hardcover book being opened for the first time, and a look of pure bliss comes over Emmie's face. "Ah…" She flips to the first chapter and smells the pages. "Don't you just love that new book smell?" she gushes dreamily.

Loki and I can't even judge. We love that new book smell, too. But we aren't going to admit that we do the exact same thing when we get a new book. So instead I just retrieve the next present and hold it up, looking pointedly at Emmie. "You done? Ready for your next present?"

Emmie closes the book and sets all of the Jane Austen books carefully in a stack. "Yeah, yeah," she huffs and looks expectantly at the next present. It is also wrapped in the awesome smiley wrapping paper.

"This is from AhMunnaEatChoo, and it is for both of you," I explain as I set the large box in between them on the couch. Instantly, they're tearing it apart like velociraptors on a live cow (in my mind I can hear the Jurassic Park theme song playing).

Emmie lets out a cry of joy, and Loki gasps in something like maybe fear. They have found that their shared gift is a crate full of cooking supplies. On the top is a cookbook, proudly pronouncing in frilly pink letters, "Holiday Cheer! Cupcakes and Gingerbread Cookies of All Shapes and Sizes". And within the crate are cupcake tins, rolling pins, cookie cutters, sugar, flour, ginger, and an assortment of other supplies.

"I'm going to make cupcakes for everyone!" Emmie cries determinedly.

"Not without my supervision, you're not," I warn. "And no, you may not knock me out with a baking sheet and watch your gingerbread men burn."

Emmie's face falls, and she pouts sadly.

Loki just gulps and glances warily at the gnawed-on box with the Substance Skull in it. "…I am hiding that before you cook anything," he mutters.

Emmie smiles crookedly and asks, "You think I need Substance Skull to poison food? I've got _soooo _many other ways to do it…"

Loki pulls a face and frowns at her. "Meh."

"Meh," Emmie returns, making a face back at him.

I shake my head and go back to the bag of presents. "Alright… next is for… Emmie! From Fairyfinder." I hand her the next box (no more Pikachu paper).

Emmie dutifully tears the package open and raises an eyebrow skeptically at the contents. "A… knitting starter kit?" She looks bemused. "Why a knitting starter kit?"

I polish my fingernails on the front of my shirt and suggest," How about you look at the contents and see if there's anything you might like?"

Emmie still looks uncertain, but she reads out the list. "Includes hardcover instruction book to teach you basic stitches and patterns…" she still looks unimpressed. "Three colored yarn balls…" I can see something evil in her eyes at the mention of yarn balls. "…Two pairs of knitting needles…" there's definitely some kind of vicious idea in her mind. "Scissors…" Mischief is practically dancing in her eyes and on her lips now. " A cable needle, point protectors, a knit check, and a stitch holder."

"What's with the look?" Loki asks worriedly.

Emmie shrugs nonchalantly. "Nothing. I just like the look of some of these supplies." She pauses and picks the card off the side of the box, where it had been inconspicuously taped. "From Fairyfinder: the reason for this present is that knitters are some of the best armed people in the world. Scissors are basically knives, the needles are ridiculously good for impaling people (not that I know from experience or anything, I just happed to have jabbed myself a couple of times whilst knitting and it smarts), and the yarn makes a rather unassuming strangulation device (at least the good quality stuff does). So, Merry Christmas! Emmie, enjoy killing and making sweaters!" Emmie starts laughing silently to herself.

Loki sighs in irritation. "Well, she appears to like it. So how many weapons has Emmie gotten today? A pair of bedazzled security-proof knives from TLGRIMN, snappy hair ties from Fangirl7777, an engraved dagger from Queen Martha Pond, hypodermic needles from XAhMunnaEatChooX, and now scissors and needles and yarn from Fairyfinder… what's next; an atomic bomb?"

Emmie stops laughing and looks around wildly at this sentence. "What? I get an atomic bomb?"

Loki pinches the bridge of his nose and just shakes his head.

"Ahem," I clear my throat, holding up the next present. "For Loki, from Fairyfinder. Careful with this one; it's delicate. This side up."

The god of mischief gingerly takes the box from me and looks at it questioningly. "…Does this mean I can't shake it to try to figure out what's in—"

"No," I say sharply. "Open it. And be gentle with it."

Loki nods slowly and then strips away the wrapping paper to reveal… A cardboard box! Exactly what everyone wants for Christmas! Loki reaches a hand out to Emmie, who wordlessly hands over one of her new daggers to Loki, who unsheathes it and uses the sharp point to saw away the tape around the lid of the box. He hands the dagger back to her, and then he opens the box and pulls out a couple of sheets of bubble wrap (which I promptly take and start popping). Then he takes hold of the gift inside the box and pulls it out.

Emmie balks at the sight and starts to scramble away. Loki looks elated. I'm still popping bubble wrap and looking at them wryly. The gift from Fairyfinder is a Loki bank. Like a piggy bank, only wearing green and gold armor and a gold horned helmet and it is a porcelain sculpture of Loki from waist-up, head rested disinterestedly on his fist.

"Dude!" Emmie squeals. "That's _creepy!" _

Loki's staring at it in wonder. "Well… it doesn't look _that _much like me…" he peers into the Loki bank's blue eyes. "…But I think it's _cool!" _he grins.

"Egotistical maniac," I roll my eyes. "Only you would want a bank modeled after yourself."

"But look at him," Loki coos, holding up the Loki bank for me to see. "Isn't he cuuuuuute?" he asks in a baby voice, using one hand to stroke the head of the Loki bank like it's a puppy.

Emmie visibly shudders. "That's so creepy. What are you going to do with it? Smash it into a million pieces? Stick it in the garbage disposal? Throw it in the fire and watch it explode? Stab it with my daggers? Throw it out the window of the penthouse of Stark Tower? Throw it off the Rainbow Bridge? Re-gift it?"

Loki protectively holds the Loki bank to his chest. "No! I'm going to keep him and use him!"

Emmie scoffs. "Because you _always _have loose change to be tossing into a piggy bank, right?"

Loki looks deeply offended. "He's not a _piggy bank, _he's a _Loki _bank!"

Emmie groans. "You still are never going to use him, you jackass!"

I step forward, still absentmindedly popping bubble wrap. "I've got an idea! How about we use the Loki bank as a Swear Jar?"

They both fall silent and still and just stare at me blankly.

"…What the hell are you talking about?" Loki asks.

"Thank you for setting an example, Loki," I beam. "Now that you have said a swear word, you will deposit a coin into the Loki bank."

Loki looks bewildered. The Loki bank is still looking cool as a cucumber. "…What?" Loki asks, still totally lost.

"It's supposed to discourage you from swearing all the time," I explain. "I think that's a good idea. Yeah, we're going to use the Loki bank as a swear jar from now on." I take the Loki bank from real Loki's hands, and he looks like a child who just got their new toy taken out of reach.

"Were there any more presents?" Emmie asks, looking at the Santa bag on the floor. It is now deflated and looks rather empty.

I carefully place the Loki bank on a shelf across the room, and then I turn back to them with a pleased look. "Well, actually…" I stride over to them and smile, picking up the bag off the floor. "Fairyfinder had one more present for you guys."

"Oh?" Loki asks, his eyes fixed on the bag.

I upturn the bag and shake it out. Nothing comes out. "But it isn't in here. If you'll kindly look upwards, you shall find Fairyfinder's last present to you."

Emmie and Loki both freeze at this order, and I can already see the horror in their eyes before they even look up. They already know what it is. They cringe ruefully and look directly above them.

Mistletoe. Mistletoe is hanging in a festive bunch above their couch.

"And you know what that means," I grin and rub my hands together.

"That I'm going to commit murder?" Emmie suggests.

"No. That you two are going to kiss," I smirk and cross my arms. "Hop to it, lovebirds."

Emmie and Loki look at each other with a slight frown, as if not really understanding.

"Uhm…." Loki mumbles. "We're not really… um… in the… um… mood…."

Emmie scratches the back of her head. "…When we, um, kiss, it's usually more of an… um… angry kind of passion thing… Never just… you know… like… um… kissing… out of the blue…"

I say nothing, looking at them expectantly.

They look at each other with a grimace. "But…"

"Loki," I instruct. "Take one of Emmie's daggers from her."

They look at me, startled. "What?"

"Do it," I insist. "If you can wrestle the dagger away from Emmie, you won't have to kiss her. Emmie, if you can keep the dagger away from Loki, you won't have to kiss him. Make this good."

Loki looks at Emmie. She immediately grabs all three of her new stabbing devices and grips them tightly. Loki just smirks and lunges towards her, his hands grabbing at her left hand, which holds two daggers.

"Damn it, Loki!" Emmie yells as they topple off the couch and onto the carpet of various wrapping paper, creating a loud rustling as they continue their tussle there. I refrain from saying that Emmie will need to put a coin in the swear jar for swearing.

Now Loki's got Emmie pinned to the ground, with a hand pressing down on her shoulder while his other hand seizes at her fist, which she has raised high over her head in the hopes of keeping it out of Loki's grasp. "You little witch!" he snarls. "Give it!"

"No!" Emmie hisses, managing to shake his hand off her shoulder for just a moment, and she unsheathes the knife in her right hand.

Loki barely catches her hand to stop her from stabbing him in the shoulder, and now he tries to wrestle the unsheathed blade out of her hand.

I have tentatively taken cover behind the couch, but am still watching their battle with interest, peering over the top of the couch.

Emmie rolls, and for a moment she's on top of Loki, but then he manages to keep rolling, and Emmie's on the bottom again. Her two sheathed daggers have fallen from her grasp and are lying on the floor while Cold-Blooded Murder grapples over the single unsheathed dagger in between them.

I hold my breath and watch as Emmie tries to use her free hand to pry Loki's fingers from around the handle of the dagger. Both their palms are slippery with sweat from the exertions, and for a moment, it looks like one of them is about to lose their grip on it. But no—both of them let the dagger go, and it drops to the floor. Emmie and Loki stare at the blade only a foot away, and then they're both scrambling after it. Loki's hand accidently smacks the dagger, and it goes skittering across the floor. Loki starts to launch himself after it, but Emmie grabs ahold of the collar of his shirt, and he grunts and falls back to the floor, on his back. Emmie begins crawling over him to get to the dagger, but Loki wraps an arm around her waist and holds her where she is, refusing to allow her to get to the knife again.

And there they lay for just a moment, glaring at each other. Loki is on the floor on his back, and Emmie is half lying on top of him, his arm around her waist. They seem to suddenly snap out of their rage, suddenly forgetting about the dagger that still lies halfway across the room. Instead, their eyes are fixed on each other, as if only now realizing their positions to each other.

Their expressions soften for half a second, and then they plaster on their irked, accusatory looks.

"…You're the one who knocked the dagger away," Emmie mutters.

"You're the one who insisted on not giving me the dagger," Loki mutters back.

"Shut up," Emmie murmurs.

"You shut up," Loki murmurs in reply.

And it's unclear who moves first, but the next instant, they're sharing a kiss. Not exactly an angry passion kiss, either. Something more like annoyed, reluctant affection. Not overly hard, not exactly soft, but I'm pretty sure they're enjoying it.

I knew telling Loki to take Emmie's dagger would lead to a kiss. Ha. I straighten up from behind the couch and grab the empty Santa bag from the middle of the floor, shoving all the torn wrapping paper into it before heading towards the door. Before I go, I reach into my skirt pocket and toss the evil friendship bracelets towards Emmie and Loki, still on the floor. "There. Thank you for cooperating. You can have your shock bracelets back."

Immediately, the two break apart and leap for the bracelets on the floor. Emmie manages to get hers on and her finger on the button just as Loki gets his bracelet on. Loki starts spasming while Emmie lets out an evil laugh.

I roll my eyes and walk out of the room.

00000

Three days later, Emmie and Loki are in the Stark Tower kitchen.

Emmie is sitting on a kitchen stool wearing a tanktop and holding a hardcover copy of _Pride and Prejudice _in her lap while she reads. Loki is wearing a striped green-and-gold scarf that Emmie had knitted for him (she's actually getting pretty good at it) as he stands behind Emmie with a temporary tattoo marker in one hand and a gingerbread cookie in the other. He's carefully drawing something on Emmie's right shoulder (the left one is where she already has her scar) as he and Emmie idly chat. From the living room, the sounds of _The Pirate Fairy _playing on the television can be heard. On the counter is a severely scratched, battered, and marred plastic box of hypodermic needles and Substance Skull that still has not managed to be opened. One of Emmie's daggers is sticking out from the side of it, where it had nearly sawed through the entire side of the box. Loki's new staff is leaning against the counter. On the stove is a teapot, where some British tea is steeping, and inside the oven is a batch of cupcakes. Loki's iPod is in his pocket, quietly playing _Post Apocalypse Christmas _by Gruff Rhys.

"If you'd stop moving, I could get this done a bit quicker," Loki quips. "You keep fidgeting. Very hard to draw a skull with a dagger sticking out when you're twitching," Loki scolds.

Emmie hums indifferently. "I'm reading, dude. Quit interrupting me or I'll shock you with the bracelets."

"Then I'll just mess up the tattoo," Loki points out.

"Whatever, just stop talking. I'm at a good part."

Loki looks down at her with a smile. "I've nearly finished with the book. I really like it so far."

Emmie glances up happily. "Oh, yeah? How far have you gotten?"

"I've gotten to when Lydia and Wickham come back to Longbourn after they're married," Loki explains, adding another zigzagging crack to the fractured skull he's drawing on Emmie's shoulder.

"Oh, it's _great, _isn't it?" Emmie gushes. "What's your favorite part?"

Loki smiles. "Oh, probably the part at Pemberley."

Emmie smiles. "I love the connection that Lizzy and Darcy have there."

"I thought you would have liked the violence more," Loki comments offhandedly.

Emmie blinks. "…What?"

"You know, like personally, I liked it when Darcy came in, guns blazing, and saved them from the zombies in the garden."

Emmie furrows her brow and looks at him uncomprehendingly. "Um…"

"And what about the Christmas scene? I thought that would have been up your alley," Loki adds. "When all the girls get weapons of their preference, and Lizzy has to take down the family of zombies singlehandedly while her sisters are too distraught to help her, and Lizzy just causes endless carnage…"

Emmie looks lost. "Loki—"

"But I do have to say that I also really like how Wickham was crippled by Darcy in London," the god of mischief says with relish. "And saying it was a carriage accident! Ah, it was genius."

"Loki, hang on," Emmie finally manages to stop him by jumping off of her stool and grabbing her "I'm With Stupid" shirt from the floor and pulling it over her head. "I don't know _what _you're talking about. Darcy doesn't save Lizzy and her aunt and uncle from zombies at Pemberley. There is no Christmas scene where Lizzy slaughters zombies while her sisters watch. And Wickham isn't crippled by Darcy in London."

Loki blinks in confusion. "…What?"

Emmie's eyes harden. "There is something wrong here. Go grab your copy of _Pride and Prejudice _and bring it here."

Bemused, Loki walks out of the room to retrieve his book.

Emmie grabs the plastic box containing the hypodermic needles and resumes her attempt to saw through the plastic with the dagger. Her eyes widen and she grins excitedly as she hears a quiet _crack, _and the side of the box falls off. "Yes!" she exclaims, and dumps her new playthings onto the counter. She grins viciously at the layout of needles, syringes, and the bottle of Substance Skull. Loki and Loqi with a Q had only allowed her to make cupcakes and gingerbread cookies so far because the Substance Skull was safely in the plastic box. Now maybe she could put it to use. Carefully, she unscrews the lid of the vial and gently wafts the fumes towards herself (just like they teach you to do in science class). She frowns, puzzled. It smells… sweet.

Loki walks hurriedly back into the room, fiddling with a gold chain on his neck (the end of the chain is hidden under his shirt, but he'd rather not let anyone know he's wearing the locket with the portraits of him, Frigga, and Thor in it). "I found out what the problem is," he says irately.

"Oh, yeah?" Emmie asks, still glaring at the bottle of Substance Skull. This obviously wasn't the same stuff she had used on the Helicarrier. That stuff had smelled very chemically and bitter. That stuff could have really clear your sinuses if you smelled it. This just smells like fruit juice. She doesn't understand why it would smell like that.

Loki holds up his book. Finally, he has taken off the last bit of wrapping paper that had been taped to the cover. The shred of paper hangs loosely in his hand.

Emmie glances up from her vial and stares in shock at the offensive book Loki is holding up. _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. _Not by Jane Austen, but by Seth Grahame-Smith.

Wordlessly, I walk into the room with my "Cold-Blooded Murder Babysitter/Handler" pen tucked behind my ear. I hold out a note towards Loki. "This is from Nihlo," I say sweetly before walking out.

Loki looks down at the note. It has a single word on it. "Loki'd!"

Emmie shakes her head sadly and points to where she had left her copy of _Pride and Prejudice _on the stool. "You can borrow mine and read the _real _version of the book."

Loki looks at the real _Pride and Prejudice, _and then looks down at his _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. _"But… I kind of liked the zombie version," he mumbles. "The book wouldn't be as fun without them…"

Emmie rolls her eyes and returns to the quandary of her Substance Skull. Maybe she should just test it. Loki deserves some poison in his system right now, anyway. She expeditiously unwraps the needles and syringes, sticking a needle onto the end of a syringe and plunging it into the sweet-scented Substance Skull. She narrows her eyes when nothing happens. Suspiciously, she looks at the needle. The tip is rubber. "What the hell?!" she yells.

Once again, I walk into the room, this time holding the Loki bank. "Ahem. I do believe you owe a coin to the Swear Jar," I say sweetly to Emmie.

She glares at me. "The hypodermic needles AhMunnaEatChoo got me are fakes. They don't work."

"And the Substance Skull is actually just Kool-Aid," I add helpfully.

Emmie looks horrified. "No! Damn it!"

"You owe two coins to the Swear Jar," I say in a singsong voice.

"Augh!" Emmie cries, starting to dig through her pockets. "I don't have any more change!"

"I know," I smirk. "The Loki bank is getting pretty heavy with all your contributions."

Loki looks up from where he sips tea from an Avengers mug when he hears his name mentioned before realizing I was only talking about the Loki bank, and not the real Loki. He also still has _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies _tucked under his arm, a bookmark still sticking out of it. Apparently he's going to keep reading the parody rather than the real thing.

"By the way," I say conversationally. "What ever happened to the maternity clothes you got?"

Loki grins broadly. "Those damned things—"

"Swear Jar," I immediately say.

Loki rolls his eyes and starts digging in his pockets. Emmie is crawling around on the floor, trying to find coins to sacrifice to the Loki Swear Jar. "Anyways," Loki grumbles. "The maternity clothes are flying from a flagpole in Asgard."

"Oh, lovely," I drawl. "So did you guys all enjoy your Christmas presents and everything?"

"Oh, definitely," Loki smiles.

Emmie looks up from her place on the floor, where she's sweeping her hand under various places, still searching for loose change. "I certainly did actually enjoy Christmas. And thanks to the readers for sending gifts."

"Well, thanks for the _good _gifts, anyways," Loki rolls his eyes.

"All of them were good gifts," I scold him.

Loki scoffs, and Emmie stifles a giggle, but they don't retort. Loki smiles as a new song starts up from his iPod, which is on Shuffle, and _Happy Holidays, You Bastard _starts playing.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Holy crap! (Swear Jar) That was a long chapter lol. But a lot of your presents gave me good ideas of little tangents to go off on, and I ended up having a lot of fun writing this. I send thanks to all of the people who sent in presents, because I had fun with them all. It is because of the fact that I had so much fun with it that this chapter is so long. I really hope you all enjoyed the chapter. **

**BTW, I mentioned a couple of songs in this chapter. **_**Christmassacre **_**is a song by From First to Last, and I just love the title, which is why I borrowed it for this chapter. I'm personally not a huge fan of the song itself, like I mentioned, but I thought it worth noting that the title is not mine. I also mentioned **_**I Won't be Home for Christmas **_**by Blink 182 (which I absolutely loved the idea of making my entrance to that song). I really do enjoy that song, as it's a very fun anti-Christmas song, and I can picture Emmie and Loki adoring it. I do recommend the song if you like a little anti-Christmas cheer. Then there's **_**Happy Holidays, You Bastard, **_**also by Blink 182. Uh, this song is very full of swearing, just warning you, and so it's not really for the faint of heart, but it's kind of a funny song, I guess… lol a friend showed it to me sometime over summer, actually, and it made me both amused and disturbed. I believe I also mentioned **_**Christmas **_**by Blues Traveler. This song is just basically a Christmas tradition in my house, because we will listen to it all the time around the Christmas season. Pretty good song if you're into the genre, and I think you might want to at least give it a little listen. And then **_**Post Apocalypse Christmas. **_**Just kind of a funny song that I really liked to have as the background music for the last scene of this chapter. More of a relaxed and chill song than **_**I Won't Be Home for Christmas. **_**Just had fun with all the songs I referenced in here, and thought I should share some of my "Christmas Music" with you, even though most of it is more anti-Christmas. ;) Anyways. **

**Something kind of funny and shameful: I didn't even have to go and do research on **_**Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. **_**I actually own the book, and so all the scenes I referenced in this chapter were all from memory… lol I know, I'm so lame and nerdy and weird lol. Pathetic stuff. It is a funny book, though :D **

**Thank you again for reading, and I hope you all like the oneshot. I enjoyed the presents, and so did Emmie and Loki. **

**One last thing: did anyone else notice that this is the first time Emoki has had a kiss in the entire Scarred for Life collection? **

**Please favorite, follow, and review. Happy Holidays! Love you all! **


	21. Chapter 21

***This is a oneshot that was originally requested by Phantasmagorical Me, for a oneshot in which Emmie runs into a boy, goes out to coffee with him, and is horrified at how boring normal relationships are compared to her own relationship. I kind of made it a tad more serious and reflective, so I hope that's okay. It hadn't been originally requested as a Valentine's Day oneshot, but I felt like making it just that. **

**This one is taking place, actually, in the exact same universe that TMTA took place in—you could practically say that this oneshot is cannon in the TMTA universe ;) **

Valentines are Overrated

Emmie panted slightly as she walked down the street carrying the suitcase. She glanced down at her case and smiled to herself. She could just imagine the faint _clink_ing of the little glass vials inside. Emmie had managed to get her hands on some highly toxic chemicals, and was just carrying them home to her apartment. She wasn't sure what she was going to do with them just yet, but surely she would think of something.

But right now what mattered was getting them home. She didn't want them out in the cold too long—she wasn't even sure exactly what these chemicals were, and she wanted to keep them out of the cold, heat, or direct light until she properly figured it out. Accidentally releasing the toxins or damaging the vials or tampering with the effects of the poisons might be disastrous. And right now, it was pretty cold outside… she hadn't checked the calendar recently, but she thought it was sometime in February.

She glanced over her shoulder again to make sure nobody was following her before she rounded the corner—and then she bumped into someone.

Emmie toppled backwards, unable to find her balance again as she crashed to the ground and lost her hold on the suitcase. She landed with a gasp and scrambled up, not even bothering to check if her fall had caused her to tear her jeans or her sweater, too busy searching for the suitcase.

"Hey, sorry, sorry," someone said.

Emmie looked up to see the person she had bumped into. He was a young man of maybe eighteen or nineteen, and was several inches taller than her—kind of lean but probably not an athlete, so just maybe she could take him down if she had to. But most importantly, he was reaching for the handle of the suitcase that lay on the ground by his feet.

_"Don't touch that! Are you insane?!" _Emmie shrieked. _"You'll break the bottles-!" _She froze midsentence, realizing she was going to draw way too much attention to herself.

The man had stopped dead, though, his eyes widened slightly in surprise. His fingers were barely touching the handle of the suitcase, and he didn't make another move to pick it up. "Um… okay… uh, sorry, again…" He removed his hand from the handle and backed away a step.

Tentatively, Emmie shuffled forward and gingerly picked up the suitcase. She bit her lip nervously as she lifted it to her ear and very gently shook it. She didn't hear the tinkle of shattered glass… that was good. She turned to the one who had knocked her over and potentially put their lives in danger. "You utter moron," Emmie hissed. "You're lucky they didn't break." She started to take a step towards him, dozens of ways she could punish him flashing through her mind… twist his head to the side and break his neck, take his wrist in her grasp and wrench it to the side until it broke… yank his arm out of its socket… strangle him with his own sweater sleeves… bash his head into the sidewalk… She stopped, realizing she was in real danger of losing it. She had to hold it together if she didn't want to get on anyone's radar- it had been risky enough to steal these vials of Substance Skull, and she didn't want to run the risk any higher of getting discovered by SHIELD. Emmie swallowed and glanced down, taking deep breaths. She couldn't lose it.

"I really am sorry," the man repeated. "I didn't mean to bump into you, just rounding the corner and all, I didn't see you. Are you alright?"

Emmie met his eyes and frowned slightly. "Er… I'm okay," she said awkwardly, already starting to back away.

The man stepped forward slightly for every shuffle backward she took. He smiled slightly. "Well… it looks like you might have scraped your elbow there, Miss…"

Emmie ignored the hint for her to give him her name, instead just looking down and twisting her arm around to look at her elbow. Yeah… she had torn the elbow of her sweater when she fell, and her skin was slightly chafed. "Yup. So it is," she acknowledged curtly.

"That's a shame. I hate it when a pretty girl gets hurt. At least it looks like you're tough, though; you're not crying about it. It's even worse when a pretty girl cries," the man said with a little too much casualness in his voice.

Emmie blinked in surprise, the compliment not even registering in her mind for a moment before she realized what he had said. Had he just called her pretty but tough, and complimented her on it? She stared at him for a second, bewildered, her mouth hanging the tiniest bit open.

He looked slightly amused at her speechlessness. "…Aww, come on. That can't be the first time someone said you're pretty."

Emmie continued staring in confusion. "Uh… I mean…" Well, no, it wasn't the first time someone had called her pretty, but it was the first time someone _her age _had said it, and meant it as, like… a pickup line… Emmie took two seconds to appraise this boy again. Before, she had only looked at him in the sense of how he sized up to her as an opponent if she had to fight him. Now she noticed how he had shaggy, soft-looking dark brown hair, a little bit of scruffle on his chin, and intelligent, friendly blue eyes over a charming smile. He was… kind of cute, she thought, though it had been quite a while since she had last even tried considering whether or not a guy was cute. "…I hadn't really thought about it if anyone else said I was pretty," Emmie said uneasily, feeling uncertain of how to respond.

He put his hands in his pockets, tilting his head slightly. "That's too bad. You should get to hear things like that."

Emmie said nothing. Um… flirting? When she wasn't trying to manipulate someone into giving her something or winning their trust? Not her strong suit.

"I'm DeWhitt," he offered, giving her a kind of curious look, as if getting the feeling that she was seriously feeling way out of her depth. "Can I ask what your name is…?"

Emmie's brow furrowed and she considered lying, blowing him off, or telling the truth. She took another second to search his gaze, wondering what she was supposed to do. "…I'm…" What the hell? Where was the harm? "Emmie." She wouldn't tell him her last name, at least.

"Emmie, huh? That's pretty cute. It fits you," DeWhitt commented.

Emmie narrowed her eyes and was tempted to draw her lips back in a snarl at his observation. "It's short… for Maria," she said through gritted teeth. "And don't call me cute."

DeWhitt held his hands up slightly, realizing he had hit a sore spot. "…Got it." There was a moment of silence, as if DeWhitt was trying to get his bearings and calculate how he was supposed to approach this weird girl. "…Anyways, Emmie, since I knocked you over and made you tear your sweater, the least I can do is take you out to coffee. What do you say?"

"Coffee," Emmie repeated blandly. She couldn't believe this. She was getting asked out on a date. She, of all people, was getting asked on a date. She very badly wanted to burst into laughter and tell DeWhitt exactly who and what he was dealing with, and demonstrate to him exactly what she was capable of, and just how big of a mistake he was making by flirting with her. But on the other hand, she was almost giddily curious to see just how far she could take this and fake being a regular girl. A slight smirk spread over her lips. "Why not?"

DeWhitt looked a little relieved. "Great. I know this great little place. Follow me."

Emmie glanced down at her suitcase. Well… if she was going to be in a coffee shop, at least it would be at room temperature, and examining the vials could wait until later. She started walking after DeWhitt, feeling herself grin in amusement when he slowed so he could walk beside her. How bizarre, to have someone who was so painfully oblivious to the possibility of being killed by her, wanting to get close to her, and without the slightest trace of mistrust or fear. Funny to think that people in normal relationships never had to think about things like that… They continued in silence for a few moments, Emmie wondering how one was supposed to small talk. "So…"

"So," DeWhitt echoed.

"Uh, coffee, huh?" Emmie said lamely, cringing inwardly. Ugh. Trying to be normal for real kind of sucked.

"Yeah, I love coffee. Totes can't live without it. My ex-girlfriend used to tease me and call me a coffee junkie," DeWhitt smiled faintly. "You drink coffee much?"

Emmie scratched her chin awkwardly. "No, not really," she admitted. She couldn't recall _ever _drinking coffee, actually… as if the SHIELD facility would let _her _have caffeine? Ha! The very idea was laughable. A sociopathic teenager on a caffeine buzz bouncing off the padded walls capable of making weapons out of a flip-flop? Maybe it was just _her _that sucked at being normal…

"Well, here we are," DeWhitt announced, stopping in front of a cozy-looking little coffee shop. "Glad I got you this far. I was afraid I'd have to spend all of Valentine's Day alone." With a little laugh, he pulled open the door and held it open for Emmie. "Ladies first."

Emmie was taken aback, though. "It's Valentine's Day? I didn't even know…"

DeWhitt raised his eyebrows. "What kind of girl forgets Valentine's Day?" He winced at the sharp look Emmie gave him at that comment. "Never mind."

Shivering slightly, Emmie stepped into the shop and looked around, shuddering noticeably. The place was decorated with pink and white streamers, and paper hearts plastered the walls. Evidently it had been primped up for Valentine's Day. How had she missed it, this stupid holiday? She needed to pay more attention…

"So what'll you be drinking?" DeWhitt asked quietly, leaning close to her so he didn't talk too loudly in the hushed place (mostly it was young couples murmuring over their coffee to each other, lending the place a kind of muted atmosphere).

Emmie peeked at the menu. It was filled with lots of unfamiliar words like "latte," "espresso," "macchiato," and "Frappuccino." She had heard those words before, but had no idea what kinds of drinks they applied to. "Um… I'll have whatever you're having," Emmie muttered, feeling hot under her collar, her fingers itching with frustration at her being overwhelmed.

DeWhitt just nodded and said something to the barista too fast and complicated for Emmie to catch—something about raspberries and caramel and make it two and two shots of something, both with whipped cream. When he finished ordering he turned back to Emmie with a kind of sheepish look. "I know it's kind of a girly drink, but it tastes really good, so I don't care if people make fun of me for it."

Emmie nodded, pretending to understand. Finally, something that felt a little familiar… pretending to be sympathetic and understanding even if you weren't.

The drinks came, and DeWhitt paid for them (Emmie was relieved that he had paid for the drinks; she hadn't even brought any money with her…), and then he led her over to a little table for two in the corner of the shop. Emmie took great care to place the suitcase between her chair and the wall to minimize the chances of it getting knocked into by anything. When she straightened again, she noticed that he was watching her with acute curiosity.

"So, Emmie," he started. "What's with the suitcase?"

Emmie stiffened, and she felt her fists clench in her lap. Suddenly ideas flickered through her mind—why did he care about the suitcase? Maybe this wasn't an accident. Maybe she had been set up. Maybe SHIELD had tracked her down, and DeWhitt had been sent to capture her, and this wasn't a stupidly innocent date after all. She _knew _she shouldn't have trusted him… Her gaze inconspicuously flicked around the shop, noting possible escape routes, then triangulating the approximate trajectory that it would take for Emmie to scoot back in her chair, lift the chair over her head, and then swing it down to crack DeWhitt's skull…

"I mean, you said there were bottles in there. Are you a bartending student or something?" DeWhitt joked, blissfully oblivious to the thoughts racing through his date's head.

Emmie relaxed. Bartending student. Ha. Okay, he was joking around about it. She cracked a half-smile and took a sip of her coffee. "Heh… no, not a bartending student… I, uh, have an internship at a pharmaceuticals company," she improvised. "The suitcase has a couple of little samples that I was supposed to… take home and… yeah…" she trailed off.

"Pharmaceuticals? Yikes, I knew you had to be out of my league," DeWhitt chuckled. "You're into science and chemistry and that kind of thing, then?"

Emmie nodded. Well, at _some _point in her past she had been into math and science… not exactly chemistry, but more like physics… but whatever. "And what about you?" she forced herself to ask, knowing that that was what any polite young girl on a date would ask, even though she actually had not the slightest interest in what it was that DeWhitt was interested in.

He tapped his fingers on the table. "I'm taking some classes so I can become an English teacher. I'm a total right-brainer. But if you're into all that science and stuff, you must be a left-brainer, huh?"

"Well, that's a no-brainer," Emmie giggled, and DeWhitt grinned at her joke. Suddenly Emmie felt herself smile a little easier, for a split second understanding what it was like to be on a date with a guy, and wanting to impress them with your charm and wit. What a totally foreign feeling…

"I think I'm going to get another coffee," DeWhitt announced. "Do you want another?"

Emmie glanced down at her own cup. She had barely had any of it, too busy being stuck in her own head. "Er… no, thanks, I'm still working on this one." Her eyes followed him as he nodded and stood, going up to the counter again to order another raspberry caramel whipped cream with two pumps of something drink. She studied him idly, trying to think. Was this actually… possible? Being a normal girl and having a, like, normal relationship?

She considered the ramifications of that idea. Hmm… that would mean she'd have to quit constantly thinking about murder… that in itself was impossible… she'd have to make sure DeWhitt understood the possibility of getting stabbed… which would mean she'd have to explain to him why… which would mean being open and honest… which would mean trusting him… and that would mean he probably wouldn't want to fight all the time, even though that was, in her opinion, one of the best parts of a relationship…at least, with Loki it had been… she'd have to, like, clean up her place so he might be able to come over from time to time… would he want to meet her mother? Eww… would he want her to meet his family? Did he even have a family? Did she have to get all sappy and actually take an interest and _ask _if he had a family, and if he did, would she actually have to get, like, emotionally invested in _their _lives? Hang on, if she were to get into a relationship, she'd _have _to be emotionally invested in her boyfriend. Ugh. Emotional investment was so tedious and not her thing. Plus the whole "you shouldn't kill, maim, or injure your boyfriend unless you want to go to court and then probably jail because you know you sure as hell are guilty" thing… Yeah, okay, this sounded boring. Boring and tedious and… yeah, this probably wasn't going to work for her. Talking about nothing but school and how it was going (ha! She didn't even go to school), family problems (like he would even begin to comprehend her family problems), and having to actually offer comfort to someone for their insecurities and doubts. She loathed the idea of offering comfort, and receiving comfort was just as bad. Just… ewww. Okay, maybe she wasn't ready for any kind of semblance of a normal relationship.

Just then, DeWhitt sat back down across from her, leaning across the table to whisper, "I just realized that barista is my ex-girlfriend!"

Emmie quirked an eyebrow and chanced a glance over at the woman writing a name on a cup as someone ordered. "Oh, yeah? The one that said you're a coffee junkie?"

DeWhitt flushed slightly. "Uh… no. Different ex." He began absently tapping his fingers on the table as if he was drumming.

"A different ex," Emmie echoed, feeling a smirk on her lips. "Mind if I ask how many exes you have?"

DeWhitt looked slightly uncomfortable. "Just a couple. I've only had a few good relationships, and most of the rest of them turned out to be a little psycho. I think I'm like a crazy-chick magnet," DeWhitt confided.

Emmie had to bite her tongue to stop herself from bursting into laughter at this. A crazy-chick magnet? He had had psycho girlfriends before? Yeah, right! "Or maybe you just like the crazy chicks," Emmie observed. "And that's why you keep ending up with them." Seriously, you just walked up to me of all people on the street and asked me on a date. Maybe he has an internal crazy-chick compass that leads him straight to crazy-chicks without him even realizing it.

DeWhitt shrugged helplessly. "Yeah, I don't know. It kind of sucks."

Emmie said nothing for a moment, unsure of exactly where to go from here. Curiosity about his previous girlfriends was still pricking at her. Belatedly she noticed that he was still drumming on the table with his fingers. "…What are you doing that for."

He paused for a moment before realizing what she meant. "Oh, the drumming thing?" He resumed his drumming with his fingertips. "Just habit. I'm a drummer. I'm in a band."

"Cool," Emmie said dismissively, knowing that he was trying to steer the conversation away from the topic of his previous girlfriends by distracting her with something else. "So how can you say that your other girlfriends were psycho? How were they psycho?"

DeWhitt sighed. "Well…" he looked briefly back towards the counter where the barista ex-girlfriend stood. "She was actually kind of physically violent. Like, on meds to keep her temper under control so she didn't go off on someone kind of thing, and—this was back in high school, by the way—one day she came to school and said that she had gotten into a fight with her mom and ended up actually, like, hurting her mom. I told her that I really didn't think it was a good idea for us to keep going out, and when I told her that, she slammed me against the wall and threatened me… so yeah," he shrugged uncomfortably.

Emmie stared at him, trying not to smile. Yeesh. He had to have an internal crazy-chick compass. "And were all your other girlfriends like that, too?"

DeWhitt shook his head. "No, she was the worst in _that _way, but there was one who cheated on me with my best friend at the time. There was one who left me at a concert we went to and I didn't hear from her again until I saw her two weeks later making out with some guy in a park. And then there was another one where we just really didn't get along, and it got to be a pretty dysfunctional relationship."

Emmie perked up at this last one. "Dysfunctional how?"

He stopped drumming his fingers and instead began stirring his coffee. "We said a lot of mean things to each other," he said carefully. "I mean, she started saying things, and I started saying things back, and I figured I should end it."

"Why?" Emmie asked, feeling lost. They were just saying things, and they broke up over that?

"Well, like," he laughed a little. "If you're with someone, and all you're doing is insulting each other between having moments of connection, to the point where you don't even know why you like them anymore, what's the point of being in that kind of relationship? No one wants that. So I got out of it."

Emmie looked down at her coffee, remembering her relationship with Loki. Nothing but insulting each other between moments of connection, to the point where you don't even know why you like them anymore… and it had been some of the best moments of her life. She had lived on that love/hate heartbreak and reveled in the insulting just as much as the moments of connection. No one wants that? Well, Emmie kind of wanted that… she kind of really wanted that… But if DeWhitt didn't want that, then oh, well. He could go find some other crazy-chick with his crazy-chick compass. She grinned at the memory of slamming Loki against the wall and threatening him, insulting him and kissing him and being pinned to the wall, using a dagger to cut her name into his shoulder after he did the same to her (oh, if only DeWhitt knew about _that… _the look on his face would be priceless…). Normal relationships were so… boring in comparison. How was she supposed to be with a guy who didn't appreciate a good assassination plan as much as she did? Someone who didn't mind getting slammed into the wall and was willing to pin her against the wall every once in a while, and who she could insult without worrying if she was going to hurt his feelings? Pfft… that sounded so… fluffy and boring. She tried to picture it… her, holding hands with DeWhitt and cuddling with him on a park bench as she apologized to him after saying something mildly teasing, simpering and flirting and being oh-so-soft. Gag. She'd rather be single and able to keep her murderous urges to herself without worrying if she might hurt someone she cared about.

"What are you grinning about?" he asked, sounding a little defensive.

Emmie met his eyes again, realizing she was still smiling to herself at the memory of her and Loki's beyond-dysfunctional relationship. "…Thinking about my ex," she answered airily.

DeWhitt looked a little wary as he asked, "…What happened?"

Emmie hummed in thought, tilting her head in thought as she glanced up at the ceiling. What was a good explanation? "Oh, you know. I never called him back after our last date, even though I promised I would. Haven't seen him since. I heard he got into a little trouble with the law."

He looked baffled and slightly alarmed. "Um…"

Emmie snickered. "It wasn't exactly a normal relationship. I don't think you would have approved." She laughed darkly to herself and shook her head at DeWhitt's slightly hurt and bewildered expression. Emmie lifted her coffee mug to her lips and tossed back the rest of her drink, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she stood up. "Well, DeWhitt, I had a nice time, but I think it's time I left." Emmie pushed her chair back under the table and briskly picked up her suitcase.

DeWhitt looked up at her, his expression obviously disappointed. "Are you sure?" He started to push back his chair so he could stand up. "Can't you hang out for a bit longer-?"

Emmie firmly placed her hand on his shoulder and pushed down, pinching slightly to keep him in his chair and prevent him from following her. He winced in pain at her strong grip on his shoulder, and he looked at her with wide eyes. "Believe me," she advised. "I've got to go. Unless you're secretly a complete masochistic and sadistic glutton for punishment, it's not gonna work out." She offered him a sweet, patronizing smile and then turned on her heel, straightening the collar on her jacket, and pushed open the door.

Jeez, what a day. Emmie had been on her first date in… possibly ever. Probably the last date in ever, too, she reflected. Because there was no way she was going to meet another Loki, and there was no way anyone else could halfway cope with being in a relationship with her. Eh, who cared? She didn't need to be spending her Valentine's Day with a guy. Maybe that was for some people, and maybe she could do that with the right guy, if she ever saw him again. But today? Well, today she didn't need anybody to be her Valentine. Valentines were overrated.

Squaring her shoulders, she started walking away from the coffee shop, pausing for a minute to glance back inside at DeWhitt. He was sitting alone at the table now, hunched over his coffee mug despairingly. He glanced up at something, though, and Emmie noticed that the barista ex-girlfriend had come out from behind the counter and was saying something to DeWhitt. He seemed to hesitate for a second before nodding and gesturing to the chair across from him, now empty. The barista took the seat and said something, and DeWhitt laughed a little, smiling hopefully at his ex-girlfriend. A vague, bitter smile tugged at Emmie's lips as well. Maybe the poor guy was a masochistic glutton for punishment after all. Just not in the right way for Emmie.

She laughed a little and shook her head, continuing to walk. He might end up having an okay Valentine's Day. Maybe. And Emmie would, too. She was perfectly okay with being alone for now, at least. Her eyes lifted to the sky briefly, at the hazy sky with its watery, weak sun. A wry smile twisted her lips as she thought of Loki. Well, if he were here, she might not mind spending a Valentine's Day with him, though what they would do, she had no idea. A vague thought flashed through her mind, but then she pushed it away. For a split second, she had hoped that Loki was having an okay Valentine's Day, wherever he was. For a split second, she had wished that he was here so they could have an okay Valentine's Day together. She shook her head, trying to dismiss the silly sentimental idea.

She bitt her lip and couldn't help but look up at the sky again. Then, in a whisper so quiet she could barely hear it herself, she said, "Happy Valentine's Day, god of mischief and lies."

Then, feeling incredibly stupid and self-conscious, she strode off down the street. She had to remind herself that normal relationships, full of affection and sweetness, were beneath her, and beneath Loki, too.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Y'all know that I don't actually have the same views on romance and relationships that Emmie does, right? And I'm totally not condoning the totally abusive and dysfunctional relationship that Loki and Emmie have, right? Good lol. Just making sure that's entirely clear, because they are totally screwed up and I totally know that. Just writing from Emmie's point of view here, so yah lol. **

**Anywho, my disclaimer on that aside, I don't know exactly how the tone for this one turned into something so contemplative. Just happened that way. Like Emmie, I'm spending my own Valentine's Day as just okay, not with a guy, and it's just… okay. Lol you know? But even though Emmie and I are having our bachelorette party at my house (and anyone else can feel free to join us lol), it's always nice to have a Valentine's Day with your sir or madame of choice. **

**DeWhitt is based on a real person that I know, and is one of the most adorable and yet sad people I have ever met, and he is a total masochistic glutton for punishment, though I don't think he realizes it. Putting him in here is like my own little secret tribute to him, even though he most likely will never know about this oneshot. *puts my fingers to my lips* Shh… **

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this odd little story, and I hope this successfully fulfilled Phantasmagorical Me's expectations of her request. **** Happy Valentine's Day, and I hope yours is even better than okay, whatever you end up doing for your V-Day. Please favorite, follow, and review! **


	22. Chapter 22

***Hey, everybody! So this oneshot was based on a request from XAhMunnaEatChooX. You wanted me to make a oneshot where Stark (or someone else) forced Emmie and Loki to go out on a proper date. So hither it is! It got really long, because I was having a lot of fun writing it… I hope you all enjoy ;) **

A "Proper" Date?

Emmie frowned around at her apartment, considering its appearance. It looked fairly neat… ish… Her bed was messily made, and the random objects strewn around her dresser top were halfway organized. She had just finished doing another oneshot with Loqi wit little while ago—a Valentine's Day thing. It had been okay, she guessed, but now she finally had some time to herself.

With a sigh, she propped her foot on her bed and started untying her shoe to take it off. But suddenly, her fingers on her laces, she stopped when there was a knock on her door—a frantic, hard pounding on her door. Emmie froze, not moving for a moment. Who would be knocking on her door? She wasn't expecting anyone—nobody should be knocking on her door… she _had _paid her rent to the landlord, right? She thought she had…

Tentatively, she put her foot back on the floor and stalked over to the door to her apartment. She wondered if she should open it.

Another burst of frantic knocking hit the door again, lasting longer and definitely more desperate this time.

Crap. She should probably check who it was. Emmie bit her lip and unlocked the door, very hesitantly twisting her doorknob and pulling it open.

_"About time!" _Tony Stark shrieked, barging past Emmie into her apartment.

"_Stark?!" _Emmie cried, stumbling backwards as Tony stomped into her apartment. "What the hell are you doing here-?"

"We have an emergency on our hands here!" Tony said loudly, turning on his heel to stare at her with his hands on his hips. "A major emergency!"

Emmie felt her heart quickening in worry and fear. "What-? What's going on here-? Has something happened with Loqi with a Q?"

Tony briskly shook his head and stepped forward, starting to bundle Emmie out of the door and onto the sidewalk outside, guiding her away from the apartment. "No, no, no, Loqi with a Q is okay, but I just heard something terrible—I _read it, _actually, but that's not the point—there's a huge problem and we need to remedy it." Now he was pulling Emmie by her arm down the street, taking her she knew not where.

Emmie looked at him worriedly, resisting the urge to twist his arm to make him let her go, then tear out his throat with her bare hands. Tony Stark was most certainly not her favorite person, and she'd most certainly like to murder him with a long and brutal list of torture methods, but evidently there was something serious going on. She had to find out what it was first before she could impale him on a wooden stake and then carve him with a blunt steak knife. "Stark, _what _is wrong?"

Stark took a deep breath. "Hang on. First I need to do something." Before Emmie could move, Tony pulled out a pair of handcuffs and spun Emmie around. There were two distinct _clicks, _and Emmie's hands were cuffed before she could say "fourth wall breakage."

_"Hey!" _Emmie screamed, whipping around to stare openmouthed at her capturer. "What do you think you're-?"

"Now then," Tony interrupted coolly, stepping back a bit and pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Allow me to explain."

Emmie was speechless. She had just been lured out of her apartment and handcuffed by Tony Stark. And she still didn't know what was going on. She was losing her touch… "What do you want with me?" Emmie snapped. "Where are you taking me?"

"Shh," Tony flapped his hand, still looking at his phone. "Okay, so. Early this morning I got a notification on my phone, right?"

Emmie narrowed her eyes and waited, very tempted to step forward and head-butt Stark and then kick him while he was down. But he probably had the key to these handcuffs, and she didn't know where…

"And this notification was an email from fanfiction," Tony continued. "And it said that a new chapter for Scarred for Life had just been uploaded."

Emmie blinked blankly. "Um…"

"And so I fanboy squealed and went to read this new chapter," Tony plowed ahead. "And it was a Valentine's Day chapter, in which you go out for coffee with a character named DeWhitt."

Emmie huffed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I was _there, _Stark. What does this have to do with anything?"

Tony scoffed in disgust and then stepped forward—and then tossed Emmie over his shoulder before starting to head down the street again.

"What—_Hey! You complete basta-!" _Emmie's protests were interrupted by Tony's business-like voice.

"Anyways," Tony said, obviously unperturbed as Emmie vainly struggled in his grasp, kicking her legs and writhing uselessly as Tony kept her in place on his shoulder with an arm around her waist. His other hand was still holding his phone. "Allow me to draw your attention to a particular selection from this Scarred for Life chapter…"

"You're insane!" Emmie tried again to kick Tony so he would let her go, but there was no use.

"I'm insane? That's the pot calling the kettle black, sweetie. Now please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle while we're moving, and refrain from excessive movement. Keep your voice to a minimum so I can tell you exactly what's wrong with this picture," Tony said breezily, scrolling down the screen of his phone as he walked, obviously unaffected by Emmie's squealing.

"I'll tell you _exactly _what's wrong with this picture," Emmie snarled, but she quit her struggling, knowing there was no point. She lifted her head and craned her neck around, trying to see what Tony was doing. "What are you looking at on your phone?"

"I was getting to that," Tony sighed in exasperation. "Now, I was very deeply disturbed when I read this little excerpt from Scarred for Life, Chapter 21: Valentines are Overrated. '_Jeez, what a day. Emmie had been on her first date in… possibly ever. Probably the last date in ever, too, she reflected.' _You see what's wrong here?"

Emmie didn't answer for a long moment. "…What's wrong here is that you've kidnapped a teenage girl, handcuffed her, and thrown her over your shoulder on the grounds of an excerpt from a chapter of fan fiction. That's what's wrong here."

"No," Tony cried. "What's wrong here is that you've only ever been on one date, and it wasn't even with Loki!"

"Uh, if you ask me, that's the one thing that's _right _with this setup," Emmie sneered contemptuously—something very difficult to do with dignity while slung over someone's shoulder like a sack of flour.

"Awww, for shame, Harley Quinn," Tony pouted. "I think it's time we remedied this problem. You and Loki are going on a date."

Shock took Emmie's words for a moment, and her mouth flapped noiselessly. Then she found her voice. And then, shrilly, she said the same words over and over again, struggling to get out of Tony's grasp to no avail. _"No, no, no, not a date with Loki, no, no, no, anything but that, no, no, no, I swear I will kill you if you make me do this, no, no, no, I swear I'll do anything just don't make me do this, no, no, no, I can't do this, no, no, no, you're insane, no, no, no—" _

00000

Loki groggily groaned. His extremities felt slightly tingly and numb, and his head felt like it was spinning. What was going on…? Where was he? Everything seemed a little foggy. He frowned and blearily rolled onto his side… and he jumped when his leg bumped into something.

Sleepily, he scooted back and, eyes still closed, he pushed himself into a sitting position. Hmm. He was on a carpeted surface, dressed in his usual clothes… he reached up and rubbed his eyes and then opened his eyes, blinking owlishly. His brow furrowed.

He was sitting on the floor in a room. It was a chair that his leg had bumped against. The chair was set up at a table. The table was draped in a white linen tablecloth. He thought he could see another chair on the other side of the table, though he couldn't be sure from his vantage point on the floor.

"Um." Loki said intelligently. He didn't know where he was. Nothing in here looked familiar. There was a crystal light fixture hanging from the ceiling, and no guards patrolling corridors, and no golden forcefield around the room—just cream-colored walls decorated with abstract paintings. This was not his cell in Asgard. Hadn't he been in his cell in Asgard doing something? Nothing was making sense right now… he was tired… the last thing he remembered… was… Ah! Tony Stark! Wait… he had come in and held up a cloth, asking Loki if… if it smelled like chloroform to him… Blast. That explained what had happened. But what was going on now?

Loki stared up for a second, trying to think. What was he doing here? Why was he in this room? Shakily, he grabbed the chair a few feet away and used it to help him get to his feet before turning and glancing once again around the room. What in _Helheim _was going on? His head felt a little clearer now that he was upright. Yes, okay, Tony Stark was responsible for this, but how did that add up to him being in this room all alone with a table elegantly set, romantic candlelight, a pair of crystal wineglasses, and what appeared to be a rose in a vase?

Then there was suddenly a sound… a voice that seemed to be drawing closer. But he was the only one in the room. The voice must be coming from that door, or just beyond it…

Faintly, growing louder, the voice was saying, _"—no, no, Stark you are going to regret this for the rest of your life—both seconds of it-_ _No, no, no, you can't make me go on a date with Loki, no, no, no, I refuse to participate, no, no—" _

Suddenly the door opened, and a figure fell to the floor, and the door closed again abruptly. The figure had stopped her protests of "no, no, no" but now she was lying still on the floor, her eyes fixed on Loki with a dark expression in them.

"Graceful entrance there, Emmie," Loki observed. He had hardly seen her since the Christmas special.

"Shut up and help me get up!" Emmie snapped. "Then we've got to get out of here!"

Loki made no move to help her up, strolling over idly and gazing down at her. "So do you know what's going on here?"

With some difficulty, Emmie managed to get into a sitting position, her hands still handcuffed behind her. Unhappily, she puffed out a breath and blew a strand of hair out of her face. "Well—"

Tony Stark's voice suddenly boomed out from an unseen source. "Welcome to your first proper date, Emoki!"

00000

In a small, dark room, Tony Stark was speaking into a microphone and grinning at the screen in front of him, which displayed a live feed of Emmie and Loki in their room. "Seeing as how you didn't have a proper Valentine's Day date, and you've never been on _any _real dates, I've decided that you two really need to go on a proper date. So I've decided to make that happen—you two are going to be locked in this room for the next couple of hours. I've employed Dum-E to serve you two dinner and dessert and sparkling cider since Emmie's too young to drink! Isn't that pathetic…"

"Is this really necessary?"

Tony glanced over his shoulder to see me, Loqi with a Q, facepalming and shaking my head. He quickly covered the microphone with his hand and whispered, "Of course it's necessary! They've never been on a proper date before!"

"And locking them in a room with no escape as if they're under quarantine is a proper date?" I asked skeptically.

Tony looked unamused, rolled his eyes, and turned back to his microphone, once again addressing Emmie and Loki. "So you two just need to relax and enjoy yourselves. No killing each other, and I'll let you out later. Have fun, pumpkins!"

He clicked off the microphone and turned to me again, rubbing his hands expectantly. "Well, then-!"

From the live feed on the screen, Loki and Emmie's voices suddenly burst out. "Does Loqi with a Q know about this?"

Tony smiled broadly at me and turned on the microphone again. "Yes. Yes, she does."

I facepalmed again. But… ah, well. At least this would be entertaining, right?

"Now, have a nice date," Tony cooed.

00000

Emmie and Loki distinctly heard another click as the speaker Tony's voice was coming from somewhere in the ceiling turned off.

"Well," Emmie said. "We're screwed. Help me up."

Loki cringed slightly and leaned down, taking hold of Emmie's arm and pulling her to her feet. "Question, Murderess: how are we supposed to be on a date when you're handcuffed?"

"The key is on the table, Romeo!" Tony's cheery voice chipped in before clicking off again.

Emmie grumbled some curses under her breath at Tony before sighing. "Well, then, apparently the key is on the table."

Loki took this opportunity to investigate and see that, indeed, there was a key to the handcuffs on the table, in front of the vase with the rose in it. "…Hmm… Do I have to let you out of the handcuffs?"

"Yes," Emmie snapped.

"Why?"

"So I can strangle you for considering not letting me out of these handcuffs."

"Not a very convincing argument there, Murderess."

"Oooohhhh, let's see, you're alone in a room with a pair of handcuffs and a girl, Loki: is there any other way she can _convince _you?" Tony's voice teased.

Neither Emmie nor Loki moved or said anything for a moment, and then Loki wordlessly unlocked Emmie's handcuffs, both of them glaring around at the room the entire time, as if daring Tony to say anything more.

00000

"You are like the most irritating and awkward third wheel ever," I observed mildly, spinning around in a rolling chair.

"I know, right?!" Tony said delightedly, his eyes fixed attentively on the screen (which he had creatively decided to call the "Keeping up with the Killers Cam"). "You know, this is too good for just us to enjoy… we should share this momentously entertaining event." He pulled out his phone and idly tapped at the screen, periodically glancing up at the Keeping Up with the Killers Cam screen as well.

00000

While Emmie rather violently stomped and kicked the handcuffs, Loki frowned suspiciously around the room, searching for an escape. There weren't any windows, and the door to the room had no doorknob on the inside (Emmie was furious to find that the door hinges were on the outside as well). The walls of the room seemed to be made of some kind of reinforced drywall that was impossible to break, and the ceiling didn't have any ducts, vents, or removable panels that they would be able to climb into to escape. It seemed like they were most definitely trapped.

"Do you think those handcuffs are dead yet?" Loki asked blandly.

Emmie stopped, her foot still pulled back to kick the handcuffs on the floor again. She looked between the handcuffs on the floor and Loki, standing with his arms crossed. "…Well, they might have learned their lesson by now," Emmie conceded, nudging the handcuffs away from her foot with her toe and then backing away from them. "So what are we going to do?"

Loki swept his gaze around the room one more time. "Well, it looks like we really are stuck in here," he informed her reluctantly.

Emmie's eyes narrowed to slits. "Are you suggesting that we actually do this date thing?" she hissed.

Loki raised his eyebrows delicately. "Ah, _I _said no such thing. You said it, not me." Emmie's cheeks turned slightly pink at the realization that she had now been the first to bring up the idea that they actually go through with this date. Loki, however, merely continued. "All I said was that we're not going to get out of here until Stark and Loqi with a Q let us out."

"This was entirely Stark's doing! Don't blame me. I'm just allowing this. But it wasn't my idea," my voice said firmly through the speaker in the ceiling.

Loki and Emmie glared up at the speaker briefly before returning to their own conversation.

"Anyways," Loki sighed. "I don't want to be here any more than you do."

"Yeah, I hadn't planned spending my midafternoon locked in a room with you, either." Emmie looked at Loki curiously. "…How'd you get here, anyway? You were already in here when Stark brought me."

Loki shifted uncomfortably. "Well… I was in my cell in Asgard, just moving some things around and playing some chess against myself, and then Stark appeared and… chloroformed me. I woke up in this room a few moments before you… dropped in." Loki gave Emmie a questioning look. "And how'd you come to be in here?"

Emmie scratched the back of her neck. "Uh, yeah. So I was in my apartment, cleaning some stuff up, because I'd just finished doing a oneshot a while earlier, and then there was a knocking on the door. It was Stark, and he said there was an emergency, and he kind of handcuffed me and threw me over his shoulder."

Loki's eyes sparkled, and he bit his lip to hide a snicker. "Why, Murderess," he purred. "You were kidnapped by Stark? You must be losing your touch."

Emmie took a threatening step forward. "Coming from the guy who got chloroformed and then kidnapped by Stark? You're one to talk."

Loki scoffed and looked away, refusing to acknowledge her point. "But that aside, what are we going to do now that we've been dumped into this room for a date?"

"Not date," Emmie answered immediately.

"Obviously," Loki agreed.

Emmie looked vaguely offended. "What, you wouldn't _want _to go on a date with me?"

Loki stared at her blankly for a long moment. "I'm not going to dignify that question with a response," Loki said carefully.

Emmie's face flushed, and she glanced away, no longer meeting Loki's eyes. "Whatever, you jackass. We're not going to do a date."

"What, you wouldn't want to go on a date with me?" Loki's voice mimicked Emmie's offended tone.

Emmie's jaw clenched, and she jumped forward, grabbing Loki's hand and twisting it painfully in retaliation for the taunting.

Loki just laughed and jerked his arm, freeing himself from Emmie's grasp and making her stumble. "Sore subject, Murderess?"

"I wouldn't go on a date with anyone voluntarily," Emmie snapped loftily.

"Except DeWhitt," Tony's voice chimed in from the speaker before clicking off again.

An awkward silence fell over the room. Loki had stiffened in alarm, and Emmie winced slightly.

Loki's eyes locked with Emmie's, filled with cold calculation. "Might I ask… who DeWhitt is?" he asked, voice deceptively silky and calm.

Emmie didn't answer for a second, looking over Loki carefully. His posture was casual, his hands clasped behind his back and his head cocked to one side with a nonchalant expression on his face. But she could see how his muscles were tensed, and the set of his jaw was tight, and she could see the flicker of something in his eyes, behind the coldness… something caught between anger, fear, and confusion. His tenseness caught her off guard. How was she supposed to explain this? He hadn't been there for the last oneshot that Loqi with a Q had had her do with the other OC. And she didn't know how she was supposed to tell Loki about it. "Uh… he was just a guy," Emmie said slowly.

"Just a guy," Loki repeated even more slowly.

"Um… yeah. I met him during the last oneshot I did," Emmie muttered. "You weren't there for it."

Loki waited for further explanation, his eyes still boring into her.

"It was just… um, it was based on a request from one of the readers, a oneshot where I go on a coffee date with a normal guy," Emmie said. "So last chapter we did that, where I went out on a little date with a guy named DeWhitt. Er… Tony put us in here because he was stunned that my first and only date wasn't with you," Emmie mumbled, and her voice grew quieter the more her story went on.

Loki didn't say anything, and it was a long time before Emmie could make herself look up to see his reaction. Loki looked… stung.

"You went on your first date?" Loki asked in disbelief.

Emmie shrugged and nodded. "Well, the first date I can remember…"

"And it wasn't with me?" Loki asked, his voice growing louder with outrage.

Emmie crossed her arms and glared up at Loki. "Hey! Don't blame me, it wasn't my idea."

"Well, no, but—" Loki spluttered. "You can't just—you're supposed to—"

Emmie let out a breath of laughter. "I can't what?"

Loki's face darkened, and he stepped forward, looming over Emmie. "You can't go on dates with other people!" he exclaimed, throwing up his arms emphatically.

Emmie felt a slight grin spreading over her face at his indignation and hurt. "Why, Loki… are you… are you jealous?"

Loki's face went blank before a look of horror came over him. "What? Of—of course I'm not jealous! It's just that I'm resentful and bitter about rivalry," he said defensively.

"The dictionary definition of jealousy," Tony and I chorused from the speaker. "Is 'fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or a position; resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious; inclined to suspect rivalry'."

"Shut up!" Loki yelled at the ceiling. "I'm not jealous." He moved his attention back to the still-smirking murderess. "It's just that nobody but me is allowed to date you," he said stubbornly. "You're _my _symbiote."

Emmie raised her eyebrows at Loki. "Five minutes ago, you said you didn't want to go on a date with me," she pointed out.

Loki put his hands on Emmie's shoulders and bent down to her level, glaring at her mutinously. "Five minutes ago, I said I wasn't going to dignify that question with a response. I never said I didn't want to go on a date with you, you little bilgesnipe." He shook her forcefully. "_You are not allowed to go on dates with other men! Now I am going to date the Helheim out of you, you understand?!" _With that, he grabbed Emmie's arm and pulled her over to the elegantly set table and pulled out a chair for her.

Holding back laughter, Emmie sat in her chair at the table for two, watching as Loki stomped to the other side of the table and sat in his chair, a smoldering scowl still on his face.

00000

"Awww… they're so sweet," Clint Barton popped another piece of popcorn into his mouth, leaning forward to watch.

"This is so wrong, you guys," Steve Rogers was muttering from the corner of the room, glaring around at the others in the room who were all watching the screen—me, Tony, Clint, Thor, Bucky, Ultron, Natasha, Bruce, Vision, Wanda, Rhodey, Sam, and Director Nick Fury. It was a tight fit, but we all lounged in the room, along with our buckets of popcorn.

"Nobody said you have to watch," Tony snapped. "So leave if you don't want to watch, Cap."

"Shh! I want to hear if they say anything!" Ultron snapped at everyone else.

"Thanks for inviting us, Stark," Fury said grudgingly before he turned his attention back to the screen.

00000

Loki was giving Emmie the evil eye over the candles and the solitary rose on the table, just daring her to say something—just daring her to tell him that he wasn't the only person in the entire nine realms that was worth dating. She said nothing, but was giving him a kind of half-amused look. He narrowed his eyes even further at her. She'd see. He was the most datable person she'd ever have the privilege of meeting, and she'd feel silly for ever having gone on that little date with that shamefully wretched DeWhitt. Just wait. She'd see. He felt rather smug with that knowledge.

Emmie, eyebrows quirked with wry amusement, ran her finger along the rim of her empty crystal glass, watching Loki and waiting for him to say something. It had been at least a full minute or two that they had sat in utter silence, him just glaring at her calculatingly and her just waiting. Well, if he insisted on being the only person that was going to date her, he'd better start soon. Because this was getting a little awkward.

00000

"Should we… tell them that they're supposed to actually talk and interact on a date?" Natasha asked, trying not to choke on her laughter.

"No, no, I want to see how long this lasts," Bucky snickered.

"Dum-E will serve them food if they just start asking about food," Tony grumbled impatiently, his chin resting on his fist as he watched the screen.

Another long silence as the crowd watched the Keeping Up with the Killers Cam.

"This is kind of pathetic," Rhodey pinched his nose and shook his head.

00000

Loki shifted slightly, leaning his elbows on the table as he continued staring intently at her. Emmie rested her hands on the table, looking at him searchingly. Another moment passed, and she rearranged her hands, instead folding her arms on the table. Loki shifted again, scooting his chair an inch one way, then an inch the other way. Emmie cleared her throat nervously, and Loki let out a long breath.

"Well, now what?" Loki asked impatiently.

Emmie brushed a strand of hair delicately out of her face. "Well, you're the one who insisted on doing this. You tell me," she challenged bitingly.

Loki scowled and leaned towards her across the table intimidatingly. "You're the one who's apparently gotten so _experienced _in dating recently, aren't you? Why don't you tell me what you're supposed to do on a date?"

Emmie rose slightly, leaning forward to sneer at Loki. "Well, intimidation isn't normally the right way to go when romancing a girl, buddy."

Loki growled, placing his palms on the tabletop as he rose to his full height. "Oh, now you're telling me that you're an expert on this, hmm? I suppose there's dozens of men just _dying _to sweep you off your feet—literally dying, you little murderess."

Emmie stood from her chair as well, leaning over the table and glaring daggers at Loki. "Oh, sure, of course. I'm so experienced in romance, right, Loki? I've always just been a lean, mean, dating machine, right?"

They continued sizing each other up, eyes locked in a challenging dare. Neither of them said a word, just gazing at each other angrily.

Oh, blast… Loki couldn't do it… he willed himself not to… but he couldn't help it… his lips twitched slightly as he continued his staring contest with Emmie. He fought against it, but his lips twitched upward again.

Emmie bit her lip as Loki's furious façade started to break into a reluctant smirk. "Don't you dare," she threatened, but as Loki fought against his grin, she couldn't help but feel her lips curl at the corners in her own smile.

"Don't do it," Loki warned, his voice choked with mirth.

"Go to hell!" Emmie started to giggle, trying to smother her amusement. But there was no use. Loki had started smiling during their angry glaring contest, and she couldn't help but join in.

"Don't laugh, Murderess," Loki admonished her again as he chuckled.

"Shut up," Emmie laughed, dropping back into her own chair.

Loki laughed and sat in his own chair again. "You ruined it, Emmie. That was your fault."

"You started smirking first!" Emmie accused reproachfully.

"You can't prove it," Loki dismissed.

"Moron," Emmie murmured with a head-shake. "Now what?"

"Now seriously," Loki gave her an inquiring look. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Just ask for food you idiots!" Tony's voice ordered exasperatedly from the speaker.

The couple briefly glanced up at the speaker and looked at each other again.

"Generally dinner is a normal date thing," Emmie admitted to Loki.

"Well, then, I suppose we'd like some food," Loki said reluctantly, grudging to be obliging Tony Stark, but knowing that if he wanted to be able to properly have a date with Emmie, they should have dinner.

00000

"God, they're weird," Bruce said in wonder as he rested his elbows on the back of Tony's rolling chair so he could get a better view of the Keeping Up with the Killers Cam.

"Agreed," Vision acknowledged, tilting his head slightly to one side so he could see around the other people standing in front of the screen.

Dum-E had served Emoki their food (sea bass), and they had been talking since then, mostly just insulting each other and recalling previous chapters of Scarred for Life or scenes from TMTA.

"But they're so…" Tony paused, trying to find a fitting adjective. "So…"

Everybody waited for a moment, listening to hear Tony's observation.

"…No, Bruce had it right when he said weird," Thor allowed fairly, returning his attention to the screen.

"No, there's another word for this. Give me a minute. I'll think of it," Tony dismissed, watching the screen attentively.

00000

"You know," Emmie sighed, licking her fingers. "It's been like six chapters since we got any time alone."

Loki tilted his chair back so he balanced on its two back legs for a moment. "'Alone' is a relative term," he observed, glancing meaningfully up at the speaker in the ceiling. "But yes. It's so hard to get any time away from the author, isn't it?"

"Or the obnoxious other cannon characters," Emmie agreed. "Let's see… last time we had a full chapter to ourselves was back during Summer Break… and Loqi with a Q even interrupted the Karaoke one."

"That was a fun three chapters, though," Loki commented.

"Nostalgic idiot," Emmie sniffed disdainfully at him, though her eyes sparkled with teasing.

Loki rolled his eyes. "If you say so, Murderess."

"Remember that sunburn?" Emmie grinned.

Loki winced at the memory. "All too well." He was distracted by the sight of Emmie's hand casually slipping across the table towards his plate.

Emmie nonchalantly reached for a piece of celery that had been left at the side of Loki's plate as she continued talking. "And you remember how much of a complete ass you made of yourself when you said you were going to master roller-skating in five minutes, but ended up—hey!"

The second Emmie's fingers had crossed the boundary of Loki's plate, he had grabbed her hand, flipped it palm-up, and then held his steak knife threateningly over her exposed wrist. "What are you doing?" he snarled.

Emmie was surprised for once, blinking and glancing between her hand in Loki's and the knife hovering an inch above her wrist. "I… er… actually, I was just going to take that celery off your plate."

Loki glowered. "Don't take food off my plate."

Emmie's gaze turned cold. "I'll take what I like. Just try to stop me. I dare you."

Loki lowered the knife so the blade rested menacingly on her pulse, only a small movement away from slicing her vein. Emmie did not look impressed. "Have I made myself understood?" he queried darkly.

Emmie pursed her lips, still unruffled. "Please. If you were going to do it, you'd have done it already."

Loki pressed the knife a tiny bit harder against her wrist. "_Don't _take food from my plate."

Emmie sneered contemptuously. "You know, if I were you, I would have just slit your wrist the second you reached for my plate."

"Maybe I will," Loki promised.

Emmie gave Loki a haughty look and kicked Loki's shin under the table.

He yelped and jumped. "Hey-!" His eyes widened in alarm, and he quickly dropped his knife to the table. "Emmie, you dunce! I could have accidentally actually cut your wrist! Don't do that!"

Emmie raised her eyebrows. "Oh, now you _don't _want to cut my wrist?"

Loki let out a bark of laughter. "Not while your wrist was still over my plate." He gestured to the mostly-empty plate. "…Your blood would have gotten all over, Murderess," he explained innocently.

Emmie's mouth fell open. "You jerk!" She jumped up and wasted no time in shoving Loki off his chair.

He fell to the floor, laughing at her outraged expression. He curled into a ball, still laughing, when Emmie started kicking him while he was down. He easily reached out and grabbed her foot, and then yanked hard so that Emmie lost her balance and fell to the floor as well. Loki leaped on top of her and wrapped a hand around her neck.

"Do you yield?" Loki asked.

"No!" Emmie twisted her head and bit his hand. Loki yelped and jerked his hand away, shaking it. Emmie surged upward and managed to roll so that Loki was beneath her—but then, knowing she couldn't pin him down with her lighter weight, she scrambled up and grabbed for the steak knife that Loki had pressed to her wrist a moment ago.

Loki was already on his feet, looking appraisingly between Emmie and the knife in her hand, already working out his next move.

00000

"Violent," Tony said suddenly as he watched Loki lunge at Emmie, and the couple started grappling for control of the steak knife. "That's the word I was looking for. Violent. They're so violent."

The rest of us just gave him a blank look.

"Should we stop them?" Sam asked unconcernedly.

"Nah, they're fine," I shrugged. "This is just like their stick-fencing during their camping trip."

00000

Emmie laughed breathlessly as she and Loki grabbed at each other's hands, desperately trying to yank the knife away from the other. They leaned and stepped one way, then the other, and Emmie teasingly asked through gritted teeth. "Shall we dance?"

Loki huffed as he tried to jerk the knife away from Emmie, then shoved her forward slightly to try to shake her off to no avail. "Oh, of course; dancing is terribly romantic, right?"

"Always," Emmie gasped, kicking at Loki's shin, but he stepped back and dodged the blow. "So romantic: can't you just feel the chemistry between us growing as we speak?"

Loki laughed darkly, suddenly jumping back so Emmie stumbled forward to keep her hold on the knife. "Naturally, that's what dates are for, right?"

"Right," Emmie scoffed, but then used Loki's momentum from jumping backwards to shove him and he tripped, his back hitting the wall of the room. "Ha!" she spat in triumph, and she wrenched the knife out of Loki's hand with a flourish and an imperious glare at Loki.

"No, you don't," Loki hissed, and he seized Emmie's wrist, turning her abruptly and pinning the hand holding the knife above her head. "Still feeling triumphant?" he queried, eyes gleaming.

Emmie held up her head defiantly. "Oh, no, but I'll definitely feel triumphant when I stab you when you let me go."

"Now I'm going to let you go, am I?"

"You'll have to eventually," Emmie pointed out. "And _then _I'll stab you."

"Will you?" Loki's voice softened slightly, and he leaned a little closer to Emmie, suppressing a smile when her breath hitched. "Is that any way to thank someone who's just taken you on a date?"

Emmie's eyes sparked with amusement. "You think you deserve to be thanked, do you?"

"Well, it was a pretty amazing date." Loki leaned his forehead against Emmie's, his eyes gleaming with amusement. "Don't you think?"

Emmie smirked mischievously. "You know… I'm not going to dignify that question with a response."

Loki didn't have the chance to retort before Emmie kissed him, and he kissed her back fervently. Emmie's hand, still pinned above her head, loosened its grip on the steak knife, and the potential weapon fell to the floor, forgotten, as the two shifted a little closer to each other.

00000

"Alright, show's over!" I said, waving my arms and standing up from my chair to block the view of the Keeping up with the Killers Cam.

"Awww come on! It was just getting good! Move, Loqi! We wanna see what happens!" voices erupted around the room, and I was bombarded with popcorn kernels as various members of the audience booed me.

"No, no, no, it's time we let them out," I insisted firmly, picking a stray piece of popcorn out of my hair

Tony sighed and stood up. "I hate to say it, but I have to agree with the author here. As much as I like where their date is going, I didn't leave any condoms in that room for them, and the last thing we need is a Mama Lion Emmie and a tiny little Mini Mastermind God of Murder and Mischief."

Steve, Thor, and I threw Tony a scandalized look, and I led the way out of the room, everyone else marching after me. Except for Wanda Maximoff, who left the room and then tiptoed back in and sat in the chair directly in front of the screen, eyes shining as she watched eagerly.

00000

"…You know, I just realized that Stark and Loqi with a Q are probably watching us right now," Emmie whispered breathlessly.

Loki paused from where he was trailing kisses along her jaw. "…Yes, probably. And does that bother you?"

Emmie didn't answer for a second.

Loki drew away and met her eyes with a sardonic smile. "…You _do _realize that a minimum of one hundred people have watched us kiss before, and very likely more, right?"

Emmie considered this for a moment. "…Fair point." She pulled him roughly in for another kiss.

They stopped again when there was a tiny _click. _Slowly, they turned their heads to see the door to the room easing open, and about a dozen faces peering into the room.

"The door is now unlocked, brother," Thor said helpfully.

Loki and Emmie glanced at each other, and Loki slowly stepped away so he wasn't holding her against the wall anymore.

"Hey, don't stop on our account," Clint grinned goofily, only to be given a withering look from Steve.

Loki and Emmie threw each other shifty looks.

I cleared my throat. "Ahem. I recommend that we all back away slowly, close the door, and then run for the hills and bury ourselves in a bunker to hide ourselves from the wrath of Cold-Blooded Murder." I started backing away from the open door.

The door closed again as the others carefully backed away from the doorway as well, following the author.

Emmie self-consciously ran her hand through her hair to straighten it, and Loki bent to pick up the fallen steak knife.

"Well then," Emmie said briskly. "You know, there's only one thing that could make this date any better."

"Murder," a dark smile flickered over Loki's lips.

Emmie nodded solemnly and started walking towards the door to the room. "Of course."

"Well, it had to be either murder or dessert," Loki said reasonably, tossing the knife from hand to hand. "Want to give them a ten second head start before we kill them?"

"Hmm," Emmie looked thoughtful for a moment. "No." With that, she threw open the door of the room and leaped out. Loki followed her, and they glanced around.

Those who had been poking their heads in were all dashing away down the street as fast as they could, squealing like children embarking on a deadly game of tag.

Tony's shrill voice was heard saying, "That was the best date I've ever third-wheeled!"

Without a word, Emmie and Loki took off after the others, yelling insults and profanities as they went, and the group all gallivanted off into the sunset.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Yay so much awkwardness and anger and suspense! Lol like I said, I had a lot of fun writing this one… for a long time I've wanted to write a oneshot about a couple being trapped in a room together while other characters watch from a camera, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. Poor Emmie and Loki had to get kidnapped first, though… ;P **

**Can you just imagine being on a date with that really annoying person you try to avoid just making random comments on your conversation and what you're doing? Lol I've had to third-wheel a couple of times on my sister's dates with her boyfriend… kind of awkward, but kind of funny lol. **

**And can't you just imagine what Emmie and Loki's kid would be like? Yes, it would totally be the Mini Mastermind God of Murder and Mischief. I can picture it now… **

**Emmie: *standing over a crib with the baby inside* …So you have to make sure you aim just right if you're going to stab someone on the chest, or else the blade might bounce off the sternum or ribcage. **

**Loki: *looking on disapprovingly* Murderess, he's too young for this kind of thing. **

**Emmie: *stares at Loki* …you're never too young to learn how to kill someone… **

**Loki: Of course not. I'm just saying we need to teach him age-appropriate murder methods. We'll teach him how to stab and poison and manipulate properly when he's a bit older. *walks over to the crib and lifts the baby out* You see, at your age, the easiest thing for you to do is strangle someone when they pick you up, since you've got a strong grip… yes, you've got a death grip like your father and a bite like your mother's… *the baby bites Loki's wrist* **

**Lol yeah so not ever happening, but I find it terribly entertaining to think about…. Lol anywho. **

**So randomness time! I am dying to see both Deadpool and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies… Hopefully I'll get to see PPZ this weekend, but idk when I'll get to see Deadpool, so no spoilers, anyone! **

**Okeydokes, guys. So I hope this adequately fulfilled XAhMunnaEatChooX's request, and I hope that everybody liked this oneshot. Thank you all, and please favorite, follow, and review. **


	23. Chapter 23

***Hi, guys. So this… eheheheh. This is a parody of a song, as sung by either Loki or Emmie to the other (I left that kind of ambiguous, so take your pick of who's singing it lol). Basically I've been writing nothing but parodies of songs recently, mainly for my other fic **_**Helikaraoke, **_**but I was kind of thinking, and I think Emmie and Loki deserve some musical magic as well **

**Emmie: …No, Loqi with a Q, we don't. **

**Loki: You're sorely mistaken if you think I haven't had enough singing. **

**Emmie: Like the karaoke chapter during summer break wasn't enough… **

**Me: alright, alright, give it up, you two. You'll like this parody. **

**Loki and Emmie: *raised eyebrows* why…? **

**This is a parody of the song **_**50 Ways to Say Goodbye **_**by Train, Cold-Blooded Murder style. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you enjoy it. It's just song lyrics to sing along to the original song, which is always fun. Hither we go…. **

50 Ways to Make You Die

_My heart is fluttering_

_Why am I stuttering?_

_I can't think straight when I'm with you_

_Maybe we're meant to be_

_You might belong with me_

_We may have found a love that's true_

_That's cool but if you ask me how I feel I'm gonna say_

_I'm gonna stab you while you're sleeping_

_Poison what you're eating_

_Smile and celebrate the moment you stop breathing_

_Help me, help me, I love you but don't know why!_

_I'll gouge your eyes out with a stapler_

_I'll impale you on a saber_

_Push you off the top of a tall skyscraper_

_Help me, help me, I've feelings I can't deny…_

_And ways to make you die_

_You give me such a rush_

_You smile, I start to blush_

_I think you were sent from above (sent from above)_

_I hardly understand_

_I want to hold your hand_

_I guess they say it must be love_

_That's cool but if you ask me how I feel I'm gonna say_

_I'm gonna stuff you in a small box_

_Crush you with some big rocks_

_Tie you up and feed you to a hungry red fox_

_Help me, help me, I love you and don't know why!_

_I'm gonna drown you in the ocean_

_You'll die in an explosion_

_I'm gonna kill you for making me feel emotion_

_Help me, help me, I've feelings I can't deny…_

_And ways to make you die_

_I don't know why life is so great with you_

_I try so hard to not give in to love_

_Sometimes I want to…._

_That's cool but if you ask me how I feel I'm gonna say_

_That's cool but if you ask me how I feel I'm gonna say_

_I'm gonna tie you to some train tracks_

_Bash you till your head cracks_

_Cover you in cuts from butcher knives and thumbtacks _

_Help me, help me, I'm in love butt don't know why!_

_I'll get you bitten by a viper _

_Shoot you like a sniper_

_Make a weapon of somebody's windshield wiper _

_Help me, help me, I've feelings I can't deny_

_I'll suffocate you with saran wrap_

_Catch you in a bear trap_

_Twist your head around until I hear your neck snap_

_Help me, help me, I love you and don't know why!_

_I'll use a razorblade to shred you_

_Brutally behead you_

_You're going to regret the day that I first met you_

_Help me, help me, I've feelings I can't deny…_

_And ways to make you die_

**Note from Loquacious Quibbler: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I liked it, so… heh. Let me know what you guys thought. I probably won't be doing a ton of Emoki Karaoke stuff. But I did want to write a parody for Cold Blooded Murder at least once, and before you is the fruit of my labor. I'll probably be doing one more, too. Tell me what you thought in a review, and I'll see you next time! **

**Please favorite, follow, and review **


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